Long termers 6 months or more

[Nikkibiscuit]

Yeah I often come back to the debate with myself about who to tell. Hubbys theory is no one but in reality I have confided in a couple of close friends. I think it's different for men and women. Men don't discuss things like we do and sometimes you need a go to that isn't your partner to just vent. My mum is up in 2 weeks visiting and the last time we were alone when she visited kast autumn she grilled me about were we trying and I said I didn't want to discuss it. I'm dreading if she asks me again because part of me wants to tell her but she's such a worried I can't bring myself to out the possibility of no grandchildren onto her. Xx

 

[SugaryIris]

Oh Nikki, maybe she’ll be supportive, you never know, she might have been in the same boat, my mum told me it took 5 years no contraception to have me, and the drs couldn’t help back then like they can now! I know what you mean, I’ve had to tell my sisters. One has been trying for 4 years, I had to tell her as soon as we decided to try because I didn’t want to hurt her if I fell pregnant and she wasn’t expecting it. She cried and said if I fell pregnant she wouldn’t be able to talk to me again. I remember it really hurting at the time but the longer it takes for us, the more I understand her pain.

 

[Peony1]

I can kind of understand that too. We have a friend who got pregnant after just a couple of months of trying... I cried when I found out she was pregnant (thankfully her husband told my husband, so they didn’t see me cry!!!) and her baby is a couple of months old now and I still haven’t been to see them. I do feel differently about my siblings though.... I’d love to have another niece or nephew. But at the same time, if they get pregnant, I really hope it’s when I’m pregnant

It’s officially cycle day 1 for me today, finally after spotting since Wednesday. Part of me is very glad it’s here to end the mental torture, but even though I’m expecting it, it doesn’t stop me being devastated. I need to find some way of accepting this situation, so it’s easier on me when af arrives and I’m not wasting my life by wishing away each month, but I just don’t know how to!

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

I def still can't face telling my mum. I think I've made myself a deadline of Xmas if we are still trying then I think I would tell both sets of parents as that would be 18 months and we would probably be looking at medical help by then.

Great catch up with my Bessie last night. She has had shit time with her partners dad passing away at Xmas but it seems to have given him a new focus on life and made them finally talk through what they want. Subsequently she has now just stopped taking the pill so is on this journey with me now and already has a very different view to when we were talking a few months back as she has had the first couple of cycle and the obsession with your knickers looking for AF fun.

Feeling much less lonely nice to have someone close going through the same thing and if she falls first it will be tough but I would be thrilled for her x

 

[MoominGirl]

Hope you lovely ladies don't mind me dropping in.

Those of you that are struggling with fertility appointments - that was just like my experience and I needed to find levels of patience I never knew existed!! One thing I would say is that my experience with NHS fertility was shocking - they wouldn't investigate, they wouldn't listen and I really didn't feel like they cared. Like someone said, we were just getting pushed through the system as quickly as possible. I was referred to general gynae separately (also NHS) and the experience was like night and day. Someone actually listened and I got all the investigations I should have had from fertility in the first place. They were separate GP referrals and it may be a long shot but for those of you that do feel like you've got unanswered questions, it may be worth a try. I wouldn't mention fertility and then they should refer you to general gynae if you have concerns about your periods etc. Obviously this is just my experience but I can't tell you how grateful I was for the gynae in the end.

Also thought I'd mention that despite how much we struggled, I always managed to separate nieces/nephews and those of very close friends where my role would be similar. I think for me the role is completely different from that of a parent and should be appreciated in it's own right. I never felt the same longing around my nephew as I love the relationship that we have, just as it is. I hope that helps some of you who may have to face the prospect of someone close announcing a pregnancy. For me it was never the same as people on Facebook.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

@moomin how are you doing? Scan soon?

It's def different with someone close that you love. I was excited for my friend last night not frightened that she might beat me to it.

 

[MoominGirl]

@moomin how are you doing? Scan soon?

It's def different with someone close that you love. I was excited for my friend last night not frightened that she might beat me to it.

I'm glad you feel that way. I always felt happy for someone close but the reactions of others could be difficult as it was sometimes a bit much.

I'm doing well thanks Nikki. I've done really well with symptoms so far. Total exhaustion is the main one so I can live with that!! Scan is about a week and a half away though we did have an early one around 8 weeks.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

How exciting moomin I hope everything keeps progress nicely for you and symptoms keep at bay.

Nice to hear that u doing well x

 

[Peony1]

Thanks for the advice MoominGirl I have had a strange period this month (spotted for 3 days, the first day being a fair amount, enough to think I’d started af and then I’ve had two days of af and today nothing!) I am a bit concerned so I think I’ll see how my next af is (assuming I won’t be pregnant!) and if it’s another odd one, I think I’ll go to the docs about it, but like you say, I won’t mention the whole ttc thing!

I feel exactly the same, i actually spent CD1 this month with my nephews - normally I’d be crying in to a pillow for most of the day on CD1 - but because I was with them, I had a really fun day and they totally took my mind off it, even when I was getting stomach cramps!

I’m glad you’re doing well with your pregnancy and it’s great for me to read your story and then see you get a bfp. Not only am I happy for you, it gives me hope!

 

[xMillie]

Peony, your af this month sounds exactly like mine was, so frustrating! Scared the lining didn’t clear completely!! Never had a period like it. Will have to gp if the next is the same I think.


Today I’ve had my peak ovulation test on only cd13, early compared my cycles over the last year. I’m scared it’s too early and not enough time for the egg to have matured but I guess ovulating on cd14/15 is normal so it’s fine? Just weird how this cycle is different! I can only hope and pray it ends different!! Starting to feel like I’m the longest long termer on this forum and that I’ll never ever get to leave the ttc threads.

But actually this cycle I feel excited and nervous already!! I didn’t know ovulation was going to be so soon and we both got a little drunk (absolutely smashed lol) at the weekend and had far too much fun. So I like to think we’re covered. To be safe we’ve done AI today, a first time experience.. lots of giggles, maybe felt a little awkward but FAR less stressful than dragging myself through dtd as not in the mood. And will cover tomorrow too.. AI or dtd, it’s so less stressful that I don’t have to force myself through it I like having the option there.
That probably sounds weird to some but after years and years of dtd in such a planned fashion I just can’t do it anymore. So if it happens it happens!

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

@Millie so please you are feeling excited. I think we try so hard to stay calm and not get up hopes we forget this is supposed to be a happy event so we are allowed to smile through it sometimes. Even when things are not going our way!

@Alexis what day do u fly must be soon?

I am feeling quite chilled this month things calm with hubby at the mo. He has been the best he has for a long while the last few days. Much happier so hopefully can keep on track and not let the black dog creep up on him.

I am sick of work big style at the minute. Just can't seem to shake it off. Always have frustrating times but feeling really fed up of it at the moment. Hope i can pull out of it as not really in a position to be thinking about changing jobs right now and I do love it underneath it all x

 

[Peony1]

I feel the same about work nikkibiscuit - I really think for me it’s because we have projects throughout the year which we have every year and this time last year I was stupidly hoping I wouldn’t be there for the next one! So when it comes round, it’s a massive reminder that I’m not pregnant still.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

I feel the same about work nikkibiscuit - I really think for me it’s because we have projects throughout the year which we have every year and this time last year I was stupidly hoping I wouldn’t be there for the next one! So when it comes round, it’s a massive reminder that I’m not pregnant still.

I am starting the think I get a 4 year itch. My last job which was straight out of uni I left after 4 1/2 years mainly due to being sick of a commute but also just felt they had had their pound of flesh and I wasn't getting perks anymore. I had moved around for them and they allowed me to transfer to the north east but in the end I was in a demoted role as they had no store for me to run due to store closure.

Joys of retail.

I've been where I am now coming up towards 3 1/2 years. Soooo much has changed. I work for a private company and things can change overnight. We have a lot of autonomy in our store (I'm deputy general manager) but then equally the company owner is very much in the shop floor of the business at the moment making lots of changes. Retail is so tough right now. We are doing ok overall but battling rising staff costs to make the bottom line add up.

I think like you I just thought I would be pregnant now. In fact be close to going off on maternity now. And long term I would hope to go part time....i don't know what exactly doing yet. But when you have that in your minds eye it makes day to day seem much harder slog.

I've always said life is too short to not do something you love. But I am good at my job and most of the time I love it just the rough days seen to be outweighing the good at the moment.

I am starting to think not having enough sex is out problem. Until Monday we had gone 10 days withiut sex admittedly across my period plus a few days either side. It's just so hard....we had sex twice on Monday as we were both off and had nice day together. Then last night we were just shattered from work. I now it doesn't have to be every day but I'm not sure we are covering enough of a range across the month.


Sorry for early moening essay ladies!! Xx

 

[Peony1]

We always cover the fertile period (just going by cycle days... haven’t actually used ovulation sticks yet, but am gonna start using them this month!) but then by the end of that, we’re exhausted so only dtd once or twice more up until af. Then I worry that I should be dtd more! I really miss having sex when we want to, not when we have to!

 

[xMillie]

We always cover the fertile period (just going by cycle days... haven’t actually used ovulation sticks yet, but am gonna start using them this month!) but then by the end of that, we’re exhausted so only dtd once or twice more up until af. Then I worry that I should be dtd more! I really miss having sex when we want to, not when we have to!

This is exactly what I hate about it all!!! It's just so planned because you 'have to' dtd over fertile week/days to make sure you've covered all chances you can just to be in with a chance.


I actually got in a bit of an argument with hubby last night about it.. because it was ovulation day and he wouldn't get off his freakin' computer to spend time with me and it was half 11 at night and I was tired!!!!

Some cycles it feels like I'm the only one trying in all this (even though he knows damn well when I get the positive opk because I tell him). I stormed off and went and got in bed lol. We did end up making up and dtd instead of ai but I'm still a bit mad at him.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

It's so hard to keep it fun.

I told hubby this morning from tomorrow until middle of next week is go time. Then I casually suggested sex tonight and he said I thought tomorrow was go time?!! I said erm....how about having sex just because we want to?! Nice to know you just want it for an outcome lol. Works both ways evidently x

 

[Wilson14]

It's so hard to keep it fun.

I told hubby this morning from tomorrow until middle of next week is go time. Then I casually suggested sex tonight and he said I thought tomorrow was go time?!! I said erm....how about having sex just because we want to?! Nice to know you just want it for an outcome lol. Works both ways evidently x

We've totally given up, on TTC and on eachother in general, for me this has ruined our relationship and I can't see a way back from it. I don't want to talk to him and DTD just doesn't appeal to me anymore, even though I know by doing so will give us the very slim slim chance we ever have of having a child. My friend came round with her baby shower invite last night, I don't want to go but how do I tell her that without her thinking that I'm a selfish cow! Sick of seeing everyone pregnant on facebook and all these sickly posts of mums with their kids. Hubby isn't interested in me anymore either, think we are just going through the motions before divorce.x

 

[xMillie]

It's so hard to keep it fun.

I told hubby this morning from tomorrow until middle of next week is go time. Then I casually suggested sex tonight and he said I thought tomorrow was go time?!! I said erm....how about having sex just because we want to?! Nice to know you just want it for an outcome lol. Works both ways evidently x

We've totally given up, on TTC and on eachother in general, for me this has ruined our relationship and I can't see a way back from it. I don't want to talk to him and DTD just doesn't appeal to me anymore, even though I know by doing so will give us the very slim slim chance we ever have of having a child. My friend came round with her baby shower invite last night, I don't want to go but how do I tell her that without her thinking that I'm a selfish cow! Sick of seeing everyone pregnant on facebook and all these sickly posts of mums with their kids. Hubby isn't interested in me anymore either, think we are just going through the motions before divorce.x

Wilson, I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Ttc has done the same thing on occasions to me and hubby and I’ve wondered before is this where it all ends.. Then we will have a really great day together, usually during the off peak part of my cycle, either playing video games together or taking a walk or something we both enjoy.. then we’ll feel like teenagers again lol.

Do you and Your hubby share many interests? Maybe there is something you can do together? Or somewhere you can go for a day out?

I’d probably tell a little white lie about being busy the day of the baby shower to the friend if I was invited. I couldn’t bring myself to go to one..

I try to stay off Facebook but I have already blocked posts from anyone with kids. My news feed is quite empty. Occasionally some get through and it does really hurt.. my mum often shares those quote/image ones about her children being her world, her daughter always being her little girl.. blahh blahh blahh..

 

[Wilson14]

Wilson, I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Ttc has done the same thing on occasions to me and hubby and I’ve wondered before is this where it all ends.. Then we will have a really great day together, usually during the off peak part of my cycle, either playing video games together or taking a walk or something we both enjoy.. then we’ll feel like teenagers again lol.

Do you and Your hubby share many interests? Maybe there is something you can do together? Or somewhere you can go for a day out?

I’d probably tell a little white lie about being busy the day of the baby shower to the friend if I was invited. I couldn’t bring myself to go to one..

I try to stay off Facebook but I have already blocked posts from anyone with kids. My news feed is quite empty. Occasionally some get through and it does really hurt.. my mum often shares those quote/image ones about her children being her world, her daughter always being her little girl.. blahh blahh blahh..

I have good days and bad but the baby shower invite just kicked it all off for me again, I'm struggling to talk to my husband about it as his view is that its just not meant to be, very easy for him to say when he already has two children.

It's a long weekend ahead and I'm actually dreading it because if I still feel like this then I know we will argue. My husbands only interest is getting to the pub by midday so not really, not anymore.xx

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

@Wilson I'm so sorry. I hope you can find a way to see your way forward whatever that path may be.

I have had times when hubby has been depressed and I have thought I am the reason for our financial stresses and hence his depression so maybe he would be better off without me. Then I have always come back to realising that no matter what we still love each other and we do ultimately want the same future together.

I guess it comes down to asking yourself if you have enough love there to make it work or if life has pulled you too far apart to come back together. If hats the case maybe some alone time might give you both perspective.

I hope you can find a way to be happier...its so hard when something we all want so much consumes us x