LYLLJellyTots
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Hey everyone
Sorry I've not been around much since I have had jellytot, things have been a bit hectic and since she came out of neonatal / scbu she has been poorly with a milk allergy and we're just about coming out the other side of that now.
I am so very thankful that my princess is okay, especially after everything she went through but I am struggling at the minute to let go of my disappointment of how her birth went. In fact, I haven't written my birth story for her yet because of this. I don't know if I'm ready to look back at it all yet as I think I would just cry
Jellytots discharge sheet sums it up nicely. Failed vbac after 64 hours in labour, resulting in a cesarean. I had to be put to sleep because my epidural failed and I could feel them cutting me open. I missed my daughter coming into the world and not only that, I ended up in high dependency and missed a lot of her first 12 hours completely first feed, first nappy change, first hold, first kiss, first cuddle, first cry! The list is endless
I came across this article below and i needed to share it with you. It says everything that I can't find the words for. I'm not meaning this post to be a 'woe is me' self pity thread. I'm posting it because it has really affected me these last 7 weeks. I was disappointed about not having a natural delivery with my son but it didn't hit me half as much as this time has. I'm not depressed, I'm not struggling with anything else... I just need to process this I guess over time.
http://birthingbeautifulideas.com/?p=142
I know I am not the only person who has / will ever feel like this and I just wanted to say to anyone else in this boat that you are not alone x if anyone else feels like this and would like someone to talk to please feel free to PM me x I will look back at my labour thread soon and work on processing this bit by bit. X I know it is going to be a long journey for me because of just how much it hurts in my heart and I know some people will never understand that, some people will think its very selfish to feel like this when I have a happy healthy baby and I guess that's why I haven't spoken about it until now. I don't want to upset other people by the way I feel and I apologise if this post does upset anyone x
Sorry I've not been around much since I have had jellytot, things have been a bit hectic and since she came out of neonatal / scbu she has been poorly with a milk allergy and we're just about coming out the other side of that now.
I am so very thankful that my princess is okay, especially after everything she went through but I am struggling at the minute to let go of my disappointment of how her birth went. In fact, I haven't written my birth story for her yet because of this. I don't know if I'm ready to look back at it all yet as I think I would just cry
Jellytots discharge sheet sums it up nicely. Failed vbac after 64 hours in labour, resulting in a cesarean. I had to be put to sleep because my epidural failed and I could feel them cutting me open. I missed my daughter coming into the world and not only that, I ended up in high dependency and missed a lot of her first 12 hours completely first feed, first nappy change, first hold, first kiss, first cuddle, first cry! The list is endless
I came across this article below and i needed to share it with you. It says everything that I can't find the words for. I'm not meaning this post to be a 'woe is me' self pity thread. I'm posting it because it has really affected me these last 7 weeks. I was disappointed about not having a natural delivery with my son but it didn't hit me half as much as this time has. I'm not depressed, I'm not struggling with anything else... I just need to process this I guess over time.
http://birthingbeautifulideas.com/?p=142
I know I am not the only person who has / will ever feel like this and I just wanted to say to anyone else in this boat that you are not alone x if anyone else feels like this and would like someone to talk to please feel free to PM me x I will look back at my labour thread soon and work on processing this bit by bit. X I know it is going to be a long journey for me because of just how much it hurts in my heart and I know some people will never understand that, some people will think its very selfish to feel like this when I have a happy healthy baby and I guess that's why I haven't spoken about it until now. I don't want to upset other people by the way I feel and I apologise if this post does upset anyone x