Pregnant 6 weeks & "father" doesn't want me to

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by piscesgal24, Jul 14, 2005.

  1. piscesgal24

    piscesgal24 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2005
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hello,
    I admit I'm %50 to blame here. I knew his views on abortion. We have only been together 2 months & I found out last weekend (7/9/05) that I was pregnant- I took 4 pregnancy tests in a week & the all showed up positive in seconds- "he" was there of course. We fell in love so fast- we were both in very long relationships- I'm 24, he's 25.

    As the story goes, he thinks we should wait until we both are ready for baby...I am, he is for an abortion ASAP! I keep procrastinating. We ddn't need a hpt to know I was pg, we both knew it. I feel it is a beautifull experience even though my nipples kill me, I have strange cravings, I'm always tired, and feel nausea 24/7- It is life! He didn't want to face that at first, he is scared- even more so than I am, maybe b/c I'm a female.

    He never was crazy about kids. In fact one of his last g/f before me left him b/c she wanted babies so she went back to her horrible ex-hisband. That hurt his pride & he doesn't want to ose me. But he is manipulative: telling me if I have the abortion we will elope, work on our careers first than in 5 years have a kid...I can't wait that long & I dont want to have an abortion- but, I blame myself b/c I knew his view point & ignored it so I got myself into this mess.

    He says if I keep it he will not leave me, but we will not last as a couple. I will be a single paent & the kid will not have a father (only someone who sends a check in every month. I brought up adoption (to save the baby's life). Then he gets possessive- The baby is mine, I can't watch you carry our baby for nine months then give it to some starngers. Part of him wants it, but he's worried what his family & friends would think more than life he created. We both have cried, especially when I tell him to say good-bye to the baby- he puts his head to my belly & cries and then I cry.

    No doubt we will have a bond for life. But he constantly says he will not be there b/c he wants a career and still need to finish university. He's almost done and he gives me guilt trip threatening to drop out when he is almost done- I beg him no, then he says he needs to start making more money now! I don't want an abortion, I'm standing my ground. We are deeply in love with one another & I will not lose him as a friend, but partners for life we will never be, he has made that abundantly clear. It just breaks my heart.

    Should I just let him go & handle the baby on my own? I have a great support group. It's just that we feel so connected, losing him would be as bad as losing a baby. If I abort, I will lose them both- thats what my gut tells me. Thank you.
     
  2. Missy

    Missy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2005
    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hiya,I hope you ok. I dont mean to be rude to your partner here but surely if he loves you then he should stand by you no matter what ! I don't think its very fair of him to tell you that you wont last.
    Your pregnant..its your baby..you have the rights and its up to you to decide wether you want this child or not. Im sure youll be a fantastic mum and that youll look after your baby !
    If your partner can say your not gonna last then what kinda of outlook for the future is he preparing for?
    I know its hard but you have to make the decision, do what you want to do :D
    If it is because of his past then he needs to let go and show that he loves you.
    Personally i think he just scared,worried and confused.
    Please dont cry another tear hun, cry a tear for happiness knowing that your pregnant ! and you get to be a mummy :p
    A child can be bought up with all the luxerys and a child can have everything he/she deserves but whats more special that love :)
    I dunno if i have helped, but the decision lays in your hand.
    I lost my baby due to a miscarriage recently and i was going to be forced into a abortion but i couldnt do it and if you feel you cant, then dont do it, trust me, you will regret it !
    Take care
    Smile :)
    xxx
     
  3. piscesgal24

    piscesgal24 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2005
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Missy,

    THank you so much for your words of encouragement & I have a close female friend who said the same exact thing to me- she says I dont need a man, I can do it on my own. I just look at my b/f & me thinking what a beautiful baby we will have- I'm chinese and european & he's polish & we have a great sense of humor & are very affectionate & educated people, but he is looking after himself not me & the baby so I was told to leave him alone until he sees the light & I know he will come crawlng back to me! Thank you again :lol: And good luck with your pregnancy :wink:
     
  4. Missy

    Missy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2005
    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks !
    Ignore my ticker... its still the same one from my miscarriage !
    I just dont feel ready to take it off yet, ill put a message underneath it
    !
    Theres no garuntee even if you are with partner when your child is born that your going to be together forever? theres no garuntee of that for anyone you just have to prepare for future and live for today :p
    If he dosent come back to you then he will be making the biggest mistake of his life ! Aww i bet your child will be adorable and so beautiful ! Nothing can be a mothers love :D
    Make sure you put your scan pictures on the forum when you have your scan !

    Good luckkk !!
    Keep me posted !
    Take Care
    Im always here if you need a chat
    cassie xx
     
  5. boo boo

    boo boo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey sorry to hear about the sitauation u are in. I too was in the same sitauation you are in. I was torn between countinuing with the pregnancy or having an abortion, but my partner at the time was completly suppirtive and said he would go along with woteva i wanted, he never actuallt told me wot he prefred me to do, but deep down i think he would rather i had and abortion. Ne way after agonising over it for weeks, and going to my first consulatations for my abortion and having recived the date that it was to take place, i finally backed out. The decision i made as purely by myself, and no one influenced me, because as much as i told myself an abortion was the best option, and was start to believe that. I reliased that an abortion was not what i wanted, and soon as i made my finall decision i kew that it wa sthe right one, and have not regreted it at all so far. Yes it was very hard telling him my decision, and after i told him, hes eemed to drift away and not acknowledge what was happening. Even tho he say he is going to be utterly involved, i too still se myself aws being a singl3e mother as we are not reallya couple ne more, i cant kid myself over it ne more.

    Neway sorry to bable about me but, i think that u shud forget wot other people think, i mean ruly forget everyones opinions including your boyfriends, and decide wot u truly want. Even if u jus try not to think about it ine day soon you will come to a decision and u will know if it is the right one. I came to decisions many times and always felt as if it was the right one, but wen i decided to keep the baby i really did feel so happy. If you do decide that u want to have an abortion t hen good luck and hopefully one day u and your boyfriend will have children in the future. But if u want this baby then your boyfriend shud understand ur feelings, and if he is man enuf to except his responsibilities (after all u didnt make this child on ur own) then he will support u, it may even take him time to come around to the idea.
    Also being a single mother will be harder there is no point in pretending it aint, i have to face that reality. But it may be a little harder, but u get all the same rewards, and after all wot are friens and family for, they will be the most support u eva get in ur life.

    I hope u do wot u think is best.

    Lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: sorry for bablin, i jus cant help it, was born to talk me and if i cant talk ill type it all out. lol

    bec x x x
     
  6. boo boo

    boo boo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    0
    god jus read thro my post again sorry bout the speeling, i cant be bothered to go thro and change it tho.
    lol

    bec x x
     
  7. Manda

    Manda Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2005
    Messages:
    904
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm not gonna babble on just gonna say if you want this baby then keep it, if your boyfriend loves you as much as he says he does then he will stand by you, if he goes then you know he was a liar.

    How would you feel if you have the abortion and then he walks out whether it be a week later or a year later, if i was in your shoes i'd be saying bye to the boyfriend, if he comes around and comes back then great if he doesn't then move on at least you will still have your beautiful baby.
     
  8. beckyNbump

    beckyNbump Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2006
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I found out I was pregnant my partner at the time didnt want the baby at all and really tried to pressurise me into having a termination. I even went to an abortion clinic but couldnt go through with it. And I am so glad I didnt. I left the clinic single but determind. Im now 30 weeks pregnant and due a little boy July 26th. I dont see the babys dad anymore and hope it stays that way, I dont want any support from him financially or anything. I have a great family and great friends and know I wont be on my own. It is much better to raise a baby alone than with a man who doesnt want the baby. I find it hard at times when I go to antinatal classes or midwives appointments and couples are there cooing over the bump and Im there with my mum or on my own. I know that in time I will meet a decent man (if there are any!) and go through a pregnancy with a partner, just not for now. Do what is right for you, good luck with whatever you decide
     
  9. bekki_16

    bekki_16 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2006
    Messages:
    129
    Likes Received:
    0
    sorry to hear about that, i no what your going threw my daughter is 6 months old and he dad has just walked out on us and got a new g/f
    things will only get better and if he will leave you and his baby then he isnt worth it you deserve alot better hun
    Bekki xx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice