18 and 15 weeks pregnant father unknown NO IDEA what to do :(

[Estellene]

Hi
I have not much really in the way of family or friend support and I am just looking for advice. I feel no one will understand my situation which is hard as I know people will probably be judgemental on this situation but I feel certain things have made it this way for me so please try to avoid judging as I have had enough of it at the moment. I suffer from bipolar depression and anxiety which I feel is a big part in this, I am never honest with anyone about my feelings and all of my family think im ok but I am really not, I feel this is why I have done what I have done.

I split up with my ex boyfriend in early March and was with him for nearly 3 years, before I met him and when I was about 13-14 I slept around with older boys quite a lot, it just gave me comfort I guess, they where always really horrible to me and name called me so meeting my boyfriend took me away from that and I loved it and felt like a good person for once in my life. We split because it just wasn't working we had so many differences and just wasn't right for eachother and we both wasn't happy, I went through a stage of wanting him back but he didn't. Due to this I ended up sleeping with someone about 3 weeks after the break up. It was unprotected and he did finish and was multiple times. I then slept with my friend (boy) brother 2 days later, it was the night before my 18th and I had some drinks with my friend and he went out leaving me in the house on his own with his brother and it just happened, however it was protected. 2 days after that I slept with someone else that I had knew from mutual friends unprotected but he did not finish.

So I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks later. The dates of the pregnancy didn't fall on any of the exact dates I had sex. I worked out the first occasion was exactly 14 days after the start of my period and considering he finished i considered him most likely followed by the 2nd then the 3rd who used a condom. I told the first one and was honest and he told me to get rid of it, when I later told him I hadn't he became abusive and threatening towards me and told me he wanted nothing to do with the baby and that he had a girlfriend now. I then told the 2nd guy (my friends brother) and he just said its probably not him and I agreed and he said not to expect anything if it came down to it. I then told the 3rd person last night that I was pregnant and he asked if it could be him and i was honest and said there was a chance. He then blocked me and his sister phoned me baring in mind she is a "nurse" apparently, she was telling me the baby was too big to be his and looked more like 18 weeks (I have been told im 15 weeks thursday from 3 scans) She then proceeded to tell me to meet her and that she was going to beat my head in regardless if i was pregnant or not and if i spoke to her brother again she would kill me, she then went on to say if the baby was his then its her blood but she didnt care because id still get my head kicked in and that i should find my real babies father. I never told her it was for sure his nor did i say anything un reasonable, I just told her that I will take a dna test once the baby is born and we will find out and it seemed to make her more mad. I spent the whole night worrying they where going to turn up at my house shaking, in the end I had to take codeine to get to sleep.

I am only 18 I have just finished school, currently not working as supposidly starting uni in September depending on this and grades which i probably ruined. I am beside my self, I told friends initally but have now told them I got rid of the baby because they where so judgemental, telling me that it wasn't a good idea and i needed to hurry up and do it. I have no family I can tell, they will probably kick me out of the house, my mum expects more of me I will have no where to live at all for neither me or my baby and I don't want to get put on the streets when im pregnant. I am not showing much but I am quite slim and im getting a pop belly, I am having to wear baggy clothes and tight waist belts. Please you don't understand I CANT tell my parents, they will kick me out for 100% there will be no talking or compromising, I have no income and no where to go, Im still classed as being in fulltime education so I don't know if im entitled to any benefits.

I have been to all my appointments alone. Im currently supposed to call my midwife my wednesday to let her know if im going foward with an abortion. No one understands how I feel but i feel as though I NEED an want an abortion but when it comes down to it its like I don't want it and can't do it, it makes me upset just thinking about it but I know i need to do it. I lay in bed crying most of the day, i am prescribed dyhydrocodeine due to horrible migraines but I have found myself taking them most days because it makes you feel as though your drunk and everything just seems better. I am ashamed about what i did and everyones opinions on me being a "slut" i feel like i want to change but i don't know how and now I have trapped myself in this situation without even one of the men willing to even be civil with me. I have even considered suicide but when it comes down to it I would never do it because im just too scared.

I really just don't know what to do anymore its horrible

 

[babyslog]

Hi there,
You cant talk about terminations on this forum sorry, its against the rules due to the amount of ladies on here that are trying for babies and had miscarriages. Its very upsetting (understand your circumstances) but ladies on here do not want go read it.

Personally i would just come clean with your parents.. You need support! They may feel dissapointed but im sure eventually with will support the decision you make.

Im not very good with working out dates, i guess it really could be any of the 3 guys, bit my guess is the 1st as it was unprotected and sperm can live inside you for about 5-7 days roughly.
But i guess only a dna test would really tell you.

I hope you make the right decision for yourself.. NOONE ELSE! Not your parents or those three boys.. YOURS! Your the one that will have to live with this.. Dont let anyone force you.

I think you need to also talk to your dr or midwife regarding th suicidal thoughts and how unhappy and confused your feeling. Stress isnt good for you or the baby.

I wish you all the best. Xx

 

[MrsGriff]

You definitely need to talk to someone. Do you have a close friend that you could confide in? I know that you told them that you no longer had the baby but a good friend would forgive the lie and understand why you had told it. You don't need to go into all the details about the possible father but they may be able to offer some support

I'd also suggest speaking to a councillor. Maybe your GP could refer you to one.

 

[Demaris]

Hi estellene,

I am so sorry you are going through this, you seem to be bombarded from all angles at the moment, I really feel for you.

I'm wondering if you have a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) that you can confide in? I have a dear friend who has bipolar and I know the ins and outs of the illness. If you haven't been assigned a nurse then contact MIND, as they will be able to give you some advice. You need to talk to someone ASAP, in real life to be able to help you clear a path in your head and find the right way to go.

I wish you all the luck in the world, you will get through this xx

 

[Beckyb1991]

Firstly everyone makes mistakes but what you did was stupid and dangerous.. Please don't do that again. Secondly u need to talk to your mum, she may act differently to what u think. You need to also talk to your gp or midwife so they can get u the right help you very obviously need.

 

[Lyllian]

No one has the right to judge anyone. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and we have all done things we know we shouldnt have to some degree. Anyone who says they've lived a life and not had anything to regret is extremely fortunate (and probably lying). Don't beat yourself up over it, you have a lot to deal with and that's whay you've reacted in this way, it's nothing to do with you being a 'slut' or anything like that so please dont think that or say that of yourself. You are not a bad person! That's been your way of coping, ok so it isnt the best way but again, can anyone say they always make the right decisions?

I also am very bad at working out dates so am no help on that front. I honestly think you should come clean to your parents though, you arent going to be able to hide it forever and when it comes down to it you're still their daughter. I'm only 30 weeks pregnant with my first but I would already do anything for this baby, it's my world and I would hand on heart give my life for it. Its not exclusive to me, I imagine its a common natural feeling to get about your child and your parents, while they may feel disappointed and seem angry at first, you're still their child and I wouldnt think very much of any parent who could turn their back on their child when they are obviously crying out for help.

I would echo the other girls and speak to a professional too, councilling is a good idea to clear your head a bit. I'd also speak to your GP about medication youre taking. I dont know anything about the migraine meds your on so am not saying in any way it isnt safe as I simply dont know, but i was on meds every day for aura migraines and I got told to come off them as soon as I decided to try for a baby. I'd also check the codine? Again I know paracetomol is fine for pain relief but my doc is refusing to let me have two toe nails removed whilst preg because they usually prescribe cocodimol for pain relief afterwards and he thinks I should be avoiding taking that. Dont panic!! As I said I really dont know, best to check.

Hope you get the support you need and dont make any decisions based on keeping anyone else happy. This is ultimately your life. Best of luck x

p.s any more threats of 'kicking your head in' I'd be calling the police...