Girlfriend doesn't let me see baby, wants to be on my mortgage - spiteful/unreasonabl

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by deelukas, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. deelukas

    deelukas New Member

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    Hi all,

    My girlfriend of 5 years has recently had our first child, but since then all hell has broke loose. Our new build apartment was still not built when the baby was born so we moved into her parents house, all was fine for about 3 weeks and then my girlfriend and I argued, I left the house and her mother text me abusive messages saying how tight I am (because when my gf asks me what have I done I say I'm buying our house and paying everything for it) - meanwhile my gf's mother doesn't own her home, she rents.

    I told my girlfriend I'd buy our home as she hasn't worked for over 2 years and that putting her on the mortgage wouldn't work as the bank wouldn't borrow me the money for the home (I now have 2 dependents so this is why along with my gf having no income). My gf then demanded she is on the mortgage and has 50% of the home as hers, in writing. I explained I can't do this due to the banks etc but she will not move in with me because the house "wouldn't be hers" although I am the one paying the deposit, monthly bills, food and everything else. She has £0 income. I want to buy this house as it's a nice area with good schools.

    I will not go into my gf's parents home after what her mum said to me, she said much worst things than the "tight" term, she also said her daughter and my child don't need me and will be fine without me, along with a lot of abusive language. She won't talk to me either and won't apologise. My gf is living in her parents home with 4 other people and a baby in a 2 bed semi-detached house. It's not fair on my child.

    My gf will also not bring my child over to my parents house (where I'm currently living until the mortgage is exchanged) due to her and my mother falling out 6 months ago (despite them making up since) and the fact my parents haven't visited the new baby much at her home - this is because they know what she can be like and her mother, they don't like them. My grandmother is sick and in pain with her bones and I want to take my baby round regularly to see her and cheer her up but my gf doesn't want to do so, she thinks she can make her own way to her (despite my grandmother having walking difficulties, weakness and the fact she's 87 years old).

    I feel like my girlfriend (gf) isn't been reasonable at all and I can only see the relationship going one way... Ending.

    When arguing my gf also mentioned not letting me see my child for more than half a day every 2 weeks and not putting my name on the birth certificate. I am looking into solicitors if this goes that way.

    I want to hear people's thoughts on whether my gf deserves to be on the mortgage and if she's been very unreasonable/spiteful?
     
  2. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    She sounds like an immature spiteful little sh**. I would go to a solicitors too and tell her to grow up!


     
  3. Shepherdess

    Shepherdess Well-Known Member

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    of course she shouldn't be on the mortgage. she's shown her immaturity already and as she's not contributed to it at all do not put her name on it. of course it's not "her" house. how does she expect it to be when she hasn't paid anything?

    get yourself a solicitor
     
  4. Donna88

    Donna88 Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the others it sounds like you need to get a solicitor. Her and her mother sound like they are both being extremely childish. I'm sorry you're having to go through this though, it must be very hard with her not letting you see your baby. Don't let her use the baby as a weapon though as it will only end in tears further down the road. Good luck
     
  5. babystart

    babystart Member

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    it's complicated
     
  6. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Going to offer a different side here and say I'm not working atm I'm a stay at home mum to my just turned 1 year old. Me and my husband have been looking into getting a mortgage and even when I go back to work I'm going to be part time so the mortgage will be in my husbands name but the house will be jointly owned 50/50 by him putting me on the deeds. The reason I've not been working is because I'm looking after our child. We tried 3 years for her and I gave my body up for all sorts of procedures etc and different hormones and I've spent a year looking after her and my husband agrees that I have contributed a lot in doing that even if it isnt money. My husband is the one with the full time income so he will be paying it but I would certainly not accept it being 100% his ..Just in case! I am totally sure it would not end but for the sake of my child and so we weren't left with no home if he ever was to leave then I would want to half own it. Until I had her iwould of had no problem it being totally 100% his and like I said I don't think we would ever split and I trust him completely but for my daughters security yes I would want to own it 50/50. My husband totally agrees with this and is 100% happy to pay and yet both be on the deeds 50/50. He sees it as our money and when I was working we had a joint account and it was all our money. He doesn't hold it against me the fact I am not working as I'm at home raising our child which is a very important job too. Childcare costs can make it hard to go back to work ..I would be pretty much working just to pay nursery! So I'm looking for a job evenings and maybe 1 day a week when MIL can gave her. But I would still not want to be applying for mortgages joint as we are ttc number 2 and I was off work with hyperemesis with my first so only his wage is steady and reliable xxx

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  7. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you can’t have the mortgage in one name (your husbands) and both names on the deeds. No lender will accept this. For you to both be the legal owners you would also need to be on the mortgage. If you did buy a house just in your husbands name and then split up down the line you may still have a claim on the house but it’s more complicated if you don’t own it x
     
  8. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Really wow thats scary isnt it! So what would happen if my husband died in that situation? The house would go to me but after getting taxed?

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  9. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Hmm ok apparently its considered a marital assett and split especially if the mortgage payment is going out a joint account which it is and that will be the account my wages will be going into. See if we werent married the idea of living in a house 100 % his would scare me a bit. Like I said I don't think we would split and I'm sure he wouldn't chuck his daughter out on the streets but it is a scary thought once kids are in the equation!

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  10. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Also you said you won't go to hers and she won't go to yours, could you meet somewhere neutral for now like in a coffee shop or soft play (depending on age of baby lol) ? So that you can both talk this over more. Xx

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  11. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    If he died without a will, a certain amount of his estate would go to you (and then to his children if it’s over a certain value) https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/f...t-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

    It’s better if he makes a will and he can then leave the house to you and make provision for any children x
     
  12. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Thanks browneyed girl! I feel so clueless haha! xxx

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  13. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    I'l have a look at the link :) xx

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  14. Mel32

    Mel32 Well-Known Member

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    Just curious, is your baby not already registered by now? Not sure how old your baby is but its 21 days where I am and i thought you had mentioned all being fine for 3 weeks after birth So thought youd have registered already
     
    #14 Mel32, Feb 2, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2018
  15. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    You have rights as a father to see your child. She can't just take her away.
    As for the mortgage situation, me and my husband was the same, I want working as I quit when we got pregnant because we wanted to move closer to his work, obviously being pregnant I decided not to look for a job which I'd be quiting in a few months.
    So when we were looking at mortgages we wouldn't get one in both our names. I really don't mind tbh.... I'd be break up we've said we will sell the house etc. When I was working I was doing 60-70 hours a week 7 days to save up for a deposit so I have contributed to a quarter of the deposit and I'm still not bothers about it being in his name because I trust him.
     

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