Emma.b
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I remember beginning my TTC journal on this site and now i'm here starting my parenting journal! 
I'm not gonna promise to be updating this daily, might not even be weekly depending on the free time H allows me, but when i do update i promise to be honest. Because lets face it being a mum isn't always easy. So this is my retreat, my place to vent, worry and beam with pride.
3 years i'd been trying to conceive H. Ended up needing fertility treatment just to give us a chance, so i was given clomid. And by this point i had all but given up hope. The first round i gave it my all, did everything how your suppose and nothing happened, the second month i gave up, thought sod it and low and behold i got my sticky bean. I spent months worrying whether or not it would stick. And my little bean did.
Fast forward 9 months and i had a fairly easy pregnancy, minus the SPD, and an easy labour. Had a stretch and sweep, waters broke the next day at 7.15am by 10.35pm i had my baby boy in my arms, something only 9 months before i never thought would happen.
Harrison Richard Graham Gray was born a healthy 8lb 7oz and 53cm in length, light brown hair and slate grey eyes, and beautiful pink skin....in a word perfect! He stole my heart.
He's now 3+4 weeks and i have to be honest it hasn't been easy. I already have a son who is 10 years and i stupidly thought this would be a breeze! How wrong was i. I forgotten about the sleepless nights, crying etc etc. It's all exaggerated by the fact that H has colic and so suffers with it. I try my best to comfort him and help ease it, but it's still so hard to watch him scream and cry and i honestly find myself getting frustrated.
I think the sleepless night caught up with me the other day i have such an emotional breakdown. Couldn't stop crying and had some crazy thoughts. One of them being resentment for my OH. I was up with H feeding and trying to settle him and OH was laid next to me sleeping, i got to thinking it would be easier if i was doing this on my own as then i'd have no choice but to get on with it, having OH sleeping soundly next to me was like rubbing salt into the wound! Which is stupid as he does help with night feeds but i try not to wake him as he has work. He helps loads around the house, cooking tea nearly every night, he helps with feeds, winding, nappy changing and entertaining H while i go for a bath or to get other jobs done.
And of course OH picked up on my mood and i told him how i felt. Which i think he's taken to heart, he now keeps saying things like he's rubbish because he doesn't know what H wants or can't settle him. He worries that i resent him when he sleeps through H crying, OH has always been a heavy sleeper. I worry that by being honest with him i've dented his confidence. We had a rough night with H last night and he wouldn't settle unless he was laid on my chest. OH sent an email apologising for not being able to settle H. I had to explain it's nothing against him or his parenting skills. It's purely coz i carried H for 9 months i'm familiar to him, plus i spend all day with him!
If i'm brutally honest as much as i love H i can't wait for him to settle into a decent routine and get past these first 3 months. These newborn weeks are killers!
x x x
I'm not gonna promise to be updating this daily, might not even be weekly depending on the free time H allows me, but when i do update i promise to be honest. Because lets face it being a mum isn't always easy. So this is my retreat, my place to vent, worry and beam with pride.
3 years i'd been trying to conceive H. Ended up needing fertility treatment just to give us a chance, so i was given clomid. And by this point i had all but given up hope. The first round i gave it my all, did everything how your suppose and nothing happened, the second month i gave up, thought sod it and low and behold i got my sticky bean. I spent months worrying whether or not it would stick. And my little bean did.
Fast forward 9 months and i had a fairly easy pregnancy, minus the SPD, and an easy labour. Had a stretch and sweep, waters broke the next day at 7.15am by 10.35pm i had my baby boy in my arms, something only 9 months before i never thought would happen.
Harrison Richard Graham Gray was born a healthy 8lb 7oz and 53cm in length, light brown hair and slate grey eyes, and beautiful pink skin....in a word perfect! He stole my heart.
He's now 3+4 weeks and i have to be honest it hasn't been easy. I already have a son who is 10 years and i stupidly thought this would be a breeze! How wrong was i. I forgotten about the sleepless nights, crying etc etc. It's all exaggerated by the fact that H has colic and so suffers with it. I try my best to comfort him and help ease it, but it's still so hard to watch him scream and cry and i honestly find myself getting frustrated.
I think the sleepless night caught up with me the other day i have such an emotional breakdown. Couldn't stop crying and had some crazy thoughts. One of them being resentment for my OH. I was up with H feeding and trying to settle him and OH was laid next to me sleeping, i got to thinking it would be easier if i was doing this on my own as then i'd have no choice but to get on with it, having OH sleeping soundly next to me was like rubbing salt into the wound! Which is stupid as he does help with night feeds but i try not to wake him as he has work. He helps loads around the house, cooking tea nearly every night, he helps with feeds, winding, nappy changing and entertaining H while i go for a bath or to get other jobs done.
And of course OH picked up on my mood and i told him how i felt. Which i think he's taken to heart, he now keeps saying things like he's rubbish because he doesn't know what H wants or can't settle him. He worries that i resent him when he sleeps through H crying, OH has always been a heavy sleeper. I worry that by being honest with him i've dented his confidence. We had a rough night with H last night and he wouldn't settle unless he was laid on my chest. OH sent an email apologising for not being able to settle H. I had to explain it's nothing against him or his parenting skills. It's purely coz i carried H for 9 months i'm familiar to him, plus i spend all day with him!
If i'm brutally honest as much as i love H i can't wait for him to settle into a decent routine and get past these first 3 months. These newborn weeks are killers!
x x x
