Why find out the gender

[muppetmummy]

I found out with both mine. With Logan we had to pay for a private scan as they wouldn't tell at the NHS one.
With James it was just impatience. With Logan it was a mixture of impatience, wanting to be able to plan ahead as if it were a girl we'd had to have shuffled the rooms about to fit her in, and also being my last baby I didn't want to risk being disappointed at the birth if I didn't have a girl.
If I'm completely honest when at the scan they told me he was a boy there were a couple seconds where I felt dissapointed, then I dealt with it and started looking forward to having a son. I'm glad I got that over with when I was pregnant.

 

[Mildly]

We found out originally because we were curious to know more about the LO we were growing. The more I think about our decision, I'm convinced that it was the right one for us. Personally I don't want to be off my head on whatever drugs I end up having (disclaimer - I'm aware I might not be on any drugs) which might ruin the moment of being told. As it was we had a lovely sonographer who did all the health checks first so we were already on a high that he was healthy and being told he was a boy and seeing his willy on the screen was the icing on the cake. I don't much care about the idea that his dignity has been lost as mine will pretty much be non-existent after the birth so why should he get away with dignity intact In fact the sonographer said, 'wow well there is no mistaking that' whilst his willy was on the screen and it was me that got to say to OH 'it's a boy' as he didn't get what he was seeing. My OH was in tears and couldn't say anything for the rest of the scan and I was only just managing to hold it together It was a magical moment for us and I couldn't imagine it being any better if we'd have waited.

We have kept the gender a secret between us two (and the forum) and that is another wonderful thing about knowing whilst others don't - I like secrets. This way we get to surprise our family and friends when we send out the text announcements after the birth. I'm glad we've done this as when we've told people we are having a surprise they've mostly said 'aww it's better that way'. When it is your baby there is so much more to discover about your new arrival than just the gender or the weight but when it is someone else's baby the other stuff (looks/personality/the amazing fact that you made this little person) doesn't seem very important and so gender and weight are the things people want to know.

Ultimately just as deciding whether to have a 4D scan and the way your raise your offspring, finding out the gender is a personal decision for each couple. It does always interest me that posts asking why people find out the gender are often started by those who have stayed team green and there is a passive inference that people who have found out should in some way defend their reasons for doing so. I wouldn't want to influence any other expecting couple to find out just because that is what I did in the same way that I kinda resent the pressure from some people who've stayed team green to do the same as them.

 

[Misslarue]

In fact the sonographer said, 'wow well there is no mistaking that' whilst his willy was on the screen and it was me that got to say to OH 'it's a boy' as he didn't get what he was seeing. My OH was in tears and couldn't say anything for the rest of the scan and I was only just managing to hold it together It was a magical moment for us and I couldn't imagine it being any better if we'd have waited.

I agree with this for us too. My OH was in tears! As we drove to get our leaving hospital outfit my OH had his head out of the window shouting 'I'm having a boy'! He was also crying as we walked around mothercare!
I think he wouldn't have enjoyed the moment as much if we had waited until Dan was born, as he would have had to concentrate on me (I was being sick).
I def wouldn't have enjoyed it as much.................I was too busy feeling out of it, being sticthed up and a puking! I couldn't even concentrate on the fact that I had just had a baby at the time, let alone what sex it was!

 

[dannii87]

Wanted to add, my Dad was with me at my 20 week scan and my Mum was waiting outside. Me and my Dad don't have that great a relationship to say the least but I wanted him to involved himself because he's always taken a back seat when it comes to me and my life because he really has no idea how to relate to a girl.

When the sonographer (4 of them!!) all checked everything, they asked if we wanted to know the sex. I had already decided that if I could, I wanted to find out. When they said it's a girl, my Dad welled up and said "here's my second chance" and I burst into tears! That moment was more magical than anything.

I also chose to have a 4D scan because I want my brothers to feel really involved. One lives with my dad (he's 13), I live with my mum and the 17 yr old flits between the two so we're rarely all together. I booked it and us 3 spent the whole day together They absolutely loved it! Because Gray left, I always tell my brothers that they get to fill the "man in her life" role and they've both decided that they really want to take her swimming etc (because I can't - with my psoriasis, people always give me funny looks in public pools because they think it's contagious through the water ) and I feel as though me and my brothers have bonded more through it too!

Anyway, I'm not justifying why I found out, I just wanted to add a few of the wonderful outcomes that happened to me since finding out.

x

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

We decided not to as we want a suprise, especially as its our first but that was our personal choice. I understand why others want to find out though

 

[reallyoldmum]

ohps sorry if I offended anyone - I do realise that the 20 weeks scan is for abnormalities and of course that is first and foremost in my mind - we have already willingly paid £245 for a nuchal scan at 12 weeks due to my age - the reasons we would like to know are more practical than anything else - we will both be delighted whatever the sex but as it is highly unlikely that we will be having another (I will be 42 when LO arrives god willing) we would like to buy equipment/do nursery in appropriate colours. When I had my other 2 (one daughter 21 and a son of 18) it was not even an option so its something that is new to this pregnancy and something that can be a first for me and my new husband. Plus my two both really want to know too - we are thinking of making a family occasion of it - taking along my mum, MIL, FIL and son as it appears we will have to pay privately and I think it will be lovely for us all to find out together (this baby is very much wanted and will be loved to pieces whatever the gender) I think it will be a lovely experience to all be together and there is not a hope in hell that I would want them all with me in the delivery suite!!!

Anyway again I hope I havent offended anyone with my initial question I was just interested how many places had the same policy - I have to say I do think that it is our NHS trusts way of earning extra revenue and that sort of sticks in my throat as up until recently it was included in the 20 week scan..... I have to also say that at my dating scan it was very much a hard sell for me to book their private one there and then - so much so that they told me that they get booked up really quickly (they only do them on a Saturday) and I should pay there and then to avoid disappointment!!!

Jane x

 

[lea m]

loved the look on my OH`s face when he got to tell me the gender of seed.. him with tears rolling down his face trying to splutter its a girl was magical. 8)

I still got that with OH! We asked what the sex was with all of them but when they are born its not like hey yeh well I know its a boy/girl etc! We still had the It is a girl with tears in his eyes and a million kisses for me!!

 

[sarah113]

with mine i was not really too bothered if i knew or not, i just said to them if you see the sex of baby can i know please, with my 3rd i did'nt find out at all and it such a lovley surprise when he was born

 

[mrs_tommo22]

No special reason. I just wanted to know.

 

[Mrs_Jay]

Have to add that theres defo more of a build up and kinda pressure of other people as to what the sex of baby is with 2nd time pregnancies. I struggled with that abit as i knew certain people were keener for me to have a girl.

Thats exactly why i wanted a surprised this time round (OH wanted to find out and i just went along with it ) but when we found out it was another boy its like no one could be happy for us about it. My MIL actually said to my OH " thats your fault you know" i meant WTF . THat really upset me. and then i keep getting the " oh you'll have to have another one then" erm why?

 

[x-kirsty-x]

We found out both times, and when we have another we'll be finding out again

No specific reason, just because we wanted to 8)

 

[LilysMummy]

Because I can and I wanted too I dont think she lost any dignity thoug she was already having somebody looking through her organs and spine etc so whats the problem with adding another check.

 

[zebrastripes]

I didn't for Willow, as I wanted to hear "It's a...." for my first ever baby though if I were to have another I'd probably find out the gender

 

[~*Leanne*~]

I wanted to know so that we could buy the right things, pink or blue, we dont have loads of money and i'm not keen on dressing my baby in neutral colours constantly so wanted to buy all the correct colour clothing etc!

plus i was too excited to wait until i give birth to find out if i was expecting a girl or boy!

 

[Fluffy Bunny]

I agree with all that too ... I dont like it when people say .. by finding out the sex helps you bond ..it might personally help a person bond but knowing what was between seeds legs wouldnt of bonded us anymore .. she was demonseed the whole way haha ..its like some people say a doppler helps bonding ..what a load of trash ...I too like you beanie loved the look on my OH`s face when he got to tell me the gender of seed.. him with tears rolling down his face trying to splutter its a girl was magical. 8)

It was the same with my OH, although he was so in awe when she was first born I asked him three times "what is it?", in the end the midwife said rather loudly to him "your wife wants to know what sex the baby is" as he was stood there like a mesmerised zombie!
I don't get the bonding thing either (though I'm sure it is valid for some people). Evie was called 'Damien' until she was born (cause I had such a rough pregnancy, I thought she was the devil's child), I still felt bonded to her when she came out a different sex!
Team Green all the way for us

 

[rusks]

we chose to find out too, everyones different.

its still a surprise when they tell you for the first time in the scan as well as at the birth.

we wanted to get a few things ready and i didn't want all neutral colours and white babygrows wanted some gender related things. i would find out everytime.

 

[Redshoes]

We've found out both times, its only a matter of 20wks difference if you find out at the scan, don't think it's an importance issue, just a fun thing to find out before baby arrives Though when it comes to our 3rd baby, all being well, I'm considering having a surprise as it were, as I've done the expecting a boy, expecting a girl, so that again will be special and different and fun

 

[Melly+2]

Didnt find out with Hope, wont be this time, and for me since i didnt get a 12 weeks scan i did feel getting a doppler helped me bond and know that was baby was ok so i dont care what ppl think bout it