Visiting a friend with my baby?

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by BunnyN, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    5,310
    Likes Received:
    2
    I'm looking for some input. I found out a friend who was 2 months pregnant had a MC last week. I really want to visit her but I have a 5 week old that it would be hard to go without. When I had a chemical I found it really hard to see babies for a few weeks after. My husband said because she has a 1 year old it would be fine to take our baby but I think a small baby is a bit different. If it was you would you want to see me and LO, or rather we stayed away for a while? If I don't go I'll send a card and flowers or something.
     
    #1 BunnyN, Jun 11, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2013
  2. MrsS143

    MrsS143 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2013
    Messages:
    3,325
    Likes Received:
    0
    you can always ask
    If she's a TRUE friend she will give you an honest answer x
     
  3. Nikki1985

    Nikki1985 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2013
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    We have just lost our baby at 22 weeks, and I can feel and sense my friends are thinking the same thing about me - mostly because they are pregnant, rather than because they have small babies.

    My answer to them, is while I appreciate their thoughtfulness and discretion in not wanting to hurt my feelings, I want my friends around me and while I am devastated by the loss of our son I would truly hate to cast a shadow over somebody elses joy. To me, it is a blessing to see healthy babies and healthy pregnancy and I am truly happy for them, and it gives me comfort to see them smile, and see them get excited about their arrival. Just because I can't have it, doesnt mean I dont want anybody else to have it.

    Chances are your friend (if she is a good friend, rather just just a casual acquaintance) will be happy to see you at this time while she is suffering and she will be happy for you and your little baby, but either way it's probably best to ask x
     
  4. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2011
    Messages:
    1,946
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I was going through my losses I wouldn't have wanted to be around a new baby tbh. I definitely think you should ask before going round x
     
  5. Nikki1985

    Nikki1985 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2013
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Is it absolutely necessary to turn up with your baby? Surely your mum/partner/family could mind the little one just for an hour while you pop to see her?
     
  6. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    5,310
    Likes Received:
    2
    It is quite hard but I might try to do that.
     
  7. Nikki1985

    Nikki1985 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2013
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you go at the weekend rather than during the week, you'll probably find is easier to get someone to mind the baby x
     
  8. Pudds86

    Pudds86 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2009
    Messages:
    7,665
    Likes Received:
    0
    even if you do this she'll be aware of you doing it for her sake and she may feel very awkward. I would just ask her hun Xx

    Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...
     
  9. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    8,894
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think I'd ask as well tbh, everyone's different, and she might be hurt/disappointed that you've left baby with someone else. X


    On my iPhone - so cant see tickers :(
     
  10. Cosmogirl7

    Cosmogirl7 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    2,118
    Likes Received:
    0
    As someone who has just miscarried I personally wouldn't mind a friend bringing their little one round. I'm meeting up with my friend on Friday who has a 7 month old and can't wait for cuddles. I would prob be more offended at someone asking me than anything else xxx
     
  11. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2011
    Messages:
    27,558
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd def ask hun, this thread just highlights everyone is different??

    xxxxxxx
     
  12. Iwant3

    Iwant3 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2012
    Messages:
    7,300
    Likes Received:
    0
    If I knew someone had a new baby and then they turned up to visit me without them i would find it odd tbh!

    As much as i hated seeing bumps and babys straight after my mc - |i know that life goes on for everyone else and they have a baby that is part of their life, just as the loss is part of mine.

    i have mum's with bumps and babies at my house everyday (I'm a childminder) so maybe I'm a bit more used to it.
     
  13. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    5,310
    Likes Received:
    2
    Thanks for all the input. I guess everyone is different. I would phone and ask before but tbh I think that would be more awkward. We get on well but there is some language difficulty because the language we have in common is not a first language for either of us. Its fine in person but its hard to be tactful about a tricky subject over the phone. Plus if it was me I'd say I was fine with seeing the baby but it would still upset me.
     
    #13 BunnyN, Jun 11, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2013
  14. smnicholson92

    smnicholson92 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2012
    Messages:
    529
    Likes Received:
    0
    I lost my daughter at 21 weeks and im now pregnant again in 20 weeks, my sil had a baby 2 dats before i had my daighter and i still find it hard see her now nearly 5 months later i still find it hard seeing any baby tbh even tho im pregnant i no wen we first lost her seeing another baby or bump was defenatly the last thing i wanted to see xxx
     
  15. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2011
    Messages:
    5,429
    Likes Received:
    0
    The terrible thing about mc is how lonely it gets. By the time i'd had 4, noone really knew what to say to me anymore, and i have lost friendships as I feel so let down that people avoided me. I know some will have done this for the same reasons you are thinking BunnyN, and despite part of me understanding their reluctance, I can't get over it. I'm probably being very harsh, but i think they were more worried about them feeling uncomfortable than me!!

    The people who have stayed my friends through this are the ones who just came to see me, whether they are pg, ttc, have babies or whatever. I was glad of their support and company. Ok sometimes it was painful if they had a lovely baby or a bump, but the positives of the visit would vastly outweigh the negatives.
     
  16. Mummyof3tobe

    Mummyof3tobe Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2013
    Messages:
    427
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have had 2 miscarriages and I hated that my friends avoided the subject of babies/pregnancies etc. My recent loss was just last month and I have a close friend and my sister in law due babies in the next few days. For me, I am excited to see them and meet their new babies.

    I personally would not be offended if friends arrived with their babies x
     
  17. H16

    H16 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2012
    Messages:
    4,112
    Likes Received:
    4
    After my MC seeing other babies and pregnant women hurt me but my "friends" avoiding me hurt more, I lost a few friends after my miscarriage last year as I felt like I had no support from them when I really needed it. The first conversation afterwards will always be awkward but your friend will appreciate it. Maybe if you don't feel right taking little one round there phone your friend for a chat or go on your own while your OH looks after bubs? xx
     
  18. Mummyof3tobe

    Mummyof3tobe Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2013
    Messages:
    427
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Bunny. Did you decide what to do? T x
     
  19. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    5,310
    Likes Received:
    2
    I decided I would visit but I'm afraid I haven't done yet. OH injured his leg and cant drive (I dont drive). Thiknking I'll invite her to come see me, not the same thing I know but its pretty impossible to get there at the mo. Like that at least she can decide if she wants to be around our baby or not.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice