Money

[x-kirsty-x]

Today I found out OH got a loan 4 months ago from the bank to pay a few things off but he didnt tell me. I cant believe he hid that from me!

He's always been secretive with his bank and money. His excuse? Its his money, he earns it and he'll do what he wants with it. Never mind the fact that we have a family together and live together

We've been arguing all day over this. I cant trust him anymore, Im so hurt that he has been keeping things from me. If he's been lying about that he could be lying about other stuff too

I really cant trust him anymore. He's said he's sorry and he didnt tell me about the loan cos he thought I would have a go at him, apparently all I do is twist and moan about everything

Just when things were starting to go well between us again I find this out. Surely if he loved me like he says he does he would talk to me about money but its all one huge secret. He got the loan to pay off a store card that he was struggling with, and his overdraft. If the tables were turned I would talk to him and ask his opinion before I did anything. Am I such a bitch for wanting to be kept informed of his finances?!

Sorry, rant over

 

[Ebony_Mommy]

i think regardless of how close u two are... u two need to have privacy.. and if he wants his finances be kept private then i think it should...

sorry im no help.. but i dont think its thats serious... u have to respect wat he wants....

goodluck with the pregnancy

xxx

 

[jennywren]

I kinda agree with eb as well.

I deal with my finances and OH deals with his, as long as were both paying our share to the monthly household/living expense bills the rest is to do as we please. If I want to get a loan to consolodate my personal loan & Visas I would, I would tell him about it (not ask) in some circu,stances and not in others as its a personal loan, doesnt affect him or the mortgage in anyway so doesnt really matter! I wuldnt be bothred if he got a personal loan and didnt tell me, as long as I didnt find out it was say 5k more than needed and I never saw the extra 5k or knew about it, then I would question where it went

Id say chill out and dont think cause he didnt tell you bout this he is up to anything else!

 

[weestar21]

i know you dont likeme kirsty but i have to agree with the other girls on this one
at the end of the day at least he has got the loan to get out of the situation he was in and maybe he didnt want to worry you with it seing as your hormonal aswell

good luck with your relationship but if you cant trust him then i would seriously think about what you want, then talk to him, tell him how you felt but everyone does need some privacy in life

 

[claire81]

I can see your point but also agree with ebony, my husband and i have seperate loans and he too has just taken out another one to consolidate other debts, i was a bit peed off but if thats what he needed to do then thats what he had to do xx

 

[Alfiesmummy]

do u think that u wud be this upset if u weren't pregnant hun? i have lost count of how many times i packed ians bags in the first twenty weeks, sumtimes for things i thought were the end of the world, now i see that perhaps i did get a bit 2 upset but at the time u do feel as if u wud be better without them. as long as the loan is in his name alone theres no real harm babe its when he starts involving ur name thens the time to get mad. dont worry, calm down have a nice warm bath to relax and get stress levels down and it wont seem as bad when ur relaxed.

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Thanks everyone, I've calmed down today and I know I was probably over reacting. Dont get me wrong though, Im still hurt that he couldnt confide in me, Id be upset even if I wasnt pregnant but the hormones did make it worse.

We've been together nearly 6 years and I thought we had no secrets but Id rather he was secretive about money than something else. I think what upset me the most was the fact that sometimes I worry about money and instead of telling me he had things sorted he let me carry on worrying.

Im over it now, I love him and I understand why he did it.

Thanks again everyone for making me see sense

 

[weestar21]

glad your feeling alot better

 

[Hypnorm]

If you were married and it wasa joint account i'd be furious.
If you are paying for thing seperatley like rent etc, then theres not much you can say, though i would be a little annoyed that he didn't talk to you about it

 

[Strangeness]

To be honest if he's got kids with you then he should share what's going on! I can't agree with the girls on this one. I think there should be no secrets in a relationship especially one as big as getting a loan! He may earn the money but you're bringing up a child and pregnant with another! I'd be furious about it! Me and my hubby share everything even before we got married. He has a seperate account from me but I know all details to it and he tells me everything he does. I'd be so hurt if he felt he couldn't tell me what was going on. You've been together a long time haven't you? I'd probably say you were over reacting if you'd just met but if I remember rightly you've been together a while now. Sorry just my opinion on the matter. Hope you work it out

 

[x-kirsty-x]

To be honest if he's got kids with you then he should share what's going on! I can't agree with the girls on this one. I think there should be no secrets in a relationship especially one as big as getting a loan! He may earn the money but you're bringing up a child and pregnant with another! I'd be furious about it! Me and my hubby share everything even before we got married. He has a seperate account from me but I know all details to it and he tells me everything he does. I'd be so hurt if he felt he couldn't tell me what was going on. You've been together a long time haven't you? I'd probably say you were over reacting if you'd just met but if I remember rightly you've been together a while now. Sorry just my opinion on the matter. Hope you work it out

Yeah, its been nearly 6 years now. We share the rent and bills, whoevers got a bit of spare cash that week pays for things. We've never had a joint account and thats because he said he didnt want one. I think its cos I love spending money and he thinks if we have a shared account I'll go a bit crazy lol. Im fine with seperate ones but he's always been so secretive when it comes to money, makes me feel a bit suspicious. Maybe thats just how he is, I dont know

Anyway, the other day after trying to fob me off with more lies about where his money was going etc, he finally came out with the truth and after a big argument (and a rant on here, sorry ) I decided to forget it.

Id prefer it if he let me know what his money situation is, after all Im the one who sits down every month and works out how much we'll have spare. I can live with it though, I know he loves me and I dont think he's hiding anything else.

At least a few of you understand my point though so thanks

 

[maybebaby]

Me & OH have separate accounts, and I took out a loan in my name a few months ago to pay off some credit cards and my overdraft. I discussed it with OH and we BOTH decided it was for the best. Even though the loan is in my name it was a joint decision as the money coming in is 'our' money not mine or his. I'd be fuming if I found out he had taken out a credit card without letting me know, let alone a loan.

Sorry, but I think you have every right to be pissed off with him.

 

[jennywren]

Me & OH have separate accounts, and I took out a loan in my name a few months ago to pay off some credit cards and my overdraft. I discussed it with OH and we BOTH decided it was for the best. Even though the loan is in my name it was a joint decision as the money coming in is 'our' money not mine or his. I'd be fuming if I found out he had taken out a credit card without letting me know, let alone a loan.

Sorry, but I think you have every right to be p*ssed off with him.

Yeh its fair do's to be pissed off for taking out a CC or a loan for the sake of it, but she said he took it out to sort out debts (which I presume is consolodation) so maybe it ment his payments were lowered or whatever, and he had more money every month for his family. He was probably doing what he thought was best, some men are embarressed about money, how much they earn and how they mange it etc thats probably all it is

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Maybe he is embarassed but he isnt that type of person. I dont know what to think, even now theres still a niggling feeling about something.

I said to him why dont we both go to your bank and you can prove to me that you're being honest with me and he said no. Why would he refuse if he's got nothing to hide?

For ages now I've been trying to set his internet banking up for him so we can keep track of things (we've always done that with my bank). Anyway, his username and password were meant to be sent out within 3 days and we never got them. Or at least I never saw them, I have a feeling he threw them out so I couldnt access his bank online. Reminders of his password have also been sent out but I've never seen them either.

Im starting to get really pissed off now, if he wants to be like this then fine but he can do it alone cos Im not gonna stick around and be lied to.

 

[jennywren]

MAybe he is being stuborn and thinks that you should trust him and that he doesnt have to prove anything to you because you should trust him.

I mean TBH when me and OH have got loans for personal use, we have always told each other out of courtsey, but I wouldnt be bothered if he didnt tell me as long as it was for consolodation or family usage, like I say. If he got a loan and I saw nothing and it didnt go on consolodation I would think he was playing away and spending it on his bitch but I dunno...........

My Conclusion.............Men are weird - especially about money

 

[x-kirsty-x]

He rang me this afternoon and said he's arranged for his internet banking details to be sent out again, this time they aint just gonna 'disappear' and we'll look through his online statements together so he can prove to me that he's telling the truth now.

I just dont get men

 

[TipsyDipsy]

I personally think a family unit is a partnership so there shouldn't be such think as secretive separate money.
Me and my hubbie have separate accounts but we each have access to each others on-line and transfer money between joint accounts to cover joint bills.
I'd be angry too.
I'm married now so his credit rating affects mine but we still shared money years before we got married anyway.

 

[Misslarue]

I've been together with my OH for 6 years and we still have separate money. As we are not married, I wouldn't want to be responsible for his debts or vice versa. I certainly wouldn't want him to have access to my internet banking and I really don't have anything to hide, for me its a privacy thing. As long as he pay's his share of everything, what he does with the rest of his money is none of my business. The same goes for me though. If I want to buy a new dress, or take out a loan, I bloody well will!!
If his credit rating effects me once we are married, then yes it would different scenario.

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Well today I found out that he hadnt told me the whole truth after all. I wont go into it, I really cant be bothered, but he was still hiding things after our argument the other day.

Its not even the money, to be honest I dont give a shit what he does with his finances, its the fact that he's lied to me over and over and continued lying when he was found out.

I dont believe a word he says anymore. I never thought he was a liar. He could've done anything in the past and I wouldnt even know. After all, he's certainly capable of lying.

Would it be silly to split up with him over things he MAY have done? I dont wanna stay with him with that in the back of my mind. Id rather be alone

 

[Alfiesmummy]

The question is hun would you be happeier without him? You could split up with him for things he "may" have done but then again wouldnt you have in the back of your mind 'what if he hasnt done anything?' it can go both ways,

All i will say is dont do anything you may end up regretting, its something you need to think about and although we can all help and advise you, its your decsision.

good luck xxx