How Do I Make Him Understand it's Over?

[Louise1973]

Hi Ladies,

Just after some advice really.

I split up with my boyfriend 3wks ago following a 10month relationship (we didn’t live together). We’d found out a few weeks prior to this, that I was preggers and are both happy about that. But, relationship-wise for me, I’d been unhappy for several months (going back before I would have conceived – so not hormone related!) and was trying to figure out how I felt about the relationship when I fell pregnant. I hadn’t been on contraception – I guess because I never thought at the time that my feelings would eventually lead to our break-up. Since becoming pregnant and seeing how the future was mapping itself out around me I realised my unhappiness was not gonna change within this relationship and I truly believe that a child should never be the only reason to stay together. So I took the awful step of telling him it was over.

Since then he’s turned up on my doorstep, written me letters etc. asking for me to take him back & give it another go. I’ve even been really harsh and told him outright that I’m just not in love with him.

I’m finding this really stressful right now, as I’d really like to maintain a good relationship for the sake of our unborn child. But I’m finding myself getting increasingly anxious every time he turns up, cos I know he’ll start on about our relationship again – and until he can get past that I don’t think we can seriously discuss the future for our child.

I’ve asked him to respect my decision – it wasn’t one I took lightly, but just today I’ve received a text from him saying there is ‘a package’ waiting for me when I get home.

What do I do to make him understand it’s really over????? Any advice gratefully received…

 

[sophie-jordan]

maybe if you just sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, and explain 2 him that you was feeling this way before you found out about the pregnancy, then he will understand a bit more.
hope you get things sorted
x sophie x

 

[libs]

show him this post..honestly - or at least repeat it word for word - you've probably been blunter here than you've ever been to him.

 

[tuck]

Hi Ladies,

Just after some advice really.

I split up with my boyfriend 3wks ago following a 10month relationship (we didn’t live together). We’d found out a few weeks prior to this, that I was preggers and are both happy about that. But, relationship-wise for me, I’d been unhappy for several months (going back before I would have conceived – so not hormone related!) and was trying to figure out how I felt about the relationship when I fell pregnant. I hadn’t been on contraception – I guess because I never thought at the time that my feelings would eventually lead to our break-up. Since becoming pregnant and seeing how the future was mapping itself out around me I realised my unhappiness was not gonna change within this relationship and I truly believe that a child should never be the only reason to stay together. So I took the awful step of telling him it was over.

I think that he probably also needs time to accept your decision, you say that you had been feeling not right in the relationship for some time but you dont say if he was aware of this, in a matter of weeks he's found out that he's going to be a dad and also you splitting from him, he is probably feeling very confused atthe moment if he thought that everything was ok between you. I think that you have probably made the right decision if you were unhappy but it may not be that easy to maintain the sort of relationship that you now want, you need to think how much contact and support you want from him now and then what type of contact after LO arrives.

I would return the package unopened and maybe try writing a letter to him, giving him the reasopns of why you no longer want to be in a romantic relationship with him and what you hope can happen in the future.

Ihope that you can sort things out

 

[VickiH]

I think probably time passing is the only way he'll be able to see it really is over. I know it's tough on you but try and be patient... he'll get the message eventually.

 

[maria1976]

Hope your ok honey, but Im very curious as to what was in the package!!

xx

 

[Louise1973]

Hi all,

and thanks for all your advice.

The package was all the letters and notes I'd ever written him, with a letter from him asking me to read them to see what I'm turning my back on

I had my first midwife appointment today, so he popped around this evening to find out how it went. I got to say exactly how this situ has been making me feel, how stressed and worked-up I've been getting before he turns up, building myself up for 'another round'. I pleaded with him to respect my decision, as it wasn't gonna change and I think he now understands that if he pushes too hard it may ruin our friendship too.

I know he's still gonna be hurting for a while, and I feel really bad about that, but fingers crossed it's all sorted now and we can move forward and do whats best for our LO.