I had my baby in Corfu where the practices are a little differant, I'd had a c section and every day for 3 days I had to have an injection in my stomach which really hurt, on the 3rd day I'd told the nurse 'no more' cause it bloody hurt, anyway i had struggled to the toilet, managed to lower myself down and was sort of half sitting half squatting on the loo (as you do after a c section) when suddenly the door flew open showing everyone in the room everything and the nurse just lunged at me with the needle and jabbed me, she couldnt stop laughing and saying in broken english 'got you', then later I was told that I had to have another enema and I backed up against the wall and told the nurse that I was having none of it, I stood standing against the wall for about 1/2 hour till I gave in.
Embarrasing moments of birth
- Thread starter Sherry
- Start date
We (well OH hehe) broke one of those expensive delivery suite beds, OH got on it with me to rub my back, and it tipped 
Wouldn't mind but there was a sign on the wall saying only Mummy's allowed on the bed 
Oh and after the birth when I went for a bath and had a ginger bath soak, there was no jug to rinse the bath out and I had to explain how the brown bits, that hadn't rinsed out, and looked like poo, were in fact bits of ginger bath soak, I think they believed me 
Wouldn't mind but there was a sign on the wall saying only Mummy's allowed on the bed Oh and after the birth when I went for a bath and had a ginger bath soak, there was no jug to rinse the bath out and I had to explain how the brown bits, that hadn't rinsed out, and looked like poo, were in fact bits of ginger bath soak, I think they believed me Fluffy Bunny
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While extemely out of it on gas and air I decided that I wanted to go swimming in the birth pool. I was kicking my legs all over the place and the water went everywhere, I completely drenched my lovely midwife!
This thread is great, girls! 
Some of my experiences, which weren't so funny at the time, but are quite funny with hindsight...
Me ordering a large cheese pizza (Papa John's!) while in the middle of some really bad contractions, because it was Friday night (our pizza night) and I was bound and determined to have it even though OH kept telling me he didn't think it was a good idea, and we'd better get to hospital but I kept telling him to shut up--I wasn't ready yet! By the time the pizza arrived, I was on all fours, howling but damn it--I got one slice down before I wailed to OH "Call the hospital, call the taxi!" When the taxi arrived, I was stood outside vomiting up my pizza. The taxi ride was like the ride from hell--we must have hit every bloody pot hole in the road!
Earlier that day I had had my hair dyed professionally for the first time (sort of a mahagony red) because I wanted to look nice for the birth (ha ha, what a joke!) and I must have gone through 4 or 5 different pillow cases at the hospital, each one had turned red with my sweat & hair dye coming out! One of the midwives who was a right cow kept huffing and puffing about it, making me feel really stupid!
I was determined to have as natural a birth as possible, but early on, I was told by the midwife that I wouldn't be a failure if I decided to opt for an epidural. The baby was crowning and there I am, leaning over the back of the bed, bum in the air, screaming "IT BURNS! OH MY GOD IT BURNS! I WANT AN EPIDURAL!" And the midwife looks at me in all seriousness and says "You're way too far along for that now, I can see the baby's head!" but I continued to scream "But you said I could...YOU SAID I COULD!"
The night we brought my DD home, she had a little sniffle and I was paranoid that she couldn't breathe because her nostrils were too small!
I called the midwife up at like 2am with my concerns and I started majorly breaking down because she just did not get it! "My baby cannot breathe--HER NOSTRILS ARE TOO SMALL!" But in the end the very patient mw convinced me that my baby was perfectly normal, and was meant to have tiny nostrils as she was a newborn!! 
Some of my experiences, which weren't so funny at the time, but are quite funny with hindsight...
Me ordering a large cheese pizza (Papa John's!) while in the middle of some really bad contractions, because it was Friday night (our pizza night) and I was bound and determined to have it even though OH kept telling me he didn't think it was a good idea, and we'd better get to hospital but I kept telling him to shut up--I wasn't ready yet! By the time the pizza arrived, I was on all fours, howling but damn it--I got one slice down before I wailed to OH "Call the hospital, call the taxi!" When the taxi arrived, I was stood outside vomiting up my pizza. The taxi ride was like the ride from hell--we must have hit every bloody pot hole in the road!
Earlier that day I had had my hair dyed professionally for the first time (sort of a mahagony red) because I wanted to look nice for the birth (ha ha, what a joke!) and I must have gone through 4 or 5 different pillow cases at the hospital, each one had turned red with my sweat & hair dye coming out! One of the midwives who was a right cow kept huffing and puffing about it, making me feel really stupid!
I was determined to have as natural a birth as possible, but early on, I was told by the midwife that I wouldn't be a failure if I decided to opt for an epidural. The baby was crowning and there I am, leaning over the back of the bed, bum in the air, screaming "IT BURNS! OH MY GOD IT BURNS! I WANT AN EPIDURAL!" And the midwife looks at me in all seriousness and says "You're way too far along for that now, I can see the baby's head!" but I continued to scream "But you said I could...YOU SAID I COULD!"
The night we brought my DD home, she had a little sniffle and I was paranoid that she couldn't breathe because her nostrils were too small!
I called the midwife up at like 2am with my concerns and I started majorly breaking down because she just did not get it! "My baby cannot breathe--HER NOSTRILS ARE TOO SMALL!" But in the end the very patient mw convinced me that my baby was perfectly normal, and was meant to have tiny nostrils as she was a newborn!! I found all this hilarious
seriously i didnt have any embarrasing things really
except pissing my self laughing and told the bloke he looked funny being on gas an air and he was about 2 do my epidural lol
and when they whelled me in2 c section room some1 kept stroking my face i grabbed her pulled her near and sehouted stop fucking stroking my face i dont know u and i'm quite sure uve noticed im not a fucking cat
lol and then i threw up everywhere and i heard the machine i was rigged up 2 start 2 bleep like crazy i sed RIGHT THATS IT IM DYING PUT ME TO SLEEP END MY MISERY PUT ME 2 SLEEP
i woke up 2hours later
lol what i hated also was having ppl come and clean u up and change ur catehars so degarding spesh as u hadnt had a shave in a few days down there
whats worse is the woman was my mums mate i didnt kno her but still
and i can remember saying mum ... mum
u paid 4 that thing so i can go on myspace
hhahaa
seriously i didnt have any embarrasing things really
except pissing my self laughing and told the bloke he looked funny being on gas an air and he was about 2 do my epidural lol
and when they whelled me in2 c section room some1 kept stroking my face i grabbed her pulled her near and sehouted stop fucking stroking my face i dont know u and i'm quite sure uve noticed im not a fucking cat
lol and then i threw up everywhere and i heard the machine i was rigged up 2 start 2 bleep like crazy i sed RIGHT THATS IT IM DYING PUT ME TO SLEEP END MY MISERY PUT ME 2 SLEEP
i woke up 2hours later
lol what i hated also was having ppl come and clean u up and change ur catehars so degarding spesh as u hadnt had a shave in a few days down there
whats worse is the woman was my mums mate i didnt kno her but still
and i can remember saying mum ... mum
u paid 4 that thing so i can go on myspace
hhahaa
Fluffy Bunny said:
Didnt quite try to swim in it but was splashing about a bit lol. I remember so much more this time round. Poo'ing
in the water and Alec saying "there goes your Thai food", literally begging in MW's face over the side of the birthing pool to get me to hospital for an epidural, lolled over the side of the pool staring at Alec and cracking up laughing like a woman possessed and telling him to turn his claptrap music off, how dare he put it on when I was listening to the radio (he hadnt i had just high on too much G&A). I even thought I heard Alec and MW saying they were going to give me an episiotomy (it wasnt even mentioned, hadnt even started pushing) and I started crying saying "why do you want to hurt me?" got a look of confusion off them both Reading all these is so funny
tiggerstacy
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These are all so funny and have made my day, thanks ladies
mags said:The night we brought my DD home, she had a little sniffle and I was paranoid that she couldn't breathe because her nostrils were too small!
skairdykat
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OMG I'm crying here
I remember pooing, piles and the MW wiping my forhead with a sanitary towel
I remember pooing, piles and the MW wiping my forhead with a sanitary towel
scottishterrier
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When i went into labour i was at home eating a chinese takeaway, these tiny niggles came and when i went to pee i noticed blood. i was so determined that i wanted my food i made my OH bring it to the car, the pains got worse on the way and i ended up holding onto the handle on the side of the car screaming and there was chinese food all over the windows! looked like there had been a massacre(red sweet and sour sauce lol)when we arrived and i was told i was already 9cm i kept screaming WELL CLOSE IT THEN IM NOT READY!!
i was too late for anything other than gas and air and got so floaty and high i was trying to slide of the side of the bed and apparently kept saying " this way to freedom! "
I went mad at the MW and my OH when the radio was blaring rave type music at me and threatened to shove it up the MW's ar*e!
and once ellie was born i was told id need stitches which was the point i tried to stand up and walk out, totally forgetting about baby and daddy, i kept saying "no, no im not having anymore of this" lol im so glad that i was too out of it to remember although my family never let me live it down for weeks.
i was too late for anything other than gas and air and got so floaty and high i was trying to slide of the side of the bed and apparently kept saying " this way to freedom! "
I went mad at the MW and my OH when the radio was blaring rave type music at me and threatened to shove it up the MW's ar*e!
and once ellie was born i was told id need stitches which was the point i tried to stand up and walk out, totally forgetting about baby and daddy, i kept saying "no, no im not having anymore of this" lol im so glad that i was too out of it to remember although my family never let me live it down for weeks.
scottishterrier
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forgot to add that i also shouted at the midwife to avert her eyes and stop looking at my area! she asked OH if he wanted to have a peek at one stage and i screamed that if he looked i would kill him dead! poor woman must have thought i was mental!
ahh the effects of drugs! lol
ahh the effects of drugs! lol
I'm so glad a few of you had the problem with 'poo' during childbirth-- but my story may be a bit more gory..
About 2 weeks before the birth I had a girls night in and I made a lasagne. I remember finishing off everyone's leftovers and feeling really full.
Well, the next few days I didnt 'go' to the toilet, but my appetitie for food was just incredible so I kept on eating!!
After a week I realised I'd not been to the toilet properly, so I bought some laxatives-- which didnt work.
So I bought some High Strength ones and took a few in one go--- Nothing worked.
So, the next day I went to see the midwife and explain my problem- she offered an enema , but I was mortified by that , so I just took the suppositories she gave me and went home to try them.
I felt so uncomfortable- the supoositories were awful I just couldnt do it-- I tried and tried and tried to go to the loo, did tiny bits ( sorry for the graphic description ) but was still 'full'
The next day I bought 'Emergency Rocket Strength' laxatives-- and took about 3 or 4 !!
They didnt work- and the next morning I was in labour... so I remember frantically sitting on the loo saying 'Baby-- you better move outta the way and let this come out or there will be trouble!!"
Got to hospital and explained that I havent 'been' - the midwife examined me and said "Oh yes" but it was too late for an enema.
I had to lie on the bed and 'Give birth to that' before there was any chance of an appearance from baby.
It was so mortifying, I kept telling my husband to 'stay up this end' and I kept bursting into tears and apologising to the midwives-- who said "It happens all the time"
So, needless to say, pushing lasted a lot longer than expected, but soon my beautiful son Daniel was born.
Not having any lasagne this time round....
About 2 weeks before the birth I had a girls night in and I made a lasagne. I remember finishing off everyone's leftovers and feeling really full.
Well, the next few days I didnt 'go' to the toilet, but my appetitie for food was just incredible so I kept on eating!!
After a week I realised I'd not been to the toilet properly, so I bought some laxatives-- which didnt work.
So I bought some High Strength ones and took a few in one go--- Nothing worked.
So, the next day I went to see the midwife and explain my problem- she offered an enema , but I was mortified by that , so I just took the suppositories she gave me and went home to try them.
I felt so uncomfortable- the supoositories were awful I just couldnt do it-- I tried and tried and tried to go to the loo, did tiny bits ( sorry for the graphic description ) but was still 'full'
The next day I bought 'Emergency Rocket Strength' laxatives-- and took about 3 or 4 !!
They didnt work- and the next morning I was in labour... so I remember frantically sitting on the loo saying 'Baby-- you better move outta the way and let this come out or there will be trouble!!"
Got to hospital and explained that I havent 'been' - the midwife examined me and said "Oh yes" but it was too late for an enema.
I had to lie on the bed and 'Give birth to that' before there was any chance of an appearance from baby.
It was so mortifying, I kept telling my husband to 'stay up this end' and I kept bursting into tears and apologising to the midwives-- who said "It happens all the time"
So, needless to say, pushing lasted a lot longer than expected, but soon my beautiful son Daniel was born.
Not having any lasagne this time round....
leckershell
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I think the only embarrasing thing was when I was high on gas and air (seems a common theme in this thread!!) and started singing Under The Sea, the Little Mermaid song...
And when I was in the bath, also high, saying to Nat I can't believe some woman I don't know (midwife) just saw me naked in the bath and was looking at my boobs (bit of a paranoia bout my boobs) - I was convinced she thought my boobs were funny looking...
And after a while when she kept coming in asking to do internals and her having to ask me permission each time I was like you don't have to keep asking, I don't care anymore just do what you want and I'm sure she and Nat were just looking at each other like wtf...
***Gas and Air rules...***
Remember asking my midwife afterwards if she had any children and she said she was too much of a coward, and I was like nah it's not so bad, and she said nooooooo there's no way I could do it. Bit bad really, she must see so many people in pain that she's put off for life!!!
And when I was in the bath, also high, saying to Nat I can't believe some woman I don't know (midwife) just saw me naked in the bath and was looking at my boobs (bit of a paranoia bout my boobs) - I was convinced she thought my boobs were funny looking...
And after a while when she kept coming in asking to do internals and her having to ask me permission each time I was like you don't have to keep asking, I don't care anymore just do what you want and I'm sure she and Nat were just looking at each other like wtf...
***Gas and Air rules...***
Remember asking my midwife afterwards if she had any children and she said she was too much of a coward, and I was like nah it's not so bad, and she said nooooooo there's no way I could do it. Bit bad really, she must see so many people in pain that she's put off for life!!!
mrs_tommo22
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This thread is great and pissing myself laughing! The common thing seems to pooing during labour - i was lucky and never had it!
I didnt really have any huglky embarrassing moments with imogen, but definitely some funny moments!
I remeber being on the gas and air and giggling my head off and saying to tommo and the midwife i wanted to take some of it home as it was better then being stoned, I did get some strange looks.
Also when the pushing urge came in I screamed at tommo I was pooing and to get the MW, then he was just about to go out of the door and I screamed at him again I had changed my mind and I wasnt pooing but the baby was coming, he drained white and I have never seen him run so fast (bearing in mind hes a lazy git, seeing him run was nothing short of a miricle!)
I didnt really have any huglky embarrassing moments with imogen, but definitely some funny moments!
I remeber being on the gas and air and giggling my head off and saying to tommo and the midwife i wanted to take some of it home as it was better then being stoned, I did get some strange looks.
Also when the pushing urge came in I screamed at tommo I was pooing and to get the MW, then he was just about to go out of the door and I screamed at him again I had changed my mind and I wasnt pooing but the baby was coming, he drained white and I have never seen him run so fast (bearing in mind hes a lazy git, seeing him run was nothing short of a miricle!)
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You lot are so funny!!1 my OH was reading these last night and is now terrified for the birth of our baby, when we finally concieve it like!! 
my OH was reading these last night and is now terrified for the birth of our baby, when we finally concieve it like!! this thread is very funny..i remember reading a similar one
just before i had hayden..it made me laugh and i thought i
bet i just have a boring birth!
i think the funniest thing that happened to me was
when my waters broke as i was pushing him out...the midwife
had to do some matrix style manovre to avoid getting soaked
i just burst out laughing and said "i think my waters just broke then"
also being high on gas and air i thought the painting in the
room was amazing i kept saying to stewart..wow thats my favourite
painting its a salvador dali.
when i looked at it afterwards it was some rubbish painting of a woman
with a dog by a lake..hehehe
i also kept saying to the midwife i'm pooing i'm pooing.
much like a lot of you!! it does feel like it doesnt it!!!
just before i had hayden..it made me laugh and i thought i
bet i just have a boring birth!
i think the funniest thing that happened to me was
when my waters broke as i was pushing him out...the midwife
had to do some matrix style manovre to avoid getting soaked
i just burst out laughing and said "i think my waters just broke then"
also being high on gas and air i thought the painting in the
room was amazing i kept saying to stewart..wow thats my favourite
painting its a salvador dali.
when i looked at it afterwards it was some rubbish painting of a woman
with a dog by a lake..hehehe
i also kept saying to the midwife i'm pooing i'm pooing.
much like a lot of you!! it does feel like it doesnt it!!!
