Am i being unreasonable? (Sperm donation rant?)

[Pudds86]

Yep they need to prepare themselves when they approach someone with a questions like that for a no. Just because you agreed (albeit weren't happy to) the first time doesn't mean you owe them one single thing this time.

I i was in your situation and i said.no, id expect oh to be satisfied with that. His loyalty must lie with you not this couple. Seems they want to talk to lay on the pressure and oh should not agree to put you in that position Xx

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

 

[redbear]

I think thats the issue she has told her husband and thats that, its a bit of tough titties and a part of life im afraid, i honestly think yes there friends but your his family and should trump that card everytime, OH is not there stud for life.

 

[russellmuscle]

I think you should phone if they require to speak to you but I'm sure plenty of times you have spoken on your husbands behalf so your husband should be able to go round there and represent both of you as a couple and say your not comfortable doing it this time round, your sorry.

Your oh needs to realise your relationship is 50% 50% and if one half isn't and the other half is, it could lead to problems. As long as you are firm with your oh on your feelings you can't let yourself get caught in the moment this time round.

Take charge woman! Lol. Xxxxx

 

[Daisy2011]

Hi what a difficult situation for you. I would just reiterate what some ladies have said here and this is that you have to be clear with your OH about how you feel. and equally he has to be clear about what he wants. He may in the discussions with them have said that he is happy to do sibling donations and it may be that he is super happy with the situation. If he knows you he must hve seen how you have been reacting to the situation and when you told him that it made you feel so uncomfortable then that should have been an end to it.

Its not the ladies fault at all if they have been told by him that all is well and that you are fine.
As a recipent myself it is completely unheard of to have a sperm donor who is trying for a baby with their partner. Its such an obvious no no that the partner would go through hell TTC and having to face another woman bearing his children. I cant imagine any man doing it under those circumstances and as a recipent I would never go ahead with someone in that situation.

I have never met a donor who would be so callous and so It makes me think that your OH is incapable of considering how you might be feeling. Please make sure that you are clear with him about how you are feeling. Dont allow him to act without your blessing and make it clear that as a partnership he cannot go forward without it. and I would suggest if you have to talk to these ladies that you go by yourself without him and actually be honest about how upset you are about it so far they have no idea how you feel and if they are good people then im sure that they wouldnt dream of continuing knowing how devastated you are. But hating them and thier child will just rot your heart and the future

You must be honest otherwise you might sleep walk into an even harder place.
You can do it and you wouldnt be posting on the forum if it wasnt already feeling to much.

Good luck, you can d it and I hope that your OH can put your needs first.
x Daisy

 

[xSebbiesMumx]

Thank you everyone for all your strong words of courage!, they are now aware of how im feeling as i was very close to flipping my top today but managed to calm down! (thank god for nicotine lol!)

I told OH that i have no intention of doing it this time around, im not bothered how much they tell me to come down and talk to them!, he has now told me to tell them that i dont want to do it!. The whole thing is playing on my mind to an extent where i hardly slept yesterday!, i feel awful! and i just generally want to be left alone to cry! :\..I was scared of starting world war three but now i dont give a crap as they've made me so effing cross tonight im surprised i didn't give em a good ear bashing!!

So, my OH whatsapp'ed them today and told them my new response to this matter only for them to say 'Oh, well shes upset now'..Well, how do you think ive been feeling for the past year?, no i didn't tell you about it because i didn't want to break their happiness when they we're expecting..Hence the reason why i kept my mouth shut for the past year!..And to add on top the stress of making me go through that again..Biotch has some nerve!!..And then my OH said back to her 'Dont worry, we'll sort it'

If he thinks im changing my mind on this then they've all got another thing coming!..Im going out with friends tomorrow so hopefully ill be able to focus on something else other than this crap thats taking up too much head space!!

 

[russellmuscle]

Well atleast they know your not 100% but you have to be clear to oh that there's no sorting it!

Does this mean u don't need to go tomorrow to their house?

xxxx

 

[evie_smith]

Omg you need to tell your oh there is no "sorting it" its made me angry just reading it! If it really means that much to you, you should tell him it's you or them! At least they know that your not happy with it but when he wrote we will sort it they should have said no! Xxx

 

[LoopyLouize]

Just seen this!
Glad you stood your ground and told them. Hopefully they accept that answer and leave it at that.
Hope your ok xx


Sent from my annoyingly slow iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[redbear]

Sort it? If dh did it when i wasn't happy about it, id be chopping them off! xx

 

[evie_smith]

Same^^^

 

[Kbex]

I can't believe he is asking you to tell them snd then he's telling them by whatsapp. I totally agree snd support your decision. So should he. He should also respect their feelings as it sounds like he has confused them and they are bound to be upset by this. He's being really childish and should go round to them snd say its your decision as a couple rather than making it all yo be you upset etc. I wouldn't be cross with them. I would be more upset with my oh's lack of support of me snd our family

 

[xSebbiesMumx]

Thanks everyone, nah they rescheduled the 'soiree from hell' for next week but their stopping in tomorrow for a quick hello..Thank god for mother in law being here otherwise id feel like a prisoner in my own home!, but today i put my foot down and said im not going and ended up going out with my friends instead, had a rather lovely day with some old friends of mine. OH was okay with me doing this as he couldn't be bothered to go out either

I ended up having a heart to heart with my friend on the car ride and she totally thinks im not being unreasonable as well! and she also thinks i should stand my ground on this one!

It angers me that OH thinks theres a way around me saying no!, i dont know what he thinks is going to be so spectacular enough to miraculously change my mind in an instant!!..I dont care who gets upset now im so tired of this!

 

[redbear]

He shouldnt be trying to change your mind if he did you dont know it could make you resent him later on it needs to be something your happy for him to do not just a 'well go on then but im not happy' xx

 

[xSebbiesMumx]

Thank you all for your kind, encouraging words..Just a quick update on the whole issue!

I have finally made OH see the light!..Well my side of the story, he has now said that if im not happy with it and dont want to do it then he wont do it!, instead he has offered his friends a website where they can find a free donor!..

Thank goodness this is all over and done with, and i owe it all to you guys!..Thanks for being behind me at every step of the way

 

[evie_smith]

Fantastic!! So happy he has listened must be a weight off your shoulders xx

 

[xSebbiesMumx]

This whole issue has its ups and downs!..One minute i think its all sorted and the next minute im wanting to rip off their heads!..I feel like im back at square one again

Had a sneaky read of OH's whatsapp again yesterday, it just seems like theres no pleasing them..OH has offered his help in every other department and all they've done is shove it back in his face!, i seriously dont know why he's friends with them!, they seem to think that talking to me is going to miraculously bring me around!..And the way that conversation sounded its like their blaming me for all of this! :\, well im sorry if our circumstances have changed and ive realised that this kind of thing isn't right for me!

Shes going on milking how upset her girlfriend is, even OH has offered us to go around and talk about why im saying no and shes just abruptly said 'I dont see the point, she doesn't want to hear someones reasons why she cant have babies'..Im not saying she cant have kids, shes welcome to have as many as she wants but not my fiances!

I too feel like theres no point in talking about it anymore, in fact i dont even think i want to be friends with them anymore!..OH can please himself as long as they dont show their faces around here im not bothered..I so want to just tell them that but I dont want to be accused of breaking up friendships! :\

 

[evie_smith]

Omg a no is a no! It's such a huge ask! Sounds like a dog with a bone! Poor you xxx

 

[Pudds86]

You need them to either understand or leave you guys alone. There's no friendship possible they can't accept someone else's wishes. Its simply not on and so so selfish of them making you feel like this.

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

 

[xSebbiesMumx]

I know, I'm so stressed I'm pulling out my own hair!! We've been up an hour and we've already had an argument! We've rowed over the most stupidest things ever and he's been distant with me for the past few days and its killing me, what have I done to deserve this? I just want to cry!!

iphoning it..excuse typos auto correct loves me!!

 

[evie_smith]

You haven't done anything just make sure you tell him that it's the situation your stressed about and he needs to tell them point blank no! And then you will relax right now not only are they trying to take you for a fool they are taking your other half for a mug too! It's not like they can't have kids it's just not with your other half! Not exactly a hard thing to understand! It's not like he has magical sperm that will only work for her! Lol if you know what I mean?! Then if you tell your other half this he might realise its not him your angry at but the situation. It's no fun for anyone in this situation I'm sure. They desperately want another child, you don't want them to have a baby with the man your with and rightly so! And he is caught up in the middle trying to be nice to every one. Just hope you can sort this out! Maybe you should show him this thread? Then he will know how it makes you feel and your not alone with how you feel and others would feel exactly the same. At the end of the day your more important than friends your his family life and future x