He just doesnt care .

[tinytoes]

he wont talk about it at all . He reckons we only knew for a little while so its not so bad and that the best thing I can do is go back to normal .I really am trying but all I can do is cry and think of my poor little baby

 

[cosmicgirl]

so sorry hun. Men tend to clam up and turn to denial, I hope he will open up to you soon x

 

[tinytoes]

I'm trying to remember that he is probably hurting too but mostly I want to stick hot needles in his eyes !

 

[cosmicgirl]

Men are rubbish when they are hurting, it turns them strange and macho. He's probably very very upset and feels helpless that he couldn't protect you and lo x

 

[dyscochick]

men really can be rubbish on these kind of things, i know it doesn't help, just try and keep itin the back of your mind when you want to grab the nearest hot poker

 

[Hope81]

last year when my mc happened my oh kept repeating don't worry we will make a new bean a stronger and better one...
They don't really get it, not until probably lo is here and sound.

One of the things that made me keep going is the thought that sth was wrong with my bean and it's better than happened now than see it suffering its whole life. It was a weird process of thinking and I don't know how horrible that must sound but it did actually helped me...

I hope the pain will go away xxxx

 

[tinytoes]

Actually hope that does help a lot thank you x

 

[lizsamuel80]

My Hubby has moments where he gets annoyed at me. Then we take a few moments and he apologises then always seems to say something that makes me feel better.

He's been great through both ours and he keeps telling me that he never had the physical connection I had and it's hard for him to understand it. He never had to give up anything for it, he couldn't feel his body be turned upside down and he only knew about it because I told him so for him it was never really happening. I have to keep reminding myself of this every time he says something that upsets me.

The thing that upsets him the most is seeing me on the floor bawling my eyes out and he thinks there is nothing he can do to help. Not even holding me seems to work through his eyes because 2 weeks later I'm still a mess when hit with a trigger. But these are becoming fewer with each passing day so I hope he feels better soon.

Your partner is probably going through something similar.

 

[JJ Mum]

I had a mmc at 11 plus 5 and had D&C like you, which helps you get out of limbo.

I agree with lizsamuel Tinytoes, men have not had any changes to their body or had the hormones, or the experiance , however long or short - a Mc was still a pregnancy , but it's hard for men to put themselves in quite the same shoes as you. It may not feel like it now, but it does get easier, and the black cloud your in will really start lifting. Hang in there, take a day at a time, and try to look more to the future, than looking back XX

 

[EssJayPea]

Oh darling. I'm so sorry for your loss. My OH was the same. I was heartbroken and he was almost matter of a fact saying it couldn't be changed and we should try and move on as it didn't help us to be caught up in grief. He eventually came round (a year later) said he felt awful and helpless when we lost but was trying to be strong for me. Men and women really are from different planets and if the man can't "fix" the problem they struggle to help us by just listening and validating our feelings.

Anyway, your boy may be trying to be the strong one for you just now while trying to come to terms with it himself. Just keep getting loads of cuddles and rest. I really wish you all the love in this.

Take care xxx

 

[jojo3972]

my other half was like this he just didnt wanna talk about it i had a mmc last yr at 10 weeks it took them 3 weeks to decide that actualy yes the bby had progressed and i would have to go to hospital i was devastated 3 weeks i had hope for n i had to deal with that mostly by myself,my body just did not want to let go of the bby inside me i opted for medical managed is it that call it with a pessary to bring on contractions which didnt work all that did was give me horrific pain so they tried again and again my body would not let go in the end i had to have a dnc and i wish i had done that to begin with if i had known my body was going to be so stubborn.... but i did get through with the thought that ok there was something not quite right with this baby unfortunatly and that i will hopefully get another chance was the worse time of my life but with men they just do not get it at all ,our time will come again with a stronger healthier bean this time, if u ever need to chat just pm me i am mostly always about, take care xxxxxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi sweetie,

Thought I'd add my tuppence worth....

We've had 3 miscarriages (one at 8 weeks, 1 at 5 weeks and another at 6 weeks) they have all been early and not needed medical intervention.... The first one took 3 weeks to occur - I'd been spotting from 5 weeks. We spent longer waiting for the miscarriage than we'd know I was pregnant for.

My OH's coping mechnaism has been to be upbeat and positive

My OH was very philisophical about it all, saying that my body is doing what it is meant to do, better to have an ealry loss than to find out than at 12 weeks etc.. He has always believed our time will come etc....

He has driven me nuts with his "postive" attitude on occasion...

I guess I jsut had to accept that we all cope differently and I had to stop holding the fact that he wasn't bereft against my OH ... Just because he wasn't reacting like me didn't mean he didn't care.

Once I accepted that I did start to feel better!

Just tell your OH that you are sad, you cannot help how you feel and you need his support and strength - even if he doesn't feel as sad as you do....

Lots of love

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[tinytoes]

Thanks everyone . We had a bit of a talk this evening and he's feeling just as bad as me but cant talk about it . He just wants to try and move on

 

[dyscochick]

men deal with stuff in different ways to us, they do hurt, they just don't show it and they are more capable of rationalising and compartmentalising. For us it spills over into the rest of our lives, the nature of the beast i suppose. Hope it gets easier now you've talked xxxx