As you know from previous conversations, i am high risk due to a history of mental health problems (I had dissociative identity disorder due to childhood abuse), I've not suffered with these issues for a fair while, Haven't self harmed or been in hospital since i was 18. But MW still classed me as high risk because of the history. I was still on a lot of meds when i got pregnant and have since come off all of them, which was tough because it did affect my mood and sleep quite a bit to start with, but i just had to remind myself i was doing it for my baby!
I saw the consultant a few times who then decided they didn't need to see me and reffered me back to midwife led care.
I understand what you mean about the scars, i haven't self harmed on my arms since i was 16 so over 4 years but most of them required stiches etc so i've still got some rasied white scarring which is pretty noticeable, i've come to terms with the fact that i have to live with them and they don't bother me to much i only cover them up for work. But the scars on my legs never get seen because i wear trousers etc They're much worse than the ones on my arms and i worry that i'm going to get judged when it comes to labour!
I have this fear that they think i will be an awful mum because i have a history of mental health problems. Even though MW reffered my case to social services who looked at it and just sent a letter saying they thought it wasn't a case they needed to be involved in. I want being a mum to be a fresh start for me, i've moved on from the things that happened when i was a child and i want my baby to have a happy safe childhood, i'd hate for my past to become my baby's future if that makes sense?
I think your really strong for managing to get through pregnancy when things are so tough for you, at my worst i couldn't function for myself that alone for two! So your doing really well
x