What do I do? all honest opinions even if its not what I want to here :) Updated

[bidsy]

Well here we go its a long story but I need some advice from people who dont know me.

I have a beautiful son who is 10months old, and I am getting married next year to my lovlely fiance Steve who I adore he is 11 years older than me. I am 30.

He had a child Chloe who is now 19, we get on really well she is going to be our bridesmaid. He never wanted anymore children and had had a vasectomy when he was 28 because of the experience he had with his daughter, her mum had an affair and took chloe away 2 weeks before christmas when she was 18months old to another city. He has been a fantastic dad to her and travelled every weekend to see her.

My brother had a little girl and I realised that I really wanted to have a baby and I told Steve how I felt and it took alot of soul searching for him and took him a while for him to decide but it was good news he said yes. We paid for the reversal vasectomy and it worked against the odds and our darling boy was born so very perfect.

He was born in Jan and I have loved every minute I love him so much it overwhelms me somedays and I cant believe how lucky we are.

Steve has said no to anymore but I would dearly love two, there I have said it! I would love to have another one in a year or so but I know its not gonna happen. Am I selfish for even thinking it? and should I just be satisfied with what ive got as we are so happy? Will my little boy suffer from not having a younger brother or sister? help! how will I change the way I feel i'm worried about how i'm gonna feel.

 

[titch]

oh thats not selfish at all. Just remember you have every right to say thats what you want. You cant demand it or insist on it, but you have every right to put your cards on the table. Tell him you think you know how he feels about it but you just wanted to check cos really, you'd want another baby if he could consider it. Make sure you tell him you know how he feels about it, so he doesnt think youre completely disregarding his feelings, but you never know, the whole expereince might have changed his mind

 

[ZMD]

i agree with titch, definatly not selfish hun! have you spoken to him about it? x

 

[bidsy]

Thankyou, I do hope so titch, the thing is he thinks he's too old as it is to have Joseph so i'm pretty sure I know the answer already. Im glad you dont think i'm selfish

 

[bidsy]

ZMD no not seriously I joke around saying are you sure you want me to sell this just in case we need it? But straight away its "dont even think about it"! so I shut up cause dont want to push it x

 

[xxbeckyxx]

I would definitely start a serious conversation with him about it otherwise you'll live your life thinking 'what if'. You might even end up resenting him for it and that would put major strain on any marriage. It's not selfish wanting another baby

 

[bidsy]

Ye your right I know I should but i'm afraid of the answer and how i'll come to terms with it, I would never leave him and he has as much right to say no as I am to say I want one, there is no comprimise so i'll have to deal with it I suppose. I dont want to push him away either, he'll prob think he's given me what I wanted by having one and that I should be satisfied with that. The thing is you cant help how you feel can you x

 

[Sarah13]

Your def not selfish. Maybe don't push it now but best to be open about it so he knows but also tell him how happy and satisfied you are with your life. He might feel differently in a year or two once the baby stage is over. Your little boy won't suffer, I have a 14 1/2 year age gap and my daughter never suffered as such for being an only child but I have always felt a bit sorry for her sometimes having nobody to play with and grow up with so I plan to have another one to grow up with my son, I think it can be easier with 2 as they will 'entertain' each other. Also seeing how much my DD loves her baby brother makes me wish I'd had a second years ago!

 

[nikki8092]

I was always very open at the fact i wanted 3 children even tho after the second simon said thats it no more. I fell pregnant just before we got married and simon at first said he didnt want another baby but i told him i couldnt get rid of a baby so here we are 20 weeks in and both very happy. Ok so its not the best of situations but you learn to live with it. Let OH know exactly how you feel and just because he will feel "old" he has a 30 year old woman thats still in her prime for baby making. Dont push it but try to let him know you want him to keep his options open xx

 

[bidsy]

Thanks Ladies for all your comments it has really helped I appreciate it x

 

[Maria1977]

Hi

i don't think you are being selfish at all. We said throughout my pregnancy that we wouldn't do it again, once was enough and we only wanted 1 child. But then a few months after Oscar was born we were talking about life and realised that when me and OH had gone (morbid I know lol) that Oscar would be alone, so we decided that we wanted him to have a brother or sister.

So that's what we have done. Neither of us are enjoying me being pregnant (I'm a nightmare hormonal vomiting mess lol), and we know it's going to be bloody hard work, but in the long run, it's worth it. LO will make our family complete.

xxxx

 

[bidsy]

Had the chat and at first I thought it was a def no then he came back this morning with we will see how we are financially after the wedding so its not a yes and its not a no. x

 

[xxbeckyxx]

If it's not a no then that's a positive start!!

 

[Sarah13]

Sounds like he's thinking about it then, thats def a good thing x

 

[Sam's Mum]

Sounds like a great start! My OH only wanted two (I always thought I would too) but after Toby was born I told him that I'd really like one more. I didn't go on about it but it was clear he didn't want another so just after Toby's 1st birthday I told him that I wouldn't mention it again as I was so happy with the little family we had already. He was the one who then said that he'd quite like another

 

[titch]

Had the chat and at first I thought it was a def no then he came back this morning with we will see how we are financially after the wedding so its not a yes and its not a no. x

thats fab news! bet youre glad you had 'the chat' now!

I think now you need to not mention it, its much better if he thinks its his idea! see; my big fat greek wedding for advice on man handling, it actually works

 

[titch]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebaFd53yO40&feature=bf_next&list=PL7D3E70FC85D75EF3&lf=results_video

"the man is the head, the woman is the neck, she can turn the head any way she wants!"

 

[Corrinne37]

Just read this, looks like he might come round in time. xxx

 

[ZMD]

So pleased your OH is considering having another Hun xx