I'm so sad :(

[toni64539]

The last two hours have been awful. My husband is going away tonight for three nights on a stag do, which I don't mind but will miss him. So I came home early at four to have a nice goodbye, maybe a bit of,,,,,,, you know. Well when I get home I find out he's spent £750 on sign writing for his work van. I got a bit mad as last month he spent £2000 on a new system for work and never even discussed it with me. He's so rubbish with money, when we first got married I found out he had £10,000 worth of debt that he'd kept from me! So we've spent two years paying it all off, me buying the flat off him so he can free up some money etc and I just worry that he's slowly getting us back in that hole. He promised me that money is fine but refuses point blank to talk to me about our finances, I'm completely in the dark, and I think given his history with money, I'm entitled to not trust him 100% and I have a right to know that he is paying things and how much of our money is in his account. But he won't have any of it, so I flipped and grabbed his wallet (was going to peg it to cash machine to check his balance) he grabs me, pushes me on the bed and (accidentaly I think) elbowed my head. I said I'm going, I won't be here when u get back cos I promised myself I wouldn't stay with him if he was the same with money and got us in a bad situation again, to which he screamed- good, you better go, I don't want your stuff here when I get back on Monday. So I'm just sat in the lounge sobbing my heart out, while he's in the bedroom packing, I don't want him to leave with things like this but I certainly don't want to go in there to make peace ats it's always me that does that and I don't feel I've done anything wrong. I'm scared the crying and me being stressed will affect the baby, but I don't know what to do. I feel so sad, and I love him so much but I don't want to spend our life in debt. Sorry for long pointless rant, I just wanted to get it all off my chest and basically ask if anyone knows how heavy crying and stress can affect the baby. Thanks in advance for any replies girls x x

 

[Princess81]

oh Hun how horrible
It sounds like the sort of thing you both need to sit down and talk about rationally. Maybe a few days break would be good. If it was me I'd make sure that I wasn't there when he got home, to see what he'd be missing. Can u go stay with your Family for a couple weeks? Xx

 

[teampc]

ok first things first, why on earth would you leave the flat? if you have bought it then you should stay there, tell him not to come back after his weekend away instead

secondly, baby will be effected by how your feeling so if you are happy and realeasing happy hormones then baby gets the benefits of them, but equally if your sad/stressed baby gets effected as well, but if you need a cry have one, if nothing else you will make yourself feel ten times better
then why dont you have a nice relaxing bath to chill yourself out a bit


it sounds like the 2 of you need to go have a proper talk aboout everything, you need to tell him that you love him but you arent willing to live with him not knowing if he is getting you into huge debt. tell him you need to talk about it all, and you wont accept being fobbed off, if he isnt willing to talk properly then tell him things between you arent going to work

im sure you can work it out, I know if it was me I would feel like you



oh and did he apologise for hurting you? Id have kicked him out there and then if it was me especially if there was no instant regret for the accident


hugs

 

[toni64539]

Well I bought the flat off him 'on paper' he still pays money into my bank so mortgage is paid, so even though legally it's mine, morally I feel it's very much his flat (he bought it 7 years before we got together) but his credit history was so bad we needed to loan some money so I got a mortgage for 10,000 more than his mortgage so we'd have some spare cash, worked very well, we have a low mortgage and he could pay off credit cards and other debt, but now I can't help but think it's all creeping back on credit cards again even though he swears it's not. He had not apologised at all for anything, don't think he's ever said sorry to me. We will have to have a big talk, but I just feel so crap, sick of hearing my own voice having a go at him, but sick of him not looking after me or making me feel secure. I wish I didn't love him so much, I would find it a lot easier to just go then. I really wish I didn't care. My hormones must be playing he'll too so excuse me if I just sound like a lunatic, just mega stressed and upset he's not being nice to me or looking after me. Thank you for your lovely replies girls x

 

[katiejane]

I'm really sorry chick, I feel angry for you. My it's my hormones but I think he's treated you badly today and you deserve him to be honest with you. You're right not to take any shit from him, you and the baby come first. If anyone should leave, although I very much doubt it would come to that, it should not be you. Has he gone now without sorting things out with you or checking you're ok?

 

[Samsgirl]

oh hun........i really feel for you. i have been in a relationship in the past where he had no concept of money and just spent spent spent and we got into serious debt....

i hope you work things out...but if you don't just remember it's cos he doesnt deserve you xxxx i know that wont help at the moment

 

[Georgie0]

What a horrible situation, bless ya! I think you need to speak to him calmly and rationally and explain how he is making you feel. Make sure that he knows you do trust him though, as if he feels you don't he will be a lot less likely to tell you if things aren't going right. Good luck.

 

[nmf1987]

so sorry to read this hun.

men just don't get it. all he had to do was say oh i'm thinking of getting the van sign written. its about honesty and trust and if you have had problems with money in the past cos of him then he should understand why you would be concerned.

i know how you feel though. i work full time and pay for everything. oh works but doesnt get a wage as its his dads business and they arent making enough to pay him.

make sure he sits with you and has a proper chat about it. if he isn't willing to then i'm sorry to say to me he isn't worth it.

big hugs hun xxxx

 

[rachcraig]

Hope your ok hun
Agree with what the others have said but the main thing is to look after yourself just now, I would try and relax a bit and put him to the back of your mind. I bet he soon realises what an arse he's been and comes back grovelling xx

 

[nadine]

awww it sounds like you need the time away from him tbh, (will do him good and you)

First off life is hard hun, married life/single life,/single parent /first time parent life lol so dont think for one minute you are alone in how u may feel at the mo, plus on top of that clouding you are your pregnancy hormones,

lifes hard in many different way and these things are sent to try us, things arent as bad as they could be - in the way at least you do know were you are up to with him and that he is shite with his money and it is some thing as much as he may not want you to keep a check on, you can try to

i do think like some of the other ladies av said you just need a heart to heart to blow away some of the cob webs and both put across your point so u no were you stand,

its not right but from any mans point of view he will feel like he is being watch or babied over regards money and he wont like it - men like to think they can deal with anything better then anyone ect

all you can do is relax for the few days hes not here and if you do talk to him over phone whilst hes away just mention you need to av a lil chat to him when he gets bk, and then just take it from there,

i think your real problems will start if he starts being a idiot with you when you try and talk to him about it and if hes unpreparded to listen or hand over a little control to your self, either way there is plenty of room to do this and things always have a way of sorting there self out, soooooooooooooooo chin up and smile , tomorrows another day and for every crap day you have- 3 good en are on there way x x xx x

 

[hopefulmummy]

I would suggest couples counselling, actually. Disagreements about money is the top reason that couples split up and I don't think if you have problems as serious as this regarding financial matters that this can be sorted by sitting down and talking about it. You obviously love each other, you wouldn't have gotten married otherwise, and there is no shame in asking for help. If you can't get counselling free, you can always go to your local pastor/vicar at your church, they are trained at this type of counselling as well.

 

[katiejane]

How are you feeling today chick? x

 

[toni64539]

Thank you for all your thoughts girls, but it's safe to say things have gone from bad to worse. I won't go into detail as there is far far too much to bore you with. I have never felt so low in my life, my eyelids are ten times their normal size due to all the crying I've done and I'm soooooooo depressed. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so I may talk to her and see if she can point me in the right direction to get some help as I think I may fall off the edge and have a total breakdown. Didn't know it was possible for one person, the person you love most in the world, to make you feel so much like you just can't carry on

 

[Kay1987]

Chin up hun, make sure u talk 2 your midwife and see if she can help. Having a baby is a definate test of a relationship and it can be really hard sometimes but im sure given time and the right help this will pass and u will be back on track eventually. Obviously we dont know all the details but i hope its something that will be resolved soon. U can always have a rant on here if u need to! x

 

[roxane 1985]

trust me ur better off, my ex said exactly the same, wewas struggling as it was and was wasting money all the time, by time daughter was10 months i left him as i wasnt prepared to let my kid suffer, could job i did he isnow in thousands of pounds of debt and had to give his flat up n everything.much better off

 

[Tracey M]

How are you doing now honey? Been worrying about you.....

 

[toni64539]

Thanks for thinking of me Tracey. Things arnt brill but im feeling a lot better within my self and just focussing on my ickle baby x x hope your well? X