I love him so much

[x0xbaybeeemz]

Im not saying im going to be living off benefits i dont want that! I wasnt being imature there i was just saying it doesnt matter what anybody else says because its my life

 

[Sherlock]

Im not saying im going to be living off benefits i dont want that! I wasnt being imature there i was just saying it doesnt matter what anybody else says because its my life

Its not just your life though. You want to bring a baby in to it also. And you are woefully not prepared in any way shape or form from what you say.

No one is saying don't have a child, just suggesting you give it 6 months and both get yourselves into a better position to enable you to provide for one.

To at least have your own place, jobs and income to be able to afford to support a child. And for you and your OH to be living together as that seems to be a huge thing for you and you are not coping well missing him as it is.

If you got PG right now, where would you be? Living apart from your OH, missing him and not coping with that, him not earning much, you wanting him to move to be with you so therefore having to give up his not very well paid job to move and find another... and where will he live in the meantime till he has a new income and can provide references and so on for renting a place for you both?

There are so many things to consider, not just 'I want a baby' and thats it. By planning, giving yourself a little bit of time, you are giving your baby a better chance in life from the outset. And yourselves as a couple.

You asked for advice, people gave you thoughtful considered replies. And you are going to ignore it all (thats your perogative) and do what you want anyways. So why ask in the first place? People tried to offer solutions to make your life better, to help you and your OH be together, which is a big thing for you, and not a jot of it matters as you are happy to try to become pregnant now before anything else in your life is in place I don't consider that mature or thoughtful. I'm sorry.

I'm going to bow out of this discussion now. I feel its going around in circles and its going to serve little or no purpose to the end result as no matter what anyone has tried to explain or get across, none of those things are important enough to try to acheive before having a baby. I feel its a backwards way to go about starting a new life but I wish you well.

 

[x Naomi x]

You sound exactly like i did at 17, first love, broody, head in the clouds

I am now 27, have been with my OH for 7 years, own our own house, own car, good job, i really feel we can offer our child the best start in life

Why would you want to struggle? You have the choice hun it isnt going to be accidental,

I really think you should nuckle down, get a job, spend time together as a couple - your not even living together - you dont really know someone until you live with them and a baby brings so much financial strain to a relationship

I for one havent worked my butt off for all these years so that people like you can get pregnant on a whim and expect to be supported - i know you said you wont be on benefits but i am damn sure you wouldnt manage right now without them

I would wait afew years until you are settled you just sound a little selfish at the minute

 

[_Rosie_]

hi hun im 19 in 2 months so not much different to your age and im ttc.
i have lived with my OH for 2 and a half years and we started ttc as soon as we lived together when i was just 16 and i wanted it so much that nothing else mattered just like you now. but looking back on it i wasnt ready then my OH was only earning £1000 A month and i was struggling to find a job. Now my OH is on £2500 a month in a great new job and is also at college 1 day a week doing a level 3 qualification and im working and studying in the evenings so that i can work my dream job in the airport.
if i fell pregnant now i know my OH can support us and i will have a qualification so i can get a well payed job once baby would be here.
i know you say your not listening to anyone and believe me i know the feeling but try to think about 10 years time where do you wanna be? is there not like a dream job you want that you could study for to give yourself and your baby a better future? i also would not suggest ttc to anyone regardless of age until you have lived with your OH for at least 6 months as you learn a lot about each other when you live together you have stresses of cleaning,shopping day to day mundane things whereas now when you see him its purely for you and him to enjoy spending time together and being carefree. things change when you live together.

anyway i wish you all the luck in the world and im not trying to change your mind but just thought i would tell you my story as it would have really helped me to read something like this a couple of years ago coz now i think of my future and feel happy and proud that i will be in a great job and be able to be a great role model for my kids. good luck x x x

 

[Melly+2]

please listen to everyone, right now isnt the right time to have a baby, end of really. Your not financially stable, you dont live with your other half, what happens if he cant find a job near you so has to stay where he is? do you want your baby to not see its dad most of the time? Is that realy fair on a child. Is it fair to live off benifits (even thouygh you say you wont) jobs dont just come up on demand, you have to work hard to get them, to find one that gives you enough money. i think you need to sort out your priorities and not just think about it because YOU want it, its not about you, the second you become pregnant none of it is about you, its about the life you have created. Why not put the selfishness aside and sit and think whats right for a baby

 

[Hypnorm]

Looking at your replies there are alot of 'I know, I want, I wasn't, I, I , I.'
I have to agree with Sherlock I think you really have to think without your head in the clouds.

Why should OH move to be with you when he has the job, you should be considering him and the fact that he has his family where he is.

Also no relationship is secure, and a baby will test even the very strongest relationship right to the limits and beyond!

You will do what you want in the end, but just add up the costs of a baby, can you provide shelter, food, and a stable environment for a baby.

Age doesnt come in to it - compromise and sense does.

 

[NickyB]

It's totally different if it happens as an accident. But you're missing out on so much!

I have lived with my husband for five years, almost. We'll be married for two years at the end of the month. We've bought our house and both earn a good wage.

Because we waited and planned to get the house, marriage and relationship we wanted I've been able to enjoy university, financial independance, desposible income, my dream wedding and the list goes on. I have such a fantastic relationshiup with my DH and am soooo pleased we've done it in this order.

Live as a kid for a bit, get a job, waste some money, take some holdiays. You don't need to hurry up and have children yet. Heck, I feel too young to be doing this at 26!!

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

Well thanks for all this but i wil be leaving the forum because i feel like im being judged too much.. I knew it would happen! I dont like just because of your age how your all judging me! If it was someone whos 28 or whatever and felt the same im sure youd be all totally different.. Goodbye and hope whoever is TTC gets there BFP soon

 

[Melly+2]

we have said we are not jusging your age, i was 18 when i fell pg although i had a job i lived with my parents, luckily my bf had his own house and lived close, moved in together when i was 6months pg about there anyways. Age doesnt matter, however a bad financial and living situation does, why cant you see this

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

Yes you all are.. Does in not say i want to get a flat with him? If i get pregs now id start straight away and have i not said im getting a job soon.. im also at college.. We have planned this.. I didnt just lay in bed 1 night and think to myself i want a baby! Its been thought threw and i will give my child a good up bringing.. I just feel like your all saying your too young so youll be a bad mum or couldnt do it or something. Im just sick of people judging. I didnt come on here for that i came on here because i wouldnt of tought your like that and youd all understand but obviously i was wrong.

 

[NickyB]

If you were 28, hadn't yet lived with your partner, didn't have a job and thought living off the state doesn't make you a bad parent (which it doesn't, it's totally the way you've said it above) then I'm sure you'd get a very similar response.

I've paid my tax dollar for too long to not have an opinion, and I'm sorry it's come to you leaving because other people don't agree with you.

 

[Melly+2]

But whats the harm of finfing a flat and a job before you ttc? Surly it wont hurt to wait

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

Because who ever said im going to get pregnant straight away thats why? Im not going to be the sorter person who falls pregs straight away because im on the 5th month now.

 

[Hypnorm]

Yes you all are.. Does in not say i want to get a flat with him? If i get pregs now id start straight away and have i not said im getting a job soon.. im also at college.. We have planned this..

Your not planning very well sorry! if you get pregnant now when just starting a job you will not get full maternity pay.
All of us in our post have in no way refered to your age, and it doesn matter if you are 17 or 30 i would still advise the same things.
And you are now leaving because you asked for our advice but you don;t like the advise you are getting..

 

[Melly+2]

er dont have a dig at me, ive been ttc for 13 months, it doesnt matter you could get caught next cycle and them what, you wont be able to get a job then?me and my otherhalf have an income of nearly 450 quid a week and we are just coping, so how you gonna cope?

 

[Slinky Sarah]

hun im 20
i live 35 miles away from my OH.
We both work full time, if quite well paid jobs.
We are still broke, struggling to find a house that we can afford (we need a 3 bed house idealy cos of his son).
We are going into month 8 now and tbh we were both slightly relieved when my AF finally came this month.
You need to look past the want for a baby hun. Im struggling to do this too. Since my miscarriage i have realised how much me and my OH want a child together. But like what has been said you need to look at the bigger picture.
Yes it doesnt happen over night but you need to consider the whole maternity allowance aspect, the amoung of money you will need set aside just for when baby is born AFTER buying everything essential before birth.
I can honestly see where your coming from in one respect about wanting to have a baby with your OH, im like that too. But sometimes we just need to take a step back and look around at everything.

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

I dont want to discuss this anymore

 

[Sherlock]

Yes you all are.. Does in not say i want to get a flat with him? If i get pregs now id start straight away and have i not said im getting a job soon.. im also at college.. We have planned this.. I didnt just lay in bed 1 night and think to myself i want a baby! Its been thought threw and i will give my child a good up bringing.. I just feel like your all saying your too young so youll be a bad mum or couldnt do it or something. Im just sick of people judging. I didnt come on here for that i came on here because i wouldnt of tought your like that and youd all understand but obviously i was wrong.

Argh

You could be 28 and I'd have said the same thing

Get a flat with him yes, that was what I was saying, just wait to start TTC till you get that flat and that job and both have that bit of security behind you. I gave you info on how to go about it! It could take you 3 months plus to find somewhere. You need money for it, deposit, advanced rent... none of those things you have indicated you are yet prepared for.

You made no mention of college till just now. If you got PG now believe me, first tri alone is enough to wipe you out and exhaust you, so how would you hope to cope with your emotional state living apart from your OH, college and work?

And I don't think anyone said you will be a bad Mum, just to give yourselves a bit of breathing space before becoming one and making sure you and your OH are living together and in a better situation for bringing a baby into the world.

If that is bad advice or you feel we are judging you on your age, I suggest you go back and read this all through again.

 

[Melly+2]

I dont want to discuss this anymore

well just do what you want then if you wont see sense

 

[Hypnorm]

I dont want to discuss this anymore

Sums it up really!