What would you do if you were me? UPDATE

[emilia]

DH and I have been talking about returning to Scotland. As you know, he has a brilliant job as Civil Engineer and have just been offered a permanent position.
The kids and I have all just moved to Cape Town to be with him to start our new adventure.

However, now that DH has a permanent contract - he's take home pay is so much less than before after all the deductions etc, that I don't know how we can live here now. It sounds trivial, but I'm serious - I don't think we'll make our rent and bills. He earns around £22k (great for SA) but comes home with less than £800 a month. Our rent is £550. We thought it would be better for us all, but now things are starting to be more complicated than we thought. For example.....
I have just sold our family car, because DH was going to get a car with the company. Great, but .... DH has just found out that he can't get the car anymore, because he doesn't have a SA driving license or residency (although he applied for it last August and there is a back log)
So, as from tomorrow, we no longer have a car and we're not walking distance to anywhere. I'm going to be totally stranded.

It has become evident that I will have to work as we now NEED a second income. I don't mind, but it's not going to be practical. DH is under a lot of stress at work and often works longer hours. We'll need more consistancy.

My DH approached the company today and told them how he felt. They told him than he will get a salary change in September. We don't trust them now that they'll come up with the goods. My DH has progressed so fast within his company - they acknowledged today that he is underpaid, but that their hands are tied until September.

Now I'm just depressed and confused. I don't know if coming to the UK is the right thing. However, DH's family is there and I love them to bits. All my dearest friends are there too and I'd love to walk around all the familiar areas again. I lived there for nearly 16 years - feels like home.

I have my concerns and reservations about returning, but then what's the point of being here if things are going to turn out too costly and we'll end up losing the last of our money.

My days' are spent being down and edgy. I'm desperately in need of making a decission and sticking to it.

Help if you can - I'm just so down - it's not like me!!!

EMilia xx

ps. The kids are about to start a new school and the school uniforms are going to cost a fortune. Not a problem, but what's the point of that if we're now thinking of coming back to the UK?
We've also got savings, but it will just feather away here.



UPDATE..... 6/7/06

We've made a decission and will be staying here for at least another year. By then DH would have gone up the ladder in his job a bit and it will open up more opportunities elsewhere.

Someone said something wise to me this morning.... One negative thought destroys 20 positives thoughts. So true. I should also realise that even though we might have to top up DHs' income, we're buying experience in the process.

So, looks like it'll be a while before we consider returning for good. In the meantime, I'll start planning a wee trip out there and will have to start thinking about my Frozen Baby food opportunity.

Thanks for all your kind advice. You're all so great at helping out!!!
Much love to you all!
Emilia xx

 

[beanie]

(((Emilia))), its a tough one. The way I see it is are you going to really enjoy life in SA if you are just about paying bills etc, and have no spare income. I think what you really need to do is sit down and put pros and cons of living in both places and see if that helps.

If you want my honest opinion though, I think you should move back as then you'll be nearer and you could meet up with us all, and there are tunnocks tea cakes abound here (just pack up your hunky neighbour though), and Seren and Oscar could meet, fall in love, get married, have cute children..........ok am getting carried away now

 

[nicki]

HI Emilia,

Sorry to hear you're feeling down.

Can your DH have another word with the company about a pay rise & get some sort of agreement that he will get a raise in September? Like Beanie said make a list of all the pro's & cons & decide from there. Can you wait until September to see what happens then make a decision?

I know its hard to know what to do for the best as we never know whats around the corner but if you don't really want to move back you may do it & really regret it & be more miserable than you are now.

I hope you feel better about everything soon but in the mean time we're sending you big cuddly hugs

 

[K X]

Emilia if u don't mind me asking, how does he only bring home £800 on a salary of 22k? Is the tax and NI a lot more over there?

Me and OH (work in the same dept) earn 21k bring home £1200 each per month!

I think u should move back and engineering pays well over here! Come back to Edinburgh!xx

 

[Rosieroo]

Sorry to hear things aren't going well Emilia I think that the tone of your post does suggest that you would like to move back to Scotland and if you can't trust your husbands employers then it would seem like the right thing to do.

Will he be able to get a better paid job elsewhere in SA?

 

[K X]

All I can say is you will have Hearts Football Club does that sell it?

U can come and do job share at Edinburgh Council and work beside me???

Oscar can go to Careshare nursery beside Pips' Zoe and my Rebecca??

 

[Hypnorm]

Was thinking same as KX i used to earn 14k and take home 900 after deductions, so they must have some hellish taxes out there!

 

[emilia]

Oh lordy, off of the top of my head (DH isn't home yet) I know that income tax is 25% but also medical aid, which for our family works out at about £190, medical aid gap cover (it's complicated), life assurance, pension fund, car allowance and a few other things I can't think of.

The car allowance is about £300 a month but as he's not eligible for credit because he's not got his residency yet, he's confident we'll get that changed to money on top of his salary. We hope!!!!

Anyway, medical aid, gap cover, pension and life assurance are mandatory, so added to the tax it adds up to a lot of money we don't see but have no choice in paying.

I hope that explains it a bit better. I've tried to get the car in my name, but they say it can't be done as I'm not working and it DH's co. allowance.

We're just unsure to what to do. We're afraid that we'll loose our savings, as we'll need to use it to top up our monthly expenses. Life is very good here, but in comparison with your earnings, it's expensive. As a comparison, DH earns more than 2 of our friends earn together, so hiss earnings are regarded as high. He even gets to go to a special queue in the bank.... preferential treatment....

Hope that helps!
Emilia xx

 

[Rosieroo]

Blimey, could you go back to living a paupers existence back home

 

[futuremum]

Were you not working from home Emilia? or did u have to give that up coming to your new home? i know what it is like to be financially stretched and savings go very quickly!!!! hope you will find a way

 

[pips]

if i were you i'd move straight back to edinburgh, find a nice part time job, enjoy life in a erm,cooler atmosphere, and wait for me to come back from france so we can meet up (with kx) and have fabby mum time!!!!

more seriously, what is your gut feeling? you've already figured out expenses, you have the facts in hand. whatdoes your head tell you? (for once i wo't tell you to follow your heart)

 

[emilia]

All we seem to talk about, is should we come back or not.

My heart says MOVE, because I am desperately in need to be around some people that know me well and who I benefit from emotionally. I miss all my friends in Edinburgh. Alans' family is great too and I know that my children will benefit being around their gran. She has taken them to the Pantomime in Livingston since my son was 5 and they miss that. I've told them that it has been cancelled because they could not be there anymore!!
The kids were also brought up bookworms and everytime we visit the bookshops here, I have to say "we can't afford it" because books are really expensive here as they're mostly imported.
Oscar has very few decent toys. The fancy stuff is expensive and the rest is "made in China" shite!!
I miss car boot sales - always loved a bargain and a bit of recycling.
My family is ficle.... I love them, but best when there is distance between us. I have 6 brothers. My mum lives with us, yet none of my brother contribute towards her living expenses. She only gets a state pension of £65 per month - she has become our responsibility - she's nearly 80.

My head says DONT MOVE, because my children will be attending an amazing school here. The type of school that will cost us around £500 per month each in Edinburgh.
I love the lifestyle here to a certain extent. Very easy and the weather is always good for a walk on the beach, a picnic, bbq, etc. Although Oscar doesn't have grand toys, I'm sure he'll love playing on the beach, doing safaris.
Eating out and good wine is in a different league here. Wonderful quality and VERY reasonable.... that's why so many brits enjoy their hols here!
The kids have a dog each - they would feel gutted for leaving them behind.

Sorry for all this - I think we'll have to make a decission very soon, because this is really troubling us. I tend to think that we should stick it out until the end of the year, but I am concerned that my kids are starting a new school the week after next and feel terrible for moving them from one school to the next. It must be very unsettling for them, although they do seem to take in in their stride. We never make the situation seem negative, but will perhaps explain that they have been quite lucky to experience so many places and adventures. But it does bother me - I want my kids to be in one place for once.

Thanks for letting me air things on here - you're opinions and advice has been great!
Emilia xx

 

[Rosieroo]

PM'd you hon

 

[BubbleOne]

Bloody Hell Emilia

This is a hard one.

I guess in terms of quality of life moving back to Scotland would be best. Will your OH have to find work here though or can he transfer?

Depends how you feel about uprooting the kids and how will it affect your relationship with OH? If at all.

I guess you have to sum up everything else as well as the money situation as although having enough money will take away the stress it may not make you happier.

It's such a difficult one.

Do you have a gut feeling?

 

[Hypnorm]

you would be able to bring the dogs with you, there is a passport scheme or quarantine that u could look into, as you local vet for info

 

[emilia]

My gut feeling = return to UK, but I know that in my heart, it'll be best to stay here, because the kids will just get opportunities that they'll never get anywhere else.
The state schools are equavalent to public schools and respect is high on the agenda. You'll just not find any rude/disrespectful kids in SA.

I think I'm perhaps being selfish wanting to return, but at the moment I just feel low and looking for the reassurance my friends would have given me (although you guys have been great). I'm new in my area and I feel a bit lost - that's probably why I'm feeling confused. I love having people around me and since living in the country side, I expected a quick fix in the city. I realise it will take some time. We live in a lovely area, but it's a bit snobby too. One must have ones pearl necklace and onces Gucci sunglasses and ones BMW X5....
DH keeps promising me a pearl necklace, but I don't think it's the valuable type!!!!
(for the record, I have a pearl type necklace so no offence to anyone on here with one!!)

I've made myself laugh now - better get to bed. Just been watching the footy!

Emilia xx

 

[BubbleOne]

Bless You

I'd normally say go with your gut instinct but this is a pretty major decision

Good Night

 

[Manda]

i really feel for you hun i've just returned from Australia, we emigrated in March 05 Abi was born in Sept 05 and money was very tight, i missed family and that was a big pull to come back to the uk but money was the final decision we were just living over there as the money was poor and it wasn't practical for me to work. It has been hard so far we've been back 5 weeks and it has been a struggle with money as Dan is still waiting for a start date with the Police but i have an interview tomorrow with the police for a civillian role it's only a 3 month contract but the money will help get us back n our feet quicker, i dont regret coming back and as soon as we have a house again i'll be able to stop working and be a full time mum again, dont struggle hun if you could live comfy over here

 

[emilia]

Bumpety bump!

See first note for update.