this is so hard!-new saga this gets more and more jezza kyle

[fran_23]

I haven't seen Haydens dad since tuesday and he is coming round at 7 to see him..he sent me a message yesterday about how he has missed hayden so much and didn't mention missing me.
I don't want to see him its gonna get all my emotions screwed up all over again but i want Hayden to see his dad so i'm gonna go out when he gets here..its just i know how upset i'm gonna feel that he doesn't want me anymore and is geting on with his life as if we were never even together.

i dunno how i'm gonna act when i see him being a single mum is so hard..hats off to all the ladies in this section who have put up with so much shite from there babies fathers and have got through it and are wonderful mums. I don't know how you do it i just feel so depressed and some days i don't know what i'm gonna do with myself..i'm trying to keep busy and concentrate on Hayden but when hes in bed and i have done all the housework i just find myself thinking about stuff and i can't deal with it. I'm so down unless i'm doing stuff and even then i'm like a zombie on automatic pilot

EDIT- sorry just realised i posted this in the single and pregnant section
DOH!

 

[keli]

How'd it go? It's so hard seeing them when it's over. My ex has been seeing Coop nearly every day since he was born and even though we are friends it's hard sometimes be'cos all i wanna do is touch him or for him to give me a hug. Be strong is all i can say and give you some of these It will get easier i'm sure. xx

 

[Jade&Evie]

Fran, stay strong. I know how you feel.

PM me if you need a chat.

 

[fran_23]

it went very well until he had bathed Hayden and put him to bed- then he asked if he should leave now so i said yes and he asked if he should take some of his stuff so i said yes- when he started taking his dvd's i got really upset and he kept saying "i dont know why i'm doing this, i don't think i want this" i got well peed off with him messing me about so i went to the wardrobe and started throwing all his clothes into the living room then i got black bags and started packing them all..i was saying look its too hurtful seeing all your stuff here if you wanna leave me just go..!!
when he left and took it all i couldn't stop crying- so i did the stupidest thing ever! i rang him and just cried down the phone for half an hour-saying we could work it out so much for being strong!!
he said no way it was never gonna work and we have already tried!
anyway i text him the next day and said sorry for my behaviour- i hope we can be civil! he text back and said ok cool
but last night he went out with his work got blotto and rang me at midnight. i missed his call so i phoned him back at 12.45 and he was sooooo drunk, he said he didn;t know where he was and the police stopped him he was telling them "look i'm trying to talk to my girlfriend" then he asked if i wanted him to come over and bring a kebab..i was like er you don't live here and i'm not your girlfriend remember! i had to phone his mate who lives near where he was and she let him crash on her floor- i spoke to him this morning when he was on the way to work and he doesn't remember anything!!
He is having Hayden here tonight when i go to the pirate party i hate seeing him but my mate will be here getting ready with me so it'll be ok! god i hate this!!!

 

[keli]

It sounds like neither of you know what you want. But can't be together at mo. Did you ever try councelling? or would you consider it now.. it could help xx

 

[MrsBrightside]

 

[fran_23]

It sounds like neither of you know what you want. But can't be together at mo. Did you ever try councelling? or would you consider it now.. it could help xx

I really wanted us to go to councelling and at one point he agreed to go- but now he says no as we have already tried hard on our relationship and it just doesnt work! i think i'm fighting a lost cause here!

But he did try to sleep with me when i came home this morning- lol CHEEKY SOD!

 

[keli]

Men eh??!! lol. With all the things you've said it does sound like he wants you back but if you force the issue he runs away! I dunno it is hard and i'm no relationship expert.. i'm single! but think your gunna just have to play the friends for a while and try not to push him away even tho your hurting. Which is easier said than done xx

 

[fran_23]

thank you yep i have to work harder on being strong and not being bitter towards him- he texted me today and said he'll ring me after work..when i don't mention our relationship and start being independant thats when he acts like he wants me back..flaming men!!! i just wanna shake him and say what you up to? but i guess he doesn't do well under pressure at the moment!

 

[keli]

I don't think men ever do! They drive me mad! lol. You sound alot more upbeat now so that good xxx

 

[fran_23]

yeh ballz to him he's peeing me off now!

 

[Babylicious]

I agree with Midna! Show him you are getting on with it and see how he acts

 

[fran_23]

yep i'm trying

 

[Tina & Gabs]

 

[nori]

God this sounds like me and my OH a couple of years back but that was before a baby was involved. He didnt know what he wanted, then i didnt know what i wanted, then hed go and get drunk and ring me at a ridiculous hour then not remember it, then as soon as i backed off hed want me back etc etc etc ... this went on for years and i had many poeple telling me to forget him. That would have been easy if he didnt keep begging for me to get back with him. I was never the one running back to him but still loved him.

He finally realised what an idiot he was and what a good thing he had which is what i think your OH may well realise. Sounds like he needs to grow up. As an outsider looking in i would say what some of the others have said "forget him.. you deserve better" but realistically that may be too hard. I would suggest you back right off though and let him realise for himself what an idiot hes being.

Men can be such fools.

Claire x

 

[fran_23]

thank you Claire - yep i'm just backing right off- he knows where i am, we are being civil and
ultimately i know hes going to really regret this! because although i'm finding it hard to be strong right now
i will be strong and i am doing ok generally! and if he leaves it too long i will have moved on and it will be tough shite to him!
theres only so much waiting around for someone you can do eh!! i know what you mean about being too hard to just forget him, we've known each other 8 years, been living together for 4 yrs, been through more or less everything together..including his dad dying of cancer and a split when he went out with someone else for 2 months and i took him back! I do love him with all my heart but i'm not gonna keep fighting a losing battle and if he wants to be apart then so be it i can't force him to be with me.
I just hope he feels like i do when he realises what he has done.

 

[dannii87]

Oh Fran! You poor thing Sounds to me like he wants to move on but something's holding him back - Hence why he keeps coming back for seconds, thirds etc lol.

Definitely try to keep up the strength. At least you know there will be one of 2 outcomes. You won't be together or you will. Obviously it won't happen over night, but doing what you're doing sounds like you're doing a brill job!

There is a saying which is something like, "if you love someone, let them go free, if they come back, it was meant to be" I think I've changed it slightly? Either way, my version sounds better

 

[fran_23]

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA sorry i have to laugh or i'm going to go insane- the latest part of this saga- you ready???

Stew came last night and tonight after work to see little man- was all fine yesterday he came round played a bit made and gave him his dinner and a bath and did the bedtime routine, then he politely said bye to me and said "dont ever think i dont think about you, this is hard and i hate it but i kind of think we are doing the right thing" ooook fair enough..

today it was still lovely out so he said about taking Hayden to the park so off we went.. he told me he is off work on saturday and could we do something all together like take Hayden swimming? i then explained to him that from now on i would like him to come and see Hayden/take him out or whatever he wants but that i do not want us to hangout together as i find it hard to move on with my life when we still hangout- because when we get on and stuff it makes me confused as to why we cannot be together if we both love eachother etc..he said he wants to spend time with me aswell and i basically told him tough we broke up as long as you see Hayden great but apart from that i don't want to keep getting my hopes up that we might be ok (don't know if anyone sees where i am coming from on this one?)

Anyway when we got home he asked me if i would consider all 3 of us moving together to milton keynes as he knows someone who will be letting a nice house cheaply in a while....WTF?? i said what so you want us to get back together and he said "its just a suggestion..if you think we can deal with any problems we had then lets just do it- make a fresh start"
I said i wouldnt move far away from my friends and family and that i don't get the feeling he really wants this seriously anyway and just refused to talk about it because i'm soooo confused now! anyway i'm gonna ignore him until friday when he next sees Hayden- apart from i sent him a message on facebook saying please don't get my hopes up if you are not serious..but i know he won't get that till tomorrow because he went to bed with bad toothache.

sorry for the longness...don't know what to do anymore- i feel like a revolving f*ing door!!!

 

[dannii87]

Ahh Fran!

I can't help but feel sorry for him & you of course!! He needs to sit back and make a conscious decision about what he REALLY wants. It sounds to me as though he knows what he wants but isn't sure how best to achieve it (being a proper family together). It's not fair on you or Hayden (or your OH) with all this "Will they? Won't they?" saga.

I think he needs to stay away from you for a while to have a proper think about things, you're right. You can't be getting your hopes up only for him to possibly decide that actually, it might not work.

I think he's on the right track with the "fresh start" business. It sounds perfect to me (but that's probably down to my situation)... I understand that you couldn't move too far etc, so how about suggesting that you leave it 3 months (as in, he just sees Hayden and you and him are not together for that time) and then have a chat? I think that's more than enough time for him to have a proper think (and for you too).

The other part of me thinks it sounds as though he wants all the family stuff (the good bits!) but none of the bad...

Who knows, this could end up making you stronger as a couple and could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you both! (Though I'm sure it doesn't feel like that now!)

xx Sorry I can't be more help xx

 

[fran_23]

dont be silly thats a great help! thank you hun

yeah i think its a good idea to have more time apart-i think he should just pick Hayden up from now on and go round his families or i will go out and leave them alone..no more doing stuff together as he is not getting the space he wanted and i feel very confused it isn't good!! deffo gonna stick with that and then we'll see how things go in a few months..when you think of things on a bigger scale a few months apart to decide if we want to last forever is not long at all!

thanks chick xx