Need a bit of support/advice!

[KatyMarie]

My partner left me for someone else 2 months ago (we were meant to be getting married this year). Our son is 10 months old but from the very beginning his dad done basically nothing to look after him, I done it all with the help of my parents.

Because of this I do not want him to have our son on our own at the moment until he proves he can look after him (hes admitted before he can't deal with his screaming), I also do not want his new girlfriend to meet him yet, until I know whether she is sticking around. All I've had is hassle for the past two months, my ex wanted to see our son every friday on his day off work so I've always allowed him, never stopped him, but the past few weeks he keeps cancelling, he's threatened me with court because I won't let him have him on his own. I have to really chase him every month for maintenance money, I agreed not to go to CSA because we agreed on an amount he would give me each month, but every time theres an excuse.

Not really sure if I'm doing the right thing, my parents say I am, but I don't know if they're just sticking with me because they're my parents! So if anyone has any advice please share!

Thanks
xxx

 

[jojo_2012]

You really have to keep the access issue and the money issue separate, the maintenance is important and you shouldn't let him forget it, but it should be out of your head when thinking about him seeing the baby.

As someone who has been separated from her son's dad for over 8 years my advice would be to let him have some alone time with your son, you just have to grin and bare it the first few times but you'll soon find out whether LO loves it or hates it. Make sure you stay in and tell him he can bring him back if he gets to much. As for new girlfriends, my son has met several girlfriends and I don't think these things really affect them kids are only really interested in mummy and daddy. In the end it does feel a lot better to just let go and have your time be your time and his time be his time.

As far as money goes my advice would be to go to the CSA calculator and see how much you'd be entitled to. Let him know this amount and offer to take a rounded down amount (say you're entitled to £28 a week, agree to £25) if he promises to pay on time, preferably by direct debit into your bank so money isn't changing hands physically. CSA are very difficult to deal with, things can take months and months if not years, they regularly mess up I'm currently getting £1.22 a week and my ex is in full time employment, if I hadn't gone through CSA I could at least ask him to buy the odd school jumper/haircut/anything cheap but now it's all done through the CSA that bridge has been burnt kind of IYKWIM.