Sad

[Sunbeam638]

Sorry ladies I am severely hacked off this morning no symptoms, bfn frer and I don't think AF is going to arrive anytime soon which is just going to add to my worries of not conceiving.

My anger could be a pms symptom or just a build up to the pointless effort of Trying to stay positive and staying up beat when inside I feel like an obsessive ttc crazed person who is actually very sad about the past.

My cousin who has just had a baby likes to tell the world on a daily basis how wonderful being a mum is and yesterdays post was a parent toddler leaflet from asda which I must have signed up for last year.

Things are so bad I booked a holiday over SILs due date which I would have shared and 5 months down the line after mc and I feel this morning like I have been hit with a wave of grief.

I'm sorry I'm just so upset today xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

(((((hugs sweetie))))

So sorry that you are having a bad day darling!

We all have days when the grief and sadness hit us like a ton of bricks (I find getting a BFN and / or my period always sets me off on a low few days )

Booking a holiday on your due date, especially as your S-I-L is due is a really good idea... I find planning positive things - even if it is just dinner at out local Thai place - makes me feel a it better.

TTC after a loss is hard hun and a lot of us on this part of the forum are now in the same boat. We are ready to try again but also really fragile.

Now words will help hun, but we're all here and we all understand.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx thankyou, can't find my mojo today xxxxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

We don't have to have out mojo every single day sweetie - sometimes we will have crappy days but we always find a way to pull ourselves out of it

xxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

awww BIG BIG hugs hun a girl at work does that all the time and i have to gohave a cry in the loos i know how you feel sweety

 

[dyscochick]

aw so sorry you are having a rough day. I get my bad ones, always when af is due and its another reminder of the mc and i'm not even really ttc yet so i know it must be even tough for you. I'm dreading testing cos i don't know if i'll cope with bf's! hun, glad you've book ed the holiday its something positive and hopefully the time out will help you feel less crazed xxxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Thank you so much xxx I think that I'm just trying to keep really busy and doing everything I can to stay positive but like you mentioned in another thread, I feel like I'm wishing my life away and it has totally consumed me.

When I'm waiting to Ov I'm ok but the 2ww stops me from thinking about everything else in my life apart from conceiving and miscarrying. It's such a bad cycle i can't break it xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Thank you so much xxx I think that I'm just trying to keep really busy and doing everything I can to stay positive but like you mentioned in another thread, I feel like I'm wishing my life away and it has totally consumed me.

When I'm waiting to Ov I'm ok but the 2ww stops me from thinking about everything else in my life apart from conceiving and miscarrying. It's such a bad cycle i can't break it xxxx

I feel exactly the same Sunbeam. I go through the motions all month but all I really want is to fast forward my life to testing day....

The thing is with me I know that getting my BFP isn't the end of it. If I do ever get pregnant again I have to contact my specialist ASAP and hope to God they can do something to keep me pregnant.

I feel like I am wishing my life away waiting for the BFP - yet when I get what I want so dearly, I know I have a huge battle ahead.

My OH has pointed out to me that I am getting obessesd....

I haven't told many people about miscarriage 2 & 3 / fact we're now under specialist care so I only have 2 frends and my OH as an outlet (both friends that know of our situation had babies recently and aren't that available when I need to talk) so OH hears a lot of TTC chat from me.

This place is a blessing but I do find myself on here all of the time and I need to look at that? I log on at work and will get into a lot of trouble if they find out?

I think it's natural after loss to want to have a healthy pregnancy but I am trying to be patient.

I do understand where you are coming from and all I can say is we have to do what we have to do to get through our losses!

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just been called by a very excited colleague she is pregnant and had to spend time to reassure her to enjoy her pregnancy and not to worry about things. I wish I could be this positive to myself. An hour before that I was sat at my desk trying to hold back the tears about my selfish situation.

Carnat your right there, ttc is one battle then it starts all over again with the stress of the first few weeks.

I feel like I'm having to be two different people and I know people rely on me for advice but the only time I get advice is from you wonderful ladies in here xxxx

Tired.com xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just been called by a very excited colleague she is pregnant and had to spend time to reassure her to enjoy her pregnancy and not to worry about things. I wish I could be this positive to myself. An hour before that I was sat at my desk trying to hold back the tears about my selfish situation.

Carnat your right there, ttc is one battle then it starts all over again with the stress of the first few weeks.

I feel like I'm having to be two different people and I know people rely on me for advice but the only time I get advice is from you wonderful ladies in here xxxx

Tired.com xxx

It seems like once you have a miscarriage you are a beacon for people announcing pregnancies!

You are just having a bad day darling and you will get through it.

Do you have anything nice planned this weekend? Anything that you like to do and find relaxing? (I love to bake!! and I love to eat what I bake LOL)

I think the time of year doesn't help - January is so long and so dark - we all feel a bit less cheerful in general anyway.

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

You did put a smile on my face I do seem to be a beacon for pregnant ladies and becoming their agony aunt!

I love to bake too, I sound like a right saddo but I have just taking up sewing to make cushions and covers so last weekend I made taggy blankets for my friends babies this weekend I am attempting a quilt for SILs baby including material from Cath kidston...I like to punish myself!

If weather is good will do something active. I am very active but it isn't keeping this sad feeling away. Are you doing anything nice?xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

You did put a smile on my face I do seem to be a beacon for pregnant ladies and becoming their agony aunt!

I love to bake too, I sound like a right saddo but I have just taking up sewing to make cushions and covers so last weekend I made taggy blankets for my friends babies this weekend I am attempting a quilt for SILs baby including material from Cath kidston...I like to punish myself!

If weather is good will do something active. I am very active but it isn't keeping this sad feeling away. Are you doing anything nice?xxxx

Sewing isn't sad hun, I wish I was a bit more artistic as I think the nicest things to have around the home and things you make yourself (obviously nice things you make yourself - If I made anything it would look like a 5 year old did it LOL)

I think making a quilt for your S-I-L's bub is a lovely idea. Hopefully the next quilt you make is for yourself xxxx

I am visiting all 3 of my nephews and my friends baby boy tomorrow - oddly enough I find being around little one's take my mind off things (as opposed to making me think about TTC etc..)

I will make Sunday my day of rest LOL!

I hope the gloom starts to life soon hun!

xxxxxxxx

 

[Spinneygirl]

Im with you too ladies, today i feel like crap! Im fed up of everybody announcing there pregnant or hearing it from other people. I also too received an asda leaflet which i wanted to launch!

Im due to OV in the next couple of days so hopefully get some BDin in and get my BFP.

Take care xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Im with you too ladies, today i feel like crap! Im fed up of everybody announcing there pregnant or hearing it from other people. I also too received an asda leaflet which i wanted to launch!

Im due to OV in the next couple of days so hopefully get some BDin in and get my BFP.

Take care xxx

Fingers crossed this is your Month hun

xxxxxxxx

 

[dyscochick]

fingers crossed for you spiny, hope your day improved sunbeam. Carnat i'm like spend, spend far too long on pf, its been my crutch since the mc, can't break the habit.

 

[Sunbeam638]

Ha ha yes Carnat sometimes looking after little terrors does take your mind off things even if it's just for the day

I think sewing is keeping mind busy if it's just for half an hour, it helps

Spinney I hope all of us in here get bfps this year!xxx

Thank you for all your lovely messages today I really appreciate it xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Keep yourself warm and healthy hun - the rest will follow!

Have a good weekend

xxxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

You too sweet pea!xx

 

[Corrinne37]

So sorry to hear you are feeling down sunbeam,you so deserve your little bubba.
But it does get to the best of us some days.
I still feel like my heart is being ripped out when someone announces they are pregnant, even though i am happy for them.
But I just want it to be me too, and I do already have a son to cuddle /mother.
Happy vibes hun and lots of dust, your time will come , it wil lxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Thanks corrine xxx

Things are worse than yesterday, I think I've hit a wall and can't find the words to explain xx

I'm going to log off for a while and will drop in from time to time. PM me of you have any exciting news.

Hugs to everyone & thank you for your support xxxxxxx