Baby Blues :-(

[SRob]

Hey ladies,

I think I am suffering with baby blues My baby is 9 days old. My OH is wonderful, and my MIL is helping out a lot. But my LO is very nocturnal and last night he was awake all night - as soon as I put him down he'd cry. He's not always like this, sometimes he does sleep for a few hours here and there (but it takes a lot of effort to get him there). I have cried every day since his birth, more so in the mornings. My MIL has the baby now due to me getting no sleep last night - I have tried getting myself to sleep but my mind has been too frantic with worry to actually sleep - questioning whether I am a good mother, whether I can cope, hoping this doesn't turn into PND. I feel guilty that I have to rely on MIL, and it makes me feel like a bad mother. Plus my parents live far away and I really wish I had them with me.

As such, I am struggling to bond with my gorgeous boy. I know it is early days, and I hear that from 6 weeks things start to get better. He is my first child, so I am over whelmed and lacking in confidence.

I have been very open with my OH about my feeling and have cried on his shoulder a lot. I feel so bad, and so sorry, I feel like I am ruining this special time for him, as he has to look after the both of us and work (he is back to work full time next week and that thought makes me well up). I bought him a gift the other day just as a thank you gesture for being so wonderful.

At what point should I seek help if needs be? I understand that this is early days and hormones are flying all over the place, but I really want to get rid of these horrible feelings and get on with enjoying my son.

 

[mrswoody]

Firstly congratulations lovely!
I was the same once I got home, very tearful and cried several times a day and felt I was ruining these special times with my OH and baby girl. It's a massive change that our bodies have been through and a massive release hormones that we've had for 9 months. I'm lucky that my LO sleeps and feeds well.
Just give yourself time to adjust and take the help when offered as it will help you to relax and get some sleep and you will be a happy mummy for your baby boy.
My OH goes back to work on Monday which I'm nervous about, I don't have any family support down where we live so I'm relying on bent strong and getting myself to baby groups to meet other people.
xx

 

[wifeywifey]

Aw hun I could have wrote that myself at one time. You have just being through labour, your hormones are changing and new baby's are hard. I had a nocturnal baby it only lasted a couple of weeks but it was hard. I'm sure you are doing an amazing job, instead of "trying" to sleep maybe watch a film in bed I always fell asleep because I wasn't worrying. Your still very early to be worrying about pnd it does get easier I promise x

 

[NavyLouise]

What you have written is exactly how I felt (and still do to an extent!) I just felt like I couldn't do it, was a terrible person, worried about pnd etc.. I panicked that I still felt awful after 2 weeks and that I shouldn't still be feeling like that. My only advice is just keep going.. It is so unbelievably hard but it's all you can do! Slowly the days started to get better for me and the feelings got less intense. Give it time and try not to think about pnd as it'll make you feel worse, in a couple of weeks you will be getting yourself a little routine and hopefully feeling lots better.
Is your oh at work in the day? Something that has helped me is making sure I go out of the house at least every other day now my oh is at work.. It's boosted my confidence and made me feel a little more like me again!

I hope you start to feel better soon... This won't last forever!

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi Srob,

I could have written the same thing!!!

James is now 15 days old and he seems to be getting worse (sleep wise)

I am so tired, I've not slept since 3 nights before he was born.

I've been quite teary the past few nights, I feel worse as the day goes on and tiredness kicks in?

As much as I adore my little man it is pretty relentless? OH is a great help as is my sister and MIL but no-one can really help when it is 4am and the baby is screaming (again!!). My OH is back at work so I try and let him have some sleep.

James eats a lot and hates having his bum changed so he screams blue murder...It really upsets me and I feel so guilty.

I know it won't always be like this and I am lucky that my teary moments are few and far between BUT I do know exactly how you feel.

All I can say is sleep when baby sleeps, make sure you eat and drink and try to put your feet up!

It's early days hun, you are just finding your feet.

xxxxxxxx

 

[sazz]

Srob, I'm starting to feel this way too, just worried that LO is getting what he needs. He cries soo much and I feel terrible, when I asked one of the midwives at his appointment today, she said I wasn't be observant enough to when he wants feeding and that's why he gets so worked up.

He cries when we change him and sometime when we put him down for a little nap. I feel like him crying so much can't be good but he's healthy.

My oh has been a star and I feel guilty because I'm always feeding and can't do any jobs. I feel like he's doing everything.

The one thing that helps break the day and get LO to sleep with no issues is when we take the dog out for a walk. A bit of fresh air helps.

I know it will pass and you'll get through it. Big hugs hun. We'll all get there. Xx

 

[SRob]

Thank you so much ladies, it really means a lot and it's comforting knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way.

I visited the midwife yesterday - she could plainly see that I was suffering, and got me in tears whilst there. They reassured me that I was doing a good job and that I was trying to do too much. I have been ordered to rest this weekend (easier said than done) as everyone around me have commented on how pale and drained I am looking. We would have been discharged but due to my current emotional state I am seeing them on Monday where hopefully I will be feeling a bit better.

LO slept well last night which has really helped, and the MIL is looking after him this morning. Hopefully the tips given continue to work - but I am not entirely convinced yet, think we just got lucky last night!

If anyone is after any tips for their LO. I was given the following:

- Warm up bed sheets with hot water bottle prior to LO laying down for the night (remove bottle when LO is in there), so there isn't a shock of going from warm arms to a cold bed.
- Place an item of my clothes in the basket with him so he senses I am near (I have been keeping a muslim square under clothes all day).
- Try to feed him more during the day, so he won't feel the need to wake up/be up during the night.
- Try to get a routine going - bath, change, fed, bed - so they get to know that it is sleep time.
- Get plenty of rest and try to sleep when he does.
- Accept any help that is offered.

I have also started too loosely swaddle him - anything to get him cosy.

It worked last night, but he has managed a good night before and it went all tits up again! Fingers crossed we can get him sorted.

Good luck ladies

 

[Mum2betash]

Thank you so much ladies, it really means a lot and it's comforting knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way.

I visited the midwife yesterday - she could plainly see that I was suffering, and got me in tears whilst there. They reassured me that I was doing a good job and that I was trying to do too much. I have been ordered to rest this weekend (easier said than done) as everyone around me have commented on how pale and drained I am looking. We would have been discharged but due to my current emotional state I am seeing them on Monday where hopefully I will be feeling a bit better.

LO slept well last night which has really helped, and the MIL is looking after him this morning. Hopefully the tips given continue to work - but I am not entirely convinced yet, think we just got lucky last night!

If anyone is after any tips for their LO. I was given the following:

- Warm up bed sheets with hot water bottle prior to LO laying down for the night (remove bottle when LO is in there), so there isn't a shock of going from warm arms to a cold bed.
- Place an item of my clothes in the basket with him so he senses I am near (I have been keeping a muslim square under clothes all day).
- Try to feed him more during the day, so he won't feel the need to wake up/be up during the night.
- Try to get a routine going - bath, change, fed, bed - so they get to know that it is sleep time.
- Get plenty of rest and try to sleep when he does.
- Accept any help that is offered.

I have also started too loosely swaddle him - anything to get him cosy.

It worked last night, but he has managed a good night before and it went all tits up again! Fingers crossed we can get him sorted.

Good luck ladies

I know exactly what you mean, my lo has good nights then dreadful nights and it has me in tears! Sometimes nothing works and I just have to stay up cuddling her xxx