don't know what to do - advice appreciated

[tinselcat]

Due to the size of the foetus, medical management is not an option so i have been offered either ERPC or natural miscarriage at home.

I am not keen on either, so am trying to choose the least risky option.

Am worried that the ERPC might cause internal damage, would feel violated, terrified of going under general anaesthetic. I remember one lady on here not having a period for about 3 months after D&C (which i assume is the same thing) - don't know if that is normal or unusual?

However with the natural option i would not have an anti-D injection (unlike the other) and seeing everything might be upsetting.

If anyone has any experience of either and doesn't mind sharing their advice (here or privately if preferred) then i would really appreciate it.

I'm supposed to call back the EGU with my decision tomorrow morning so that they can arrange everything.

 

[hayels]

hi hun am so sorry for your bad news sending you massive hugs. i had 3 mc naturally then the last one i had a d+c with. after having natural and a d+c id would prob go with the d+c again. i found the 3 i had naturally were so so painfull the 3rd more so cos i was around 10 weeks. i ended up lying on my bathroom floor with alot of blood and ended up being rushed to hospital. sorry not trying to scare you. the last one when i had the d+c i was really scared before hand but it wasnt so bad i found it alot less pain full and it was over and done with alot faster. it did take me a good few weeks for my period to come back but thats not the same for every one. its not a nice choice to make and am really sorry again for you. if theres any thing else you want to no just message me xxxxxxxx

 

[kanga86]

I am so sorry u are having to go throug this Hun

I had a natural mc at 12+4 weeks but there was no baby in the sac as it stopped growing around 5 and a half weeks. It was over pretty quick but I didn't have so much to lose if that makes sense. I know it is a lot worse the further on u are. I did Find it rather painful and took co codamol tablets to get me through the pain.

I also had a erpc 13 weeks later as I had retained tissue that kept me bleeding. The op itself is very quick, I was in the hospital for 12noon, in the op room for 2.30pm, ou of the op at 3pm and home by 6pm. I did get some cramping for the rest of the day, but that eased off into a normal period that lasted 12days in total. My AF arrived exactly 28 days after the op.

If it were ever to happen again I would chose the erpc. I hated the unknowing what or when the mc was going to happen, but the op was so much less painful and easier to deal with emotionally. Xxx

 

[claire671]

Hey Tinsel,

Again, I am so sorry to hear of your loss When I had my mc and I opted for the ERPC, as horrible as it was going into the hospital I was glad that it was just 'over and done with' so to speak. My bleeding was a lot lighter than I had thought, had some cramping and my period was back about 6 weeks later. I went in around 8.30am and was home for 3pm. Whatever you decide we are here for you and will help you through this. Please take care of yourself and choose what you feel is right for you.

xxxx

 

[kedi376]

I had a mmc had 10+2 and they thought the baby died at 6+5 weeks. I started with medical management and ended up having a D&C a few weeks later. I was so scared, but actually it was not that bad. I got to hospital in the morning, had the surgery around 10am and was home by 6pm.

I got my first AF about 45 days afterwards. There are risks, like anything, but they are rare.

At least with the D&C it will get it over and done with, you won't be waiting for it to happen. It will give you time to start to move on a little.

Thinking of you darling, I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this. xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Oh darling,

As if being told you have lost your bub isn't hard enough hey?

So sorry that you are having to make this choice.

All of my miscarriages have been natural and I have not needed any further medical intervention, other than a scan to confirm it was a complete m/c.

My first loss was earlier (8 weeks) and I'd had spotting for 3 weeks prior.... I'd been scanned every week so I knew it was a non viable pregnancy but at no pint was I offered any "choice" - I guess has my m/c not occured naturally then at some point a D&C would have been discussed? They kind of knew I was going to miscarry and let me get on with it??

When it happened it finally happened it was a Bank Holiday weekend. It didn't happen suddenly - cramping started and got worse and then I started bleeding heavily as well but I wasn't caught out with a sudden gush of blood or sudden pain (sorry if this is TMI) it kind of just built up and then stopped. I didn't look at what I passed when I used the loo, out of choice.

Some ladies have had horrible natural miscarriages though, I was lucky (not a word I use often about what happened!!) it went the way it did.

The main benefit of letting it happen naturally is that you may not need any more medical intervention (although you still could??) the downside is the waiting, you don't know exactly when and where it will happen.

With a D&C at least you have that control? You know what date it will happen, you can prepare yourself mentally and once it is done it is done so to speak.

I know it is an impossible decision to make and quite frankly I am glad I was kept in the dark and not offered a choice.

I think you need to go with your instinct hun, what do you feel? Do you want this to be over as soon as possible with you kind of in control or do you want to let your body try and do what it needs to do

PM me if you need anything!

xxxxxxxxx

 

[jojo3972]

i am realy sorry ur having to make this decision tinsel its the most hardest thing to have to decide i know i was here last yr and i chose medical managment as nothing had happened for 3 weeks while i had scans to see wat was going on my body just did not want to let go all i had was like u slight spotting,so i goes in for the medical managment where i had a pessery inserted and i sat all day slight cramping lost a bit of blood so had to have another and thats web the pain hit and the bleeding realy kicked in i had to go the loo all the time and sit there on the carbaord things to see what came away and each time the nurse had to check it, i was in horrific pain only way i can describe it is early labour i needed a lot of pain relief it truly was horrible and all that and nothing came away my body just would not let go and so the next day they asked would i like the op or carry on well i couldnt go through that again i opted for the op altho i was scared but i think it was for the best and i had a holiday to go to in 7 days!! in corfu, so i had the procedure n tbh it was not as bad as i thought well no where near and the bleeding was realy light on and off for 2 weeks and i then had a gap of 4 days and on my way home from corfu i had my first af since it happened,with what happened with me tho it not wanting to leave my body is quite rare but it is painfull i will not lie to you and again im sorry ur having to go through this (((((hugs))))) if u want to ask me anything just pm me il be glad to help if i can take care xxxxxx

 

[kirstymichelle]

Hey tinsel,

I have had a natural MC at 13 weeks and i have to say it was agony , i fainted with blood loss , clotting and it was horrible going through it and scary. I had contrations first and the baby passed easily enough but i was horrified and sat screaming at home because it went into the toilet!. It was all night cramping and passing so many clots and blood . If i would have had the choice i would choose medical because i KNOW i'm being looked after. I also wouldn't have the image of my baby in the toilet.

I am so so so so sorry and also sorry for being a little graphic but better forewarned i believe x

 

[Sunbeam638]

Hey tinsel xxxx

I've had two natural mc but the last one at 11-12 weeks was like having a very very severe period and I had a real tightening around my stomach. After that it came out in one then I bled for a week after like a heavy period. You can take pain killers so if you do it naturally I would keep them on you and wear sanitary towels and no tampons.

I had an empty sac so to sound blunt (I'm really sorry xxx) it came out on the toilet, I'm not sure mentally how I'd feel if it wasn't an empty sac and that happened if you know what I mean?

I would have chosen the D&C option personally because I just wanted it over rather than waiting but it came on really quickly in the end.

My first mc I bled for 6 weeks and had to go on tablets & antibiotics too so if you do it naturally and bleed dont leave it too long.

I'm really sorry you are going through this hunny Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ps time off work, rest, chocolate and crying helped me loads xxx

 

[mishi]

Honey, I'm so sorry again that your going through this.

I would opt for surgical management if I were you. It's really very quick and very safe and much less traumatic for you.

Most people's periods return within a month or so of the procedure.

It an awful position to be in, and an awful choice to have to make

 

[tinselcat]

Thanks everyone for your really useful advice, I really appreciate it so much.

Can anyone tell me what it feels like to go under general anaesthetic?

Just reading about it is almost causing me to hyperventilate and I currently can't picture myself going through with it, even though the surgical option sounds like the 'sensible' one.

 

[cosmicgirl]

It doesn't feel like anything, there's no strange sensation, it's like you've blinked, time doesn't exist. You close your eyes and open them again and you're in recovery. You feel really sleepy when you come round but not for long.
You can have a pre med tablet before a general so that you feel no nerves
Ps I've been under a GA 9 times now, you're in good hands xx

 

[CARNAT22]

You won't feel or know anything whilst you are under hun.

It will be like being asleep but not dreaming.

You'll be safe and well looked after. Sadly this procedure is only too common so the Dr's involved will know what they are doing.

xxxxxxxxx

 

[jojo3972]

its like one second ur there next ur not and wen u wake up u feel a little woozy slightly drunk but thats about it i hate generaly but actualy i was realy shocked how gd i felt afterwards, i was a little teary but thats natural i think after such a procedure xxxx

 

[kanga86]

I get a little 'tipsy' type feeling before my eyes close and then next thing u know ur awake again in recovery. Totally aware of what has gone on. I've been under 4 times and it's been the same every time. Nothing to be nervous about at all really. Xx

 

[kedi376]

Here is how the whole process was for me:

I walked to theatre with a nurse, waited for the surgeon. Walked into the theatre room, a couple of nurses were there and the surgeon. They put a needle in my hand, put some liquid into it and he said you will be asleep for a little while now. I tried to keep my eyes open but just couldn't, so tried to relax and closed them. Next thing I know a nurse is gently saying my name and telling me the op is over and I'm in recovery.

She gave me a little oxygen from a mask and I had a blood pressure machine next to me which clicked on every couple of minutes. I stayed there on a bed for maybe 20/30 minutes. They put a pad between my legs, as I was bleeding but only a little bit. Then they wheeled my (on the bed) back to my room. They helped me off the bed into my own bed. The nurse stayed with me while I put my own pad on and a pair of pants.

I felt fine, just a little tired. I snuggled up and slept for a while and then they came in later and offered me a sandwich. They want you to pee and eat before you leave. That was it, I they said I could go home and I rang a taxi to take me home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[flisstebbs]

Hi Tinsel, So sorry to see your mc post.

I had D&C for MMC at 12w (not sure when all went wrong as was twins), but would agree with majority of ladies here that D&C was a positive experience in terms of the whole thing being over and not having to face the process in living colour.

Af turned up 4 weeks afterwards, and I think I have a few cycles without ov as had positive urine hcgs for quite a while. Very light periods ever since which I take as a good thing.

There's nothing I can say that will make it feel any better, but wishing you some better things before too much longer.
xxx

PS - Anaesthetic experience - I've had more than 10 now, always feels like going to sleep really fast when you are really tired then waking up what feels like a minute later quite orientated. Not a bad experience and I found it almost a welcome break from the devastation for a short period with the mc.

 

[claire671]

A general really is like you have blinked and thats it. I was wheeled into the anaesthetic room, the doctor put the cannula in my hand and said 'I'm going to give you something to relax you' he injected it into my hand. I felt a tingling going up my arm and then the next thing I know I'm in recovery. As Kedi says, they want you to pee and eat before you leave to make sure all is fine after it. I've had a GA twice now and wouldn't hesitate to go under again. Best of luck sweetie xxx

 

[tinselcat]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your help in making this horrible decision.

As the earliest I can have the op is a week next tuesday I have decided to go ahead with the booking but that also gives the natural way some chance of taking its course. If it hasn't happened naturally in 7 or 8 days then my rational brain says it would be best to try and get things finished by then anyway.

Thanks once again, you're all wonderful

 

[netty]

hey sweety i wanted to be put to sleep and whilst waiting for my op i mc naturally, it was painful i wont lie ( i was 14 weeks ) but good painkillers help and lots of duvet time! i hope it all goes smoothly for you i know this hurts your heart i really hope you get your sticky bean soon