Did I have a Chemical miscarriage or is the dr wrong??

[Dragonfly Fi]

wot she said!

 

[babygurl1989]

Let me clarify...its not when he's crabby. When he is exhausted and super super mad. That's the only time. He hasn't raised a hand to me tho.

 

[cosmicgirl]

He shouldn't get physical to you under ANY circumstances! It's not acceptable and you shouldn't accept it.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

putting you in a headlock is pretty 'up there' mate.

Liam wouldnt DREAM of restraining me against my will or using his strength over me in that way!

I would be very very concerned about starting a family with a man like that... because it will 'only' get worse, its like a switch with me, they either can or they can't... he obviously can. bad times

 

[cosmicgirl]

^wss
Adding a baby to the mix is a bad idea. I'd run a mile from this man and find someone who worships you.

 

[babygurl1989]

Let me tell you...he felt horrible when I told him I might be having a mc. He was crying and apologized profusely because we both thot he caused it. Hopefully this was the wake up call he needs, altho since heprefers to believe the tests I don't know. I can't just leave him because I love him... he's the only man I have ever dated. Hes the only man ive held hands w kissed slept w etc. He is all of my firsts rolled into one. We haven't set a wedding dat e and aren't officially engaged because I need to see him change before i commit to a lifetime w him. I refuse to put children in a harmful situation which is also the reason why I am not ttc. Altho he is the best w kids. Its really amazing actually.

 

[CARNAT22]

Let me clarify...its not when he's crabby. When he is exhausted and super super mad. That's the only time. He hasn't raised a hand to me tho.

So he has to actually hit you for it to be "abuse"?

Hun so far you have said you have been subject to the following ...shoving...yelling...holding me down (not smothering me...just holding my arm or headlocks or stuff to prove a point I guess) or grabbing my hair.

Grabbing your hair??? WTF!

Sorry my dear to sound so harsh as I know you are in a bad place anyway but please do not normalise this behaviour..

You have been dating 2 years (and I assume do not live together) so it's only happened twice.

What when you live together, have a child (that keeps you both up all night) and stress levels are running very high?? What will he do then hey?

Unless he is AT LEAST seeking CBT to address his behaviour then this guy does not stand a hope in Hell of changing!

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

If he is your first then though scary, it is 100% guarenteed that you will find a lot better.

what if he got upset with your child and 'put it in a headlock' that would be pretty bad

 

[babygurl1989]

Cbt? We unofficially live together .. in the past 10 mos I've only been away from him for maybe 3 weeks total at night. We spend every minute together when we aren't working. We do everything together. He's my baby as much as he is my man. Which might sound weird. He is one yr older than me... oh cbt correctional behavior therapy? I've encouraged him to go. I'm taking a trip to Italy for two months. Things have been rocky and I'm taking this opp to gather my thots and let him work on himself...I leave next wk so this wk has already been stressful and then w the MC...its been dreadful

 

[babygurl1989]

If anyone were to ever touch my child in a way that unnecessarily hurts them they had better run and hide. I am the most protective person of all little ones...even my 16 yr old friends and my 20 yr old lil bro...no one messes w my kids.

 

[cosmicgirl]

You should be protective of yourself too, why is it ok for him to do these things to you? It's not normal and you need to realise that.

 

[CARNAT22]

Cbt? We unofficially live together .. in the past 10 mos I've only been away from him for maybe 3 weeks total at night. We spend every minute together when we aren't working. We do everything together. He's my baby as much as he is my man. Which might sound weird. He is one yr older than me... oh cbt correctional behavior therapy? I've encouraged him to go. I'm taking a trip to Italy for two months. Things have been rocky and I'm taking this opp to gather my thots and let him work on himself...I leave next wk so this wk has already been stressful and then w the MC...its been dreadful

A break in Italy sounds good hun!

It sounds as though you have become very emotionally dependant on him - which isn't good.

I adore my OH but I love spending time with my friends and family too... My OH is my world but quite frankly he'd drive me nuts on a 24/7 basis!

I think it is important to maintain independance within a relationship as well as building a life together.

I hope some time apart lets you see what is out there in the big wide world and gives him and incentive to get his life sorted.

xxx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

I've never been thru a mc or anything, so can't advise on that, but the other stuff - there is never just a once or twice unfortunately and I'm not just saying it cos I've heard about it or read about it, I've been there. It starts off just occasionally and gets worse and believe me, having children doesn't change things for the better! What I've been thru has certainly changed me for the better, but also for the worse, but had I not been thu it I wouldn't have my children who are my life! If I had my time again tho, I'd be running to the hills at the first sign! Please get out Hun, I know what a big deal it is for you with him being all your firsts, but you deserve so much more!

 

[babygurl1989]

I HAVE become emotionally dependant on him. All ive ever wanted was for someone to love me and pick me for me. I get panic attacks when I think abt being away from him. But I will have one of my best friends in Italy and she knows just what to say and my friend here who had the MC has been such a blessing too. I do love him. I always will. But he needs to work on himself before our relationship progresses. Its just really really hard. Thanks for all ur advice and support ladies. Pray he gets his act together when I'm gone or that if he doesn't that I can find the strength to move on.

 

[netty]

i agree with Me, My Girls & I i have been in 2 abusive relationships and it is always ''gonna get better'' it doesnt and I ended up with a broken jaw and a smashed up leg. get out while you can there is NO excuse for laying a hand on a woman regardless of what problems a man may have, he should be single if he cant be around you. Twice in 2 years is too much, once is too much hunny xxxxx i hope your ok xxxx

 

[netty]

you deserve so so much more xx

 

[babygurl1989]

But Lynette... how were u able to walk away from the guy who didn't do the drastic things? That's what I struggle w... I know everything u guys r telling me but yet I still can't seem to leave.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I went out with this guy... God i loved him, he really really had my heart, he wasnt phsyically abusive but he was mentally abusive and very very damaging to me. I had to leave him and it was honestly one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.

We are friends now

he is going through girlfriends like you wouldnt believe, coming up to his mid-thirties and unable to hold down a proper relationship, claims all the women he goes out with are 'insane' and 'all the same' even though its HIM that does that to them, he makes women feel mad and paranoid. Its HIM that creates what he despises in all these women.

So he is miserable (and still acting the same) while i am married to a man who fucking ADORES me, honestly he worships me, he loves me SO much he would never hurt me physically or mentally, sometimes he fucks up but do you know what, its clear that he loves me SO much its because he doesnt mean to. I could never have felt that way about Rich, he didnt deserve the benefit of the doubt

What i am trying to say is, no matter what you do or what you are, this guy will be the same until HE takes a step and stops being abusive and i am afraid if he has been abusive with you and he has this hold over you... its not going to go away, the pattern has formed.

but you can get away, you can make the leap and become someone more stable and balanced and not dependant on another person
and you will be loved

 

[netty]

you just have to be strong and walk away, make them come back to you if they want to change. I got a good one now like, but only after walking away from loads of crap ones. Even a PUSH and thats me gone see ya!

its hard and i think for me time and time again i was being bullied and pushed around, i went into a long battle with drugs and came out of that and swore never would i let anyone lay a hand on me xx

Being alone is so so hard but everyone needs to to find themselves and realise that you are strong enough to go it alone

 

[netty]

BB - mental abuse is worse than the physical sometimes as you think its your fault god those kind of relationships are hard!