First time ivf failure :(

[Ann30]

Hi all,
I found out on Monday that my ivf didn't work it was our first go. I felt ok at first and was so surprised at how well I was dealing with it, but tonight I think it's hit me. I just feel so depressed, like a total failure and so scared it's never going to work for me and I'm going to feel like this forever
Can any of u lovely ladies tell me how u coped with an ivf failure?? Xxxx

 

[Blueflower]

Our first go in June failed. I cried for ages but then accepted it and thought I was ok, we went on holiday and had a lovely time even though I kept seeing babies and bumps. But when we got back it hit me and I felt terrible for weeks. Only just feeling better now. We are on round 2 now. Have a look at my journal, you might relate to some of it.
So sorry it didn't work for you. Do you have any frozen embryos?

 

[tinselcat]

Hi Ann, sorry to hear it didn't work.
I had 2 IVF failures (both fresh cycles) and never anything to freeze and I was convinced it wasn't going to happen as all of our embryos were poor quality and I was already 35 y/o. I had long ago abandoned hope/optimism as they were cruel masters. But the 3rd time it did work.
Also, we have some friends who took 5 rounds to get pregnant.

My way of coping was to think that I will try everything in my power for it to work (i.e. pay for more IVF) and at the end of the day, I will be able to look back and know I could have done nothing more.

Also, we were entitled to counselling and the counsellor recommended I didn't focus on the "how will I cope if it never happens?" Question as that was much further down the line.

Lastly, for this last round I had started planning other things into my life, booking fun holidays (1 over a year in advance), stepping up my career etc, taking the focus off TTC. I don't know if it helped, but I had also done ths a couple of years ago too and fell pregnant then altho lost it at 12 weeks.

My best wishes to you xxx

 

[Ann30]

Ah thank you both, it really does help to know other people have got thru it. We didn't have any eggs to freeze, as it was our first cycle the meds were very much base line so I didn't respond well and only had 6 eggs and only 1 of those made it to blastocyst. I am really lucky in the fact that I live in gloucestershire and we get 3 attempts on the nhs so we have another 2 to go. I have just called the clinic now and they have said that our next cycle will start in November.
I think that is one if my main fears, feeling like this forever it's a living hell! I have contacted a counsellor I really do feel that I would benefit from that and a holiday or something to look forward to would certainly help. I am actually going part time at work next month so I am going to try to pursue other interests. I can't dwell on this it's just too depressing i am not going to let this ruin me!
Thanks again guys xxxxx

 

[Clairabella]

Hi,
I'm so sorry that your IVF didn't work, it's heartbreaking but you will eventually feel better. You did well to get to a blast stage there is no reason why ivf wont work for you.take time to grieve as you have been through a lot mentally and physically.

We had a failed cycle last summer, it was our first ICSI cycle and I remember the day we found out it didn't work I felt devastated that we had put so much into the treatment and then we came away with nothing. I felt so bitter around family and friends who had children.

So what did we do to feel better?
We spoilt ourselves, made the most of being child free, went out for lots of meals and with other childless couples, kept away from the smug friends with kids and didn't feel guilty about it as it was our time!
We went on a fab hol, I did a triathlon as I found that I wanted to get really fit and lose the weight that I'd gained doing the IVF. I walked a lot as it took my mind off the treatment and I threw myself into work.
We also planted some peonies in our garden to remember our little embryo that we named 'winner' I look at them often and it helps me.

Roll on to Feb 2014 we had a FET cyle and I'm now 35 weeks pregnant and I count my blessings every single day!!

 

[Clairabella]

I wish you all the best of luck xxxxxx

 

[gemmainthesun]

I think you can see from my signature we have been on and are still on a massive rollercoaster and you really just have to keep dealing with it because there isn't an alternative, to get pregnant then miscarry was truly heartbreaking but I think its made me stronger and alsthough we are on a FET now in the 2ww I know if its bad news I will be able to cope with it.
Like Tinsel said do not think too far ahead just one step at a time, to get to blast is brill and you have a really really good chance of this working for you in the future, if you look at the girls on here pregnant or with babies they rarely got them from their first ivf xxx

 

[Blueflower]

How are you now Ann?