Why find out the gender

[MummyJess]

I've done both options- my first 2 babies were surprises and it was so amazing to wait and find out when they arrived. I think it makes the birth announcement more exciting as well. I had no temptation at all to know.

Then, because I already had 2 girls I wanted to know what baby no.3 was as I felt I needed to prepare myself more. I was glad I did find out as when they said she was a girl I admit I was disappointed. By the time she was born obviously I couldn't wait to meet my princess and now wouldn't change my girls for the world. But it would have been horrible to have felt that disappointment when she was born - it got it out of my system early.

This time we will def find out, though for practical rather than emotional reasons. If it's another girl then that'd be great - less disruption and plenty of clothes and toys in the attic! But if it's a little fella then there will be shopping to be done and I can pass on all my baby girl stuff to friends as this will be IT! I think that the older kids will be better prepared as well. Also, I have totally run out of girl names so need to know if I need to worry about that!!

It's just gotta be what's right for you at the time, I don't think it changes the bond I felt for the babies when I was pregnant.

 

[lauramumof2]

Its all very interesting.

 

[lisa&alex]

i feel the same.. not having a go at anyone but it used to get on my nerves when some mums to be would say (this isnt intended to squig either hahha) we had the scan and its a .... but what if they were wrong. how much % is it.. and who has had them wrong. why dont you just bloody wait and have a surprise?

tbh.. im really really glad we didnt find out it was amazing for alex to tell me.. you can never take that moment away from us.. it was sooo special.

 

[Hazel]

Because I was desperate to know and couldn't wait. I think it has helped DH to bond with her already as he calls her his girly wirly . I have drawn the line at a 4d scan though because DH and I both agreed to see what she looks like when she comes out and wanted that surprise. Also easier when buying stuff. I hope just hope they weren't wrong when they told me a girl ptherwise it will be a very pink boy.

 

[lea m]

It's all personal choice! My reasons are;

Because I'm funding everything myself and I had suspicians about work giving me what they owed me. I wanted to buy as much as possible as soon as possible so I could buy clothes up until like, 12 months etc so it's been really handy in that respect. (Plus I love shopping!)

I'm really impatient and I couldn't have left the room knowing I "could" have found out but didn't, it would eat away at me and I'd have been really angry with myself afterwards

I have been a bit down during my pregnancy after Gray left me so suddenly and being on my own with little friends, I needed something to cheer me up.

It's made me feel loads more connected to her as she has an identity now and she's not "bubs" she's "Evie".

I really have no wish whatsoever to wait until birth! It's just as exciting being told half way through the pregnancy as it is when they're born IMO.

I am really pleased I found out and would definitely do it again!! xx

All of the above!! Well apart from the Gray bit lol!

 

[Becky]

The sonographer doesn't check genitalia unless you ask so s/he wouldn't know any more than you.

Not necessarily true. It doesn't always take a special check. Ours obviously knew cause when she asked us if we wanted to know (and we said yes) she said she was surprised we couldn't see; he was dangling it everywhere

Their trained eyes must often pick it up anyway.

Same with us. They asked if we wanted to know and OH said he thought he had already seen it was a boy, which of course it was!

It was the first thing our sonographer asked us and then made sure she didn't linger anywhere where we might see!

 

[1sttimemum]

I didnt find out what i was having, simply to save money and also, i thought, they couldnt find out 50 years ago and also i wanted to be able to ring and say ive had a............

 

[Becky]

The sonographer doesn't check genitalia unless you ask so s/he wouldn't know any more than you.

Not necessarily true. It doesn't always take a special check. Ours obviously knew cause when she asked us if we wanted to know (and we said yes) she said she was surprised we couldn't see; he was dangling it everywhere

Their trained eyes must often pick it up anyway.

Same with us. They asked if we wanted to know and OH said he thought he had already seen it was a boy, which of course it was!

It was the first thing our sonographer asked us and then made sure she didn't linger anywhere where we might see!

 

[1sttimemum]

I didnt find out what i was having, simply to save money and also, i thought, they couldnt find out 50 years ago and also i wanted to be able to ring and say ive had a............

 

[aramintalovegrove]

With DS there had been a disturbing incident in my life and I didnt think at the time I would be able to cope with bringing a daughter/girl into the world therefore I needed to know what i was having to emotionally cope if it was a girl.

That was part of the reason this time, however I also desperatley needed to bond with this baby, it was such a traumatic time finding out I was pregnant (see sig for a bit of an explination on that whole kettle of fish ) and I was loosing the plot big time that I needed something to help me bond.

I was very fearful of having a girl but TBH its the best thing ever now.

DH has no girls in his family so we were counting on blue but finding out it was pink really helped me grieve and get over being pregnant again.

DS also had to watch my emotions and we thought that finding out would be positive expierience for him, especially all the darkness that clouded us at the start.

I need to stock up alot to get me financially through the next year, so on a financial level it was also a plus, as they get bigger its harder to get unisex.

Wish I could wait to find out, but hell i rummage for xmas presents so when asked do you want to know the sex? i really really couldnt say no!!! even if all of the factors above were not there.

 

[Becky]

...I too like you beanie loved the look on my OH`s face when he got to tell me the gender of seed.. him with tears rolling down his face trying to splutter its a girl was magical. 8)

It was the most special thing him holding our baby, just staring at her with love then telling me she was a girl. I loved that, it was something we did together from start to finish

 

[Squiglet]

I didn't find out the gender when I had Tia... well more correctly I wasn't allowed to find out... So I never knew all the way through my pregnancy.. And I found it very difficult to cope with... When Tia was born.. and they told us she was a girl..the first thing my ex said to me was "that he was disappointed it wasn't a boy"... that memory will stay with me for the rest of my life and taints a time that should have been a wonderful experience... So when I got pregnant with lil miss I just wanted to know...

Mainly for my DH... I wanted him to know and accept the sex of the baby beforehand... The irony was they told us we were having a boy 90% sure and a few weeks later they said oops his willy has fallen off and its a girl... But I found it much less stressful knowing what I was going to have... to know that there would be no surprises at the end.. and although others don't agree...it really really helped me bond this time... I bonded much quicker with lil miss than Tia...

I am not saying that finding out the sex helps you bond, but in my case it did... but I think its because of my previous experience.

I think people should be allowed to find out the sex of their child if they wish... and not be pressurised or feel less of a person if they choose not to find out or to find out. Everyone is an individual... and has different experiences which will ultimately affect how they feel about these things...

But at the end of the day, a baby is a baby and I would have been grateful to have had either... My poor mum only ever managed to have me, have several miscarriages, still born and a infant death... I know that I am lucky to have the two I've got regardless of gender... Not knowing the gender of Tia didn't make me love her any less in the end... and knowing the gender with lil miss didn't make me love her any more than I already do with both my girls in the end... I love them both equally.... But I do like saying "my girls" but thats a different argument for a different topic on a different day

 

[beanie]

I think people should be allowed to find out the sex of their child if they wish... and not be pressurised or feel less of a person if they choose not to find out or to find out. Everyone is an individual... and has different experiences which will ultimately affect how they feel about these things...

I agree with this, I have a lot of friends who found out the sex and a few who didn't and I was excited about all their babies arriving. I have nothing against anyone who choosesto find out, I didn't want to so I didn't for the reason I have outlined. The only thing I do have an issue with is when people complain that they couldn't see the sex at 20 weeks and have to go for a private scan (this isn't aimed at anyone) as the 20 week scan is an anomoly scan, to see how your baby is developing. The gender is a bonus.

 

[daftscotslass]

i feel the same.. not having a go at anyone but it used to get on my nerves when some mums to be would say (this isnt intended to squig either hahha) we had the scan and its a .... but what if they were wrong. how much % is it.. and who has had them wrong. why dont you just bloody wait and have a surprise?

tbh.. im really really glad we didnt find out it was amazing for alex to tell me.. you can never take that moment away from us.. it was sooo special.

There was something in me that wanted to know but OH persuaded me not to.

I had put in my birth plan I didn't want them to tell me the sex so they didn't even look. Didn't want to have someone else find out and take that moment away from me. I wanted to be the one to find out and I did and it was magical. Would do it again exactly the same. OH was too overwhelmed to lift her leg to check .

My midwife said it was a pretty regular occurrence that private scans got it wrong. The mw who did our antenatal class said that someone had gone out and bought all blue, painted the room for a boy and out popped a little girl. Oops!

 

[Becky]

There's nothing wrong with either choice! I don't think anyone should be judged either way. But like Beanie I get annoyed when people talk about the 20 week scan as if its sole purpose is to find out the sex and then are gutted when they couldn't. The fact that you've been told you have a healthy baby should be enough cause for joy.

The sex of your baby will be a surprise whenever you find out and some people prefer to wait.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I I think people should be allowed to find out the sex of their child if they wish... and not be pressurised or feel less of a person if they choose not to find out or to find out. Everyone is an individual... and has different experiences which will ultimately affect how they feel about these things...

I completely agree with this. I always thought before i was preggers that i wouldnt find out. But then I changed my mind. Its a very personal thing, I dont think its fair to rubbish peoples decision to find out just because it didnt suit you personally. And vice versa. I accept that my choices may not suit everyone but I also accept that there is more than one correct choice to make. Maybe if I have baby 3 (god i nearly had a heart attack at the thought!) and this one is a girl, I will stay team green. Who knows!

 

[Minxy]

I'm going to go suprise next time. Anything to help get me through the horror of labour. I'll be so desperate to find out by then it might help me with the final push

 

[lfc_sarah]

I wanted to know for planning this time round...

But next time i want a surprise

 

[katie05]

This is an interesting thread. It never crossed my mind to find out with my son 3 years ago, wanted a surprise and loved hubby telling me too. I never had any inkling either and changed my mind as to whether he was a boy or girl.
This time i was much more curious and had my hubby of wanted to know too i would of caved in and found out. In fact the the few days after my 20 week scan i was upset i hadnt found out and angry at myself for thinking that i would love it to be a little girl. I gave myself a slap though and realised quickly that boy or girl was irrelevant, this was my beautiful baby and carried on with my pregnancy happily not knowing. I was glad i waited as when my hubby told me we had a little girl 2 weeks ago i was overwhelmed, it was just magical. (as it would if she were a boy too.) I would defo wait again if i have any more.x

Have to add that theres defo more of a build up and kinda pressure of other people as to what the sex of baby is with 2nd time pregnancies. I struggled with that abit as i knew certain people were keener for me to have a girl.

 

[MummyJess]

Have to add that theres defo more of a build up and kinda pressure of other people as to what the sex of baby is with 2nd time pregnancies. I struggled with that abit as i knew certain people were keener for me to have a girl.

Tell me about it! I have 3 girls and last time even strangers were coming up to me saying "Bet you're hoping for a boy". Now I'm pregnant with no 4 and I will be finding out for practical reasons but EVERYONE we tell is assuming we want a boy. Actually, a girl would be cheaper for us!!!