Am i being unreasonable? (Sperm donation rant?)

[evie_smith]

I don't think your being unselfish yes they want another blood sibling for their daughter but its not like both of the lesbians are blood related to the child any way! It just can't work like that! Loads of people try for a child can only have 1 if lucky they have one they should be happy with what they have got! Not everyone would be so lucky - I would prob be the same (I don't like saying no) but if my husband did it once there is no way he would do it again! Think of it long term it's not like they can lie and be all yes that's your dad they are both women! And having a close friendship what you going to do when they are all 11 -16 and and the could have let it slip what if she calls him dad - and they are "ok with that" think of your boy "mum why is she calling him dad?" Then to add another - no way if it was me I would ask to cut all ties with them - but that's just me x

 

[Rachaellius]

I think comments like they should be happy with 1 and they have had their share are very unfair. Just because they are a gay couple it doesn't mean they can't long for more children just a straight couple would and have every right to have more children.
However in this instance the OP isn't comfortable with it being her partner, I don't think you are being selfish at all. I personally couldn't do it. It'd be a bit too close to home for me watching them grow up. I think you need to have a good long chat with your OH and tell him you are uncomfortable with it. x

Tapatalking

 

[evie_smith]

I didn't mean it like that! I meant they should be happy with what they have been given by them and go else where now! I'm bisexual and was in a long term relationship with a lady before my husband and we wanted children but the relationship didn't work for reasons not related to this post and is a totally different subject but I do think it is not on if they ask again if after being told no (which I know hasn't happened yet) but I really think its its down to the giving couple not just him as I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't like it if I lent my womb/eggs out and then did it again?!

Once yes but knowing how much it hurt you the first time stick to your guns and tell him no x

 

[russellmuscle]

Snap! I understand that they might long for more children or want their babies to be related but then should they not have mentioned this before hand? I think it's a bit much to ask of someone that has their own family. I didn't mean by they have one and they shouldn't need another what I meant by it was they asked a favour, it was done and if you ask me it's a pretty big favour to go back and ask for a second time around.

I understand everyone else's opinions but that's just mine xxxxx

 

[xSebbiesMumx]

Well, it isn't fair that their asking me and OH for a second time when it wasn't mentioned the first time that they'd like siblings for the first child, if id of known that then id of definitely not agreed to it the first time!

Sometimes im too nice for my own good

 

[redbear]

Just stick to your guns! If it was so important to have full blood siblings it should have been mentioned the first time. They will have to decide if they want to go to another doner and have half siblings or if its too important they wont have any more.
xx

 

[Little_angel]

Asking shouldn't be problem if they are going to be gracious if/when you refuse. Also, do they know you have any concerns about the first time? It sounds like you kept your feelings to yourself and they possibly think it was a wonderful, harmonious arrangement. In that case, why wouldn't they ask again? I do appreciate that you were put in the spot last time and I think that's the wrong way to ask something like that.

Talk to your fiancé about this before it gets out of control. These people can't be expected to guess how you might be feeling.

 

[russellmuscle]

Asking shouldn't be problem if they are going to be gracious if/when you refuse. Also, do they know you have any concerns about the first time? It sounds like you kept your feelings to yourself and they possibly think it was a wonderful, harmonious arrangement. In that case, why wouldn't they ask again? I do appreciate that you were put in the spot last time and I think that's the wrong way to ask something like that.

Talk to your fiancé about this before it gets out of control. These people can't be expected to guess how you might be feeling.

Fair point xxx

 

[xSebbiesMumx]

Well, i finally talked to other half about it (well when i say talked..it was more burst into tears at get hysterical). He's now making me go and see them (with him of course) on Saturday so we can talk about it together..But knowing me ill probably break down again and make myself look an idiot for getting in such a state

No matter how many times he said the word 'sloppy seconds' last night it didn't make me laugh like it always does!..Ill be glad when all of this is out of the window and sorted

 

[evie_smith]

I hope that they realise how it makes you feel and are ok with a no answer xxx

 

[Pudds86]

Yeah i wouldn't even bother going to talk with them. A no is a no. I wouldn't be put in a position like that. If i said i didn't want oh to be involved, he would just say no and that would be it.

I've always said i could be a surrogate but baby would have to be entirely someone else's. There's no way i could have oh having offspring elsewhere.

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

 

[tambo1976]

wow I have only just read this and I think you are one strong woman! I simply couldn't even allow my OH to father one let alone two! It really would be the end of us if he even considered it tbh. If I was asked if I minded my OH fathering a lesbian's child then I would probably give her a smack up the face just for the cheek of asking!

Honestly, you are far from selfish. There are plenty more donor's out there, single ones, anonymous ones and ones that want paying. Heck there will even be plenty of male gay couples who would happily donate some sperm to a lesbian couple in order to become a father themselves! Why can't they just leave your OH alone?! He has a family and they are jeopardizing that for him. Even the slightest hint of upset from you should be enough for them to steer clear I think but all they are thinking about is themselves. Therefore THEY are the selfish ones not you bab.

These women have been told NO. You shouldn't have to go around explaining yourself and justifying your decision. Your OH should NOT put you in that kind of position. Tell him you are not happy at all about the prospect of him fathering another for them and you are not prepared to go around explaining yourself. It's quite possible with 3 of them all in front of you, you will feel obliged to agree just from the pressure. Please don't go. If they need to hear it from you then a phone call stating "I am just not happy about it but I wish you both luck finding another donor" should be enough and if they start trying to change your mind then you can hang up.

Good luck! In situations like this wouldn't it be great if you could drag the PF ladies with you to meet them?! loads of back up and support and confidence. Just imagine we are there in force and let us give you the power to say NO! xxx

 

[positivity :)]

You absolutely must say no. What you have both given them already shows ur not selfish and you've done enough. Really really hope you manage to stick to it! Xx

 

[evie_smith]

I agree why does it need to be sat down and talked about?! The answer is no and no is no - a phone call should be enough. I hope you don't mind me asking but your other Half wouldn't go behind you back and give it them anyway would he? I'm just asking as he doesn't see it as a big thing? But to me that's a bad as cheating on you if he does - or worse! As that is going behind your back to make a child on purpose - I'm not saying he would do this as I don't know him at all but just thought I would ask anyway! I told my DH and he said no way would he be going round to talk as a no is a no that's it - just thought I would give a mans view x

 

[redbear]

And why should you go round? So they can pressure or guilt trip you into it? If you dont feel strong enough to stick to your guns refuse to go. Have a word with OH about the fact he isn't respecting your decision, you have told him what you think and thats that. There is nothing to stop them finding another doner from a site or bank. I know i would loose my temper if i went around and would end up saying something i would regret like 'why didnt you think about wanting full blood before you got my OH involved!!' xx

 

[l_maclean]

I'm very sorry - I totally disagree. I think it's important for all of you to get this sorted. It's too late for you not to be involved if you OH has done this once and there is a child involved.

While I totally appreciate that if it had been handled differently you'd not have agreed initially, but it's too late to change that. If you OH considers these women friends, and doesn't want to lose them, then you are going to need to face this situation eventually.

I have to say, I also don't think it's fair to slam down to harshly on what happened in the past - as far as they, and your OH were aware they were acting with your blessing.

Hope I don't come across as being nasty, and I undestand that you are uncomfortable with all of this, but like a previous poster said - they currently have no idea about any of your feelings, and I think it's only fair that you explain them. It might actually help you feel better as well. X


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

 

[russellmuscle]

A phone call would suffice in that case then? I think to suggest that seb goes round there after her breaking down to her husband saying she would rather not this time round is ridiculous.

For people that have strong willed or are straight forward people like myself I won't mind going round and setting the record straight BUT not everyone hass my mentality. It wouldn't be fair for her to go round and be pushed into something she didn't want?

xxxxx

 

[evie_smith]

I 100% agree ^^^^

She broke down in tears to her husband it is very upsetting and she doesn't want to be involved - end of. I know there is a child involved but that child was adopted out so is not legally theirs and shouldn't even be part of the matter! Yes they are friends but then surly if they don't know what's going on a phone call is enough - why build their hopes up to come round to tea and then tell them no! That's just crewel on both sides!

 

[positivity :)]

Because out of the kindness of their hearts they agreed to it once they absolutely do not owe anyone anything a second time round, no way! It's either a yes or a no and can be done on the phone. If this was agreed at the first time round and Seb changed her mind, maybe it would be different (although I still think she wouldn't owe anything) but its not the case. What if they want a 3rd? 4th? X

 

[evie_smith]

Exactly and even if they did say they may consider another or yes we will - over something so big they are allowed to change their minds. Which a second child was never mentioned anyway. I understand the same as everyone else's they want another child and I can't blame them but at the same time no is no and they will have to go somewhere else there is plenty of places and lots free of charge!