Depression support thread

[Terrie]

Yeah I do loose days toon, it will feel like I'm 'spaced out' or 'disconnected' for days and I don't really know it's happening then I'll come back and vaguely remember some things I've done (no details) but usually about 15mins later my mind wipes the slate clean and I don't know what I've done / . I do function though, I go to work, I look after the kids, on auto pilot..

I am so lucky that colin supports me, he knows when I'm dissociating and has been advised enough by my counsilor to know how to bring me round, or even to leave me to it.

So far I have been unwilling to attempt medication because I felt I need to learn to control it. I've made some massive steps.. From January till march this year I was pretty much gone perminently, some of you might remember me postig about contacting my counsilor about it again.

Thursday I had a tough session, I ended up leaving totally dissociated. Alhough it only lasted for 5 hours I still don't understand why my councilor let me leave in that way.. But I don't remember. He emailed me to ask if I could come again on Tuesday but wouldn't go into details so hats what I'm going to do

 

[Toonlass]

Hope you get some answers terrie. Must be awful to not know what's gone on.
I had a row with my mam last night as well pinky, alot of my mental issues come from being bullied by her as a child and she still treats me like shit and puts me down. Still haven't picked my pills up or made an appointment I've been too busy running after the babies, they both have chest infections. I have made a promise to myself to get sorted next week tho xx

 

[Terrie]

to you both... It's awful when parents hurt us isn't it?

Hope you get to an appt soon toon *huggles*

yeah it's confusing toon but it's been my whole life so I'm used to it!

 

[pinkymum]

Hope you get some answers terrie. Must be awful to not know what's gone on.
I had a row with my mam last night as well pinky, alot of my mental issues come from being bullied by her as a child and she still treats me like shit and puts me down. Still haven't picked my pills up or made an appointment I've been too busy running after the babies, they both have chest infections. I have made a promise to myself to get sorted next week tho xx

Awww poor boys! Hope they feel better soon! Hope you feel up to it next week toon! Yeah my mum is the same, I'll be 29 in 2 weeks and she treats me like a kid. Its so hard to have a relationship with her because she's not willing to change and I've worked so hard and can't see what more I can do. I cut contact for 4 years before and I'm wondering if I'll have to do that again Can't keep putting myself through it and its not just me that I have to consider now. We'll see, just have to muddle through with her just now I guess. Not easy!

Hope your next session is helpful Terrie!

*hugs* to both of you!

x x x x

 

[Terrie]

Thanks pinky

and I'm sorry to hear about your dissociation too.. I've never met anybody else who has suffered with it.. Makes me feel less alone!

 

[isobel84]

to all you girls!

i started selfharm when i was 14, i was bullied in school, my mum and dad got divorced i think it was a mix that started it. I had this friend, she was my rock! we moved away to go collage in another town together and things started to look abit better until one night i was out on the piss and.. got raped by a total stranger. I never told anyone, i pretended it didnt happend.
But i started to selfharm again.
when i was 18 i woke up one night and i saw this man that had raped me standing by my bed, ofcourse he wasnt there but for me it was real and im sure my heart stopped. That kicked everything of and i couldnt pretend it never happend. It totally brought me down again, still not telling anyone.

I really found it hard to function but lucky i had my rock, my best friend there all the time (she never knew tho) when we where 19 she meet a bloke that didnt like me, perhaps cuz we wher e very close, and more and more did she dissapere from me. it felt like the only person in my world was leaving me, we had been unseperable since the age of 7.
This i could not handle and one night i took loads of tablets. Lucky my bf at the time realised i wasnt responding and stuck his fingers down my throat. My dad was in bits and every week did he pick me up and took me to a counceler, he sat outside the door to make sure i stayed in there bless him.
i stoped working. i sat inside all day everyday, put on loads of weight and was just a mess.

when i was 21 i meet the love of my life. moved to england. He changed tho. and got quite violent.
i manage to get out - but he totally broke my heart.

Meet Demba who might not always be perfect, might not understand me completely and perhaps i wouldnt say hes my rock. But he would never raise his hand to me, he makes me smile and i have not selfharmed since i meet him. I still miss my ex, i still cry over my ex best friend and i still scream at night cuz i see that bloke that raped me. But im not on my own, im safe and 90% of the time, im happy.

and soon im having a little boy, and i will make sure i protect him and i will always be there for him.

 

[Terrie]

isobel so sorry to hear of what you have been through.. We're all here for you x

 

[Toonlass]

Omg isobel, that's awful! I feel like such a fraud Reading some of these stories because the only bad things I have had is a bullying mam and an abusive BF in the past. I feel I have no real reason for being such a fuck up but right now I can't get an ounce of pleasure from life. We have to go to church in the morning in preperation for the christening next week and I so don't want to go! I just wanna curl up in a ball and be alone xx

 

[Terrie]

aw Hun don't feel that way!!!

We all need to pull together now... this will be a strong support group!!

 

[isobel84]

toon we all have our own problem and we cant compere them to others but one thing i have learnt is that when i start to get down i make my self go out and do something i like. i dont allow my self to get depressed. but on the otherhand, when something hits me, or i feel hurt by someone, my whole wolrd breaks and i gets SO upset. Like if me and Demba argue, he likes to leave for a while.. all i see is he walking away from me and i would cling on to his trousers if i could cuz im so scared he will not come back.



can your OH take the boys for a little while tomorrow eitherway out and let you have some me time athome, or can you go n have a cup of tea n a good goss with a friend or something?

 

[Toonlass]

No one ever takes both the boys, only one at a time so I am always with one of them. Lucas is driving me nuts!! I can't seem to soothe him anymore, so clingy bless him. I really feel like a week away from everything and everyone would be great! Just to gather my thoughts and straighten things out in my own head. Does that sound selfish? Xx

 

[Terrie]

Not selfish at all Hun, have you thought about maybe putting them in a nursery a mornng/day a week? Even if you just get your housework done or go grocery shopping it will still give you a break.

 

[pinkymum]

Isobel I'm so sorry about what you went through *hugs* I was sexually assaulted by 2 work collegues when I was 18 and it just added onto everything else that had happened in my life.
Toon I don't think it sounds selfish at all, is there anyway you could get even a couple of days away? Or is that not possible? I haven't been really depressed for a while but in the last year when I've found I'm struggling I try really hard to get out and do something or stick to the plans I've made and usually I feel better for it. Tbh though I used to get really pissed off when nurses or some random on a helpline would tell me to have a cup of tea and a bath!!!! I remember one person told me to go for a walk, fair enough, but it was nearly midnight and I live in a city!!!! I was so annoyed lol. But I do find it helpful to go meet someone or visit a friend.

 

[Toonlass]

Jacob goes to nursary on a Wednesday, my HV got me a funded place but they don't have a space for Lucas and no one else will have him because he doesn't feed properly. He is 6 months old and only has about 15 oz of milk a day, he refuses solids and barely sleeps. Despite his refusal of food he is proper chunky so no doctor or HV takes the problem seriously. I have a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that there is something not quite right with him but I think I am just going more mental coz the health service thinks he's fine. Xx

 

[Terrie]

Hun does he scream a lot at night?

Rhys barely drank milk, hated solids and was awake all night.. Drs diagnosed him with milk protein intollerence. Every time he drank/ ate about 40min later he'd be grumpy (he had tummy ache but we didn't know) so he just refused food and milk. 3 days on a new diet he was better but he still didn't sleep properly until about 18mo

 

[Toonlass]

He screams all the time chick. The doc put him on nutamigen milk but he was just the same. The only thing I can get him to eat is rusks but only if he holds them and munches on them by himself xx

 

[Terrie]

With Rhys we ended up cutting milk out all together at 10months..

Massive x

 

[Terrie]

Oh and maybe BLW is the way to go if he likes holding his food )

 

[scaredmum2be]

I had depression at the age of 10 nearly 11 and came out on my 18th birthday i used to cut myself had very low self esteem i had anorexia nervosa aswell and now i only suffer from Body Dismorphia i hate my body my face the way it looks i can tell you why i dont like them i just think im minging to be honest lol.
i still suffer from body dismorphia but since having my lil man ive managed to keep the weight on an plan to keep that weight after i had him so im proud of myself for that cos my thinking changed about my eating.
i get paranoid because i think im ugly and it annoyes me cos i thing my OH is interested in pretty girls an i mean pretty girls in my eyes although ive started thinking to myself if he is looking why should that bother me but it dont make it easier cos of the way i think of my looks.
i was sexually abused when i was in foster care although i did confide in who i thought was a friend an she never believed me luckily my social worker did an im still thankful for this day that i managed to get of there.
i went out with a bloke i thought i new who he was but turns out i was wrong i was basically raped but i thought he loved me he did to me what i thought was love but i dont think someone having sex all the time by the back end is away to show love sorry tmi i thought his name was so an so an his age was so an so an he wud never show me his passport or tell me that he was legal in the UK in the end because of the way he was with me i didnt think it was proper love i couldnt get him done as i tried ringing his work they no nothing of that name he said he was muslim/kurdish fuckin tore my heart out but it was barely a relationship he would only see me at weekends an then one day he got on the train an never contacted me again i couldnt get hold of him an that was the end of that!!
Again i went to docs was put on prozac which made me knackered all the time so i stopped taking them an i went to therapy but it hurt to much for how it all was an with the eating disorder it made me lose weight by thinking about my past so i stopped going.
think ill talk bout hubbys depression on another thread this has took ages lol.x

 

[isobel84]

i think everyone really needs a good big