family court advice

[hjones]

My ex has now decided he doesn't want to discuss our son with me anymore and has told me he will take me to court of access to his son and unborn child. I am really angry as I haven't ever stopped him seeing our son, I just expressed I wasn't too happy about him spending the day with his dads new girlfriend as its only been a few weeks since he left here. I don't even know how the court process works and whether I should be trying to prevent it from getting there or just let him get on with it. Anyone been thru this and can offer me any advice?

 

[jojo_2012]

Hi

I would not let someone have access to my son who did not want to discuss my son with me, whether he's the father or not.

I've been through it twice with my first son. Firstly he will have to get a solicitor and if he can't afford it will have to apply for legal aid. This takes time. Then you have to get a solicitor and apply for legal aid, this takes more time. Then both have to attend mediation, this takes more time. Then if you can't agree contact at mediation, after even MORE time there will be a court date. Oh, and if he CAN afford it, mediation costs upwards of £300 a session and a soicitor costs upwards of £150 an hour.

My ex was also never refused access but he was very aggressive and a complete pain in the arse every weekend coming and going late, taking up our whole weekend.

He will only be allowed a few hrs a week access at first, as for the unborn baby he won't be allowed to just pick him up and take him off on his own especially if you're breastfeeding (who's to say you're not).

Long story short, he's going to have to wait a long time to achieve not very much.

 

[hjones]

Thanks for the reply. I am hoping it won't go as far as having to go thru court as it will just be added stress which I really don't need right now. I just have to face the fact he may do it just to be awkward and make my life worse than it already is. He doesnt work so wouldnr be able to afford it but his new girlfriend has money and I think she is the one pushing him to do it cuz things were working fine just calling or texting to arrange days and times now he's with her he suddenly wants to go thru court. And as for when the baby is born I would plan to breastfeed so I don't know what his access rights are with that to consider

 

[jojo_2012]

Go and get yourself a free 30 mins with a solicitor so it's clear where you stand they have to give the first appointment free!

 

[VikkiR]

We've been through this but from the other side, my oh's ex denied him access to his lo, (although she's quite happy to take his £400 every month), court date took 5 months to get. I wouldn't worry mothers can pee about as much as they want with very little sanction, they don't even have to turn up at court the first time, and the father then has to pay for the court again for another date, it's a joke x

 

[katey123]

I've been told that they're removing legal aid from this kind of issue now and so to force it back into mediation which he will also definitely have to pay for , i'm sure it's free for the single parent with care though, I reckon he's making empty threats and when he discovers the costs he may be in for I think I'll be only to happy to start discussing your son with you again. Good luck try not to worry xx

 

[VikkiR]

Court can cost up to £6k a time x

 

[tabbi]

right i have been through this and as far as legal aid only certain sol's will do it think there are 2 pre county sometime depending on the size city.
denine him accxess with his new partner as a child needs to build there relationship with the father first and see how he handles things so go through court and ask for a contact centre so he can be monitored so if the staff have any worries they can be brought up.
until then you go back court only he can have contact with child then you can request that when he has contact that only he or his family are to be present as you dont want him to get confused as he is so young. then mention the only time he can introduce his girlfirend is when they are serious and they have been together over 6-9 months.

hopefully you will find this helpful x x x

 

[titch]

You know that you don't have to get a solicitor to go through the family court. My OH got a contact order, paid £200 court fee and just turned up and stated his case and what type of access he wanted. His ex took a solicitor but there was no reason to deny access so he got a contat order of what he went in asking for.

This was all after mediation, which you absolutely do not need a solicitor for, the mediator will be supportig you both. Nothing you agree to in mediation is legally binding anyway, just a chance to discuss things in a controlled envirment with a 3rd party there to calm things down and move the conversation along. TBH a judge won't look at his case if he hasn't tried mediation to resolve things. It sounds like you're willing for contact to happen it shouldn't be anything to worry about. They work in the best interest of the child, so will take into consideration any issues like BFing for a newborn.

TBH I wish I had a contact order with my FOB then I'd have the dates and times of contact written down and thered be no messing about over it.

Also your first family mediation session is free.

 

[titch]

right i have been through this and as far as legal aid only certain sol's will do it think there are 2 pre county sometime depending on the size city.
denine him accxess with his new partner as a child needs to build there relationship with the father first and see how he handles things so go through court and ask for a contact centre so he can be monitored so if the staff have any worries they can be brought up.
until then you go back court only he can have contact with child then you can request that when he has contact that only he or his family are to be present as you dont want him to get confused as he is so young. then mention the only time he can introduce his girlfirend is when they are serious and they have been together over 6-9 months.

hopefully you will find this helpful x x x

IMHO I wouldn't want to even consider a contact centre unless there is a real danger that is known. My FOB has agreed to spend time with LO at his parents place, this is a much more natural environment for both of them to build a relationship in. But I know his mum is there making sure he's coping and not totally messing up.

I'm all for safety first, but I think that being overly protective/defensive doesn't end up helping LO.

 

[tabbi]

i agree with you titch in some area's contact centre should only be used in certain cases my ex hit me and had tried to hit my daughter hense our contact centre. i think its brill his parents are willing to support him and help out where needed and to give you that peace of mind. a neutral environment is the best for children they feel safe and the parents can get on easily.

it also depends on people's situations and the relationship before and since the spilt as these can affect things. it just so happened everyone i know thats gone through court there has been violence. am glad other women have had better spilts than what i know and things work out for everyone involved x x x

 

[titch]

of course I didn't mean you shouldn't be using a contact centre hun. like I said, safety first! hjones hasn't put much about the situation and it sounds like she's been happy with contact to go ahead so I was just pointing out her options. My split wasn't under great circumstances either so I can see where you're coming from, Im lucky his parents are happy to 'host' contact weekends otherwise Id probably end up having to use a contact centre too.

 

[hjones]

Thanks for all the advice on this ladies. I'm hoping I managed to talk him out of it but never can be sure. I see more trouble arising when the next one is born but I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it. It's all just a mess at the moment! He just doesn't like that I say I don't want my son spending his time with his dads new girlfriend. I know its something I have to get used to but think he should be allowed time to adjust to mummy and daddy not being together anymore first. But I've now just had to keep my mouth shut to avoid all the arguing