*** Working Mum's Support thread ***

[CARNAT22]

Good luck tomorrow Dani x

 

[brand new]

Gd luck dani Hun.

I've been back since January and I hate every minute. I do 30 hrs over 4 days, including every other weekend. I just so wish we could afford it so I didn't have to work. I miss jack every minute of the day. He changes so much and so quickly now I feel like on my days off I've got to learn what he now knows!! So stressful and tiring. Big hugs ladies. Xx

 

[Sparklisam]

Loving this thread ...

I had 19 weeks with my LO before I had to go back. I've gone back to a more demanding role and now am a manager of a disabled children's homes. I'm very lucky to have spent mat leave working out what hours are going to work best. I work full time over 3.5 days. Two 10 hour days and a 25 hours shift (I sleep at work) but it's 17 contracted hours as we can sleep for 8 if the kids sleep that are staying !!! My OH works 4 days a week so between his hours and mine we do all the childcare between us apart from 2 days at nursery. He has two 11 hour days at nursery 7:30-6:30. This to some ppl is absolutely wrong but it works for us. I get two days off in the week with my LO and also we get 1/2 Sat when I finish work and allday Sunday as a family. We went to Cotswold Wildlife Park today making the most of it all.

However it all comes at a price ... Been back at work just over a month. I am ridiculously house proud so never have time to sit down in the evenings as well as going to the gym when LO is in bed. I have had Tonsilitus / conjunctivitis and am shattered 24/7. I had to drop my LO at nursery with a runny nose n teething pains and got to work and felt like the worst parent in the world.

We all have different opinions on what is right and wrong for working mums and stay at home mums. I think they r both as hard as each other. Both have positive and negative aspects. But my situation works for us. All I need to do is learnt to take time to relax .......... Easier said than done !!!! Lol xxxx

 

[laurat]

Hey girls, was in my work for half a day to find out what ill be doing when I go back on the 22nd April. Its heartnening to see the group of us feel the same guilt and worry about being back.

I am a teacher and im going back full time. My lo is spending 3 days with family and 2 with a childminder. I picked 2 days with a childminder because I worry about more than ine day being too much for the grandparents. He will also be around other children wit the childminder and I lime that. I feel ok at the moment but know it will be so difficult to leve him. I need to focus on my great holidays and the thought that I can afford to get him nice things and holidays that I couldnt afford if i wasnt full time!

 

[Hunnie]

I went back to work 2 days a week when LO was 7 months old. Then I went full time doing 42 hour weeks from when she was 10 months. It was hard at first but the saving grace was that I was only doing shift work so I got to see her quite a lot during the week and especially when I was doing night shifts.

Im currently at uni and working at the same time. I do 3/4 days at uni and then try to do a couple of nights a week. It kills me especially when shes ill but it means that I have the money for us to be able to go out to places and for me to be able to pay for her pre school ( which she absolutely loves!!). Its all one massive juggling act but we manage. There are days when the housework doesnt get touched at all and we either have a duvet day or we get up in a morning and go straight out and have some fun.

I do think though that working hard keeps me sane. It makes me fully appreciate the time we have together when im not busy.

 

[CARNAT22]

Thank Crunchie it's Friday.

James is finally on the road to recovery so OH was going to work today and then my sister texts early to say her eldest has the vomiting bug.

OH has lost best part of £400 this week not being at work and the irony is once this job is done he doesn't have "much" on the horizon.

Thankfully he can work the weekend to make up a little.

I guess the important thing is we've muddled through.

Yesterday I ried to book some leave for around Easter time and was told that this now has to be OK'd by my senior boss in the US. Usually you just check no-one else in your team is off and don't book end of the month off?

X

 

[hellywelly]

Thank God for this thread - thank you for starting it Carnat. I went back (primary school teacher) three days a week when my lo was 8 months and she had Monday with daddy and Tue/Wed with the childminder (who we both love and adore and is amazing). This worked for us, as I do need to work for my own sanity but felt we had a really good balance. Unfortunately I am also the main breadwinner and hubby earns about a third of what I do and is self employed so this can be ropey some weeks as is also weather dependent.

So we are toddling along ok until I decided that I couldn't afford to be on half mat pay if we ttc again, so went back full time to get full mat pay. Except then hubby said he didn't want another baby for a while. So now I've been stuck at work full time since last Sept with lo at the childminders 4 days a week costing me a fortune (daddy still does Mon) feeling, quite frankly, like SHIT. I am a teacher and I HAVE to work evenings and weekends to keep up - this is non-negotiable, and is the price I pay for having good holidays at other times (even though I do work in those as well!). So I feel like I am constantly sacrificing quality family time for work, willing her to have naps at the weekend so I can do some planning or mark books, me and hubby taking her out separately on one day of the weekend so we each get half a day 'work time'. Life shouldn't be like this and I hate it. It all came to a head this week and I was dragging myself to work ill and finally got sent home very poorly on Wed lunch, which the doctor diagnosed yesterday as a nasty case of strep throat.

Luckily my lo adores her childminder and is pretty good in the illness stakes, but I dread having to make that call to work saying I'm not coming in cause she's ill. And the thing I hate most of all is having to wake her up at 6.45am on working mornings to get her out of the house on time. This makes me feel like a crap mum - I can't even let my kid fricking SLEEP when she should be allowed!!!!!!! So I know my story is just a tale of woe like other people's, but it was just nice to get how I am feeling out and realise I am not the only one. Thank you. xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

It sucks arse to be honest.

We were planning on TTC soon but to be honest the past few weeks have made us reconsider our decision.

We are struggling as we are. Not sure how I would have got through the past fortnight if I was pregnant or had a new-born??

X

 

[TaffyRose1]

Life as a working mum (well a mum in general but this thread is about working mums) really is never easy, I just feel as though I'm constantly letting one side down. I am expecting baby number 2 and am already stressing about the logistics and money. We desperately need to move into a bigger house and I really want to get settled somewhere in the next year - 18 months as we'll be looking at schools for Max. Because we are self employed it all falls on OH when I'm not there, which is not only stressful financially but he finds it stressful emotionally too. There is a possibility that our company will merge with another and I am praying to god it happens as it will offer a lot more security. It'll also give me a lot more flexibility and options after having the next one. Life ay! xxx

 

[Loula]

Id love to ttc with my new partner but to put 2 in childcare would be my wages gone. Roll on 2 years when she's at school xx

 

[Jajis]

And the thing I hate most of all is having to wake her up at 6.45am on working mornings to get her out of the house on time. This makes me feel like a crap mum - I can't even let my kid fricking SLEEP when she should be allowed!!!!!!!

It's horrible isn't it I'm sure our LO doesn't get as much sleep as he should. The worst is every other Monday when we have to be out the house at 6:45am, so in order for him to have had a nappy change and boob feed he has to be woken at about 6:30am - and sometimes he's not gone to sleep until 9:30pm the night before. Thankfully that's the day my Mum has him, so we don't have to get him dressed. Even this morning when I woke him at 7am the look he gave me was just 'whhhyyy mama, whhhyyy?' - to be honest I feel the same

I also have no idea how I'd ever get him to nursery on time if I had to give him breakfast at home, I'm so glad we picked a nursery that provides breakfast (although it just gives me something else to feel guilty about because I'm sure it's not as healthy as breakfast at home ).

 

[redbear]

Out of interst will I be able to join here in September, ill be going to college full time plus doing a gcse alongside and volunteering days off/weekends/evenings? gosh im going to be busy xx

 

[Gemsy]

Hi girls, great thread.

I am self employed, which while it is nice in that I get a bit of flexibility and freedom, it is also horrible, as the buck stops with us (OH and I), we are essentially always on call, and if the staff let us down, it is us filling the gaps.

I LOVE work, and I could never not work, it would drive me bonkers, but I am struggling with the guilt.

At the moment LO is with a lady who works for me and is a family friend, 3 afternoons a week, and OH and I share the childcare for the rest of the time. God, it is hard work. I do about 60 hours a week, and am constantly exhausted. Thank GOD my baby sleeps as if he didn't I don't know how I would cope!!

I just live in hope that when he grows up, he will admire my determination and work ethic and not think I didn't want to spend time with him

When you are self employed the financial pressure is also enormous. We work like dogs to safeguard our LO's future, and I at times it is very scary

 

[littlemonkey]

And the thing I hate most of all is having to wake her up at 6.45am on working mornings to get her out of the house on time. This makes me feel like a crap mum - I can't even let my kid fricking SLEEP when she should be allowed!!!!!!!

It's horrible isn't it I'm sure our LO doesn't get as much sleep as he should. The worst is every other Monday when we have to be out the house at 6:45am, so in order for him to have had a nappy change and boob feed he has to be woken at about 6:30am - and sometimes he's not gone to sleep until 9:30pm the night before. Thankfully that's the day my Mum has him, so we don't have to get him dressed. Even this morning when I woke him at 7am the look he gave me was just 'whhhyyy mama, whhhyyy?' - to be honest I feel the same

I also have no idea how I'd ever get him to nursery on time if I had to give him breakfast at home, I'm so glad we picked a nursery that provides breakfast (although it just gives me something else to feel guilty about because I'm sure it's not as healthy as breakfast at home ).

Thankfully my LO likes to go to bed early and tends to wake up at about 6am on his own. Although I do always curse this on my days off! I'd feel so rotten having to wake the wee thing!

The childminder has to give him breakfast some mornings if he gets up late and we have to go at 7.30. I tend to put his breakfast in his bag for him. That way I know he has something decent.

 

[Cupcake85]

I'm back at work in 2 weeks, my lo is going to a local nursery, I will be working 8am - 6pm on a Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. I will drop my lo off and hubby will pick her up. I'm glad I can do 3 days as I don't know if I could manage full time, hats off to you mams who do it

 

[Les1504]

Thank God for this thread - thank you for starting it Carnat. I went back (primary school teacher) three days a week when my lo was 8 months and she had Monday with daddy and Tue/Wed with the childminder (who we both love and adore and is amazing). This worked for us, as I do need to work for my own sanity but felt we had a really good balance. Unfortunately I am also the main breadwinner and hubby earns about a third of what I do and is self employed so this can be ropey some weeks as is also weather dependent.

So we are toddling along ok until I decided that I couldn't afford to be on half mat pay if we ttc again, so went back full time to get full mat pay. Except then hubby said he didn't want another baby for a while. So now I've been stuck at work full time since last Sept with lo at the childminders 4 days a week costing me a fortune (daddy still does Mon) feeling, quite frankly, like SHIT. I am a teacher and I HAVE to work evenings and weekends to keep up - this is non-negotiable, and is the price I pay for having good holidays at other times (even though I do work in those as well!). So I feel like I am constantly sacrificing quality family time for work, willing her to have naps at the weekend so I can do some planning or mark books, me and hubby taking her out separately on one day of the weekend so we each get half a day 'work time'. Life shouldn't be like this and I hate it. It all came to a head this week and I was dragging myself to work ill and finally got sent home very poorly on Wed lunch, which the doctor diagnosed yesterday as a nasty case of strep throat.

Luckily my lo adores her childminder and is pretty good in the illness stakes, but I dread having to make that call to work saying I'm not coming in cause she's ill. And the thing I hate most of all is having to wake her up at 6.45am on working mornings to get her out of the house on time. This makes me feel like a crap mum - I can't even let my kid fricking SLEEP when she should be allowed!!!!!!! So I know my story is just a tale of woe like other people's, but it was just nice to get how I am feeling out and realise I am not the only one. Thank you. xxxx

I know exactly how you feel Hun. I teach a very challenging year 6 class full time and to be honest I hate it! I don't have the energy to mark and plan on a weekend and I'm too exhausted to be nice to my class! I also cry a lot at school and feel my health is going downhill rapidly x

 

[hellywelly]

I really feel for you. Unless you teach it can be hard to imagine how demanding it is - I long for the days when I worked 16 hour wedding shifts in my local country pub. Yes it was a 16 hour day but at least when I got home my time was my own, instead of having the constant teacher guilt that I should be doing work. It's so ingrained now that it scares me - I feel guilty if I have any'off work' time and that is so so wrong! Hence why it's 22.28 and I have just taken a quick break from planning my guided reading for the week, after doing my maths planning before that and have some books to mark if I don't fall asleep on the sofa before then. And all because I didn't do any work yesterday or this morning as I was prepping for and celebrating my child's birthday today. IT'S MY FUCKING CHILD'S BIRTHDAY!!! Why can't I just have a day off and not feel guilty about it??!!!

 

[leesey]

I've left classroom teaching, wouldn't say 100% that it's forever, but I'm no longer responsible for my own class. So I've moved to Support for Learning, and although I think it's challenging in its own way (a lot more paperwork, etc, as well as all the planning and marking) but it's a lot less of a guilt trip. I can actually leave before 4 some days! It's a completely different job though, so I wouldn't say it was for everyone, but I'm glad I've made the change. I'm also down to 3 days now, I was making myself ill with guilt and exhaustion. Not everyone can afford to do this, which I fully appreciate xx

 

[CARNAT22]

Another week and another cycle of guilt.

My sisters middle boy is off colour (she thinks he is coming down with something) so OH has had to take today off

Hopefully all is OK with my nephew, otherwise I am going to be calling in sick tomorrow.

James is teething so he is grumpy and super fussy with his food. OH will be tearing his hair out come this evening.

X

 

[michelle35uk]

Sofia is full of cold yet again...cant remember the last time i had a decent sleep aa shes cough cough all night,lovely green snot and so much congestion....wen will it go away,im so fed up now