I was never saying a father should my be involved or not encouraged to bond. All I was saying was that there's no way I would leave a newborn with someone else regardless of whether he was the father or not. And I don't think the court would order for the baby to be left in a contact centre either without the mother at a very young age.
Like the others have suggested, maybe a quick walk round the block or some time in the same house! Then once bond is established you can then discuss further options!!
but the father is expected to leave HIS newborn baby with the mother? Im sorry but that's just not right. A child is half mother half father, its not just 'someone else' its the only person in this whole world, other than you, who made this child. This chid is both the mothers and the fathers flesh and blood.
My rant at the world is this....
I find it amazing that when couples are together its not a problem to expect dad to watch the baby while mum gets some sleep, has a shower, or dad takes the little one out for a walk so mum can have 5 mins peace or when the baby is a bit older mum goes out to the shops and baby and dad stay home, and then all of a sudden, when a couple has split up, they consider the father some kind of dangerous monster who shouldnt be around children. What has changed?!
Theres no 2 ways about it, a child NEEDS both their parents. Yes there are some rare cases where men AND WOMEN have psychological issues, or problems with drink, drugs, anger whatever.. those people arent safe to look after kids, thats why we have social services. But children who are removed from hideous situations by social services suffer the consequences of being removed from their natural parents. Its just the lesser of 2 evils in some cases.
But men whose only crime is to not be in a relationship with their childs mother are not dangerous people. That is not a good reason to let your child grow up without having a relationship with both their natural parents.
Parenting is hard hard work, noone is perfect, we're all filled with intentions of giving our child the best of everything, but real life is hard and sometimes we end up letting our child eat sweets in front of cbeebies so we can get some peace, or we shout at our children because we're so frustrated and then wish we'd handled the situation differently. Noone is a perfect parent. Some are even less perfect than others
some of the decisions my sons father has made I consider so far from perfect theres not even a word. But what can I do, I hope that he is still growing and learning as a parent. I hope that he intends to be the very best parent that he can be to our son. I dont know what will happen long term, I dont know what his very best is yet. But Im not out to punish my son to get to him.
If you can get into your head, that you will do everything you can do, to help your child have a relationship with their dad, despite the circumstances, then youre onto a winner. If you see contact for the father as some kind of reward that you feel he doesnt deserve, then youre in for a long battle, which ultimately, will hurt your child more than anyone else involved.
xx
