How to cope with IVF with ICSI news in TTC journey?

[Mandy123]

Hi all, I’m new to this area of the forum & looking for some advice/support really. I’ve been over on the testing threads for a couple of months as we started trying earlier this year. I know that is not very long (and I feel terrible for that) but we decided to have some private fertility assessments carried out to alleviate any worry (we both have hectic lives stressful jobs etc) so we could just have our minds put at ease to know it’s maybe just going to take a bit longer.

I have always been regular as clockwork (to the hour usually!) with no problems apart from treatment for abnormal cervical cells a few years ago (bit of a shock - came out of nowhere). I feel like I know my body and I know getting pregnant can take a while - I know that -but I was sure I would have fallen or had a sniff of a BFP before now and obviously every month is disappointing especially as they start to roll.

In the month i decide not to do OPKs, not to think too much about TTC, to get on with life & just ‘roll with it’ is also the month of everyone announcing pregnancies to be topped off with our assessment result news - we have been advised that our chances of conceiving naturally are slim as they detected antibodies (which causes clumping/sticking) in my husbands semen analysis. This means the sperm can’t get through the cervical mucus, so past the cervix - or if it does will probably not be able to penetrate the egg either. The treatment for this is IVF with ICSI. Still can’t believe I’m writing this.

Whilst the consultant said this does not mean we can never conceive naturally the chances are slim & it could take a very long time. Combining this with my AMH - which is sitting under normal for my age (I’m 31) and the fact that I am not ovulating every cycle (shocker to me that one!) means our chances are going to be less and/or longer whilst taking a gamble of how long we could realistically try for naturally and hope that my AMH doesn’t rapidly decline.

I’ve done a lot of research so far but feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface on the whole IVF world. There is very little out there on these antibodies and what I have found in other forums/articles etc it appears it has resulted in years and years of TTC naturally resulting in IVF with ICSI. I think I read one story of a couple having this problem, having IVF/ICSI then falling naturally (total 4/5years).
There is a bit of info in these forums on vitamins and nutrition to try and help improve the situation but my understanding is that the antibodies are permanent. So obviously I have put my husband on such things and we are generally healthy (but I will be trying everything in the meantime including consulting a nutritionist). His analysis was excellent in every other way - just fundamentally these antibodies will hinder conception - it’s very technical how they bind to the sperm etc - still haven’t got my head fully around that if I ever will - I just know they are not good. There was no explanation to the cause but I understand through research it can be related to injury -makes sense in our case) So hard to take this in!

The consultant mentioned I could take clomid to regularise my ovulation but that is all it would do (to increase the chances I guess every month so we aren’t losing months) but it would not help the antibody situation. This she saw as a less invasive option whilst we considered IVF with ICSI. IUI apparently isn’t an option because the sperm will still have the antibody coating and therefore be pointless -ICSI physically injects the sperm in the egg (the reason being if they were left in a dish to fight it out they wouldn’t penetrate the egg anyway because of this coating of antibodies).

Initially I thought because we had this done privately we were being put down this route because it benefits them, but the consultant wasn’t at all pushy and in fact advised me to go to my own GP. And the more research I do the more I can not escape this fundamentally flaws conception.

I feel like a walking textbook right now and very overwhelmed. I feel guilty that I know this information so early on in our journey (many couples struggle for years) but also lucky that the clinic just happened to spot this & test it further.
I feel frustrated, angry and upset and I feel like we now have a real fight on our hands.

Based on the recommendation & our research our gut reaction (although initially in denial/stunned) is to go for IVF with ICSI. This is such a shock as its so early in our journey but we feel the fact is we have a fundamental problem. We could try for another year or four years and still have to go through with the treatment by which point we will be older. We have since booked the next consultation to get the ball rolling. I’m prepared to do it & I’m not scared of the invasiveness (although obviously I’d rather not) but I’m frightened of the outcome - what if there is no baby - ever. I never ever ever imagined this (who does though).

How have any of you coped with being told IVF/ICSI is the way forward? What advice would you have? How do you cope with emotions and how do you cope with fitting this in around work? Long shot - Has anyone else got any experience with this particular issue?

I’m sorry this post is so long, i still can’t believe I’m writing a post about this. I’m just looking for support & hoping to perhaps make some friends who are also going through/been through considering IVF.
My anxiety is now so bad - thinking of all sorts not even related to this! And I worry that some people will say or think we havnt tried for long enough.
In the meantime we will keep trying but now with this news I’m worried I will continue to not ovulate as I’ve just been hit with all of this shock, whilst trying to research it, whilst trying to make sense and juggle life. Viscous circle!!!

Any advice, support, or friendships greatly appreciated x

 

[Alexis2017]

Hi and sorry to read your news. I can only say that you can't change any of this. I habe learned that this is a very tough road and you just have to decide for yourself that if your going to walk down it...you accept its going to be hard and you may walk away with nothing but on the other hand you may walk away with a precious little bundle. For that, I would say for me anything is worth enduring for that out come. I guess you habe to take 1 day at a time , 1 step at a time and try not to go Google mad as it will drive you crazy. For work, you can seek advice from HR and maybe confide in your line manager . I did thid and have a bit more support around appts. I will be going to my go to be signed off on call work as its too stressful. I guess you need to look at what works for you. If you need time off...take it.

One question..how do they know your not always ovulating ?

We have been ttc 2 years with no success. All our tests were normal and hubbys swimmers were all way above average results. I have regular cycles and thought it would happen eventually. I am 35 and he is 37, we have been together 14 years and married 4 of those. I am starting IVF very soon (Jan/Feb) I have been in denial with the whole thing and kept telling myself we would fall pregnant at the last minute as we are always the kind of ppl that end up being down to the wire. We are also very unlucky. I have tried everything...charting, opks, Accupunture, visualisation, castor oil heat pack's, herbs, you name it.

I too have watched all my friends have babies and then have baby number 2 in the space we have been trying. I also watched half my work fell pregnant and work along side them as they went through their pregnancy while I had to pretend all was well with me. I would say my mental health has suffered greatly and I habe went from a confident and happy person to someone with really bad anxiety levels. I'm not coping with anything stressful and tears are only seconds awsy for me most days. I am devastated by the whole thing it's so isolating. I would say it's good to habe a close friend to talk to about it but I will also say NO ONE gets how you feel unless they have been here.

I recently got my amh blood test which you get done so they know what protocol/drug regimen to put you on to stimulate your eggs. I was told a nornal AMH for my age is above 6 and preferabl around 20. Mine is 3.7 so it means I have low egg reserve and the eggs that are left may not be good enough quality. Its nothing I done but genetics. You are bron with a set number of eggs and when they run out....they run out. We have been told it's worth trying as they have had success with women's any lower than mine but it does reduce our chances. For 2 years it's been unexplained until now.

We are going to sign consent forms on 3rd Dec then when the next space is avaliable after Xmas we will start. If we get less than 3 eggs we won't be offere the 2nd or 3rd funded cycle on NHS which we are entitled too.

I don't think anyone expects to go through this so it is a shock and I am still living in hope it all works out but the bad days are hard and lonely. I wish you well on your journey. Just remember there is always hope and the human body is capable of some amazing things. I am always here to chat. I've been here for years and watched women join and get their BFP and leave and I am still here........waiting.

A x

 

[tinselcat]

Hi there

I started IVF with ICSI back in 2012, a year after I had a MMC at 12 weeks. I was about 34. It took 3 separate goes over 1.5 years before any success, but I have a beautiful little boy now.

Good luck x

 

[Jezby]

I'm about coming to the end of my 1st IVF cycle - its been a long road for us as it has for you too -out I very much empathise with your comment re friends having 1st & 2nd babies whilst we still haven't had one -its the toughest journey.

A little bit about me - ttc 2 yrs, 1 mcc at 6wk over a year ago. I'm 37 and hubby 35 - AMH 2! & AFC of 5

They managed to get 10 eggs, 7 fertilised but all have development issues and yesterday I thought were were out the game. But had better news today - 3 have ploughed on and we are hopeful for egg transfer tomorrow

You are not alone, talk to people you'd be amazed how many have been through it. Try not to get bogged down with numbers and stats - I know its impossible - I have about 6 tabs open on various website re embryo transfer, etc etc

Scientists are amazing but so are we and you have to keep the faith. one step at a time, one day at a time

You've done so well to get this far xx

 

[MoominGirl]

First of all, sorry you're going through this.

Second, don't beat yourself up about 'not trying long enough'. Yes the NHS will want to wait a year before offering testing but that assumes there are no issues. As you've decided to go privately for testing earlier and there have been issues identified then how long you've been trying suddenly becomes far less relevant.

The obvious downside to doing a lot of research is that it can become overwhelming but I think overall I was better off for knowing what I was dealing with and feeling able to ask questions and challenge the advice I was being given in what was a completely unknown field. We were only ever seen under the NHS but had an absolutely shocking experience with the consultant we saw. We were given completely wrong advice which they have since admitted so it pays to do your homework!!

I don't have any experience with sperm antibodies and I don't know how your private testing compares to what is done in the NHS but there is often a lot that can be done to improve sperm health although I don't know if that extends to antibodies too. Has he only provided one sample? Also, there are some clinics that specialise in male factor infertility if you wanted a second opinion before proceeding.

One thing I notice is that you state you have clockwork cycles yet you've been told that you're not ovulating every cycle. Not an expert in any way but I'd have thought that would be very unusual. As this is combined with a low AMH, I'm not sure why the consultant would even consider offering you clomid particularly when the advice you've been given states that the sperm would be unlikely to fertilise an egg naturally and she's already ruled out IUI and standard IVF for this reason. It sounds like it's unlikely to help you conceive and would only build false hope and put you through unnecessary side effects.

If you have done all your research and have satisfied yourself that the antibodies are likely to significantly affect your chances then I think you need to balance that with the fact that as a woman, your chances will only decline statistically with age and the low AMH won't help with this either. Yes lots of people try for years before identifying an issue but I think you need to think of it as a good thing that you know now what you're dealing with even if it wasn't the news you wanted.

We were recommended IVF on the NHS and went through a range of emotions including shock/denial/anger although much of this stemmed from distrust in the initial assessment and investigation we had been given. After trying naturally for a bit longer, we decided to get another opinion and agreed to proceed with NHS IVF as by that point we'd been trying for 3 years and felt like we'd exhausted all options. I decided to confide in my manager about our issues so that made it much easier to get time off for appointments - there are a lot!! I was also planning to get signed off during treatment as I just couldn't have dealt with all that was involved on top of a stressful full time job with a commute. That is personal choice.

As far as the general anxiety, I don't think anyone gets away from that especially the worry about if it doesn't work. The only way I could deal with that was to focus on each little step as it came and not allow myself to look too far ahead.

We were very lucky in that we managed to conceive naturally in the end, despite the grim odds we were given and just a few months before we would have had our IVF. I thought I would share our story though as we very much went through all the emotions and the decision making and it's very much something I will never forget. Wishing you all the best with your journey.

 

[katie88]

I can't really help here much. I've just finished my first round of ivf resulting in a negative test. I have bad pcos. At collection I managed 3 eggs but only one survived to embryo. So it was a long shot from the start.

From initial consultant appointment via the NHS it took a year from the "yes you need help" to physically starting. So if you do decide to go the NHS route my advice is to be prepared for the long wait times. Some areas are better than others with regards to wait times but after years of already trying and failing to get pregnant, the wait felt so long, though I know my trusts wait time was far less than other areas.

I'd like to say we found ways to cope through the process but the grim fact is that once you start this, there is no putting it to the back of your mind. Everything you do, eat, drink etc you'll think about what's its doing to you, your eggs, his sperm. It becomes that constant companion in the back of your mind that just won't shut up.

Im sorry I can't offer more at the moment. I hope it all works out for you

 

[Mandy123]

Firstly, thank you all for your replies.
Alexis I’m sorry that your journey has been this so far. You hit the nail on the head that no one really gets it unless they have been in the situation - which is why I have turned here. I think I have learned that point very quickly. I have told a few close friends and the statement that’s surprised me the most is ‘there is nothing I can do’ rather than the usual ‘I wish there was something I could do!’ – it really brings it home with a thud. One of my closest friends is pregnant and ive had to tell her as she knew we were also trying and I worry its going to put a strain on our relationship (both sides - she is happy - I am sad why would she want much to do with me). I did think crushingly before this news what if I am still trying by the time her baby arrives and now I have to face the fact that is a real possibility. Alexis I may well be on a similar time scale to you (in the New Year) I will know more following my initial consultation this week. I really do hope in the meantime it could happen for us both.
Tinselcat thank you for sharing your story. Im sorry that it was difficult and for your loss. Congratulations on your little boy. Its good to know these experiences in the moments of panic that there are successes stories – although not an easy road I know.

Jezby thank you also for sharing. You really are in the midst of it! I really hope that you have your transfer today and fingers crossed it goes well. Your exactly right about trying not to get bogged down – its impossible not to I know. I think I have exhausted the net of these antibodies stories – it certainly doesn’t seem common. I think id rather stay away from statistics as that will just depress me! I am quite an open/emotional person and I think I will end up talking about it! Though I guess you need to be careful as once you tell you cant un-tell and may feel under more pressure if people know? It will be great to have something like here to really ask the nitty gritty and get support on the experiences others have been through and what to expect
MoominGirl thank you for sharing and taking the time to reply. Congratulations on your baby – and how amazing to conceive naturally. As you say that does not take away the news of IVF and the process/decision making and torture that goes with. Your right about improving sperm health. The antibodies are apparently permanent but as with any sample could vary I guess. There is some things online I have read on forums to suggest certain vitamins, dietary changes and even ejaculating more (gives the antibodies less of a chance to cling onto the sperm apparently) may help – but none of this is confirmed by any fertility specialist. Seeking out further opinions may be an option, my husband is now very on the mind set that we just start the ball rolling IVF/ICSI. We had actually been for fertility assessments earlier this year – we weren’t happy with the clinic as we felt they cut out a lot of the tests that could have given us a better picture (despite paying for their comprehensive package - we were yet to be educated in this fertility world – lesson learned) so this is the second SA. The first did not pick up on it/screen for it – though I am now in the process of having them give us the hard figures for comparison – so thank you for that prompt!
As for my ovulating (alexis asked too!) apparently regular cycles do not mean you are always ovulating. I had day 21 blood tests in what I consider a normal month for me – was shocked to be told - you’ve not ovulated this month- fact! the number should be above 30 I think I was 12. The consultant seemed less worried about this – it is possible to not always ovulate – stress can be a big reason (I have a hectic life/stressful job so im not surprised when I actually think about it!). I agree completely MoominGirl – Clomid seems drastic – but I think we were just so stunned and I was so in denial during the consultation that I was actually saying ‘we are not having IVF!!!’ (in the moment I think I was a wreck) that she saw the clomid as a less invasive option to help rather than just try naturally alone – this way at least we would all know im ovulating to increase the chances. I pointed this out that it would/could be pointless anyway if the antibodies are hindering conception and she agreed that yes it could be – it was just maybe worth a try for a while (or if we decide to go NHS route try during the wait) to improve the chances. Hope that makes sense? It does to me now when I think about it but at the time I was like – that’s ridiculous. My husband thinks its pointless to try the clomid as we could be doing it for the same outcome i.e. ending up at IVF/ICSI anyway. This is so difficult! To know what to try for the best but my husband is a vey practical man and sees no benefit of ‘wasting time’ trying anything else. To my surprise a couple of people who I have told completely agree – even my mum! I guess the worry is my egg reserve/quality (who know about the quality anyway!) may be decline if we ‘mess around’ and why drag it all out.
Katie – thank you or your response so sorry on your news. I completely get how this takes over and becomes your ‘companion’. Good point on the NHS route to consider. I have been to my GP this morning and she said she will write for a referral based on the results of our investigations once she has the copy but remained positive that we havnt hit the statistics for couples trying for a year yet rule.
Luckily it sounds like there are a few of us here for support. My biggest worry is my state of mind. This feels like a massive deal and yet I keep swinging from no its not to yes it is. I’m torturing myself with worse things to happen in the worlds/life and feeling guilty that I feel so down about it. Its like a huge pendulum in my mind. I have a HR appointment set up at work for after our consultation. Im thinking I need to take a bit of a step back – its not just about the fitting in appointments but state of mind and being kind and looking after ourselves. I guess this requires some life style changes.
Id love to keep in touch with you all xxx

 

[chattychar1990]

Mandy i can't offer no advice but i really do wish you luck on your journey hun You are missed over on the testing threads xx

 

[Mandy123]

Thanks Char, it’s one of these things what can anyone say or do! Just absolutely gutted & still in shock tbh that this is turning out to be our journey. All the months I’ve been doing all sorts! I’ve even grown to like grapefruit juice! Not that it’s wasted, I felt like throwing it all out the window but it can only help either way I guess. Hope everything is okay with you. I don’t think I can return to the testing threads or at least yet anyway. As much as I know we all understand the pain month on month of ttc and them rolling and I’m thrilled that BFPs do happen - it’s just all a bit too raw now! Xxx

 

[chattychar1990]

Thanks Char, it’s one of these things what can anyone say or do! Just absolutely gutted & still in shock tbh that this is turning out to be our journey. All the months I’ve been doing all sorts! I’ve even grown to like grapefruit juice! Not that it’s wasted, I felt like throwing it all out the window but it can only help either way I guess. Hope everything is okay with you. I don’t think I can return to the testing threads or at least yet anyway. As much as I know we all understand the pain month on month of ttc and them rolling and I’m thrilled that BFPs do happen - it’s just all a bit too raw now! Xxx

I know exactly what you mean hun and don't ever feel like you have to come back to the testing threads. Its really nice to hear from you and to know what you are going through. I am so sorry hun I really do hope you get your ray of sunshine one day.
Always here for a chat you know that xx

 

[Jezby]

Bless you ... I so feel for everything you’re going through. Just writing these posts can be quite cathartic.

Well as of 1:15om today I have 2 little imperfect not quite blastocyst embryos on board... the wait begins!! X

 

[MoominGirl]

Firstly, thank you all for your replies.
Alexis I’m sorry that your journey has been this so far. You hit the nail on the head that no one really gets it unless they have been in the situation - which is why I have turned here. I think I have learned that point very quickly. I have told a few close friends and the statement that’s surprised me the most is ‘there is nothing I can do’ rather than the usual ‘I wish there was something I could do!’ – it really brings it home with a thud. One of my closest friends is pregnant and ive had to tell her as she knew we were also trying and I worry its going to put a strain on our relationship (both sides - she is happy - I am sad why would she want much to do with me). I did think crushingly before this news what if I am still trying by the time her baby arrives and now I have to face the fact that is a real possibility. Alexis I may well be on a similar time scale to you (in the New Year) I will know more following my initial consultation this week. I really do hope in the meantime it could happen for us both.
Tinselcat thank you for sharing your story. Im sorry that it was difficult and for your loss. Congratulations on your little boy. Its good to know these experiences in the moments of panic that there are successes stories – although not an easy road I know.

Jezby thank you also for sharing. You really are in the midst of it! I really hope that you have your transfer today and fingers crossed it goes well. Your exactly right about trying not to get bogged down – its impossible not to I know. I think I have exhausted the net of these antibodies stories – it certainly doesn’t seem common. I think id rather stay away from statistics as that will just depress me! I am quite an open/emotional person and I think I will end up talking about it! Though I guess you need to be careful as once you tell you cant un-tell and may feel under more pressure if people know? It will be great to have something like here to really ask the nitty gritty and get support on the experiences others have been through and what to expect
MoominGirl thank you for sharing and taking the time to reply. Congratulations on your baby – and how amazing to conceive naturally. As you say that does not take away the news of IVF and the process/decision making and torture that goes with. Your right about improving sperm health. The antibodies are apparently permanent but as with any sample could vary I guess. There is some things online I have read on forums to suggest certain vitamins, dietary changes and even ejaculating more (gives the antibodies less of a chance to cling onto the sperm apparently) may help – but none of this is confirmed by any fertility specialist. Seeking out further opinions may be an option, my husband is now very on the mind set that we just start the ball rolling IVF/ICSI. We had actually been for fertility assessments earlier this year – we weren’t happy with the clinic as we felt they cut out a lot of the tests that could have given us a better picture (despite paying for their comprehensive package - we were yet to be educated in this fertility world – lesson learned) so this is the second SA. The first did not pick up on it/screen for it – though I am now in the process of having them give us the hard figures for comparison – so thank you for that prompt!
As for my ovulating (alexis asked too!) apparently regular cycles do not mean you are always ovulating. I had day 21 blood tests in what I consider a normal month for me – was shocked to be told - you’ve not ovulated this month- fact! the number should be above 30 I think I was 12. The consultant seemed less worried about this – it is possible to not always ovulate – stress can be a big reason (I have a hectic life/stressful job so im not surprised when I actually think about it!). I agree completely MoominGirl – Clomid seems drastic – but I think we were just so stunned and I was so in denial during the consultation that I was actually saying ‘we are not having IVF!!!’ (in the moment I think I was a wreck) that she saw the clomid as a less invasive option to help rather than just try naturally alone – this way at least we would all know im ovulating to increase the chances. I pointed this out that it would/could be pointless anyway if the antibodies are hindering conception and she agreed that yes it could be – it was just maybe worth a try for a while (or if we decide to go NHS route try during the wait) to improve the chances. Hope that makes sense? It does to me now when I think about it but at the time I was like – that’s ridiculous. My husband thinks its pointless to try the clomid as we could be doing it for the same outcome i.e. ending up at IVF/ICSI anyway. This is so difficult! To know what to try for the best but my husband is a vey practical man and sees no benefit of ‘wasting time’ trying anything else. To my surprise a couple of people who I have told completely agree – even my mum! I guess the worry is my egg reserve/quality (who know about the quality anyway!) may be decline if we ‘mess around’ and why drag it all out.
Katie – thank you or your response so sorry on your news. I completely get how this takes over and becomes your ‘companion’. Good point on the NHS route to consider. I have been to my GP this morning and she said she will write for a referral based on the results of our investigations once she has the copy but remained positive that we havnt hit the statistics for couples trying for a year yet rule.
Luckily it sounds like there are a few of us here for support. My biggest worry is my state of mind. This feels like a massive deal and yet I keep swinging from no its not to yes it is. I’m torturing myself with worse things to happen in the worlds/life and feeling guilty that I feel so down about it. Its like a huge pendulum in my mind. I have a HR appointment set up at work for after our consultation. Im thinking I need to take a bit of a step back – its not just about the fitting in appointments but state of mind and being kind and looking after ourselves. I guess this requires some life style changes.
Id love to keep in touch with you all xxx

Definitely consider carefully who you tell and make sure you and OH are both in agreement on this. Once you tell someone you can't take it back and as Alexis has already said, no one understands unless they've been through it. They might think they do but they don't. They just can't. I was very private and although sometimes not being able to talk was hard, I felt it was worth the trade off as I didn't want to be treated differently or excluded from things because other people assumed I'd be uncomfortable. I didn't want to be defined by what we were going through.

As for your friend, a lot will depend on your existing relationship. You will also find that people dealing with infertility often have very different feelings about how they deal with different aspects of the journey. For me, I found pregnancy announcements, general pregnancy chat and newborns to be a form of torture but I was absolutely fine with being around children and talking about children. We have a very good relationship with our nephew which helped me not to feel excluded from conversations and there was never a time when I wasn't happy to see photos etc of him. If your friend is close to the point where you would see yourself as a sort of 'auntie' figure then you may find that you deal with it better than you think. I've always seen being an auntie as a totally different relationship and valued that in its own right. I know others wouldn't feel the same though.

As for the sperm, I would definitely satisfy yourself about the implications of the antibodies. My OH had 4 tests in the end but as we were NHS, they most definitely didn't screen for antibodies. I'm very much someone who wants to know the facts even if it's not what I want to hear. Yes, I'll probably sob into a pillow afterwards but I know in the long run I'm better off for it. The trouble with fertility is that there's so much we don't know and so many people trying to sell you all sorts that it's very difficult for the average person to know that they're making the right decision. I don't want to give you false hope as I know I'm very untrusting of advice regarding sperm as that was the start of our issues with the NHS clinic so feel free to ignore me as I realise I'm very cynical. Bottom line, we were told we would never conceive naturally (not unlikely, never) due to my husband's sperm and yet here we are. Of course we are thrilled but it still doesn't take away from the fact that the advice we received was shocking and could have led us to all sorts of further decisions.

As for your ovulation, what is a normal month for you? Did your period arrive on time that month? Is that the only progesterone level you've had? Yes it is normal to have the odd month where you don't ovulate and yes you might have been unlucky that month. However, day 21 progesterone bloods are based on a textbook 28 day cycle with ovulation on day 14. Say for example you normally have 35 day cycles and ovulate later then of course your day 21 progesterone reading would be low. This could be interpreted incorrectly as not ovulating when in fact you have just ovulated later. Apologies if I'm jumping to conclusions but I'd be a bit concerned if a consultant was recommending that you try clomid (at a cost to you I might add!!) without establishing that you're truly not ovulating and when they believe that your husband's sperm will be unlikely to achieve a natural pregnancy. I'm with your husband in that it's unlikely to be a good use of your time and resources only to find yourself further down the line but not having achieved anything purposeful. That's why I find it a bit concerning that you'd even be offered it as an option in the first place.

State of mind is a huge thing so don't underestimate the impact it has. Also, as it looks like you are dealing with a sperm issue, don't underestimate the impact this has on him too. We had a lot of problems and I can honestly say I didn't deal with the whole thing well. I don't think anyone does. However, it was much easier for me to cope with the sperm issues than it was for him and it was easier for him to deal with my issues than it was for me. I'm embarrassed to admit it but I spiraled into such an emotional state that for a period I completely lost sight of how this impacted him while he was doing the man thing of acting like he was coping far better than he was. Communication between the two of you is so important. You mention a stressful job/lifestyle. Are there ways that both of you can take your foot off the pedal for a bit?