who the hell was i trying to kid??

[prettypenguin]

I feel like packing my bags and getting out of this house, i really do.

I dont know whether I'm trying to kid other people or myself in thinking I can do this with ONE child let alone 2, and 2 under 2 at that.

I've been telli g myself it'll be fine, acted confident in front of friends and family and even started to feel confident in that yes, undoubtedly it'll be hard but it'll be all worth it and I'll 'be fine'. But will I really? Charlie still isn't sleeping through, I thought he was and seemed to for a few nights but last night and tonight he has woken up at the same time, and after around 2 hours I've just given up and gone back to the bottle of milk.

I am tired but it's not even that, I can cope with being woken up I guess, but I just keep thinking inmy mind how much harder and worse it's going to be with 2 of them waking up, I'll look even more shit than i do now and ill never leave the house and i will just be trapped at home and have no life, im halfway there already with charlie as he is so moody and wont sleep anywhere else except home i hate leaving the house.

I do feel bad for thinking this way, but tbh since finding out I am pg again I haven'tonce felt excitement, not even at the scan, I just felt nothing and that makes me feel guilty, i know when he/she gets here i will feel differently but in all honesty I am dreading that day.

I guess I just still can't get over that I AM having another baby, if charlie was easier and i could take him anywhere without him screaming his head off maybe I'd feel better. I also feel bad that charlie and me will only get 1 year and 1 month before this other baby comes along and I feel like I'm not ready and that that's not enough time for just me and charlie and I wanted more.

I know people reading this will think that I should have been more careful and that I should be grateful for what I have, I think I'm massively overwhelmed with that in the space of what will be not even 2 years I have quit uni, quit having all my time to myself and will have 2 kids under 2 stayi g at home all day and living with oh. I love oh to bits and feel like we've been together forever, but neither pgs were planned and last year all our plans changed so he didnt end up travelling the world and i didnt end up findi g out what i was gonna do with my life-it was kind of already decided for us, and dont get me wrong i love charlie more than anything and would never ever change things despite how he is driving me up the wall tor what seems like 90% of everyday lately. Last year it was all roses and how everything will be great having a baby and then he arrived and reality hit me and I know how much hard work it is which is why I am so anxious and I can't sleep for worrying. I always seem to come across how harx it is just having 2 never mind close together, I haven't seen the positives of it.

 

[prettypenguin]

I just feel like crying but have a massive headache and know i should try and sleep but i just cant, ive been awake since 2 due to charlie, oh is fast asleep and annoyed at me because of something i said. I just feel like i cant do this, i cant do things right now, i cant even get an 8 month old to frigging sleep through or sleep in the pram or stop having tantrums in shops, or even get him to cuddle me so how the hell am I going to have control over 2??

In the back of my mind and deep down since bfp I have felt nothing but stress and anxiety and overwhemled over how much is changing and i cant cope with the constant lull of those feelings in my head and not being able to say to anyone without making them upset (oh). I havent once felt happy about whats to come, the most I've felt is 'ok' or I try not to think about it, which in turn makes me feel like the worlds worst mum and human being possible.

I'm really sorry if this offends anyone and I really dont mean to I'm just absolutely petrified and mostly dont believe in myself as a mother anymore, I feel like I've cracked u der the pressure of 1 and on top of that I am having another, and I feel like people have been watching waiting for me to break and now I actually have.

 

[wifeywifey]

I could have wrote that myself only my second wasnt such a suprise. Its normal yo be scared hun and kids are hard, they will test your patience but you do manage. I love my boys but my god I resent being stuck at home, with them being so. Close together getting out is hard work and I wouldnt be suprise if my oh left me because Im such a cow at min but I know if will get easier . Being pregnant with a young child is exhausting and scary but your an amazing mum and will adapt in no time.

Sorry if I didnt help Im half asleep.

Sent from my E15i using Tapatalk 2

 

[ZMD]

I promise it will get easier. My LO was, very, much like charlie wouldn't nap when out so screamed because she was tired between 10 months and 1 year she got allot easier. How old will charlie be when baby is due? Hugs xx

 

[Mrs N]

Its a shock hun, I wud be shocked if I got pregnant too but you will cope hun!! Remember you have 5/6 months to go so charlie shud be better at sleeping by then but tbh its prob best if you dont get used to full nights sleep iykwim? Your hubbie shud be helping hun, if he doesnt want to when he is going to work then he shud do the weekend for you to give you a break!!
Sending loads of love!!
xxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Can ur OH not help you more in the night? It takes 2 to make a baby (or 2!)

I think your doing amazingly and I think you'll outdo yourself when you have 2!

 

[BabyBrain]

oh hun it is going to be hard but you'll be ok because you know it will be. It's the rose tinted view that gets people into trouble. Babies change so quickly, Charlie could go to sleep tonight and all of a sudden just start sleeping through. I think you'll surprise yourself tbh xxxxxxx

 

[LoopyLouize]

Awww hun

I know it's not much to go of but Charlie will be 1 by then and he could have changed completely by then.

Don't let things knock your confidence! You can do it! Your a women, that's what we do, learn to adjust and cope. That's why men suck and we should just throw stones at them

Stay strong and like Pinky said, get OH to help more. It takes 2 to make 2 babies lol! Just threaten him that your going back to work and HE can take the maternity leave! He crap his self and buck up his ideas!

By the time baby 2 has arrived I'll be back in work but only going part time so if you need me I will always come to help. X

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Oh Hun honestly, how you're feeling is completely normal! It's so hard emotionally to think of having 2 so close together! I never once felt excited about being pregnant, and I couldn't see how I was going to cope, but you do! You just cope because you have to! I know I've said in other threads to people that I'd advise not Ttc with s young baby, but you know what, when it happens it's so rewarding!

My two are so close it's unreal, they're at the stage now where they mostly play nicely together, everythings getting that little bit easier! I wouldn't change them for the world now! 2nd babies tend to just fit in as well, they kinda have to I'm not a million miles away from you hun, so can meet up sometime if you like xxx

 

[Susanne]

I'm sure by the time the new baby comes Charlie will have settled down a lot more, there's still quite a while to go and babies change so quickly at this age, don't they. And yes, it will be challenging to have 2 children under 2, but there are also plenty of advantages - people say there are less issues with jealousy for example, and when they are a little bit older they'll be able to entertain each other, which will make your life a lot easier than being sole entertainer for a single child.

Have you tried talking to your midwife about how you feel? She should be able and willing to listen without getting upset about it, and she may be able to help!

 

[mum2b410]

Hey hun! Firstly *big hug* to u! I can completely c what u r saying and how u r feeling is v understandable. I don't know what having a second is like but it would scare me too if they were that close together! I feel that from what u r saying u r v isolated already and u sound like u r depressed- u can get PND later on- maybe u should c ur gp or speak to hv? Not saying u need medication- and I know that would b hard with being pg- but u need more support! I had a really low patch when Ethan was about 4 months and hv would visit or call every week to chat and help me make a plan of how to get things better- maybe this would help u? U sound like u r saturated hun and its easy to c y so I think u need more support from family, friends and hv/gp to try and get u feeling better soon! Sorry I can't b much more help, but whatever happens I'm sure ur 2 LO's will love u to bits and give u back ten fold all that u have given up for them

 

[BevG]

aww hun i know what its like when your exhausted and baby wont settle. i know im mad to ttc in dec with alyssa this young but i do get more good days than bad and i think i can handle it lol. you can do it, charlie will sleep better eventually and he will get easier to deal with. a 2nd baby is a lil easier than the 1st cos you know what to do and every baby is different. it will be hard, no point lying and saying it wont but your a brill mum and will cope. talk to your mw as thatts her job to listen to your troubles lol. you are down a lot and its easy to get depressed when your tired so maybe talking to the gp might help too

 

[My1stBaby]

Just wanna send u big hugs sweetie xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I can't really add to what everyone else has said.. My sister is the most short fused person I've ever known!! She has two very close in age and she is managing to get out and about etc, yes she's pulling her hair out but that's who she is lol! Maybe not much help there you know what I mean tho.. Charlie will be older and doing things differently by then.. Don't focus on what's to come and be down about it.. There's nothing you can do, it's going to happen.. Just enjoy your one on one time with Charlie right now.. When I found out I was pg with lily I thought it was the end of the world for me.. Ellie had just gone into full time school and I finally had my days back and I had plans for my future.. Was just getting my social life back.. Met OH and three months later I was preg I was devastated.. I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy at all.. I LOVE being pregnant!! And I couldn't enjoy it at all!! Most of my time was spent thinking about what I was giving up etc an how my life was changing once again.. I lost my life I was just getting back!! I was pg with J at 17 so I missed my best years being a full time mum. But now she's here I look at her and get teary eyed thinking about the bad things I had in my head whilst pg! I wouldn't change her for the world!! Yes my life has changed.. It's put on hold for a couple more years.. I'm able to experience having this child and watching her grow and guiding her through life! What better way to spend your life? if I could change anything with my girls id have them closer together!!! They can entertain each other.. Play at the same 'level' as each other.. And never have jealousy coz they won't know what it's like to be an only child for a few years!! Plus they'll both be at school full time quicker! It's gonna be hard for he first year as expected but after that you will all benefit! I know it's hard to stay positive but sit back take a breath and think about the positive side of this.. Yes Charlie is being a pain in the butt at the mo, but he will change.. And is probably feeding off your negative vibes at the moment enjoy your one on one with him babe..
I promise you'll look back on this thread next yr and you'll be looking at your children wondering how you could ever want it differently!
If u ever need a chat feel free to pm me or fb me I know what it's like to feel bad about a pg.. It's horrible and you feel so bad but u can't help ur feelings right now.. Think positive and you'll get thru it xxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Maybe I could add lmao

Alot of people think having two kids will be easier or just the same but even with a three yr age gap it's really not! I'm not trying to scare you or anything it's best to be honest.. When I see someone who thinks two will be easier or the same I have to say, sorry it's not lol! But you get used to it and it gets routine.. eventually yes it gets easier coz it's adapting to a life change.. Iykwim?

 

[Susanne]

I found having 2 easier than having 1 once my younger one could interact properly because they provided entertainment for each other - before that, my daughter continuously wanted to be entertained by me. And I have a friend who found 3 easier than 2, because she says that that way even if one is away at a party or club or something, there are still usually 2 at home to entertain each other, rather than just 1 bored one. Other people, no doubt, find 1 easier than 2 or 3. As with everything, people experience things differently, and only time will tell what category you will fall into! I think it also depends very much on your children's personality - also something you can't predict. What I'm trying to say - not very eloquently, I'm afraid - is that you'll only know how you cope with 2 once they are both there, but however things turn out, you will find your own coping mechanisms that are right for you and for your children!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Definitely better once they can interact with each other.. I'm not saying its hard and noone can do it I was saying its hard to start with then as you adapt it gets easier. Every baby and child is different and they'll either clash or get along there's no way of being able to tell. My two got on so well til Ellie reached 4 and had her own mind in what she wanted to do etc and now they fight like cat and dog! Just don't like it when it's expected to be so easy with more than one or 'just the same' because I thought that before I had Ellie and I was wrong. But once I got used to it it was fine. That was my point

 

[prettypenguin]

Thanks guys, I'm welling up now reading this. Sometimes I think the way charlie is, like most of the time if he doesnt get his own way he will scream and be in a really bad mood, for instance in the pram hes fine, we go into a shop and he cries to get out straight away, so the only options i have are give him something like a rusk, or get him out the pram or leave him to cry.

This morning i was in a shop in a que and he started crying, but the que was moving quickly so i thought 'no you'll have to wait' and he was cryi.g so much he had tears down his face, now he wasnt hungry or thirsty and kept spitting his dummy out even when ive put bonjela on it... people were asking me what was wrong with him and I just joked 'he's a man they're meant to whinge' and they just looked st me like I was such an uncaring person but if they had that everytime they went into a shop they'd have the same relaxed jokey attitude about it cause its either that or i start getting stressed out worrying what ppl think.

But sometimes I struggle to decide if its just me thats making him like that, so i be really smiley and ignore that he is being grumpy and try and distract him, or sometimes i think is that just his personality... and i hardly ever go into town unless i need something as i dont love the place anyway.

Its hard to tell if it is pnd or hormones or just generally being overwhelmed. Oh does help, he got up a few times to put his dummy in but i think charlie could sense he was stressed/tired (he didnt shout or even talk) so he started crying more...but oh can fall back asleep into a deep sleep unbelievably easily, so by the time ive woken him i may as well have done it myself, sometimes he will stay up until charlie wakes and sort him out so i dont have to. So he is helping and i feel bad for still being stressed, oh just thinks everything will be fine and dandy but he will be going back to work so he wont be dealing with it. Like now he says charlie is a really good baby,and like yesterday at the sensory class he didnt cry half as much as i thought he would so then i just look like a massive liar cause he was quite good until on the way home he was whinging.

And sometimes i think, is it just me? Maybe charlie IS a good baby and I just cant cope? But then my auntie sometimes has him for the day and she has said in the past when shes had him and hes been difficult shes been glad to give him back.

A lot of the time I do just think 'right Kirsty, get a grip, face facts' but lately its constantly there on my mind, even when i have been out and about and seen people and been out for days out with charlie (which dont last long when hes tired) I just sit there at the end of the night thinking, is this the best I can do?

Hes also doi g this thing at the minute where he will cry if someone has him and i walk out the room. He was happily sat playing with his new toys with oh, watched me walk out of the room into thr kitchen and que his usual high pitched scream. Its frustrating to hear, and members of my family keep trying to take him out for the day without me, and i know it sounds daft but I dont like it,I'd prefer him to be with me or if i go with them cause otherwise i just end up at home with nothing to do. My mum has also said how she will have charlie more and she will take him the zoo when its winter so i can rest...i know shes trying to help but id prefer the company more rather than be alone sometimes, and i want to take him to the zoo first hes never been! Lol. I'm just rambling on now, i feel like every post i make on here is just me whinging, like, i am happy when im with charlie and when i see friends and family but then as soon as i get home and charlie goes to sleep i feelsad, even if ive had a good day, and tbh im annoying myself with it, i just feel like shaking myself and saying ffs get a grip.


Aww, my grandads just knocked on, well walked in as all my family do without telling me if theyre coming round and i just made an excuse up and said i was going on my driving lesson in a minute, charlie isnt here anyway and my house is disgusting, as am i. I dont even think he knows about the other baby...

Sorry for this confusing rant that doesnt make sense, im on a tablet so i cant even scroll up properly to edit it x

 

[Rachaellius]

Massive hun. I have nothing more to add than what the others have said. But I have every faith that you will do a fantastic job xx

 

[Princess81]

I'm not sure what to say I'm not surprised you are overwhelmed and stressed. It's a lot of pressure to put yourself under to think of the what ifs, I wonder can you talk to your mum or gp about how you feel? Or your Mw or HV? Xx