right it's our 6th month of TTC and first time my husband wasn't able to do it. I am going to ovulate in 2 days and he is having problems in that department this month. I am trying not to show my frustration but it's soo hard to just relax. He thinks one time we did like 3 days ago will be enough this month, man ey! anyway it must be so common to have this issue while TTC. He put this time limit of trying for another 6 months so I have to make every month count otherwise I am never going to get pregnant. Anyway I just wanted to ask how you deal with it when your other half can't do it?
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TTC is getting to us
- Thread starter Maximus17
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millielaura
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We tried nearly 3 years for my daughter and nearly a year for number 2 and a few months ago OH did the same for the first time ever lol! I was pretty bad about it tbh and was annoyed at him lol because i don't want to dtd either when tired from looking after daughter all day etc but it is what it is and if we want another we have too lol i even said watch something on your phone etc but we have to do this to time it right lol! By then i think id totally approached it wrong and he was annoyed at me went off in a huff! Spoke to him a few days later and he said he felt used for sperm only. So now I guesa in future I'm going to try make it less obvious if I can and try do stuff like dress up nice instead (if i can be bothered haha) or at least not mention ovulation lol!
Maybe a date night could help? xxx
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Maybe a date night could help? xxx
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hey yes I did dress up and the last couple of night he just couldn't do it even with watching something. My husband is very reserved and introvert , he doesn't even know why he is feeling like this, if I try to talk to him about it he says it makes it worse and just let it go, and talking about it makes him angry. But it's soooo hard to just let it go around ovulation time. I mean if we don't do it, another whole month to wait. I am not sure why he is feeling like this to be honest, he is not drinking and eating really well at the moment so I haven't got a clue. I hope it won't last long though...
Sunflower1
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We had this issue so we switched to using a cup and syringe ... it's zero stress and just as effective.
millielaura
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It is so stressful because like you say it'd a whole other month if they don't so it's just so frustrating. 
Sunflower1
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Sure. basically it's easier for a guy to perform solo when he's having performance issues (and a lot of guys do after 6 months TTC). So he does his this into a sterile plastic cup (can buy online - ebay). You make sure it's warm enough that it's liquid (can hold it between hands for 10 mins), then use a 10ml needleless syringe (no latex or rubber) and suck it up. Coat in Conceive plus, pop it in (you can leave it in for 5 mns to acclimate it to temperature). You should be lying back with hips on cushions by now, and then very slowly squeeze the plunger. You can then keep the syringe in for 30 mins to encourage the little chaps to swim into your cervix. Having an orgasm at that point can help but is not necessary. Wait 30 mins with hips up and then take it out and get on with your day.
If you want to make it all romantic you can. It is literally zero stress once you are used to it. You never miss a fertile window. We do every other day around ovulation. You can also use conceive plus yourself.
It was just getting too stressful for us...I'd be in tears each month and we were having arguments.
Hey sunflower thank you for this and Wow lots of other techniques I am getting to learn during this TTC process. I wonder what my husband would think if I told him this. He has no idea about TTC to be honest as he thinks having sex 10 days before ovulation can get me pregnant lol
MoominGirl
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Considering how long we've been at it, have of course had a few occasions where OH hadn't been able to finish. It's only been a handful of times which I don't think is bad all things considered. Like millielaura, I approached it completely wrong the first couple of times lol and it just ended in an argument. This actually prompted a bit of a lesson about how women's cycles work. He genuinely thought I could get pregnant any time so after that at least he understood that it was actually more important than he thought.
Now that we're even further down the road, we both just see it as a boxticking exercise til we get to IVF. Although he's still able to perform the vast majority of the time, neither of us are enjoying sex anything like how we used to. As we're likely to have only a few more cycles we've agreed to put up with the current situation for a little longer then hopefully bring the enjoyment back after it's all over. We are not a high sex drive couple so doing it 4 times in the fertile week is a really chore for both of us and we just wouldn't be doing it otherwise. If he has to watch something that's fine. He actually said is that not really offensive? I said no as I think by now we're past the point of hurt feelings lol!!
Obviously this needs a lot of open communication between both of you. I actually mentioned the cup and syringe to him a few months back and he really wasn't keen on the idea as he felt that we'd lose all intimacy. Not that long ago he actually said he'd be open to doing it if needs must. I'm hoping we can hang in there as we are but at least we've agreed it's an option should we need it.
Now that we're even further down the road, we both just see it as a boxticking exercise til we get to IVF. Although he's still able to perform the vast majority of the time, neither of us are enjoying sex anything like how we used to. As we're likely to have only a few more cycles we've agreed to put up with the current situation for a little longer then hopefully bring the enjoyment back after it's all over. We are not a high sex drive couple so doing it 4 times in the fertile week is a really chore for both of us and we just wouldn't be doing it otherwise. If he has to watch something that's fine. He actually said is that not really offensive? I said no as I think by now we're past the point of hurt feelings lol!!
Obviously this needs a lot of open communication between both of you. I actually mentioned the cup and syringe to him a few months back and he really wasn't keen on the idea as he felt that we'd lose all intimacy. Not that long ago he actually said he'd be open to doing it if needs must. I'm hoping we can hang in there as we are but at least we've agreed it's an option should we need it.
We are the opposite I have a very high sex drive but he doesn’t. He would be happy with twice a month. Like you you said it’s getting a bit boring for him. He also stoppped making sexual gestures anymore which really upsets me. I really really miss the way we were before TTC
Sunflower1
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My DH was sooo resistant to this at first but once we started doing it he relaxed and finds it way less stressful now.
Sunflower1
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Also using the syrnge method for TTC separates babymaking from normal intimate sexy sex, which can really help get that intimacy element back.
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We are the opposite of you haha my husband has a crazy high sex drive while mine is quite low. In fact I've never been one to be that bothered about sex haha he loved ttc cuz even if he knew I was making an effort to do it for ttc he didn't care cuz hey-he still got more sex! Haha and he knows I love him.. I'd asked him did he not just feel a bit used and he said to use away hahah he was delighted at the increase in sex xx
I wish my husband was the one with high sex drive it would make TTC so much easier. I have to be careful as he can’t do it 2 days in a row easily. But to be honest when we were younger and before our daughter he was different more than now. He is nearly 40 and tired now. I am thinking to buy some herbal vitamins for him
