choklatemunky
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2007
- Messages
- 1,426
- Reaction score
- 0
Im so sorry Shell 
Shell's TTC Diary - *IVF/ICSI* - BFP!!!!
- Thread starter shellbham
- Start date
Im so sorry Shell aww hun i'm sorry but don't give up hope. i think this free go might just be it, 3rd time lucky hun 
i know it isn't nice and i truely think you are such a wonderful and strong person to go through this treatment, you just need to focus on what you and hubby will have at the end
lots and lots of love and take care
sarah xxxx
i know it isn't nice and i truely think you are such a wonderful and strong person to go through this treatment, you just need to focus on what you and hubby will have at the end
lots and lots of love and take care
sarah xxxx
Hippychick
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2008
- Messages
- 110
- Reaction score
- 0
I have read your diary completely and am inspired by how strong you have been throughout.
I am praying you get your BFP soon hun.
I am praying you get your BFP soon hun.
Trudyscrumptious76
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2007
- Messages
- 1,114
- Reaction score
- 0
Sorry hun.
Update On Yesterdays Result
Thank you so much for all your messages.
Just thought i would write a bit more about yesterday instead of just saying its a BFN and disappearing!! Like last time they said they cant see any reason why it wouldn't have worked again, it just seems like bad luck. The only thing they noticed this time, when they were injecting the egg the outer shell seemed a bit tough so they would try assisted hatching on the frosties. Other than that, we have good eggs and good embryos so it should work. I'm a bit worried about the tough eggs comment, does this mean the quality of them is declining and i'm going to start producing old shrivelled eggs??!! I'm only 28!!
We wanted to have a break from IVF for a bit but not from TTC, but with my irregular AF there is no point. The clinic were unwilling to give me anything to regulate me so that we would have a bit of a chance each month even with DH's low sperm count. I dont know whether it would be worth seeing my consultant, as DH only saw one of the nurses. I dont see why they cant if we are willing to pay, its our money we are wasting if it is pointless.
We are starting accupuncture! We have contacted a man who deals with fertility and we're both going to have a go. There seems no reason why DH has MFI so i suppose it cant hurt to try, you never know it may help. And there seems to be a lot of research that it can help my problem. If it sorts me out then at least thats one obstacle overcome. We're seeing him on thursday for a consultation. DH was a bit unsure but willing to give it a try for me, but ater speaking on the phone to the man he said he was impressed!!
We will be using our NHS go next, if we do our frozen cycle we will lose the funding so we have to wait. The clinic said i could start straight away with the frozen cycle, which i would have loved to have done but its not worth giving up a free fresh cycle for. We also cant use our funding to stay at our private clinic. They said my appointment should be within the next 5 weeks and we will start quite quickly after that depending on dates. I'm really nervous about starting somewhere else with my crazy ovaries! Do the NHS do EC at weekends? On my last 2 cycles, i haven't stuck to the planned timeline and i'm worried that they will do EC to suit them rather than my body. As you can see i'm a worrier!!! I desperately want the 3rd go to work!
I dont think i said before, on Monday my best friend told me she was pregnant. She is 9 weeks and has been putting off telling me as she thought i wouldn't speak to her again! She has just come off the pill and thought it would take ages but it happened 1st time! Its so hard to deal with someone so close to me being pregnant and then a BFN a couple of days later. I went to see her yesterday with a little present. I actually felt fine but it did hurt a little when i kept noticing her rubbing her tummy.
I just want to know how it feels and i'm so scared that i never will. We have been friends since we were 13 and i really want to enjoy this with her......i dont want jealousy to get in the way. I need to be pregnant by the time the baby is born as that is going to be the worst part....so i have until the end of september!!
I hope no one minds me continuing this diary............will it ever have an ending???!!!!
Michelle x
Thank you so much for all your messages.
Just thought i would write a bit more about yesterday instead of just saying its a BFN and disappearing!! Like last time they said they cant see any reason why it wouldn't have worked again, it just seems like bad luck. The only thing they noticed this time, when they were injecting the egg the outer shell seemed a bit tough so they would try assisted hatching on the frosties. Other than that, we have good eggs and good embryos so it should work. I'm a bit worried about the tough eggs comment, does this mean the quality of them is declining and i'm going to start producing old shrivelled eggs??!! I'm only 28!!
We wanted to have a break from IVF for a bit but not from TTC, but with my irregular AF there is no point. The clinic were unwilling to give me anything to regulate me so that we would have a bit of a chance each month even with DH's low sperm count. I dont know whether it would be worth seeing my consultant, as DH only saw one of the nurses. I dont see why they cant if we are willing to pay, its our money we are wasting if it is pointless.
We are starting accupuncture! We have contacted a man who deals with fertility and we're both going to have a go. There seems no reason why DH has MFI so i suppose it cant hurt to try, you never know it may help. And there seems to be a lot of research that it can help my problem. If it sorts me out then at least thats one obstacle overcome. We're seeing him on thursday for a consultation. DH was a bit unsure but willing to give it a try for me, but ater speaking on the phone to the man he said he was impressed!!
We will be using our NHS go next, if we do our frozen cycle we will lose the funding so we have to wait. The clinic said i could start straight away with the frozen cycle, which i would have loved to have done but its not worth giving up a free fresh cycle for. We also cant use our funding to stay at our private clinic. They said my appointment should be within the next 5 weeks and we will start quite quickly after that depending on dates. I'm really nervous about starting somewhere else with my crazy ovaries! Do the NHS do EC at weekends? On my last 2 cycles, i haven't stuck to the planned timeline and i'm worried that they will do EC to suit them rather than my body. As you can see i'm a worrier!!! I desperately want the 3rd go to work!
I dont think i said before, on Monday my best friend told me she was pregnant. She is 9 weeks and has been putting off telling me as she thought i wouldn't speak to her again! She has just come off the pill and thought it would take ages but it happened 1st time! Its so hard to deal with someone so close to me being pregnant and then a BFN a couple of days later. I went to see her yesterday with a little present. I actually felt fine but it did hurt a little when i kept noticing her rubbing her tummy.
I just want to know how it feels and i'm so scared that i never will. We have been friends since we were 13 and i really want to enjoy this with her......i dont want jealousy to get in the way. I need to be pregnant by the time the baby is born as that is going to be the worst part....so i have until the end of september!!I hope no one minds me continuing this diary............will it ever have an ending???!!!!
Michelle x
choklatemunky
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2007
- Messages
- 1,426
- Reaction score
- 0
Shell, you have to concentrate on the positives, I can only imagine how hard this all is for you but there are some definite positive things in there....
It might be an idea to see the conultant as they might give you the drugs to regulate your cycle....
Tbh I have also heard good tings about accupunture and Im sure I have read on this forum that its helped people with various things, anythings worth a go right? I also ust wanted to say again that your Dh sounds so nice, saying that he would give accu a go even though he wasnt convinced...just for you ....awwww! It sounds like talking to the accu person has made him less sceptical so thats a definite plus point anyway.
I know you are seeing this as a bit of a bummer but maybe you should try and look at it another way....going somewhere different and having a slightly different environment might be just what you need to get that BFP! I am sure the clinic you go to will be very nice and the staff will be just as helpful as where you are now.
Im sure it will hun and you know all of is here are supporting you 100%
It is hard when someone you know announces a pregnancy and it must be really hard when that person is so close to you....my friend doesnt live near me so I dont have to see her - I am pleased for her but a little jealous if Im honest and I keep wishing it was me!
Our time will come hun....
Of course we dont mind you continuing I know there are a lot of us who read the diary and anythign that helps you has got to be a good thing...sometimes it does help just to tell someone how you feel. Anyway...I for one am sure this diary is going to have a very very happy ending ....I wish you tons of luck for the NHS cycle Shell.
shellbham said:
It might be an idea to see the conultant as they might give you the drugs to regulate your cycle....
Tbh I have also heard good tings about accupunture and Im sure I have read on this forum that its helped people with various things, anythings worth a go right? I also ust wanted to say again that your Dh sounds so nice, saying that he would give accu a go even though he wasnt convinced...just for you ....awwww! It sounds like talking to the accu person has made him less sceptical so thats a definite plus point anyway.
shellbham said:
I know you are seeing this as a bit of a bummer but maybe you should try and look at it another way....going somewhere different and having a slightly different environment might be just what you need to get that BFP! I am sure the clinic you go to will be very nice and the staff will be just as helpful as where you are now.
shellbham said:
Im sure it will hun and you know all of is here are supporting you 100%
It is hard when someone you know announces a pregnancy and it must be really hard when that person is so close to you....my friend doesnt live near me so I dont have to see her - I am pleased for her but a little jealous if Im honest and I keep wishing it was me!
Our time will come hun....
shellbham said:
Of course we dont mind you continuing I know there are a lot of us who read the diary and anythign that helps you has got to be a good thing...sometimes it does help just to tell someone how you feel. Anyway...I for one am sure this diary is going to have a very very happy ending
....I wish you tons of luck for the NHS cycle Shell.Sorry it didn't work out for you this time
Will be praying for it to be successful 3rd time though
Accupuncture may be a good idea, I remember watching an IVF programme a while ago and the woman got a BFN but then it gives you an update at the end of programme and she'd been for accupuncture and fallen naturally! amazing. Not sure how these things work but like you say its worth a try.
Will be praying for it to be successful 3rd time though
Accupuncture may be a good idea, I remember watching an IVF programme a while ago and the woman got a BFN but then it gives you an update at the end of programme and she'd been for accupuncture and fallen naturally! amazing. Not sure how these things work but like you say its worth a try.
Our bodies are weird. My friend went through eight years of IVF, after TTC for 2 years, and still nothing, so they adopted a baby boy. The week he arrived, my friend conceived naturally, without even trying. Not that I wish ten years of trying on anyone - but it shows that miracles happen all the time!
Shell, try not to worry - maybe it'll be that little thing that the other clinic does differently that will be just the thing you need this time. Try not to compare the two. And yes, acupuncture sounds great. Maybe you should work on trying to de-stress yourself - you've been through a lot in the past few months. A few little treats might be in order?
Shell, try not to worry - maybe it'll be that little thing that the other clinic does differently that will be just the thing you need this time. Try not to compare the two. And yes, acupuncture sounds great. Maybe you should work on trying to de-stress yourself - you've been through a lot in the past few months. A few little treats might be in order?
I am so sorry for you and know how you are feeling. You are alot stronger than me as i couldn't do a second treatment straight after, even after alot of thinking.
Keep strong and you will get there and i pray that this happens soon for you. I no you probly dont want to hear of other peoples storys but for me two months after IVF i fell naturally after 12 years and it was hubby who had low sperm count!!
I'm praying loads for you. Take Care.
Keep strong and you will get there and i pray that this happens soon for you. I no you probly dont want to hear of other peoples storys but for me two months after IVF i fell naturally after 12 years and it was hubby who had low sperm count!!
I'm praying loads for you. Take Care.
Thank you all Your message really help. And thank you for putting some of my feelings into perspective. I am just looking forward to the next cycle now. I cant wait to get my appointment through now so i have a date to work towards.
Jollypops - if you dont mind me asking what was your DH's sperm count? Did he change anything....diet, lifestyle etc? Was he retested? And i love hearing other people's stories, things like that are what helps me keep going. For some strange reason, i feel like we could do it ourselves if i was ovulating regularly. But as the doctors dont see it like that, i'm praying that accupuncture really does work!
Michelle x
Your message really help. And thank you for putting some of my feelings into perspective. I am just looking forward to the next cycle now. I cant wait to get my appointment through now so i have a date to work towards.Jollypops - if you dont mind me asking what was your DH's sperm count? Did he change anything....diet, lifestyle etc? Was he retested? And i love hearing other people's stories, things like that are what helps me keep going. For some strange reason, i feel like we could do it ourselves if i was ovulating regularly. But as the doctors dont see it like that, i'm praying that accupuncture really does work!
Michelle x
There are so many stories like the one about Kitty's friends. A work colleague told me the other day that her brother and his wife ttc for 8 years with no luck. Then they adopted a little boy and 9 months after the adoption she fell pregnant. A very close friend of my mum also went through 12 years of ttc. She had operations (I don't know what but I remember visiting her in the hospital as a child) and tried everything available at the time. After giving up and settling for a life without children she fell pregnant naturally at 41 or 42. Amazing.
Anyway, the point is not to wish that you get your BFP in 10 years time Shell, but to remind you that there was hope for people that were in even worse situations than you. For people that had given up hope of ever having children. In the end they got there, and when they weren't trying to boot! So the acupuncture could be a really good thing. It might relax you and give you another avenue to focus the energy. And you have another try coming up soon, and if that doesn't work you can try the frosties.
There's lots of hope for you Shell. And we're all here for you.
Anyway, the point is not to wish that you get your BFP in 10 years time Shell, but to remind you that there was hope for people that were in even worse situations than you. For people that had given up hope of ever having children. In the end they got there, and when they weren't trying to boot! So the acupuncture could be a really good thing. It might relax you and give you another avenue to focus the energy. And you have another try coming up soon, and if that doesn't work you can try the frosties.
There's lots of hope for you Shell. And we're all here for you.
I'm afraid i cant tell you what the sperm count was other than very very low and no good at swimming and quite alot were dead! He had a number of tests and this never changed. Because it all hurt me so much that nothing was working i seem to have placed that sort of information somewhere in my brain not to be recovered.
We arent what you would call the most healthiest of people and we didnt do all of the faddy things they tell you to do or take.
All i can say is that IVF hurt us so much that i couldnt have gone through a second cycle now matter that i really really wanted it i just couldnt cope, so i decided to place as much as i could behind me and get on with life, try and enjoy everything as i had when i was younger even though i'm only 31 and hubby is 40 this year. So we went out, enjoyed nights, dinners, nightclubs and brought a CB Monitor, it took the stress out of charting, temps etc as you only had to worry about turning it on and if it asked for a test you did it and bedded when it said, to me it was no guessing, no lets do it just incase it got back to more like normal bedding if you know what i mean. My body was still getting back to normal after the drugs and periods where all over the place and didnt no where i was but the monitor must have got it right otherwise i wouldnt be pregnant now, i dont even no why i did a test the day before new years eve but i did it and really didnt take a lot of notice of the BFP because it wasnt strong and believed i never would get it, and New Years Eve i used a spare CB Digi that was left from IVF and it come up i was pregnant we were in shock and still are but believe if it wasnt for the monitor and chilling out more about it we wouldnt be were we are now.
I really do wish you all the luck in the world. Take Care
PS Sorry for the long post!!
We arent what you would call the most healthiest of people and we didnt do all of the faddy things they tell you to do or take.
All i can say is that IVF hurt us so much that i couldnt have gone through a second cycle now matter that i really really wanted it i just couldnt cope, so i decided to place as much as i could behind me and get on with life, try and enjoy everything as i had when i was younger even though i'm only 31 and hubby is 40 this year. So we went out, enjoyed nights, dinners, nightclubs and brought a CB Monitor, it took the stress out of charting, temps etc as you only had to worry about turning it on and if it asked for a test you did it and bedded when it said, to me it was no guessing, no lets do it just incase it got back to more like normal bedding if you know what i mean. My body was still getting back to normal after the drugs and periods where all over the place and didnt no where i was but the monitor must have got it right otherwise i wouldnt be pregnant now, i dont even no why i did a test the day before new years eve but i did it and really didnt take a lot of notice of the BFP because it wasnt strong and believed i never would get it, and New Years Eve i used a spare CB Digi that was left from IVF and it come up i was pregnant we were in shock and still are but believe if it wasnt for the monitor and chilling out more about it we wouldnt be were we are now.
I really do wish you all the luck in the world. Take Care
PS Sorry for the long post!!
Sorry i haven't had chance to post.
Thank you to everyone for being so supportive. Jollypops......thank you for the info.
I'll try to recap the last week as best as i can........
Sunday 24.02.08
I had a bit of a relapse today. I spent most of the day either crying or on the verge of crying! I was in a foul mood all day. I felt like all this was just pushing me and DH further apart. Also he just doesn't seem that bothered. I'm really upset over a BFN and he seems to be acting like its not that big a deal. Any way we had a good talk and i felt much better. He said some things that made me realise that he does want a baby as much as me, he just prefers to look ahead. He's trying to be strong for me, to try to keep me positive.
Monday 25.02.08
I feel normal again now. I had my hair done today and look like me again!
Its all systems go here at the moment, we've decided to waste as much money as possible on any fertility cure around!!
DH is trying to speak to the male fertility specialist at Zita West. He wants to find out if they think that anything can be done. If they seem positive then he's going to book a consultation. He is also going to ask his GP for a referal to a urologist. Its always bugged me that the reason for the low sperm count has never been looked in to. We've got our accupuncture on Thursday too, which i'm really nervous about. There's a clinic in London that has a really good reputation for fertility accupuncture. I remember reading about it in a magazine a few years ago, and i came across it again today. They do a free telephone consultation so they can decide if they can help. But i'm not sure if all that travelling would defeat the point of accupuncture. But i am very tempted......its very expensive though as well so thats a bit off putting too We have gone crazy with all the new stuff we will be trying. I've ordered some proxeed for him to try as well, it contains something that is meant to increase sperm. Its all probably a load of rubbish and we're throwing money down the drain. But i need to feel like i'm doing something even if its a waste of time.
Tuesday 26.02.08
The Proxeed arrived today, DH started taking it on Wednesday. Fingers crossed it does something! Also some preseed and ovulation tests.....which will probably be a waste of time.
Thursday 28.02.08
I had my accupuncture today. It was so weird, such a strange feeling. I felt so relaxed. He said he could tell straight away from my pulse that things were starting to happen. I dont know whether its all a load of rubbish but i cant wait to go back. He seemed very positive that he could do something for me, so i'm hoping its true. He asked when i was expecting my next period and i said i have no idea. He said dont be surprised if it suddenly starts.
I'm thinking now that maybe i should have mentioned that it had only just finished. I keep thinking what if he is doing something to try to make me have a period....when i need him to encourage ovulation. What also make me think this is since i had the acu i have been having AF pains and i have been having a bit of spotting! But obviously if i have just had AF then there is nothing more to come out (sorry! 
) I feel like i'm having AF without the bleeding! I think i will mention it on Tuesday, just in case.
DH's acupuncture went well also. Apart from saying that it hurt him. He said he screamed at one point. Apparantly his yang is fine but his yin is all over the place??!!!! The acu man is determined to sort him out though. We are back there on tuesday as DH is in London from wednesday. Then the following week he is going to see an exhibition in Holland, so that means we cant do the following thursday either, so i have to wait until the saturday!
I'm really looking forward to going back.
Friday 29.02.08
I dont know whats happened, but i have woke up today feeling really good. I feel so positive since the accupuncture, whether it works or not i just have a good feeling about the future. I'm sure that will wear off. I'll be back to doom and gloom soon!!
We got our NHS appointment in the post today. Its the 11th April. It says pre treatment visit and i have spoke to a lady on another forum who is going there and she said its a group meeting where they talk you through the procedure etc! I dont fancy that! It sounds a bit like the chat you have with the embryologist at my other clinic on your 1st go....but in a group! And it says to allow an hour and a half. I'm going off this NHS cycle more and more. I dont even think you get a consultant assigned to you as there is no mention of a doctors name in the letter. I'm going to get DH to call to see if we really need to bother going, as we already know what ICSI is. I dont even need injection training. This lady then said after the pre treatment thing you have to book an appointment to go in to sign consent forms. It all sounds a bit of a palava, and with the NHS theres bound to be a 12 week wait for an appointment!
The acupuncture clinic in London called DH today also. They seemed to echo what the man we are already seeing has said. That has made me feel better. I wanted to hear it from someone else to feel like we weren't just being ripped off! DH was very impressed with them, they stayed on the phone for half an hour. he said that our problems were very common and as there was no reason behind it then there was a good possibility that it could be put right. We are going to stick with the other man for the moment as London is a bit too far for acupuncture. If we dont feel like he is doing any good, we may try the other place. Even if this is a load of rubbish, its helping me to move on.
Michelle x
Thank you to everyone for being so supportive. Jollypops......thank you for the info.
I'll try to recap the last week as best as i can........
Sunday 24.02.08
I had a bit of a relapse today. I spent most of the day either crying or on the verge of crying! I was in a foul mood all day. I felt like all this was just pushing me and DH further apart. Also he just doesn't seem that bothered. I'm really upset over a BFN and he seems to be acting like its not that big a deal. Any way we had a good talk and i felt much better. He said some things that made me realise that he does want a baby as much as me, he just prefers to look ahead. He's trying to be strong for me, to try to keep me positive.
Monday 25.02.08
I feel normal again now. I had my hair done today and look like me again!
Its all systems go here at the moment, we've decided to waste as much money as possible on any fertility cure around!!
DH is trying to speak to the male fertility specialist at Zita West. He wants to find out if they think that anything can be done. If they seem positive then he's going to book a consultation. He is also going to ask his GP for a referal to a urologist. Its always bugged me that the reason for the low sperm count has never been looked in to. We've got our accupuncture on Thursday too, which i'm really nervous about. There's a clinic in London that has a really good reputation for fertility accupuncture. I remember reading about it in a magazine a few years ago, and i came across it again today. They do a free telephone consultation so they can decide if they can help. But i'm not sure if all that travelling would defeat the point of accupuncture. But i am very tempted......its very expensive though as well so thats a bit off putting too We have gone crazy with all the new stuff we will be trying. I've ordered some proxeed for him to try as well, it contains something that is meant to increase sperm. Its all probably a load of rubbish and we're throwing money down the drain. But i need to feel like i'm doing something even if its a waste of time.
Tuesday 26.02.08
The Proxeed arrived today, DH started taking it on Wednesday. Fingers crossed it does something!
Also some preseed and ovulation tests.....which will probably be a waste of time.Thursday 28.02.08
I had my accupuncture today. It was so weird, such a strange feeling. I felt so relaxed. He said he could tell straight away from my pulse that things were starting to happen. I dont know whether its all a load of rubbish but i cant wait to go back. He seemed very positive that he could do something for me, so i'm hoping its true. He asked when i was expecting my next period and i said i have no idea. He said dont be surprised if it suddenly starts.
I'm thinking now that maybe i should have mentioned that it had only just finished. I keep thinking what if he is doing something to try to make me have a period....when i need him to encourage ovulation. What also make me think this is since i had the acu i have been having AF pains and i have been having a bit of spotting! But obviously if i have just had AF then there is nothing more to come out (sorry! ) I feel like i'm having AF without the bleeding! I think i will mention it on Tuesday, just in case.DH's acupuncture went well also. Apart from saying that it hurt him. He said he screamed at one point. Apparantly his yang is fine but his yin is all over the place??!!!! The acu man is determined to sort him out though. We are back there on tuesday as DH is in London from wednesday. Then the following week he is going to see an exhibition in Holland, so that means we cant do the following thursday either, so i have to wait until the saturday!
I'm really looking forward to going back. Friday 29.02.08
I dont know whats happened, but i have woke up today feeling really good.
I feel so positive since the accupuncture, whether it works or not i just have a good feeling about the future. I'm sure that will wear off. I'll be back to doom and gloom soon!!We got our NHS appointment in the post today. Its the 11th April. It says pre treatment visit and i have spoke to a lady on another forum who is going there and she said its a group meeting where they talk you through the procedure etc! I dont fancy that! It sounds a bit like the chat you have with the embryologist at my other clinic on your 1st go....but in a group! And it says to allow an hour and a half. I'm going off this NHS cycle more and more. I dont even think you get a consultant assigned to you as there is no mention of a doctors name in the letter. I'm going to get DH to call to see if we really need to bother going, as we already know what ICSI is. I dont even need injection training. This lady then said after the pre treatment thing you have to book an appointment to go in to sign consent forms. It all sounds a bit of a palava, and with the NHS theres bound to be a 12 week wait for an appointment!
The acupuncture clinic in London called DH today also. They seemed to echo what the man we are already seeing has said. That has made me feel better. I wanted to hear it from someone else to feel like we weren't just being ripped off! DH was very impressed with them, they stayed on the phone for half an hour. he said that our problems were very common and as there was no reason behind it then there was a good possibility that it could be put right. We are going to stick with the other man for the moment as London is a bit too far for acupuncture. If we dont feel like he is doing any good, we may try the other place. Even if this is a load of rubbish, its helping me to move on.
Michelle x
