I'm sick of 'talking things through' and shouting. I have NO respect for him, don't fancy him, I don't think I have any feelings for him.
In the last 6 months, he's been earning quite a bit, but because he earns it, it's his spending money. He doesn't pay anything towards the bills, doesn't buy anything for the kids, and has the nerve to get money out of the joint account whenever he feels like it. It gets spent on DVDs, games etc. I've tried taking his card off him, but he orders another. This month, hes taken 300 out of the account and spent about 800 of his own earnings. I've started leaving money in the business acoount that he can't get at and transferring it when bills are due, but he knows it's there.
I wouldn't mind if in exchange he did the housework or looked after the kids - he washes up maybe 4 times a week, looks after Alex 10am - 2pm, takes the kids to school (every day) and picks them up (3 days). The rest of it is down to me - all the housework, bedtimes, bath times, getting up in the night. Last time we argued about it, he said 'you can get up in the night because I have him all day, you can take the day off work to sleep'. 4 hours is all day apparantly.
A couple of months ago, I went out with my dad to pick up a new car for him. OH has nothing to do with the kids at weekends, but dad works all week so we had to go on a Saturday so I left the kids with OH. OH phoned me at 11am saying I was 'taking the p1ss'.
I'm slogging my guts out so he can buy his fr1gg1n DVDs. I get up at 4am, put 2 hrs work in before Alex gets up. From 6 to 8 I sort the kids, breakfast, packed lunches, ironing etc. Get OH up at 8. Once they've gone at 8.30, I take Alex into the office and try to work until he gets him at 10. I come down to make lunch for them at 12 and take Alex back into the office at 2 or work downstairs with him. At 3, I get the rest of the housework done, then sort the kids. At 6 we all troop off to my mums to get her sorted (OH stays home) - she gets a home help in the mornings, but she needs sorting in the evenings too. Get home at 7.30 for bed. Once they're all in bed, I go back into the office until I drop, usually about 11, but I've got deadlines looming so it's been later the last few weeks. He's now moaning we don't spend any time together and wants me to watch TV with him once the kids are in bed (would mean me getting to bed at 2am - told him to stick it).
I've been thinking how much easier it would be if OH wasn't here. Income would be the same (it'd be more because I could probably claim tax credits, he wouldn't be clearing my account and I wouldn't be paying his taxes / NI). I coud put Alex in nursery to get a solid days work in (OH won't let him go now because the time he has him straddles mrning and afternoon sessions, and he won't get so much time with him). I'd be no worse off with housework.
I can't leave him because I run the business from home and where would I go with 4 kids, he reckons he'll get custody because he's the main carer so he'll get to keep the house (main carer, my arse). Mortgage is in joint names, but we had a thing drawn up when we got it that I have 80%. I'm considering giving him divorce papers one morning when he gets up, but do we need to be separated b4 we get divorced??? Last time we applied for family credit, he went down as the carer because I earn more - does that mean he would get custody??
In the last 6 months, he's been earning quite a bit, but because he earns it, it's his spending money. He doesn't pay anything towards the bills, doesn't buy anything for the kids, and has the nerve to get money out of the joint account whenever he feels like it. It gets spent on DVDs, games etc. I've tried taking his card off him, but he orders another. This month, hes taken 300 out of the account and spent about 800 of his own earnings. I've started leaving money in the business acoount that he can't get at and transferring it when bills are due, but he knows it's there.
I wouldn't mind if in exchange he did the housework or looked after the kids - he washes up maybe 4 times a week, looks after Alex 10am - 2pm, takes the kids to school (every day) and picks them up (3 days). The rest of it is down to me - all the housework, bedtimes, bath times, getting up in the night. Last time we argued about it, he said 'you can get up in the night because I have him all day, you can take the day off work to sleep'. 4 hours is all day apparantly.
A couple of months ago, I went out with my dad to pick up a new car for him. OH has nothing to do with the kids at weekends, but dad works all week so we had to go on a Saturday so I left the kids with OH. OH phoned me at 11am saying I was 'taking the p1ss'.
I'm slogging my guts out so he can buy his fr1gg1n DVDs. I get up at 4am, put 2 hrs work in before Alex gets up. From 6 to 8 I sort the kids, breakfast, packed lunches, ironing etc. Get OH up at 8. Once they've gone at 8.30, I take Alex into the office and try to work until he gets him at 10. I come down to make lunch for them at 12 and take Alex back into the office at 2 or work downstairs with him. At 3, I get the rest of the housework done, then sort the kids. At 6 we all troop off to my mums to get her sorted (OH stays home) - she gets a home help in the mornings, but she needs sorting in the evenings too. Get home at 7.30 for bed. Once they're all in bed, I go back into the office until I drop, usually about 11, but I've got deadlines looming so it's been later the last few weeks. He's now moaning we don't spend any time together and wants me to watch TV with him once the kids are in bed (would mean me getting to bed at 2am - told him to stick it).
I've been thinking how much easier it would be if OH wasn't here. Income would be the same (it'd be more because I could probably claim tax credits, he wouldn't be clearing my account and I wouldn't be paying his taxes / NI). I coud put Alex in nursery to get a solid days work in (OH won't let him go now because the time he has him straddles mrning and afternoon sessions, and he won't get so much time with him). I'd be no worse off with housework.
I can't leave him because I run the business from home and where would I go with 4 kids, he reckons he'll get custody because he's the main carer so he'll get to keep the house (main carer, my arse). Mortgage is in joint names, but we had a thing drawn up when we got it that I have 80%. I'm considering giving him divorce papers one morning when he gets up, but do we need to be separated b4 we get divorced??? Last time we applied for family credit, he went down as the carer because I earn more - does that mean he would get custody??
you can apply for a divorce on various grounds such as unreasonable behaviour, irreconsilable differences etc. this would mean it would take as long as the paperwork/ custody hearings etc. however he can contest this and it can end up in a lengthy battle. if you are seperated for two years then its on grounds of seperation and he has less chance of contesting it. ofcourse the custody issues and dividing up our belongings will still take time. (my friend is waiting for her two years so we have been al through the options together to figure it all out 
)
The kids are staying with me and once OH gets sorted in his own place, they can go stay with him at weekends. I think Callum is going to take it the hardest, but as long as we can stay civil to each other, I'm hoping I can bring them all through it unscathed 
