ourlovebump
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- Sep 4, 2011
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I really hope that my post won't upset anyone as that is not my intention, but I am totally freaking out as I have just been too overwhelmed! I can't stop crying, I feel I am an awful person, but I so strongly feel a sudden change of hearts and depression, I cry all the time thinking I can't do this!!!!!! I can't take on this HUGE responsibility of being a mother. I boiled my eyes out to my OH this evening, and it created a massive argument between us, and he is now deeply upset with me! I told him how I felt and just asked him if he feels we do have 'options' and he reacted to this so strongly, I think it hurt him at the very core. I do feel awful, because I love him more than anything in this world, but I've always been terrified of having children, and also I've been prone to depression and battling it on and off pretty much since I was a teenager, and I think all these crazy hormones just made it come flooding back! All I know is that I can't sleep, rest, feel constantly the urge to run, I feel like I am having a nightmare....and it is so so sad, because it makes me such an awful person! I don't know what to do, because I know if I do choose not to go ahead (I am pro choice), I will most certainly lose my OH (he is very pro life and could never forgive me I know that!), but I also feel it would be unfair to my unborn child to go ahead if I am not sure! I know I will be judged by some, but has anybody ever found themselves in my situation? I mean the amount of guilt I feel is almost too much to bear, but I can't seem to cope with this massive overwhelm and change. I know I am awful for even typing this out, but I feel like one of those people that just wants to run from the altar...to avoid making a massive mistake. I do apologise for the honest post! Please help!