Harry's Journey

[misscrazycooki]

You remind me of me when i had Leo. Because of how he was born the fact i failed to breast feed him. I got really bad because he was a terrible sleeper and cried all the time. At about four months my partner made me go to the doctor i got some pills and felt ten times better x

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[kanga86]

Deffo speak to the hv though, i think i had mild PND back then but always made out to the hv i was fine, probably because i was scared of being a failure and didnt want people to know i was struggling, looking back now people wouldnt have thought that, its quite common and easily dealt with!

This is exactly why I haven't mentioned it before, at the weigh ins they ask if u want to speak to a hv and I just bottle out of it. I don't want people to know how bad I feel about Harry and life, and feel like a massive failure

Poor Harry having a cold too, hope he starts feeling better and gives you some well deserved sleep soon, i know exactly how you feel with the sleep deprivation

xxx

I know I have had it so lucky with Harry sleeping, I don't know how u have done it with lexi all this time. A couple of night out of sorts with Harry and I'm beat lol

kanga, you are not and never could be a crummy mummy, you are having a tough time and I hope the hv is sympathetic and you get some support. You are doing one of the toughest jobs in the world 24/7 and it won't be helped when he has bad nights. Lots of hugs and hope you get some help. Have you talked to DH about it? Xxx

I haven't spoke to DH about exactly how I am feeling, but he does know I'm not 100% happy with everything. I haven't even told my best friend who I see weekly and we talk about everything I feel so ashamed of myself

You remind me of me when i had Leo. Because of how he was born the fact i failed to breast feed him. I got really bad because he was a terrible sleeper and cried all the time. At about four months my partner made me go to the doctor i got some pills and felt ten times better x

I am scared that they are going to put me on pills as my DH is dead against using them. I had anti depressants about 2 yrs ago as I was in a bad place at work and suddenly felt like I was mourning my mums death all over again, the doc put me on pills and my DH talked me out of using them. I was also signed up to a counsellor back then too. Xx

 

[Daisy2011]

Hi Kanga
So sorry that things are getting on top of you, and your confidence is at a low ebb.
I had depression a lot about 5 years ago after bullying at work and have done all the counseling and pills but i always felt like i think you do that its only daily events that make you ill not your brain chemistry dont do anything you arent sure about.

You have got to get out there and find new freinds, its tough to strike up conversations with strangers and often at mums groups everyone feels a bit weird and shy but you have to keep on going back becuase there may be ladies there who you will click with and then there will be play dates and cups of tea and trips to the baths/park with people who understand what you are going through.

You are s lovely person and offer lovely warm and fantastic advice to ladies on here and I know that you would be a great person to meet at a mums thing. Get back out there find the right group for you. Train baby to throw things at people to break the ice, my dog Jake always takes sticks to men in the park - or wear something outlandish which will give other shy mums something to talk to you about wear a badge that says please talk to me I'm shy.I find that saying things like ooh thats a brilliant ---insert clothing,pram,bag whatever here - as a ice breaker, Keep on trying honey. you need a pram pushing park buddy to help you through and give you a laugh at all thier mishaps and that will make you feel better about yours.

Go on find a new group to go to and get back out there.
Good luck and hope that things start to look up.
big hugs
xDaisy

 

[Hope81]

There is no same and nth wrong on getting medicines for depression. I would take them I I had depression with no fear or second thoughts.
It's quite a taboo to get meds for depression and literally don't get it why???
I mean you don't have to bare a tooth pain or a headache without meds, why we should suffer from depression with no meds??

I am so sorry you don't feel so good.
I know you would never hurt Harry and I can imagine how hard is to fight those thoughts.
It's probably like being in a dark place
As about wishing someone to take him away from you for a while, I feel like that too and Amelie is barely 3 weeks old...

I miss adult company during the day too and there are no baby groups around for me to go.
I will try to study for my exams once we are a little more settled and that will help me focus on sth more than just baby all day!
How about your bookkeeping?

Also do you have Skype? You can always call and talk to me during the day while we both have a cuppa

 

[kanga86]

I don't have Skype Hope, is it easy or free to set up?

Hope I do feel as though I'm in a massive dark hole, that has been slowly been getting deeper and deeper, and I'm not struggling to see the light

I spoke briefly about how I feel to the hv yesterday, but the one that is mine wasn't there and she has wrote a note down for her to contact me. Got advices to speak to my gp about it and go from there. Don't have time to book up an appt today as I'm meant to be going to a baby group this morning and then out swimming with some of them this afternoon. Not if we will get as I woul need to take DH to work so I have use of the car, and Harry still doesn't seem right since getting a cold (see here I am making excuses to see the only group of people who I get some sort of interaction back from at a group) Argh! I need to sort myself out! xx

 

[kanga86]

On a lighter note, I got Harry weighed yesterday at 13weeks 4days (3months 3days) and he is now 6.66kg (spooky!) or 14lbs 10oz or 1stone 10oz!!! Crazy! He is now nearly following the 50th percentile line, down from the 75th but that could be because if his cold as he hasn't been feeding as much. Health visitor didn't seem worried though.

Had a bit of a strange night to get him to sleep, as he fell asleep after feeding at 9ish and then woke up about 45 mind later and was wide awake. Burped him a few times and then he settled down in his car seat (I was out at a friends) and just watched us before going back to sleep at 11ish!! Then up at 5:30am for a feed, just need to get some more sleep myself now xx

 

[deedee84]

Aww Harrys doing lovely with his weight hun very spooky with the 666 though

Sounds like Harry slept quite well too after 11, wish Lexi would go longer, she does ok for the first part of the night and gets worse as morning approaches

xx

 

[dyscochick]

Hun everyone has different experiences on antidepressants but i'm with Hope, and think that if you need the support, definietly ask for the help. It may not need antiDs but consider them because they are not all the same and every circumstance is different. PND has a defined cause, please don't feel ashamed about the way you feel, try and talk to someone, you are likely to find there are more people out there who have been there and can help you xxxx

 

[Daisy2011]

Hey Kanga Hope you are alright not seen you here for a while.
x Daisy

 

[kanga86]

Thank u or asking after me hun, I'm ok in the fact I am still alive!! Not sure how I'm doing mentally or emotionally at the mo, off to the doctors tomorrow so I will let u know what they say!! Struggling so much with everything and feeling pretty sad and useless Not happy at all and lost all motivation for everything, not watching tv, going on fb or pf xx

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi sweetie,

I've just had a brief catch up and can see Harry is doing wonderfully!

Sorry to hear that Mummy is struggling a bit though.

I don't have any personally experience with depression (or treatment) but I have a few people I am very close to that suffer with various issues. My Mum for example has suffered severe anxiety since I was about 8 and a very dear friend had a complete break down a few years back.

I think talking about it, admitting to someone (anyone even if it's just here on PF) that there may be a problem and seeking opinions on how to address it is a very positive step.

You don't have to go down the medication route, but I would def have a word with your GP. Is there no-one else in your practice that you can see (a female GP or even a different GP to the one you have previously seen?) someone that may not automatically think dishing out pills is the best option.

I can only imagine how you feel and it must be tough - being a Mummy is the hardest job we'll ever do hey??

BUT please don't bottle anything up and don't be ashamed!

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

hey lovely so sorry to hear you have been feeling blue

dont beat yourself up though sweety so many ladies go through this with new bubbas, i hope you have spoken to your gp about it all. xxxxx

keep your chin up darling you are a fantastic mummy xxx

 

[kanga86]

Been missing from here for a while and just thought I would give a quick update while Harry actually sleeps. I am now on anti depressants for pnd and I'm hoping they kick in quickly cos I am fed up of feeling the way I do

Harry has been a nightmare to look after recently, not sleeping during the day and being really grumpy and crying all the time. Nothing I do seems to comfort him finding it rather hard to deal with but just got to keep thinking it won't be forever and I hope I don't miss out on too many happy times with Harry xx

 

[deedee84]

Glad your on the meds to help hun, i'm sure they will take effect soon! If its any consolation Lexi has been a maungy pots more times than not lately, she naps through the day but only for 20-30 minute intervals and probably only 3 times through the day plus her sleeping at night is still crap, i have some mega weepy days but like you i keep telling myself its not forever! You will be back to enjoying your little man in no time sweets

xx

 

[Daisy2011]

Hey Kanga
How are you doing?
hope that you've had a better week.
x Daisy

 

[netty]

Hey sweets hope you're ok xxx

fapatalking

 

[CARNAT22]

I am glad you decided to see the GP and have some help hun!

There is no shame in needing a little support.

You are doing a fab job and this is just a phase

xxxxxxxx

 

[dyscochick]

Hi Hun, hope you are doing ok on the meds, they will take a bit of time but hopefully the fog will start to lift soon. You need to see all the great things you are doing as a mummy, xxx

 

[Hope81]

Hey kanga, how is it going lovely girl? How is your little man doing?

 

[Daisy2011]

Hi Kanga
Just popping in to see how you are, let us know how things are going. Hope that the suns come back.
x Daisy