How do I get him back?

[jld123]

My partner and I split back in January and alot has happened since. First off he moved out insantly that day. It was what we both wanted, although it was very emotional it was the right thing to be done. For the next few weeks we both struggled but stuck to the decision, having the baby every other night each. Obviously this means we had to see eachother every day. He decided that we would never get back together and we needed to stick by that decision. An ex of mine came back into my life out of no where, He was so lovely to me and helped me out with things such as food shopping (as i dont have a car since selling it to share my bf at the times) fixing things in my flat and so on. We got close and things happened, he told me he loved me and i finished it there and then as i knew i was making a mistake. I ended up kissing my baby daddy and spending more time with him and i thought we were getting someone only for him to tell me he definately thinks it should be over. i was upset but got on with it. two days later he called me saying he made a mistake and wants to try again, i was happy with this and he came over and we talked it through. I told him about my ex because i didnt want to start with secrets between us, he told me he had kissed two girls on nights out etc. were fine for 2 days but i sensed he wasnt putting 100% into it. He picked me up from work one night, i cooked him dinner and we ended up having sex, he had to go to football training and after he went i text him saying he doesnt seem 100%. he said he isnt and he may have made a mistake saying we should get back together. I was devastated and he said again it was definately over and he is so sorry for leading me on etc. That was about 2 weeks ago now. Since then we have seen eachother alot, to hand over baby and sometimes to spend the day all three of us. It was his birthday this weekend an he wanted to spend the day all three of us, so we did and it was lovely we took our baby to the zoo and then went for dinner all three of us, then i went back to his and we rented a film and i spent the night.... we ended up sleeping together again. We both agree it was an amazing day and night together. Yet nothing has changed, we probably shouldnt have done it but it felt right. I want to be with him, I want to make things work. He says he is still very attracted to me, loves me but not in love. Thats how i feel towards him though, i just believe i could fall back in love with him if we tried to make it work. He still wants us to go away as a family to france like we had planned in july. He still invited me out for lunch yesterday. I dont know what to think? He isnt rude or horrible to me, he tells me how it is etc but even when he tells me its over, i dont accept it. I keep thinking I can win him over. do you think im wasting my time?

Sorry this is so long, i need to hear an outsiders view.

 

[wifeywifey]

Maybe his issue is more getting too serious too quick again and you obviously have a good relationship with him now and he doesnt want to spoil that. Why not try dating, no sex no I love yous just keep it light until you are both sure thats what you want and it will work. It gives you both chance to spend time together without the pressure. Hope it works out for you x

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[Laura_C]

I think that if he really didn't want to be with you, then why is he sleeping with you? If he really felt that way I would of thought he wouldn't want to lead you on believing that there could be something more. I mean sleeping with you IS leading you on - in my eyes. I don't know the whole situation but it sounds a bit like he wants the family life he has with you and LO whilst being able to be free and single and do what he likes, when he likes. I don't know, just seems that way from what I've read here. At the moment he is free to sleep with other people whilst sleeping with you and seeing LO everyday, sounds like he's got it made! Big Hugs to you sweetie xxx

 

[x_PlaceboDanii]

Well he's still adamant about sleeping with you even though he says its over, men are so complicating!, id say unless he wants a relationship then dont have sex with him, its doing nothing but messing with your mind, ive been there myself

Im sorry i cant offer more steady advice but i hope it gets better for you

 

[Jayjay027]

STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM!!!

Men can separate sex and emotion better than women can. To him, he might just be getting his end away, but ur thinking about getting back together.

To be honest, pandering to his every whim isn't going to lead u back into his arms. Only see him to hand the child over, don't have family days out, its all too cosy and its hurting u more than its helping. DO NOT go on a family holiday together.

If he still wants to be with u, and he sees that you are strong and trying to move on, it'll scare the shit out of him and he'll come running back.
If he doesn't want u back, and sees that u are moving on, you will already have started the healing process for urself.

The way u are acting now isn't doing anyone any favours.

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[Xcitedmum]

I agree with Jayjay. As things are he has no need to take you back as he is getting the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship!

The only way you will get him back is to put a halt to all the family/ relationship 'cosiness' that he is currently reaping the benefits off...

Put yourself first, stop sleeping with him and I think he will come running back, hope it works out for you!

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

I've been in a similar position myself a few years ago (but without a child). He was unsure, but we kept having sex. Huge, huge mistake. Sorry to be brutally honest, but if sex is offered to a man, he is going to take it. They can totally seperate sex from feelings. I would try to move on from him (easier said than done, I know) and keep contact for your daughter's sake only. If you are not together, you should not be going out together 'as a couple', and not 'as a family'. It sounds horrible, but he should be seeing your daughter away from you if you are not together, because as she grows, this will be confusing for her also. I hope it all works out xx

 

[Bellarina]

Hi hun
i just wanted to share my mums experience with you....back wen i was about 11 my step dad (he was only about 23 yrs old at the time) broke up with her saying it wasnt wat he wanted anymore etc (his friends had convinced him of this and being a bloke he was swayed) and he moved out...
However, he still came to the house to see us everyday and she would cook his tea etc etc

It wasnt until mums neighbour said "oh ur back together are you" and she said no...the neighbour then said well it seems like he has the best of both worlds having a family life coming to urs for tea and seeing the kids and you...and then living the bachelor life at his flat etc
my mum then said to stepdad right you either come back or you dont and she completely stopped everything...he then realised when she cut him off what he really wanted and they got back together....theyv now been married 17yrs xxx