*UPDATE*
Well, he's contacted me every day since I posted last. Asking how I am, if Evie is being good for mummy etc etc and it's been nice having contact without any strain or anything...
...Anyway, he broke up with his girlfriend (as he wasn't happy) and contacted me tonight to tell me that he's decided to leave the army!
My best friend is his sister in law and no matter what went on between us before, my friendship with his sister in law or brother has never changed... They have been so good to me and I'm going to be Godmother to their son (due 27th May). Reece will be Godfather...
He has made it very clear that he's leaving the army because HE wants to, not because he thinks there's a chance, although I don't believe him? It just seems odd to me
Anyway...
...I thought I'd update you all. I'm going to take things reeeeeeally slowly and at MY pace.
I've managed to work out something as well which has made me feel better, I want any future man to enter mine and my daughter's relationship, not my daughter to enter mine and a man's relationship if that makes sense?
So, my plan is to establish a relationship between me and Evie first, focus on getting through the first few months just me and her (with a little help from my family of course!) and THEN see how I feel.
I think me and Reece will still do "couply" things like cinema, meals out etc, but that's ok with me because I'll be doing it for the company, dipping my toe in the waters. I won't get intimate though
A) I'm scared because I haven't had sex since December (when I didn't know I was pregnant and obviousl haven't had chance to since lol) and B) because I think as soon as I get on that level with him it'll be harder to break away from should things go wrong.
And I've promised myself (and you girlies) that any sign of anything I doubt in him and that's it.
I'm going to be very clear with what I will/what I will not tolerate in his behaviour.
I'm going to post in Single & Pregnant in a sec about how I feel about relationships (and how badly my last one has actually affected me and how it's only just rearing it's ugly head with my self esteem)...
Thanks for listening! xx
POSTED: 20TH APRIL 08
(PLEASE NOTE: This isn't my baby's Dad!!)
Well, I met a guy (Reece) in June last year, my best friend's brother in law. We met at her wedding and we clicked, he was really nice, not fantastic looking but he bowled me over with his kindness and personality...
Anyway, we dated and he spoiled me rotten, honestly, he would NOT let me pay towards ANYTHING and I usually hate that, I like to pay my own way and be "equal" in a relationship. He treated me to a suprise Alton Towers trip with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend (I wasn't "allowed" to pay ANYTHING!) He used to buy me lunch, we'd spend every evening together etc and we got on great.
I have psoriasis and lord knows how I've done it, but I've usually actually come out in the open with it with boyfriends after about 2/3 months! (Even after getting intimate, I've managed to hide it well). So, at Alton Towers, he asked if we could have sex with the light on, this is something I'd never done and all of a sudden I panicked because of my psoriasis and thought "sh*t, I have to come clean" and I was so so upset that I hadn't been able to tell him in my own time and I'd had to tell him when I wasn't ready to... So I cried, opened up, and told him. He told me he knew I had something because he'd seen it the morning before when I thought he was asleep and got changed.. He said he was hoping I'd come out and tell him without him having to drag it out of me. He asked me to show him it, and I couldn't and I was devastated because no-one had ever ASKED to see it, they'd just accepted it and in time, they've seen it if you know what I mean. So I showed him, and he cradled me and cuddled me and told me he thought I was beautiful, and even more beautiful with a flaw because he said it made me "normal" and he really supported it and said it didn't bother him IN the slightest!
Anyway, in August last year, I was offered a chance to do some glamour modelling. I'd never done anything of the sort before and because of my weight and psoriasis, the thought never even crossed my mind so when I was approached, I thought "why not?!"
Reece was ok about it at first and said it was up to me, my body etc. I did get the feeling he was just agreeing with it to be nice and to not show his "bad side" but I went ahead anyway with what I thought was his blessing...
I didn't get paid for it, I did it all for free and got some nice pictures out of it, it was a great experience and great for my confidence! I gained more from that than any amount of money I could have earned! So I will never look back in regret...
...He absolutely blew up one night and called me a slag and that when you're in a relationship, you should absolutely NEVER show it off to other men under any circumstances etc etc. He was furious and so so so angry. It really scared me and he made me feel cheap and worthless. I got called a wh*re, a sl*t, a sl*g etc... He basically said I was prostituting my body.
When my dad found out he was fuming about it, he didn't talk to me until October (2 months). Reece contacted him and told him he disagreed too and rubbed it in my face that I wasn't supported in the hope (I guess) that I'd stop.
Anyway, I refused to and carried on with the modelling and finished the relationship a few weeks later (end of August). I eventually gave up modelling in October as I decided I'd got what I wanted out of it and wanted to patch things up with my Dad and the only way to do that was to quit what I was doing.
Ever since October, he's been in close contact with my brother (who is 17). Taken him out, treated him to things etc. He's been texting me telling me he's really sorry and loves me etc. (We never said "I love you" or anything, I'm not one to open up that far for a loooong time into a relationship, despite actually feeling it on the rare occasion).
He literally has not left me alone at all. In February, he left to go into the Army and asked if I'd go down with my brother to his leaving party, I did, and he kissed me outside while me and my brother were leaving to go home at the end of the night.
He has been contacting me on and off and since knowing I am pregnant, has been desperate to get involved and look after us. He keeps telling me he can provide ANYTHING I need for me and Evie and that he'll always be there, together or not. He LOVES children and is always texting me to remind me I guess that he's there, waiting for me to include him in my ready made little family. He's told me he's gutted Evie isn't his but he'll love her no matter what etc.
Anyway, he is currently with my brother's good friend, Charlotte (lovely girl). They're just dating and as he's in the army, they don't see each other much. He contacted me last night and really tried to persuade me that he could be the missing link me and Evie need and that he will love her and protect her and care for us both etc.
It all sounds a bit too great of an offer and my feelings AGAINST it are these;
- How he acted with the modelling.
- He would be VERY strict with Evie, very (with regard to boyfriends, piercings etc) I can tell.
- We disagree on a couple of issues (I don't really want to go into them) but we STRONGLY disagree and we've had minor clashes on the subject before.
- He is in the army and I have always said I could never be with anyone in the army, I juust want a nice, normal, settled life for me and my daughter.
To shut him up, I told him that we should not text each other while he is with someone else and that we'll catch up when he's next back home (in 6 weeks time). He's now assuming that there's a great chance for a future between us and has finished with his girlfriend! He said he'll help me set up Evie's bedroom furniture when he's next down and will take me out etc... I didn't give false hope did I?! I just implied we'll talk about MAYBE having another go!!
On the plus side, we would have to take it slowly (which is fantastic for me) because we'd only see each other every 3 or 4 weeks which means we can almost "date" without screwing Evie up if it all goes wrong?!
HEEEEEEEEELLLLLPPPP!!! xx
Well, he's contacted me every day since I posted last. Asking how I am, if Evie is being good for mummy etc etc and it's been nice having contact without any strain or anything...
...Anyway, he broke up with his girlfriend (as he wasn't happy) and contacted me tonight to tell me that he's decided to leave the army!
My best friend is his sister in law and no matter what went on between us before, my friendship with his sister in law or brother has never changed... They have been so good to me and I'm going to be Godmother to their son (due 27th May). Reece will be Godfather...
He has made it very clear that he's leaving the army because HE wants to, not because he thinks there's a chance, although I don't believe him? It just seems odd to me
Anyway......I thought I'd update you all. I'm going to take things reeeeeeally slowly and at MY pace.
I've managed to work out something as well which has made me feel better, I want any future man to enter mine and my daughter's relationship, not my daughter to enter mine and a man's relationship if that makes sense?
So, my plan is to establish a relationship between me and Evie first, focus on getting through the first few months just me and her (with a little help from my family of course!) and THEN see how I feel.
I think me and Reece will still do "couply" things like cinema, meals out etc, but that's ok with me because I'll be doing it for the company, dipping my toe in the waters. I won't get intimate though
A) I'm scared because I haven't had sex since December (when I didn't know I was pregnant and obviousl haven't had chance to since lol) and B) because I think as soon as I get on that level with him it'll be harder to break away from should things go wrong.And I've promised myself (and you girlies) that any sign of anything I doubt in him and that's it.
I'm going to be very clear with what I will/what I will not tolerate in his behaviour.I'm going to post in Single & Pregnant in a sec about how I feel about relationships (and how badly my last one has actually affected me and how it's only just rearing it's ugly head with my self esteem)...
Thanks for listening! xx
POSTED: 20TH APRIL 08
(PLEASE NOTE: This isn't my baby's Dad!!)
Well, I met a guy (Reece) in June last year, my best friend's brother in law. We met at her wedding and we clicked, he was really nice, not fantastic looking but he bowled me over with his kindness and personality...
Anyway, we dated and he spoiled me rotten, honestly, he would NOT let me pay towards ANYTHING and I usually hate that, I like to pay my own way and be "equal" in a relationship. He treated me to a suprise Alton Towers trip with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend (I wasn't "allowed" to pay ANYTHING!) He used to buy me lunch, we'd spend every evening together etc and we got on great.
I have psoriasis and lord knows how I've done it, but I've usually actually come out in the open with it with boyfriends after about 2/3 months! (Even after getting intimate, I've managed to hide it well). So, at Alton Towers, he asked if we could have sex with the light on, this is something I'd never done and all of a sudden I panicked because of my psoriasis and thought "sh*t, I have to come clean" and I was so so upset that I hadn't been able to tell him in my own time and I'd had to tell him when I wasn't ready to... So I cried, opened up, and told him. He told me he knew I had something because he'd seen it the morning before when I thought he was asleep and got changed.. He said he was hoping I'd come out and tell him without him having to drag it out of me. He asked me to show him it, and I couldn't and I was devastated because no-one had ever ASKED to see it, they'd just accepted it and in time, they've seen it if you know what I mean. So I showed him, and he cradled me and cuddled me and told me he thought I was beautiful, and even more beautiful with a flaw because he said it made me "normal" and he really supported it and said it didn't bother him IN the slightest!
Anyway, in August last year, I was offered a chance to do some glamour modelling. I'd never done anything of the sort before and because of my weight and psoriasis, the thought never even crossed my mind so when I was approached, I thought "why not?!"
Reece was ok about it at first and said it was up to me, my body etc. I did get the feeling he was just agreeing with it to be nice and to not show his "bad side" but I went ahead anyway with what I thought was his blessing...
I didn't get paid for it, I did it all for free and got some nice pictures out of it, it was a great experience and great for my confidence! I gained more from that than any amount of money I could have earned! So I will never look back in regret...
...He absolutely blew up one night and called me a slag and that when you're in a relationship, you should absolutely NEVER show it off to other men under any circumstances etc etc. He was furious and so so so angry. It really scared me and he made me feel cheap and worthless. I got called a wh*re, a sl*t, a sl*g etc... He basically said I was prostituting my body.
When my dad found out he was fuming about it, he didn't talk to me until October (2 months). Reece contacted him and told him he disagreed too and rubbed it in my face that I wasn't supported in the hope (I guess) that I'd stop.
Anyway, I refused to and carried on with the modelling and finished the relationship a few weeks later (end of August). I eventually gave up modelling in October as I decided I'd got what I wanted out of it and wanted to patch things up with my Dad and the only way to do that was to quit what I was doing.
Ever since October, he's been in close contact with my brother (who is 17). Taken him out, treated him to things etc. He's been texting me telling me he's really sorry and loves me etc. (We never said "I love you" or anything, I'm not one to open up that far for a loooong time into a relationship, despite actually feeling it on the rare occasion).
He literally has not left me alone at all. In February, he left to go into the Army and asked if I'd go down with my brother to his leaving party, I did, and he kissed me outside while me and my brother were leaving to go home at the end of the night.
He has been contacting me on and off and since knowing I am pregnant, has been desperate to get involved and look after us. He keeps telling me he can provide ANYTHING I need for me and Evie and that he'll always be there, together or not. He LOVES children and is always texting me to remind me I guess that he's there, waiting for me to include him in my ready made little family. He's told me he's gutted Evie isn't his but he'll love her no matter what etc.
Anyway, he is currently with my brother's good friend, Charlotte (lovely girl). They're just dating and as he's in the army, they don't see each other much. He contacted me last night and really tried to persuade me that he could be the missing link me and Evie need and that he will love her and protect her and care for us both etc.
It all sounds a bit too great of an offer and my feelings AGAINST it are these;
- How he acted with the modelling.
- He would be VERY strict with Evie, very (with regard to boyfriends, piercings etc) I can tell.
- We disagree on a couple of issues (I don't really want to go into them) but we STRONGLY disagree and we've had minor clashes on the subject before.
- He is in the army and I have always said I could never be with anyone in the army, I juust want a nice, normal, settled life for me and my daughter.
To shut him up, I told him that we should not text each other while he is with someone else and that we'll catch up when he's next back home (in 6 weeks time). He's now assuming that there's a great chance for a future between us and has finished with his girlfriend! He said he'll help me set up Evie's bedroom furniture when he's next down and will take me out etc...
I didn't give false hope did I?! I just implied we'll talk about MAYBE having another go!!On the plus side, we would have to take it slowly (which is fantastic for me) because we'd only see each other every 3 or 4 weeks which means we can almost "date" without screwing Evie up if it all goes wrong?!
HEEEEEEEEELLLLLPPPP!!! xx
It's down to you in the end but I think he sounds like quite a decent bloke.
xx
