How will you and your OH work out money?

[positivity :)]

bit of a personal question really but most of us aren't backwards about coming forwards on here!

me and OH were just discussing our money situation. he was saying that he is going to save some money for the 'unpaid' part of my year off.

when we spoke about me going back to work after maternity leave, he suggested (for my benefit apparently) that we put our money together, he pays all the bills out of it and then when i want or need anything i.e. my hair done, i just take the money.

financially there would be more money for me available that way as he earns nearly double my salary. but for me, i can't imagine not having my own money, paying my own bills even if it means im left with less.

what do you guys do? up until now we have both earned our own money. we both pay half the mortgage and bills and keep what we have left to ourselves which for him is nearly double what i have.

what is the right thing to do? when i go back to work i won't be able to pay for half of everything so he will have to pay out more which he accepts but i dont want to be left with next to nothing while he has his extra money when the reason i have less money is because i'm going part time to look after our baby.

sorry for the long post, just feel a bit unsure about it all really.

xx

 

[Piglet10]

i think ur hubby sounds just right! me and my hubby put our monies together not much of mine tbh and pay bills and i pretty much keep the rest but if we had loads spare wed half it!! xx

 

[positivity :)]

see the thing im worried about is that i wouldn't be left with the rest, it would be in a shared account and i dont want to feel as though i have to ask for money when i want something which i think could happen easily?

at the moment if i want to pop out and buy myself a new outfit i do it out of my own money. if its in a shared account he's more likely to scrutinize it, especially when the vast majority of it will be his money. xxx

 

[Samsgirl]

at the moment we py half each. but i am saving up so that when i have my 12 months off, my half of the bills will be covered for 12 months.

but when i go back to work part time, it's likely that OH will need to contribute a bit more than half...

xx

 

[TORino]

I don't think there is a right way as such with this Hun. What works for one person doesn't for another.

Our arrangements are that, ahem, we 'p1ss in the same pot'. Everything goes in to the same bank account and all bills come out of the same account. It means we discuss purchases with one another as a rule but other than that there are no problems. I earn twice as much as the OH and I don't like the idea of me living it up with my excess disposable income and him having less. We are a partnership in Casa Robertson.

I know a lot of people don't roll like this but it works for us.

 

[Princess81]

Hun I have been thinking exactly the same thing.
At the moment, me and my o/h pay half of everything. We have our own bank accounts that our money gets paid into, and then a joint account as well. We both put a set amount into the joint account and all of the mortgage and bills gets taken from there. Whatever we have left is ours for ourself. He earns more than me and hence we are in a similar situation.
What I plan on getting him to do is I reduce my contribution to the joint account by a couple hundred per month, and he increases his by a couple hundred per month. Therefore I have less outgoings, but have less incomings (because I'll be earning less due to reduced working hours). So we are both financially kind of worse off, but I still have my own money to spend, does that make any sort of sense at all? I know what I mean x

 

[positivity :)]

Thanks ladies.

Torino, how does ur OH feel about it though, does he feel any guilt about taking money out when it is majority what you've put in? does it ever cause problems? xx

 

[l_maclean]

For a long time - OH and I have had joint accounts in everything. He earns a fair bit more than me - even more so since i left my job at his suggestion, because of rows with manager - while i now just do relief work.

We try to use DH's money - in what was orginially his account for everyday things - mortgage, bills, food, etc. And keep mine for more luxurios items/ rainy day savings.

Both of us just take money out of the account for anything we need/want - unless its something major which we obviously discuss before hand.

I know some people prefer to keep everything seperate - but i dont really feel the need to have "my" own money. I just kinda feel that whats mine is his and vice versa - i cant imagine trying to live the rest of my life trying to keep that kinda stuff "equal" - its difficult enough to run a house etc on budget these days without trying to make sure that you're both paying a fair share.

xxx

 

[lanny]

Well o/h works and pays all the mortgage and bills from his bank, I get child tax credit and his working tax into my bank so then we just live on that and what he has left from his wages, we just share it all really but it's easier for us keeping my money in my bank as we know none of it go's on bills all the driect debits come out of his (and I'm more in control lol)

 

[positivity :)]

Hun I have been thinking exactly the same thing.
At the moment, me and my o/h pay half of everything. We have our own bank accounts that our money gets paid into, and then a joint account as well. We both put a set amount into the joint account and all of the mortgage and bills gets taken from there. Whatever we have left is ours for ourself. He earns more than me and hence we are in a similar situation.
What I plan on getting him to do is I reduce my contribution to the joint account by a couple hundred per month, and he increases his by a couple hundred per month. Therefore I have less outgoings, but have less incomings. So we are both financially kind of worse off, but I still have my own money to spend, does that make any sort of sense at all? I know what I mean x

yep that makes perfect sense princess and i think this is what we will do, even if it means i have less that way.

my OH can't understand it and i know it sounds silly after 8 years together and a baby but i want my own money and independance but part of me wonders if i think im still living like an 18 year old? xxx

 

[Princess81]

I don't think we could live directly from one joint account, my o/h would scrutinise it too much, that's why I'm planning on keeping separate ones too

 

[Princess81]

I just don't like the thought of having to justify what I've spent £30 on here and there or whatever. If we both have set finances, we are responsible for those. I know I can budget or whatever so it can work out no problem. O/h did say he would contribute more than me to the bills now, but we won't see it as such as it all takes part in the joint account which doesn't get touched bar direct debits etc, no cash withdrawals are ever made from it or anything, a set amount goes in, which covers the set amount going out, it all balances out fine x

 

[positivity :)]

I don't think we could live directly from one joint account, my o/h would scrutinise it too much, that's why I'm planning on keeping separate ones too

yep, my OH sees things we need and want in such a different way to me. he is all for spending on the house and baby (which of course is priority) but lets say i wanted a new handbag that i dont need for £50 - i can honestly say i dont think he'd like it! he'd say it would be better spent on this or that, whereas if the money is with me he has no say!

i really hope i'm not sounding like a spoilt brat here

xxx

 

[l_maclean]

My OH does scrutinize our accounts a little - but not in a way that i ever feel guilty about having spent what usually amounts to his money - in my eyes i earn my share of it by taking care of house etc. In fairness i do the same if i see that he's put money on the debit card and i dunno what it is - just so we both know what has come out - and checking its a genuine transaction as well.

As TOR said - what works for one doesnt work for another - you just kinda have to work out what is right for you guys.

xxx

 

[lanny]

My nana and grandad still have separate money after 45 years together, my nana asks my grandad for the 50p for his morning paper and if he went out and got a pint of milk he would charge her for it. There so funny he gives her house keeping once a month hence way he can't pay for milk haha

 

[positivity :)]

My nana and grandad still have separate money after 45 years together, my nana asks my grandad for the 50p for his morning paper and if he went out and got a pint of milk he would charge her for it. There so funny he gives her house keeping once a month hence way he can't pay for milk haha

awww that's so sweet xx

 

[TORino]

Thanks ladies.

Torino, how does ur OH feel about it though, does he feel any guilt about taking money out when it is majority what you've put in? does it ever cause problems? xx

I just asked him lol, he has no trouble taking money out. Small things we don't even discuss really, I.e up to £100 (or unless money is tight) big things we might want to buy we decide together. I don't really see it as my money/his money it's 'ours' if you get me. He recently bought a really expensive bike which we discussed before hand and as long as the money is there it's not a problem.

Do you think your oh would scrutinise your purchases? I guess he might if he thought of it as 'his' money instead of ours

 

[Princess81]

Yeah it's a really specific choice. It all depends on how you work as a couple, because we are so independant from each other in that way I don't think joint everything would work for us very well. In fact, I think it would cause ultimate rows cos I'd be the one like Pos spending £50 on a handbag and feeling perfectly justified in doing so
Having said, that, o/h spent about £1200 on a handbag for me recently so he can't complain over a £50 too much

 

[TORino]

P.s I grew up in a house where dad left my mam pocket money which often caused a lot of anger and resentment so that might have influenced why we do things how we do at home.

 

[positivity :)]

Having said, that, o/h spent about £1200 on a handbag for me recently so he can't complain over a £50 too much

oh yes, i did see that on your FB! jealous! i thought we were on a level with each other, here's me worrying about a £50 bag being scrutinized by my OH and ur OH is lashing out all that on a bag for you.........i dont feel like i know you anymore

xxx