Diary of a Princess

[Hope81]

I am sorry that you are going through horrible times
We lost both my auntie and my uncle when I was pregnant from cancer.
Our family we are all very close together so it was literally like i lost my parents. The whole in my heart is huge. Amelie's middle name Celeste is as a honor to them that they never net her
Here I am crying again...

Daisy is just beautiful and I think that photo with both you and her holding her should be a big canvas

 

[Gayle30]

Thank you Hope. I'm very sorry uve lost too. Nothing really anyone says helps but I'm sure your Bean will fill the hole in your heart. I keep looking at my princess and crying too. Life is so cruel but at the same time so beautiful, so precious and gives so much joy. I absolutely dread what's going to happen today so I'm trying to keep busy. Praying for my papa and hoping he doesn't suffer crying again. Oh dear-Daisy Grace must wonder what on earth is wrong with her mummy. Xxxx

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk-its rubbish tho so can't see tickers or upload pics!

 

[Gayle30]

Just had to tell my princess Papa has gone to the Angels heart broken. He won't be hurting any more. So sad. Your oblivious and I'm so thankful u can't see mummys tears xx

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk-its rubbish tho so can't see tickers or upload pics!

 

[claire23]

thinking of you gayle xxx

 

[Gayle30]

Thank you Claire. Xxxxx



Daisy Grace's Great Papa. Xxxxxxx

 

[Hope81]

my condolences it hurts like hell thinking of you xx

 

[Gayle30]

Thank you hope. No matter how you play the scenario out in your head it never quite prepares you for the raw, empty overwhelming feeling of sadness it leaves you with. The thing that strikes me the most is how upset I am at seeing my father so devastated. My dad is a paramedic and deals with death on a daily basis-but loosing your own must be the most painful thing possible. I wish so bad that I could take away his pain too.

Well little princess. You've been a good wee girl today. Mummy and Granny took you to see your great gran and grandad who spoil you with love and cuddles. We then went shopping. Taid (welsh for papa-my dad lives in wales) phoned to say great papa had peacefully gone to play with the angels while were in Toys R us. Mummy had a wee cry but u smiled at me and melted my heart. Came out of there with bags and bags of toys for you and your cousins. We are Determined not to let sadness come between the magic of christmas. Papa would want us to carry on as normal. Well as best we can. Christmas is all about you 3. I got a bit giddy and can't wait to show Daddy what we got you!!! Tomorrow I must get it all sorted so your presents are under the tree.

You bought Daddy a cute teddy and bar of chocolate-for a special daddy. He is at Grandmas tonight so its just us. You've slept most of the day as we were in and out of the shops. Walking beneath the christmas lights, twinkling away. You love walks in your pram. Granny loves to push you-your her very special little girl!!!

We must get to bed now (your already fast asleep!) As we have another Busy day tomorrow meeting a friend!!!

Mummy loves you very much princess. You've mad a very sad day easier with your little smile and cute little elf tights which always make me giggle. My little world. Xxxxxxxxx

 

[Lolly85x]

Aw Gayle... Lovely to read your journal. Love the pictures of Princess Daisy.
But I am sorry for your loss... big hugs xxx

 

[Gayle30]

Thank you lolly. I feel so sad tonight-i think its the thought of him being alone in a funeral hope at christmas while the rest of us are all together. breaks my heart xxx

Well baby princess. Mummy's got bugger all done today but wrap some of dads presents. He's got a big sack under the tree-13 presents!!! Make sure u tell him mummy wants something special too she really does need cheering up.

This morning when u woke I showed you us in the mirror! What a giggle we had. U laughed and smiled and watched my mouth as I spoke to you. And today you sat looking at your feet for ages. You must have wondered what they were and how were they moving. You never fail to make me smile and amaze me every day. Being your mummy is the best feeling I've ever known. You had a nice bubble bath tonight and a massage then conked out before your last bottle. So you were later going to bed at 9pm. Wonder if u will continue to sleep right through. Hope so sweetie. Mummy doesn't feel grand tonight again.

Xxxxxxx

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk-its rubbish tho so can't see tickers or upload pics!

 

[mrswoody]

What a great journal Gayle and will be great to look back on.

So sorry to hear about your loss xxx

Your LO is super cute, I love the hat she has on in your professional photo..where did you get it? Really want something similar for my little lady.

 

[Gayle30]

Thank you. I plan to keep a copy in a folder for her. Only wish I'd started sooner!

And thank you for your wishes. Its a horrible time of year to have this happen.

The hat wasn't ours. The photographer just bought it and asked if she could use it. I had already got her a little elf body suit and stripey tights for some pics so the hat was perfect to add to the outfit! Wish I had more pics I could add but I've not been given any more than that! The poor girl has been hectic with people wanting xmas shoots. Should collect the first of my order at the weekend! Excited to see them, never the same looking online than it is to have them physically in your hand.

Hope you and your baby girl are continuing to do well xxxx

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk-its rubbish tho so can't see tickers or upload pics!

 

[jojo3972]

How have I it seen this journal Gayle !! U sould have told me lady tut lol love looking daisy picis she's such a cutie pie ... I am realy sorry to read ur sad news as u say he's gone to the angels and out of pain now rip papa gd bless u Gayle great big hugs ((((()))))) xxxxzzz

 

[Gayle30]

Woops-sorry Jo. Uve found us now-tho I'm sure u've seen these ones b4!! Thank you. He really did suffer too long. All he wanted was to see his birthday after he was diagnosed. Well he did, and then another one. He fought so hard to stay but it just wasn't to be. My Dad told me it was very peaceful for him in the end-just as he wanted. And I know he was very proud of us, and got to meet all 3 of his great grandchildren. He was chuffed to bits when my brother called F after him all our kids middle names are our grandparents. I know this makes them pleased. Xxxxx



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[Gayle30]

Waaaaaaaah. I can't sleep for a sore head. So I got up, sorted your bottles and clothes. Wrapped some presents for your friends coming on saturday,done a load of washing, stuck some things in the tumbler and cleaned the kitchen. Your sound asleep upstairs. I'm just sat here listening to the beep of the angelcare wondering what would I have done without it. Its got to be the best £100 spent so far. Gives me such peace of mind.

Its my office christmas party today. We all have to take in some treats. I've made some marshmallow tophats and cupcakes that look like christmas trees. Yum-i love party food. Oh and its secret santa day too! Mummy loves this! The people I work with are like my family and we all know each other so well so a lot of thought usually goes into the gifts! Last year I got a personalised book of the Wind In The Willows from uncle A. I'll read it to you one day!

I arranged for an engraved picture frame to be delivered to my dad today from you. On it says your name and DOB and Nain & Taid. That means nana and papa in welsh. They live in wales, Nain is from there so hopefully they will like it as its a little personal. I hope it makes Taid smile again. He's been very upset.

Off to dig out ur wee Christmas party dress. You have a few as Gran got carried away when she knew mummy would have a baby by christmas-tho if ud been a boy I wonder what she would have done with satin frilly pants and a velvet dress??? Granny said she just knew you were a girl. How I got it so wrong goodness only knows. I love having my little princess to dress in pretty clothes. Although you have far too much!!

Maybe I should grab another hours sleep before you waken. Mornings are my fav time with you. Such a happy little poppet. Mummy loves you very much.x x x x x x x

Ps. Daddy is coming home tonight!! We've missed him xx

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk-its rubbish tho so can't see tickers or upload pics!

 

[Lolly85x]

Oh Gayle. Sorry you didn't sleep well.
Hope you enjoy your party. Some pics please
Your work sounds lovely. It's nice when you are close to the people you work with xxx

 

[Hope81]

Aww it sucks when they are actually sleeping avd we can't sleep for whatever reasons!!
I totally agree with you so happy Amelie is at mornings! Probably because they got some good rest during the night!
Have fun at the party I need to sort by house but have such a bagging headache

 

[Gayle30]

I did drop back off about 6.30 am and Daisy Grace woke at 8.45am. So that was another good night for her. She's a clever girl.

Mornings are lovely-cause she's been asleep for 12 hours its as if she is so happy to see me. Always melts my heart when she coos at me and giggles. She smiles lots just now-i just can't get her to smile for the camera much. She does a perfect grumpy wee face! Ha!

We really should be getting ready but she has fallen asleep on my chest and I'm loving the cuddles. Usually if I move her she wakens. How she can be tired after 11 hours of sound sleep though.... xxxxx

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk-its rubbish tho so can't see tickers or upload pics!

 

[Lolly85x]

William woke up at 8.40 after going to bed at 8.30 he still has a night feed though. He is currently lying cuddled in sleeping and in watching Friends. These cuddles are my fave xx

 

[Gayle30]

Awe he is a clever boy too. I'm lying here frozen, I'd just got out of the shower and she wanted to cuddle. So I've nothing on apart from my dressing gown and a baby in a sleeping bag on my tummy!! Xxxxx

Sent from my BlackBerry using Tapatalk-its rubbish tho so can't see tickers or upload pics!

 

[Lolly85x]

Sounds perfect tho!! When does daddy get home? Is he off over Christmas xxx