finding controlled crying really hard.

[x.Lilly.x]

weve been trying controlled crying for like 5 months now.
Hell have a book and bath and then get into bed, and hell still cry for about an hour.
he just doesnt want to give in and go to sleep by himself.
if im there holding his hand hell go to sleep fine but as soon as i even move away hes crying, proper howling.
I just dont know what to do.
I don't think I help the fact I dont go in there and lay him down and walk out, I just HATE to here him cry, so I go in, hold his hand, settle him down kiss him goodnight again and then leave.
I go up there every 20 or so minutes.
I just dont know what to do, I dont know how id cope if I had to do this and look after a newborn.
what do i do? lol

 

[flexilexi394]

god thats hard, i havent got a clue what i would do either, sorry that was no help whatsoever! x

 

[Sam's Mum]

When Sam was little I always used to put him down asleep - I know they say you shouldn't and they need to learn to go to sleep on their own but I couldn't bear hearing him crying either...he went through a phase of being ok if I put him down with some music on in his room and he'd go to sleep on his own when he was about 1, then by 18 months he wouldn't sleep unless I stayed in there again. I was pregnant too and so exhausted it was just easier sometimes than having to stress about him crying. Everyone always used to say that I was making it worse and he'd never learn to go to sleep on his own, but now he tells me that it's bedtime, walks upstairs and climbs into bed, has two stories then lies down and falls asleep on his own every night. I'm not saying it's wrong to leave them, but if you feel it's better for both of you not to leave him crying maybe he'll start feeling a bit happier in there? I used to let Sam fall asleep - never holding his hand though because he used to wake up if I took it away, waited a few minutes until he was definitely fast asleep and then leave x

 

[MrsR]

I could never do controlled crying! It seems so unnatural to me to leave your baby/child crying and not comfort them! When DD was a baby she slept with me in my bed until she was 2/3 and then I put her in her bed. I sat with her for a week then slowly ever other day I'd move further and further away. She transferred into her bed with this technique really well!

 

[evajo]

What about trying the technique for which i cannot remember the name! its where you hold his hand to start then you sit in the room by his bed for a few days and the a little further away until you are at the door until he falls sleep. The next step is to sit outside the door until he is happy to let you leave him. This should take a few weeks just distancing yourself. The first time he gets out of bed or cries you re assure, the next time you put him back or if he cries you ignore. My cousin has used this technique and found it very good, i myself have done the controlled crying in the past and thankfully it has always worked within days, but i understand how you feel x

 

[midnight]

maybe make is story reading for when he is bed that way you are with him when he is in bed and them will feel more sleepy after reading in bed

 

[sequin]

If it's not working for you, don't feel you have to do it - life's too short! I put dd down asleep for ages as my back was too painful to keep going up and down stairs. We gradually built up to putting her down sleepy and singing / talking her to sleep, then just standing by the cot until she was asleep, and now she will go down in her cot awake. I still tend to wait until she's drifted off until I leave the room but it's not a long wait any more.

I know it's a long drawn out process, but CC is supposed to be quick and it looks like you've been at it for a while. Maybe a gentler option would be easier on all of you? Don't feel bad if you're not doing it the same way as other people as you and your child are individuals.