Hi hun, I really do feel for you
My DD's dad and I split when she was 3 months old. We split up for 3 weeks before i found out i was PG and to be honest it was over and i hated him! Then when i found out i was PG i panicked. She was never planned but i wanted her. I tracked him down and showed him the test and collapsed into floods of tears shaking. He said everything would be ok but he wasnt being funny but he had arranged a weekend away with his mates and he was trying to find some drugs before he went!!! To that, he drove off. I waited all weekend for him to return on the Sunday evening and even sat outside his house in the car overnight until the next morning wondering how the hell we were going to get through this and would we be getting back together...? It drove me crazy. Finally his dad came to the car and said Mark was having so much fun he was going to stay another 2 days. I should have known then to kick the shit bag to the kerb. However, when he returned we got back together, bought a house and a family car and all was well for a short period of time. His mums response was "what are you going to do?" (i.e. have an abortion) and "i thought you wanted to travel?" Nice. He took a part time job on top of his full time job when i went on maternity leave which was never a good thing cos it was in a bar and he spent all the money he earnt while he was working and then going out afterwards and crawling home at 4am. I gave birth to DD and brought her home to friends and family and had a small celebration before i went to bed exhausted for a bit while he looked after DD. He woke me up late afternoon to ask if he could go to his mates 21st birthday party saying he HAD looked after her for 2 hours while i slept!!! Bloody cheek. It was the day of bringing his daughter home. Well he went and i was left alone and he arrived back round about 5am. Over time his drinking got worse, i came home to him and his mates smoking dope in my kitchen with clouds of smoke and they all started ringing him every evening to go out. If i said i wanted some family time he sulked until i was bored of watching his tantrums and being ignored and i told him to go out. Well the short of it is his drinking got worse and i kicked him out and he went back to his parents. I remember calling him there and demanding him to come and collect his stuff before i threw it into the garden and set fire to it. When he arrived i sat downstairs then took DD and went upstairs. I sat on the bed crying and saying we could work this out. He said he didnt think we could, he needed time to think, he didnt know. He kept visiting, crying when he came round. I kept crying and asking him to come back but he said he didnt know what to do. I turned into a wreck. I tried to arrange days out so he could see we could be a family and get things back to normal but he never took the hint and always left, kissing me on the cheek and saying he missed me. He gave me mixed signs and got my hopes up but never came back. When i stopped eating through pain and depression and had the heater on 3 bars through the hottest point of the summer people could see something was wrong, i was freezing though. It got to the point of when he came round i had to run to the toilet to be sick it made me that ill. For 18 months i was a mess. The midwife was concerned but i told her to mind her own business and shut off from the world. Thankfully i managed to cope with DD and she wasnt affected with the help of my family. It didnt help that a week after we split he was seen out with a mutual friend of ours DAWN. He denied any involvement of course. People told me different. Then she confirmed it. THIS girl was round our house celebrating the day we took DD home from hospital. She sat in MY chair, drinking MY champagne knowing all along she wanted him. They had known each other for 8 years and never been anything more than distant friends and now she was with him. I couldnt cope and weight fell off me to the point of him saying "god look at the state of you!" as i was so thin. It made a change from him saying "god look at the size of your thighs!!" though when i was pregnant i suppose! I couldnt return to work and had to go on anti depressants which made me forgetful and confused but bit by bit i tried to start eating and not surviving on coffee and fags and tried to build my life back up. I cried on the first day of going back to work, so much had changed, i didnt even have my own seat or desk anymore. I fought through it, throwing myself into work more and more and then got addicted to working. I did 7 day weeks, 12 hours a day sometimes but it meant i was with people and not stuck at home alone and making a life for us at the same time. I bought him out of the mortgage and took the house on myself. I ripped the kitchen out and designed a new one, same with bathroom and front garden and forgot about the low life w****r. He continued his relationship with her and got 10k inheritance money from a family member yet never gave us a penny. I had to fight him through CSA but he never paid. I let him see her and take her away for weekends but when he brought her back he was so p****d he could hardly stand up. This continued. Then he called off weekends when he was supposed to have DD as he had free footy tickets???? WTF! He promised to help me out financially since he had as much access as he wanted. At the end of the month he said "sorry i cant afford it" I gave him another chance and he continued to drink, take DD to smoky pubs, dump her with his parents while he went out with HER and he did the same again the next month and said he couldnt pay. Thing is he had a full time job and so did Dawn. I stopped contact for DD's sake. He never sent a xmas card, birthday card, called to ask if she was ok, still alive, NOTHING! He hasnt contacted her in 5 years. He only lived half a mile down the road but never visited. Dawn then attacked me in a bar one day causing me severe injuries and a bruised spine, black eye and awful bruising. I took her to court and she was found guilty of battering. This was her 3rd time in court and the third time guilty for the same offence. They are married now and continue to drink and take drugs together. She cheated on him with his mate 3 weeks before they got married and then twice afterwards. As far as I know they dont have any kids (although she wanted them when me and him were together) I hope they dont have any and justice is done. Sad thing is Mark was adopted and doesnt know his real parents. He doesnt know if they are dead or alive and has never looked for them, it screwed him up a little i think though he would never let me talk to him about it. I moved to Spain 3 years ago and met a lovely, caring and gorgeous bloke called Allan. He loves DD and she loves him. We are now trying to conceive baby no.2. I just wanted to say that i met a lot of wasters inbetween Mark and Allan and life was hard but i DID get over him eventually and met someone decent who i love dearly. We are trying to build our life here and though times have not always been easy and we are continually tested with life! Anyway sorry for the long post but i just wanted to say that if you want him back id take a bit of a back seat, dont call him, be pleasant, NEVER mention getting back together and just treat him like a friend and he will come running! Mark was the same, when i backed off he came forward and then when i steamed in there with "well lets get back together then" and started crying he ran for the hills! Give him some time at his own pace and im sure he will see sense. Hopefully, he wont be a t**t like my ex and go off with your best mate!"
If you dont want him back then things will work out for you, i know people say "time is a healer" and you think yeah yeah but it does get easier and just because you have a little one doesnt mean you wont meet someone else. I always worried about this but really, a lot of blokes dont mind at all. Good luck in whatever you do. I know how much you must be hurting right now as i have been through the same myself. If you ever want to talk PM me hun.
(sorry... My jokes are TERRIBLE 
Sounds like you've been tempted by that offer! x
being a single mum is so hard..hats off to all the ladies in this section who have put up with so much shite from there babies fathers and have got through it and are wonderful mums. I don't know how you do it i just feel so depressed and some days i don't know what i'm gonna do with myself..i'm trying to keep busy and concentrate on Hayden but when hes in bed and i have done all the housework i just find myself thinking about stuff and i can't deal with it. I'm so down unless i'm doing stuff and even then i'm like a zombie on automatic pilot 
