my baby boy was due today

[babydust]

i have been dreading this day for months, i wasnt sure how i would feel but i have woke up numb i dont know what i feel, nobody has remembered my due date, but i expected that they think i have 'got over it' but i have only put the sadness to the bottom and piled other things on top so it doesnt surface.

right now i think all i feel is guilt, i keep wondering what if
what if i had carried on with the pregnancy despite being advised my baby had no chance.
what if my babys heart wasnt as bad as they said.
what if the cystic hygroma went down and didnt get bigger like they said.
what if i had been given more time to decide what to do would the decision have been different.
what if i seen a different consultant that day would the prognosis be different.
what if the consultant hadn't mentioned 'massive chromosome disorder' or 'syndrome' would this have effected my decision

i know i shouldn't beat myself up with these what ifs and i know i will never have answers to them, but i just had to get them out. I feel i need to look to the future now and stop thinking of the what ifs i suppose i was waiting for this day to pass as a mile stone.

 

[mrs_metal]

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through and can only send you these

I don't know what to say but will be thinking of you, take care of yourself and your little ones

 

[reallyoldmum]

My heart goes out to you, please be gentle with yourself today

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Don't go to the past you can't change anything there. You made the best decision you could at that moment. Look after yourself and your LO. Go easy on yourself today.

 

[Kimbo]

lots of hugs for you

 

[CB23]

And from me take care

 

[Babylicious]

 

[Squiglet]

If we spent our lives with what ifs our lives would never have space for all the rest of the good things that happen. you made the right choice at the time based on the information you had to hand...and no one can judge you unless they have been through the same...

 

[sarah113]

 

[Emma79]

Try not to be too hard on yourself, take care

 

[mandspice]

 

[babydust]

thanks everyone, i feel alot better today, i feel a bit of a releif that yesterday is past i can start to look to the future now. No more 'what ifs'

 

[clairescunny55]

 

[*sara*]

Its hard not to think about "what ifs" i think we all do it but i hope it makes us stronger, and you can start to look to the future with your new little one on the way, life seems to be so cruel sometimes! xx

 

[Lianatoot]

Aww wow im so sorry, that is just awful, I dont know how people can think you can "just move on" its something a woman would never forget or feel healed from...you will drive yourself mad with the what if's tho hun...although it is natural to think "what if"

Again im so so sorry

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

I am so sorry for your loss hon and for the anguish to faced but you did the right thing you showed imense courage and strength. You showed your love by letting your little one go and not suffer.

I still think about my first baby all the time and it still flls me with sadness even now
that will never go mummies never stop loving their children
I still mark the anniversery of my loss i stop what im doing and think of my little Penguin i have a little chat to him/her tell them i love them and always will.
It makes me feel better to do this everyone else has forgotten
But those who matters remembers my Mam and my James

Big hugs

 

[jenna]

 

[Kittykins]

Claire, I've just seen this.

Given all the medical technology available now, the consultants would not have advised you that the baby wasn't viable unless that was the truth. You did what you had to do, and although it was obviously deeply upsetting, you didn't have much choice - it sounds as though the alternative would have been even worse.

Of course you'll never forget, but please remember also that if you hadn't made the decision you did, you wouldn't be carrying the baby you're carrying now... Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we get given the crap times so that we learn to appreciate the good stuff more