Massively panicking, feel awful & can't cope! :-(

[Maria1977]

I am going to be the most unpopular person on this thread and I have read most comments, and I don't mean any disrespect or harm and I certainly don't want to add to your depression, but I want to present another option.

Pregnancy sucks I mean it sucks donkey ass, I said to my oh the other day I feel guilty for wanting this baby but not wanting the pregnancy I just want to fast forward the next 7 months, because this 'pregnancy glow and overly exuberant existent I am meant to be living just ain't happening!

That said when the baby arrives, I don't believe that I will be the most important person in my child's life yes I hope I have a mother child bond, but I think so often is it overlooked that the father is just as important in every single respect- no he doesn't carry the child for 9 months and can't breast feed, but if he's a good kind and loving man he is going to raise that child and have as much input as the mother for the rest of his life, he will support and encourage, and be every bit as important- I think sometimes little emphasis is put on fathers and their role which is a shame

If like you've said the termination would most likely end in divorce, why not ask your husband if he would be prepared to raise the baby on his own - not in a nasty way but a frankly honest way- by the sounds of it in either situation your out of the picture. I understand that yes it's your body but it's not just your baby, yes you incubate it for 9 months but thats a relatively short amount of time for a child he could love for a life time, this baby is obviously wanted and if not by you or simply because of the situation, one of it's parents desperately wants it, so please consider that before terminating.

I am not suggesting anyone is down on fathers but they so often get overlooked and I am pleased now that society is starting to notice this- you have fathers dressing up as super heroes and protesting because they don't get to see their kids as much or if custody goes to a mother simply because she is the mother- to me a single mum can raise a child amazingly with all the love and support that child could ever need just as could a single father.

I understand the it's a womans body it's a womans choice argument but I can't always agree with it simply because as I said 9 months is only 9 months a child is a little person who is always wanted by someone- you simply have to look at forums to find heart broken couples who desperately want children and can't have them and look towards adoption. Your child is wanted, please consider that

Whatever you decide it is your decision at the end of the day and I won't say any more on the subject, I just wanted to produce another line of thought and please don't get me wrong I won't judge or anything like that I just wanted you to seriously consider the other choices to termination.

SOrry it's obvious I am not a fan of termination so my points of view are biased, I really hope you get some peace soon xxxxxxx

I love everything you've said here!!

And don't give up hope furbaby, I didn't 'glow' til about 4/5 months with my first, and it was only temporary lol xxx

xxxxxx

 

[furbaby]

Thank you Maria1977 I'm actually a little worried about how people might perceive what I wrote as I certainly don't mean it as a personal attack at all, but rather an option, an alternative choice....

Pregnancy glow? lets hope I don't miss it whilst I'm sleeping lol!

 

[So_hopeful81]

Your opinion is fab Furbaby. Xxx

 

[beckyboo1]

I guess all I can say of any use is you're in my thoughts and prayers and I truly hope that you get the help that you so truly need and deserve.

Like others have said counselling has to be the way forward before you truly make any decisions.

After my time on this forum I can truly say no one will judge you for the decisions you make

Take it easy my love xxxx

 

[ourlovebump]

Thank you all for the wonderful & supportive messages, I really appreciate it!!!!!

I have an appointment with a counsellor for Monday. Deep down I don't think I want a termination, but I do need to address all my fears...mainly the fear of the unknown!

Hubby & I had a talk & a date, and we apologised to each-other for all the hurt we've caused and decided to stay together through everything, no matter what happens.

I went to a meditation class which did calm my anxious mind, I think this is something I will do regularly in the future as well as hopefully counselling. New worries keep popping up, it is so awful! But there is a huge part of me that is so protective of this bean, too, like I am really trying my very best to make the best decisions for this bean even with all the crazy conflicting emotions. I do sing to my belly, play music to fall asleep to under my pillow and send it a lot of love, and most of all apologise for everything 'we' have been through in the last couple of weeks together.

Admittedly I do cry a lot though & have all the classic symptoms of pre-natal depression, which does make everything so much harder. My heart goes out to all the women who find themselves in the same isolated bubble as myself, as it truly is awful! We were meant to be overjoyed and excited, not crippled and overwhelmed with negativity!

Once again, thank you for all the support I have received, I am grateful & appreciative of every single reply!!!!

Lots of love & hugs to all!!! xxxx

 

[So_hopeful81]

OLB, this update has made me sooooo happy!
It seems like you have really started to get a small crack of positivity, which is fantastic!
You are so right, pregnancy can be the most lonely, isolated and at times negative place to be. I along with most of the other girls here have felt it at one time or another for one reason or another!!! I can assure you of that.
I am so so pleased to hear about how protective you are towards your little bean, and in fact you have given me a great idea about playing music to my little Bubba. Thank you for that idea honey!
I think, from my heart, that you, your husband and your little bean are going to be just great! I am delighted that you have spoken to and had a date with your DH... its genuinely what is needed.
I can only imagine how hard it must be to have been through serious depression. I think that you are a wonderful lady and extremely strong too. It is fantastic that you are going to see someone tomorrow too!

I honestly believe that your family will be a strong and happy family! Keep that strength in as much as you can!
xxxx

 

[TORino]

I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit better about things sweetheart. Pregnancy is a scary process and it sounds like you are a step closer to getting the support you need x

 

[Maria1977]

So happy to hear you're feeling more positive, know it's a steep hill to climb but knowing what you truely want is half the battle. Fighting to make yourself better is a sign that you would make a good mum hun, you are already acting like a mummy by trying your best for your baby. That's all anyone can ask xxxx Good luck and I really hope things work out for you and your OH xxxx

 

[BellaRiven]

I am so happy that you put this update, you sound so much more positive and I truly think half of it is that your OH is finally helping you not being stubborn and hindering you.

I am so pleased you are getting some help and your speaking to someone on Monday and yes keep going to your meditation group it's amazing and it really works. I find I feel less sick when I play music to bug not sure why!! weird huh?

You are a Super strong and fantastic lady and I have no doubts you will be an awesome mum xxxxx

 

[BabyBrain]

That's our girl xxxxxxxxx

 

[ourlovebump]

Aww, thank you for all the encouragement! This evening we went to see hubby's cousin who just had a gorgeous baby girl on Thursday! I held little Beatriz in my arms, so did hubby, and admittedly, I was very nervous and nearly cried (she was so tiny and looked so fragile!) whereas hubby was a 'natural' straight away, he sang to her and just rocked her & she responded with big round eyes and stopped crying at that point! His whole family was amazed, myself included!

I did cry sitting on the tube on the way home because I felt so scared when I held Beatriz and I just thought, oh God, how am I going to do this? She looked so fragile, I kept fearing I would somehow hurt her by not supporting the neck or head...it was so scary! But she also has a 5 year old sister, and with her I had the time of my life! I always loved the company of children, it is just the pregnancy and tiny babies that scare the living daylight out of me!

I am now obsessed about the health of my bean (terrified of some abnormalities showing up at scans, and can't shut up the worrying thoughts!) but in some moment when my tired mind allows me I do get a few rushes of excitement, too!

I think after the first 6 month after bean is born I will be fine (I am okay with fluffy babies, they look flexible rather than fragile!), I wish I was already there as I truly hate the stresses and worries of being pregnant! It is really putting me off from future pregnancies!

Ladies, lots of love to you all, and thank you for your amazing support!!!! xxx

 

[So_hopeful81]

Ah I remember that feeling with my first!!!!

I remember meeting my friends day old baby while I was pregnant and I actually did cry holding her, in fear!
Then when her mum changed her nappy, I cried again, decided I was never going to be able to be a good mummy to a teeny tiny baby like that.

When I had Imogen 4 months later, I felt completely different! I knew while I had her, she was safe! I wasn't half as concerned as others were by how fragile she looked!!! When it's your own baby, you just don't!!!
You are going to be just fine! Well done for holding lil beatriz! Those tears are completely normal! Xxxx

 

[BellaRiven]

Just dropping in sneakily at work to wish you good luck with your appointment with the counsellor today, hope it goes really well for you.

Well done for holding your sister in laws baby bet deep down it felt good to know you were going to have one

 

[BabyBrain]

I think we all feel worried about hurting them hunny. But babies are far more resilient than people realise and baby will soon let you know if they aren't comfortable. I'm petrified of holding babies at the moment but more for the fact I wouldn't want to give them back lol.
We all worry about illnesses etc, that's what makes us so ready to be mummies. It's perfectly natural xxxxxxxxx

 

[Maria1977]

Hun, don't worry, I never held a single other baby before my own. And I was 33 when I gave birth, a month off 35!! I was terrified, mostly throughout my pregnancy. I didn't have a clue what to do with a baby, everything was so overwhelming, but I knew I loved and wanted my baby. Soon as he was here, it just fell into place. Not gonna lie, it's bloody hard work, but OMG the best job in the world.

 

[Maria1977]

A month of 34 lol, not 35. Unfortunately I will be 35 soon enough

 

[ourlovebump]

Hi ladies!

I had my counselling session today, and it was overwhelmingly positive! I saw the lady I used to see for grief counselling in the past, so she knew all about my 'demons' creeping back into my life, so she said she will talk to her colleague who is a crisis psychologist to see me as an emergency as I told her I already feel guilty for even having the thought of termination, but I am overtly anxious and feeling down, so feel I could do with some additional support to see me through the remaining 7 months! I expressed my fears of my 'heart-shaped uterus' and not really truly know what to expect, and my fear of birth defects etc. (especially the ones that are painful and completely debilitating for the child), but she did reassure me that this specific fear is shared by every pregnant woman, and that although there are no guarantees the probability is low.

Anyway, as today was so emotional, I am drained (and yes, the tiredness and nausea still gets me every day!), but I did spend some time today thinking about all the things I'd like to do with my little bean and that I am so blessed really, I have just been too overwhelmed with fears that I have no control over!

I hope my little bean will forgive me for bringing so much painful stress into 'our' lives the last couple of weeks!

I shall put the music on, so bean & I can serenely fall asleep together Hubby made us this amazing playlist of movie soundtracks, all classical music xxxx

 

[BellaRiven]

I am so glad that it was hugely positive for you OurLoveBump, and you in yourself seem so much more positive about it too

 

[lefthanded]

I am glad your getting the support you need i was wondering how you were doing. In fact reading the posts since i last looked on this thread i am all teary eyed bloody hormones !!!

 

[BevG]

having depression is one of the most horrible things ever, it makes you irrational and makes you do things that even you think are silly but its inescapeable at some points. i use a sort of self made cbt which works for me but mine has never been so bad that i couldnt beat it into submission. i have a friend however who has had depression since the age of 13, shes 24 now and a mum to a gorgeous little girl. she still battles it every day, and its hard for her but the one thing she never regrets is having her daughter, that lil girl is what gets her thru the hard times, she is a single mum and her daughter is such a lovely happy girl, you wouldnt think her mum battles with bad depression almost every day and she copes for the sake of her child. im sure you will too once your child is there in your arms. pregnancy sucks, it really does. it hurts, your tired (im knackered and achey like an 80 yr old) things are going on in my once reliable and strictly self controlled body that i have no say in which is terrifying! but every time i feel a lil kick i know i love this baby and i cant wait to meet her and hold her close. you worry so much and as its been said im convinced that it means your a brilliant mum, otherwise you wouldnt care so much, i think you should give yourself the chance to be that mum. i hope the counselling helps you and that you keep fighting the negative x