Who's last name to use....

[newbie1984]

So our baby boy is due in 4 days. I have been with my boyfriend about a year (yes fell pregnant really quickly, not planned) - we had a conversation a while ago about who's last name he will take. Now OH said he would like him to take his name but would be fine if I wanted him to have my name. We do not want him to have a double barrelled last name.

Now... I guess this is 2 fold. I am fine with giving him my OHs last name and maybe using my surname as a middle name (it's not a surname sounding surname if you know what I mean lol) but by our son not having MY last name does this have any disadvantage other than if it were to go horribly wrong he'd be stuck with his dads name? I'd like to think that one day we will get married anyway but you never know.

Secondly, I think my dad is pretty keen for the baby to have my surname for the fact that we are not married. How do I approach this with my family about the possibility of him not having my last name?

How have other couples who are not married approached the surname choice?

Thanks. Xx

 

[Terri1884]

I gave my first son his dads name and that went horribly wrong but if I had given him my name at the time I would have changed it anyway! Cos I changed my name about 5 yrs ago back to my mothers maiden name from my dads name! Go with what u think is best xxx

 

[newbie1984]

In the instance my relationship does go wrong can I choose to change my baby's name to my name or does this then need the consent of the father? Does anybody know?

Of course I am hoping we live happily ever after but I have to think about these things! X

 

[CARNAT22]

James has his Dad's name and he always will do.

We've been together over 5 years, known each other for 15 years and even if it does go tits up OH will always be James' Dad.

We have no intention to ever marry

xxxxx

 

[clairebear22]

WSS, except we will get married one day , both my boys will have their Dad's surname. I didn't even give it a seconds thought but then I know 100% if it ever went wrong between us (been together for 4 years so not likely) he would be there for his boys no matter what and we will always remain friends for our children's sake.

With regards to your family hun I don't see that they can have any say in it. It's your child therefore your & OH's decision x

 

[Durhamchance]

I think it's just the 'norm' for baby to have his dad's last name. Me and OH are not yet married, but there was no question that our boy will take his surname.

For the record, baby will be able to change his surname without dads consent if he wants to.

 

[Lolly85x]

My little boy has his dads name. It never even crossed my mind to have my name.
I hope we will get married one day. But I not he will still have his dads name.
Plus I have my dads name ( not seen him for 25 years) so I would NEVER want to pass my surname on to anyone...!!!
The only thing that annoyed me was his baby tags from hospital say my surname. I'd have liked them to say his dads name.
My family never even questioned him
Having his dads name xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

My sister and I both had some children out of marriage. We both chose to use the partners surnames as childs last name. My sister was worried tho what would happen if they split, so she put a double barrel name on the birth cert and then just used the partners name. Then f anything had happened, she could have used my sisters last name instead, without official surname name change..

hope that makes sense.. best to ask the local office of births deaths and marridges on any rules and regs etc.. luckily we are now both married to the fathers of our kids and all fine many years on..

good luck

 

[diane]

In regards to your last question, if your relationship does go wrong and the dad is on the birth certificate you can't change the baby's last name without his permission.

 

[Durhamchance]

In regards to your last question, if your relationship does go wrong and the dad is on the birth certificate you can't change the baby's last name without his permission.

You can- or the baby can when he's old enough.

My OH has changed his last name by deed poll as his dad buggered off when he was young. He now occasionally speaks to his dad, but his dad doesn't know he's changed his name.

 

[Terri1884]

I changed my name because My mum gave me another blokes name! :/ ive never actually had my bio dads name!

I got permission off my lads dad to change his name to a double barrelled name adding my name after I changed it! but now he hasn't had contact with him for over a yr he just uses my name but still is legally both! I've also heard after 2 yrs father is absent then u can change it without permission!

Also for ur partner to get parental responsibility he has to be present at signing of certificate whichever name u use!

But u r going to live happily ever after

 

[diane]

Oh yea, you can change your name when you're old enough. Anyone can; my husband did the same but couldn't change it till he was 16 (not sure if it's still 16 or gone up to 18 now).

But for eg my sister wants to change her 3 year old sons surname now as his dad left when my nephew was born and has never seen him/bought him presents/been involved in his life etc and she wants him to grow up with her surname, a surname he can relate to and she can't do it. Shes struggling with courts etc...16 years is a long time to wait.

 

[Happyred]

My DD has her dads name but hasn't seen him for 10 years. Both her and I are still happy for her to have his name though as we prefer it and at the end of the day he is still her dad. My lo also has her dads name(different relationship) so neither of my kids have the same surname as me, but they both have my surname as their middle name. It doesn't bother me. In my mind its only a name.

 

[Mellymoomin06]

Yep personally I have never thought of baby having any name other than OH's...if we were to split in the future (which FX we dont) it wouldnt bother me, as OH is still babys daddy! And Newbie...OMG so close to due date xxxx

 

[newbie1984]

Yep personally I have never thought of baby having any name other than OH's...if we were to split in the future (which FX we dont) it wouldnt bother me, as OH is still babys daddy! And Newbie...OMG so close to due date xxxx

Lol I know!!!! Don't think he wants to show his face any time soon!

 

[Mellymoomin06]

Little pickle...hope he doesnt keep you waiting too long. xx

 

[russellmuscle]

Hi newbie.

I think my dad had dropped a hint that Jackson would take our surname because we aren't married, he said it jokingly but I just said, well it's a new generation dad and how would you like it if my mum didn't give us your name (mum and dad aren't married but been together since 12).

I plan to give Jackson OHs surname, was without question for us too but that's because I see a future with my OH? We have been together 7 years. I understand both reasons why you are contemplating giving baby your surname. We do one day want to get married and plus I know and trust 100% that even if me and OH don't go as planned he will always be there as a dad for J.

I would say think about things long term, if you really see a future and believe your OH will be a permenant figure in baby's
life then I'd say go with daddy's name but if you really aren't quite sure yet of either because of the length of your relationship or whatever then go with your name.

I would explain to dad that times have changed and there are ALOT of non marrying couples these days where baby has dads surname, and as some girls have said, OH will always be baby's dad.

Hope you make the right decision for you love.

Well done on OH being quite understanding about it, if I had said to OH about a different surname it would have upset him as he didn't find the joke that my dad made funny LOL.

xxxxxxxx

 

[newbie1984]

Thanks for this girls, I am totally comfortable using his last name, like you all said he is his dad after all and always will be....

Now I just need to let myself like the first name he has picked! Grrrrr why is this naming stuff so difficult!

 

[toni64539]

My brothers wife had a little girl before she got with my brother. The real dad didnt want to know so she gave her little girl her surname so her and mummy were the same and dad wasn't around but his name is on the birth certificate. Now she has married my brother and obviously changed her surname she can't change her daughters even though her daughter doesn't have her real dads surname he still has to give permission to change her name as he's on the birth certificate! Crazy rules x

 

[redbear]

If your giving LO OH's surname can you persuade him to let you have the say on the first name x