Cant cope

[Em78]

hun i gotta agree with all the others. he has to go!

cloud9 you read my mind - take the £200 and put it in an account he cant get at!

i grew up with an alcholic dad (he was never as bad as your oh though) and although i didnt know anything was wrong at the time as mum was so good at hiding it, i look back now and i see it all. my mum finally had enough and threatened to take us kids and go. that was all it took (think my mum wishes she had done it sooner but this was nearly 20 years ago and i guess things were different) he stopped drinking altogether and went to AA meetings (so did mum - they do seperate ones or family by the way, lots of support). he took up cycling and wind surfing and hasnt touched a drop since.

i am so proud of him and the fact that in the end his family meant more to him. you cant keep giving this guy a chance hun. one chance is all it should need when you look at what is at stake for him. sounds to me like you have given the ultimatum before so maybe its time to act on it. if he wants to get dry and clean up his act for his kids then great - but if you dont love him anymore then he can do it alone.

good luck hun - sorry i rambled a bit there!!

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

hun i gotta agree with all the others. he has to go!

cloud9 you read my mind - take the £200 and put it in an account he cant get at!

i grew up with an alcholic dad (he was never as bad as your oh though) and although i didnt know anything was wrong at the time as mum was so good at hiding it, i look back now and i see it all. my mum finally had enough and threatened to take us kids and go. that was all it took (think my mum wishes she had done it sooner but this was nearly 20 years ago and i guess things were different) he stopped drinking altogether and went to AA meetings (so did mum - they do seperate ones or family by the way, lots of support). he took up cycling and wind surfing and hasnt touched a drop since.

i am so proud of him and the fact that in the end his family meant more to him. you cant keep giving this guy a chance hun. one chance is all it should need when you look at what is at stake for him. sounds to me like you have given the ultimatum before so maybe its time to act on it. if he wants to get dry and clean up his act for his kids then great - but if you dont love him anymore then he can do it alone.

good luck hun - sorry i rambled a bit there!!

xxxxxxxxx

Thank you, its good to get the point of view from the children's side.. my mum and dad split up purely coz they didnt love each other anymore..nothing more than that so i wouldnt understand the effect it has on a child when there are big problems in the family
Thank you for rambling! You make total sense! Its gotta be family or drink.. usually its drink at the weekend and then when monday comes, its the family

 

[Strangeness]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, it must be awful!

I also grew up with an alcoholic dad. He had 2 affairs that we know of and it was only on the 2nd one after 25 years of marriage that my mum finally kicked him out! She had lost it and hadn't loved him for at least 12 years I think maybe even more. He was only at one of the 4 births and that was only because my brother was born so quickly he didn't get a chance to leave. When my mum had me he went home, my sister bought my brother up to the hospital and when they went home they couldn't get in! My dad had passed out through drinking and couldn't hear the door, leaving a 12 and 4 year old stood on the doorstep! My dad went when I was 11 and I am so glad, I wish he had gone sooner! You don't realise how much it hurts children to see that their dad cares more about getting drunk than just taking his kids to the park.

You need to think of your two girls hun and get the hell out while they are still young. It doesn't get better no matter how much they say it will. You can do it! My mum worried about what the hell she would do but she moved 3 kids, 2 dogs and a whole house from Hayes to Plymouth! Best thing she ever did, she's a new woman! They also kill your confidence as well, my mum would barely speak and now you can't shut her up she's got a decent job and she's happy!

Sorry that went on a bit but I detest men who can do this to women. I hope you can sort it out soon and you'll be happy!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thank you so much for sharing
Your dad sounds like a right tw@t too!
He's not going to get the chance to mess me around this time! He says he wants to be there for this one to make up for the time he lost with jaycee when she was a baby, so i said the moment you step foot into a pub after this baby comes, your bags are out the door! They are actually packed already! And im not letting him unpack til i see some improvements! Im not feeling hopeful, so it wont bother me if he does it once more, it just confirms it! At least i can come away from this and say at least I tried!

 

[neeko_1]

Hun don't let him get the best of you... especially now...

you deserves much better then this... his is not helping you a tall other then give you headaches...

if you really don't need him tell him to hit the road and don't you come back no more

it really sounds like you blessed with out him.. he probably need you more


this was after just reading the 1st part... now i've read the rest

YOU NEED TO GET RID OF HIM... he sounds like i total loser i'm sorry Hun, but he is not doing you any good what so ever.. ahhh just reading all that has got me so pissed off

you are strong for putting up that shit... i would of left him... i can't believe his doing this two you and it seems he has not got the slightest care in the world

i'm so sorry for you situation and only hopes he gets some serious help for his drinking problem... especially that a baby is coming soon

TELL HIM TO FIX UP OR JUST PISS OFF

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thanks neeko definitly gonna try and get him to AA meetings or something.. he doesnt think he has a problem as he doesnt drink at 8am or anything, just all night out with his mates he thinks its socialising, not a problem.

 

[neeko_1]

Thanks neeko definitly gonna try and get him to AA meetings or something.. he doesnt think he has a problem as he doesnt drink at 8am or anything, just all night out with his mates he thinks its socialising, not a problem.

that's when you know he has got a problem when he says he hasn't... and if his in debt and always finds him self in a pub.... well he has

the meaning of an alcoholic means that you need a drink to get by, without that drink in you hand you feel lost.. it does mean you drink alllllll day and sit on a park bench drinking

hun get him stored really... it sounds like his crying out for help

i'm really thinking of you hun

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thanks hun, will definitly consider something like AA, or even relationship councilling..anything that might help us

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Do you think he'll agree to go to AA meetings or something or is he denying that he needs help?

He's lucky to have someone like you, still trying to look for ways to make things better after everything he's done to you. Most people would've turned their back on him a long time ago.

I just hope one day he opens his eyes and realises what he's got to lose before its too late

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thank you kirsty that means so much to me
He's mentioned getting help before but im not sure if that was just one of those things he says to keep me happy Will definitly have a talk about it though, see if we can arrange some form of intervention.
I dont think he thinks he has a problem coz he only drinks at night with his work mates in london, he doesnt come home and drink and he doesnt drink in the mornings etc.. He just cant resist a pint after work-which i dont mind, but he gets carried away and ends up staying there all night. And he sees no wrong in it. His arguement is that i dont let him home after 4 pints coz we argue over nothing and i REFUSE to have him shouting the odds, waking Jaycee up. She doesnt see anything and i intend on keeping it that way! He has no key which is a bonus.

(coming offline now need to dish up dinner- ill be back 2mo to reply-i dont wanna be rude by not replying for ages lol )

 

[Mildly]

Sorry to hear about your situation Jayceesmumma

I think you've done the right thing by packing up his bags and refusing to let him unpack. Hopefully this will shock him into acting like a responsible parent. I hope you have the resolve to carry through with kicking him out if he falls back into his drinking ways. I'm sure that your Mum and his Dad would stand by you if you have to go it alone, although I realise that must be a very scary prospect. Try and get some relationship guidance for the both of you - I'm sure it would be easier to talk through your worries and hurt feelings with him if there was someone there mediating. Also AA or some other alcoholic counselling would be good for him. I think if he was able to hear the effects that drinking has had on other people's families he may think twice about spending his time and money down the pub. He probably doesn't realise how much he is missing out on with Jaycee or the implications of that for your family. He maybe feels caught in a vicious cycle, worried about how much debt he has accumulated and drinking to forget those debts resulting in more debt.

I'm not trying to excuse his actions towards you in any way but if you want to make a go of things in the future, both of your feelings will need to be considered and worked through. He does sound like he's acting like a w@nker at the moment and if that doesn't change I would not hesitate in kicking him out. Both you and your girls deserve better than the way he is treating you. A relationship needs both people to work at it and it sounds like you are the only one trying at the moment.

Good luck with it

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thank you very much, most appreciated! I think its best for councilling of many sorts..just gotta convince him lol!
Thank you all so much

 

[Alfiesmummy]

oh my god jaycee i have just read thi sand i cant believe how he is, sorry hun but he is a losert and you are so lovely and so pretty how he can even look at anyone else is beyond me. I seriously hope he does change if you want to make things work but i have to say hun i hponestly think u would be better without him darlin. i hope you get what u want out of this hun

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thank you honey I hope it works out this time, but if it doesnt then im not willing to try anymore! Given up!

 

[neeko_1]

good luck really hun

 

[Paula+bump]

I just had a read of all 3 pages and just wanted to say that im sorry he is putting you through this and you must be a strong girl to be ok through this, you sound like you know what you are doing and wont take any more crap this time if he steps out of line, you just really need to stick to it and get rid of him if he does start going to the pub again when your little girl is born, you will have all you need your 2 lovely girls, he will be the one missing out! You will feel so much happier too your own person with no one to answer too, that is of course you don't work it out and he changes...

You can be happy again, i split from my partner 5 years ago with 2 children for the same sort of reason's loved the pub more than me and best thing i ever did i am now with the best man in the world who loves me to bits and my soulmate, i never thought love could be so good, and we are now expecting our 2nd child together and hope to marry as soon as we can afford to and i have never been happier

You don't need the stress of this so close to giving birth and if he can't see what he is doing to you he will lose you and will regret it every single day !

Good luck hun and hope it works out how ever you want it too