Unsure about support help

[xfriends]

I'm now 14 weeks pregnant and went for my first scan last week. I thought I was 12 weeks then but turns out I was a tad further on.

The baby's dad knows about the pregnancy and know he's the father but I just recently found out he's blocked my number. I still have his.

I'm still in two minds as to what to do after the baby is born. I'm not sure whether I should ask CSA to get involved or whether I should just leave it and go it alone (financially I might be able to do it, but I will need income support).

There is a huge part of me that does not want to accept anything from him. This is mainly down to the fact that the baby was not planned.

I still feel a bit scared but a lot more calmer now.

Has anyone else been through this?

 

[Loula]

I could have written this myself.
I was seeing someone and got pregnant. He wasnt too happy but we talked he failed to turn up to the 12 week scan and by 20 weeks i got the number youve called hasnt been recognised everytime i called.

I did go it alone and never called the csa as i didnt want to get into custody battles if he decided later on to be a part of my daughters life.
She is now 3 x

 

[vic82]

I'm 6 weeks and this is also me

 

[mylullaby]

Contact and maintenance are two completely separate issues and a court wouldn't necessarily grant your baby's dad access just because he'd kept up maintenance payments. They would make sure access was in the best interests of the child too - so built up gradually if he suddenly appeared after years of not being around. Oh the flip side, your ex could turn up in a few years time and get access even if he hasn't paid you a penny of maintenance - the courts will view it as your child has a right to see their father (unless there's a child protection issue - violence, drugs or alcohol or something) - so he could waltz back into your child's life at any point regardless of maintenance.

The way I see it is like this: it takes 2 people to make a baby. Why the fuck should YOU be the only one to accept your responsibility just because as the woman, YOU are the one who gives birth?! At least by going through csa you are forcing him to accept some responsibility for his part in creating this baby, even if it is purely financial. If you don't need the money you can put it aside in a savings account to go towards your child's future - house deposit, uni fees, whatever. Wouldn't you rather it was in your child's saving account than your ex's bank account? I just think absolving him of any responsibility is admitting that it's more your "fault" that you're in the situation you're in. Which of course it isn't. Please insist that he pays something towards his child.

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw. Really hope you're ok. Have a look at the gingerbread website - it's for lone parents and has some great resources as well as a helpline for any questions / support. xxx