Somebody pls help me am i being unreasonable!! **update pg3*

[sam08]

Jane i am so sorry your family has been through that, how awful that that woman made him choose! She is obvisouly a genuine self centered cow. As we are about to have our first child Fran I can only imagine what it must feel like to have someone playing happy families with my baby, it must be very very hard. Morganuk i totally agree, i think jayk is making rash decisions on her initial reactions and 12 months on and off is not a very long time to make an effort with the little boy. We have our girls over one night and all day every weekend then all evening once a week and they know they are welcome to come over inbetween whenever they want and they do. I would never dream of stopping them seeing thier dad, or new little brother and sister and they are so excited, i cant wait as i have this big family now that i never dreamed id have! Jayk, whatever you decide, remember Janes story as even if you decide not to be with your OH any more, you cant stop the fact that your baby and the little boy are related and will want to meet each other one day and your baby is going to have a big brother. xxxx

Well this topic has created some strong opinions hasnt it! I think im gunna leave this thread now. Big hugs to everyone!

 

[JayK2387]

Hello girls,

Firstly I want to say thankyou to EVERYONE who replied.

We havent got internet at home yet so Im only able to come on to this website at work hence the reason I went quiet. However I have come on and read everyones posts again.

On Friday I was very wound up and upset and now reading my post again think I didnt post how I was feeling properly and was probably shadowed by my ranting.

ANYWAY... Friday night when I got home, my best friend came over, I was stood in the kitchen making tea and I just burst into a flood of tears and told her I couldnt cope anymore. She was amazing and sat with me till my bf came home. When he got in about 8pm, my best friend went and as she did she looked at him and said "I think you guys need to talk".

My OH sat down and asked what the matter was and gave me a hug. Took me ages to come out with it as I wasnt sure how it'd come out or whatever but somehow I just started talking. I was talking for about an hour him just looking at my snotty red puffy face and nodding. I cant remember exatly what I said but I did say that we as a couple or him as his daddy needed to sit down with his son and tell him about the baby and make it special to him cause he hadnt heard that from us. My oh snapped and said it was too early (baby due in 15 weeks) and that he didnt want to talk about the baby as he didnt want to upset him etc etc. I must admit I took this the wrong way and became irrational and said fine play it your way dont point the finger at me when he doesnt except his sister and with that he got off the sofa and went and got in the bath - ouch. SO i got in bed - feeling pretty faint and exhausted wishing Id just not said anything.

I fell asleep and woke up with OH stroking my head. He apologised and agreed his son needed to be made to feel special and apart of it all. We were all meant to be going swimming on the Saturday but I stayed away and let my oh and his son go on their own. I thought it might be nicer for them to spend some quality time together and my oh agreed to talk to him.

I got a call about 2pm from my OH saying they were coming to meet me - I was at the social club with my dad. As they walked through the door his son saw me and came running over and gave me the biggest cuddle ever - which shocked me. I picked him up and asked him where he'd been and if he'd had fun and he was all smiley and nodding his head. I put him down and he put his hand on my tummy - again shock - and gave me a big cheeky grin then he ran away to play with the other kids that were running riot. I asked my OH if he'd spoken to him and he said yes and that he didnt really wanna know at first but then after a bit of talking he started to come round to the idea. Aparently on the way to meet me his son kept saying "Dad, whats her name again?" my oh was like "Who?" and his son was like "my sissterrr" lol.

His son came over and said "jaymie we need to go and buy a present for Megan" - which almost made me cry. I said ok and to drink up his drink and we'd go find her one - Ive never seen an orange juice disappear so quickly lol. We all went to the bear factory and his son picked out a hello kitty bear and put a heartbeat in her and helped to stuff her. When the lady asked who it was for he shouted MY SISTER and she smiled and said Awww arent you the best big brother in the world and that made him smile ) he kissed the heart and put it in the bear b4 it was stitched. He then tried to dress the teddy in a spiderman outfit which made us giggle. He was all smiley carrying the bear but I really wanted him to have one so I bent down and said "As megans got one from you, shouldnt you have one from megan??" he threw the bear at me and ran to pick his one haha.. which he then dressed as spiderman. He named his spiderted and megans kitty lol. We went home and all sat on the sofa watching cbeebies (gotta get used to that lol) and his son was laid on my belly cuddling spiderted. Megan kicked him in the head which he thought was funny. When we finally got him to go to bed and stay there I became all soppy again and started cryin. Just felt as if a HUGE weight had been lifted - His son asked if megan was going to bed with him haha to which my oh said she cant yet son shes still in Jaymies belly. It was well cute tho.

Yesterday night he didnt want to go home bless him, he fell asleep in the car and woke up as we got to his. He was panicing cause he couldnt find his spiderted but OH had put it in his bag. He wouldnt go in until he had it lol.

We had a really nice weekend and I suggested to OH that if his ex lets us, then OH should bring his son up to the hospital once baby is born so he can give her the teddy he made for her - just thought he'd feel more special and maybe for us 4 to be on our own for 1/2 so the attention is on both his son and the baby without all the other people there who will be fussing the baby??

I just really really hope his ex see's how excited he now is and doesnt try to ruin that for him and us. I hope she can put his best interests first. She is always so nice to my face and then horrible about me to my ex - cant imagine what shes sayin to her son.

Sorry its long - just wanted to update you all and say thank you )

xx

 

[hennaly]

 

[Morganuk]

Im really happy it all went so well

Good luck with it all hun

 

[Anna23]

oh hun that is really nice i'm so glad he is much happier now about the baby but remember it's what he needs the love and attention what you posted made me smile you sound like a right happy family it's so nice, don't be suprised if his mum ruins all your hard work tho cas it sounds like she might try to BUT be there for your oh's son and in time he will grow up and make his own mind up especialy if your there being nice to him and your oh but his mum is slaging you off he will see who is the better person when he is old enough also i think it's great that you left your oh to go swimming with him that way he gets time alone with his dad but also gets to see you and he get's the best of both worlds then i'm so glad you sorted things out and i expect if you keep it up he will turn into a much happier lil boy but PLEASE get your oh to go to a solicotor cas if his ex stops him from seeing his son again unfortunatly it will affect your step son and i'm sure thats the last thing you and oh want

 

[MrsBrightside]

Darling thats brilliant news... Prob just the fact you were less stressed and more open cause of that its made him relax. I dont think you could have done more this weekend to make him feeling more within the family. Like Anna says his ex will prob try and spoil it but you keep that happy stress free feeling around him and keep making him part of the family and he will feel it when hes with you. The point will come in his life where he wont be led by his mothers thoughts!!

 

[Becc]

I was so sad when I read this post at first and I'm glad to hear that things have improved and you all had such a nice weekend together. Your OH's ex will probably be a little jealous that her son had such a good time and may try to poison his mind against you, which is a shame I know. But remember that actions speak louder than words and if you just continue to be the bigger person here and have consistent positive experiences with this child he will respond to that.

Hope things carry on getting better for you and that you can all be one big happy family

 

[sam08]

That is so great hun - I am so pleased for you! Massive hugs!

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Oh hun I just cried reading your update! In a good way!

thats so lovely. Im really glad your both making the effort and see how its paid off already?! Just keep at it - dont expect it all to be rosy and lovely all the time but keep the boys best interests at heart and you cant go far wrong.

Just a little tip as well - its nice if his little sister buys him a present too for when he comes to the hospital to meet her. That way he isnt excluded from the present giving and gets a prezzie in return from his new baby sister

Good luck babe!

 

[*sara*]

Im glad things are getting better

 

[allycat]

I can completely understand where you're coming from as I've been in the same situation. My OH's son is 11 years old and when I first met him he was lovely and we got on really well. His mum (my OH's ex) didn't like the fact that he'd taken to me so much and was always going home after a weekend talking about me etc.

Me and my OH decided back in August that we wanted to live together. I was quite happy for him to have his boy every weekend as normal, but when it came down to it I'll admit I found it hard to cope with. His boy became stroppy and rude because he'd been used to having his dad all to himself and all of a sudden he was having to share his time and attention. We went out as a family every saturday and I tried my best to keep him happy and keep the peace when rows started between them. My OH had his boy every friday afternoon/evening, all day/night saturday and all day sunday and took him home sunday evening. I'll be honest - I found this to be TOO MUCH. It was in the early days of my pregnancy, I was tired and wanted quality time with my man which I never got as he worked all week and was pretty switched off all evening when at home. After many heated discussions over it my OH said he would drop the friday night and that would be our night to spend going out and being together and he would pick his boy up early saturday morning and keep the rest of the weekend the same. I thought that was fair, but his ex used it as a way to turn his boy against him by saying he was being pushed out due to his dad's new relationship with me etc. When we told his boy about the baby he was happy at first until his mum helpfully told him he would be pushed away when the baby came along and that the baby would get all his dad's attention. Since then we have had nothing but grief every weekend over the baby.

I have kept his boy informed over all the baby news/scans etc. and made sure he saw the pics and was told everything 'cause I don't want to shut him out. At the end of the day I knew my OH had a kid when I met him, but I never realised just how difficult the tantrums and strops would be to take every weekend. My OH's boy would wake us up in the early hours just 'cause he couldn't sleep etc. and when you're pregnant you don't wanna be woken up all the time. It's bad enough having to get up and wee all night without having a kid waking you up too. In the end his boy was being very disrespectful towards me I couldn't understand why as we'd always got on so well before me and his dad moved in together. We found that his mum had been filling his head with all sorts of rubbish trying to turn him against his dad.

I know it's hard but you have no idea what your OH's kid is being told at home by the mum. For some reason my OH's ex has got a right strop on about my OH moving in with me and having a baby despite the fact she's been married for years and has a 5 year old daughter with new hubby!

I think the best thing is to keep talking to your OH and make his child feel special and included which it sounds like you want to do. Your OH has to appreciate that you also need your quality time together as a couple and you DO need to come first sometimes. My OH has never put me first and that breaks my heart. We rowed all the time over it and about weekends and never sat down and talked to him together, which was a mistake.

Now my OH's ex has stopped their boy coming to stay with us at weekends so my OH doesn't even get to see him at all now. My OH is gutted about this but is going to fight it. I sometimes wish his boy was a lot younger as it would be easier to explain things to him and bond with him.

I hope you do manage to sort all of this out as you all need to get along and do this together. I wanted to walk out many times and bring up my kid alone so that they could just get on with it and not have an effect on the baby. I know you do have to accept it and make the best of it if your OH does have a child as they are just as important as the child you have together, but it's not always easy and you end up resentful sometimes.

 

[sam08]

I hope he gets his contact sorted soon allycat. And bigs hugs to you for what you ahve been through. Contact for us has never been so bad that it's been stopped and i can imagine that must break your OH's heart. I'm sure when his son is grown up he will remember that you guys tried your hardest.